Sehun didn't see Minseok much. He was usually there at breakfast, quietly speaking with Luhan, and sometimes he would be there for dinner, but apart from that, Sehun never had any idea where he was.  The other members were usually easily found, his feet just had to follow the sounds of noise,but Minseok was too quiet to leave any traces of himself behind. During his time at the sanctuary, Sehun had been able to learn the favourite places of members; Chanyeol and Baekhyun spent time in the living room laying against each other as well as the woods where they were both able to practise with their weapons and find privacy from others. Yixing and Jongdae would waste hours at the beach making sand sculptures and watching waves lap their ankles. Joonmyun and Yifan utilised the office, the 'don't enter without knocking' rule proving to be useful. If they weren't there then Yifan would be in Xila and Joonmyun in the library. The kitchen found Kyungsoo and Jongin, but Luhan and Minseok were the most mysterious of them all.  

And then one day he noticed a door, and he found it strange that he had not noticed it before considering that it was in plain sight and in no way hidden.  He didn't open it, not at first. Sehun instead just watched it. Nobody ever came in or out in all the time he watched. Eventually curiosity overtook all other thoughts in his mind and he decided it would be fine to find out what was behind it. 

He was partly fearful- this was a building of assassin's after all and it was highly likely that many of them had secrets that they'd rather not have Sehun know. On the other hand he knew that he could possibly just be over analysing the situation and that behind the door lay something simple like cleaning supplies or the food stock. He didn't know whether to be pleased or not when all he found was Minseok. 

He was squinting as transferred one liquid into another conical flask, eyes careful to measure correctly. He swirled the mixture round until it changed to a deep purple colour. 

He had a nice set up here, Sehun noticed, a lot of expensive equipment tucked away and a fair set of supplies sorted into a labelled set of drawers. He was an alchemist far better than Sehun had ever been, his work the result of experiment, Minseok's the end results of experience and knowledge. 

'Oh?' he said when he finally noticed that Sehun had found his laboratory. 'Sehun, you aren't necessarily supposed to be in here.' He carried on grinding something green into powder and pouring it into the flask.  

'What are you making?' Sehun asked, eyeing the flora on the table in front of Minseok; Redwort, lotus seeds, wisp stalk caps. 'Poisons?' 

'And potions. How would you like to be the first to try out my increased acrobatics potion? The effects should only last for an hour.' 

'Acrobatics?'

'Theoretically you should find yourself able to run at twice your normal speed and jump at twice the height.' 

Although it tasted awful, Sehun downed it without a splutter, only recoiling when there was none left. 'Minseok, you should definitely work at improving the tastes of your potions.' he coughed, the bitterness still lingering at the back of his throat. A look of horror had passed Minseok's face. 'You just drank the rat deterrent I was working on. The potion is over there.' he gestured towards a small vial of red fluid. The look on his face had passed, replaced with a strange Zen quality. 'Expect vomiting.' he shrugged, all whilst Sehun keeled over. 

He was sick at first, retching until there was nothing left but bile. Worse than that though were the fevers. 

'What in the world would possess you to ingest one of Minseok's concoctions?' Kyungsoo said from one side of Sehun's bed, replacing the cold flannel on his head. 'Did he tell you it would boost one of your skills? He got me that way when I was new too.' Jongin added in from the other side of the bed. 

Sehun wasn't listening to either of them though, their voices too loud in his ears to make sense of what they were saying, his mind in a feverish state and the hints of delusion kicking in until the scenes felt real as he played them over again. 

The house he knew so well, such a place of comfort, suddenly thrown into disarray, coming home to   a smell he didn't recognise to belong anywhere other than the slaughterhouse on the outskirts of Senihayl. There was a summer where he'd been asked if he wanted to work there, but the blood made him ill and the stench of death was too much. It was too much now too. He couldn't see it but he could smell it, metallic and cloying. 

He had to double check that it was actually his home. Their cheap family portrait had been slashed open and glasswear crunched beneath his feet. 

'Mom?' He already knew there wasn't going to be a reply. 'Dad?' he spoke only to keep away that silence that told him what he didn't care to hear. He never understood how a silence could deafen someone, but it was easy to understand now because he would be comforted by even the smallest of noises. Perhaps even a whine or a screamto allow him to know that he wasn't alone. 

His legs resisted Sehun pushing onwards to find his parents, and his state was dream-like, or rather nightmarish. He stood shaking on the spot, the betrayal of tears stinging his eyes. 'Mom?' 

There were noises now. It was becoming normal. 

'The contract said nothing about a child.' 

'You cannot kill him. There is no honour in killing someone so young.' 

It was a voice he knew of, not quite able to place it to a face. 

The young boy stood before the door, cracked open the tiniest amount so only sound peeped through.

'I can't do this anymore Yifan. No more innocent people can die.' 

Sehun snapped opened his eyes, heavy with deep sleep but definitely awake. The dim light in the room allowed him to see it was night time but although his body told he him was still tired, his mind was live. 

Zitao sat at the end of the book, head lowered in sleep, chin at his chest. He roused after feeling the movement of Sehun's legs moving under the bed covers. 'Oh, you're back.' he yawned, ending contently. 

His voice betrayed him, cracking. 'I have to sleep again.' He squeezed his eyes tightly together, tears escaping down his flushed cheeks 'Why can't I sleep anymore?'

He needed to see his face. He had to prove that Yifan was there. 

'Hey.' Zitao shushed him, climbing into the bed, one arm around Sehun's shivering body, the other his hair in sequence. 'It's okay, don't cry. You've slept for days, you're probably just all slept out.' 

He was calmed by the motion of Zitao's hand petting his head, leaning in to his touch. 'Shall we get some fresh air?' he asked, and Sehun nodded, realising he'd fallen into chest, hands clawing at his shirt. 

Zitao led him outside, bare feet unnoticed for the time being, the night hitting him gloriously, awakening his senses. They sat on the grass outside the sanctuary, backs resting against stone walls, hidden from anybody who would be passing at that time of night. 

'Better?' he asked, and although he missed the warmth of Zitao's body next to his, it was better. 'You were tossing and turning.'  

'I don't know the difference between nightmares and reality...I don't know what's real and what I've fabricated in some attempt to hide the truth.' the heavy clouds filled Sehun's mind again, unable to shake away. 'I don't know who killed my parents anymore.' 

Zitao hummed a noise of understanding. 

'How would you feel if all you'd known to be true might not even be that?' Sehun slumped forward in defeat. 

'I'd feel like people might have some answering to do.' 

Quiet was frequent for them after that, looking up at the sky, celestial backdrop in place, of pastel pink and orange watercolour painted then flicked with white stars, swirling above them and blooming into new patterns with every glance away. The moonlight, amplified by the presence of two moons, did wonderful things to those who sat underneath its gaze, Zitao's face striking yet soft and shadowed. His legs were stretched on the ground in front of him, long and elegant, opposite to Sehun who had wrapped his arms around his knees and held himself close. 

'I don't think you killed them.' Zitao finally said. 'EXO members do not kill innocent people after all.' 

'What if they weren't innocent though?' Sehun asked the sky, the ocean breeze taking away his words. 

'It isn't something you should worry about, not yet anyway.' 

Junmyeon found them both outside in the morning, speckled with dew and with aching muscles, nestled together as they leaned on the wall. He didn't say anything about it, just shook them by the shoulders and hid back a smirk from their aching muscles, making their way back into the sanctuary with grumbles. 

Breakfast was usually the only time when EXO members would all be present and the chaos of all of them being together was clear to Sehun. Kyungsoo skittered around in the kitchen making toast and muffins whilst Yixing and Jongdae prepared tea. 

Yifan sat at the top of the table, ignoring everyone else as he read The Newsouth Chronicles, newspaper folded over in his hand. He hummed to himself and took sips of coffee every so often as punctuation. Minseok sulked slightly due to having no morning purpose and Luhan rested on his shoulder, eyes firmly shut until Minseok warily poured caffeine into him. Once it hit his bloodstream he became a new person, unable to stay still and now definitely awake, clutching Minseok's arm and demanding that they go for a morning walk. 

In Sehun's time at the sanctuary he had seen enough of Chanyeol and Baekhyun's bare skin to last him a life time, and breakfast was no exception, everyone choosing to simply ignore them rather than acknowledge them slowly but surely undressing each other as the morning progressed, popping open buttons and unlacing, their actions so practised and rehearsed that it was second nature. 

Kyungsoo and Jongin spent the last parts of the morning in the kitchen together, Sehun finding himself smiling at their sweetness and how Kyungsoo would look like a deer caught in the path of an arrow and Jongin would look faintly pleased whenever he caught a moment between them. 

One thing Sehun had learnt was to never explore strange noises in the sanctuary. More than once he had caught members in compromising situations, Baekhyun once brazen enough to ask him if he wanted to join in. 

Junmyeon and Yifan were definitely the best at hiding their relationship, brief touches and prolonged looks, but not so unnoticeable time spent in Yifan's office, door locked behind them, something Zitao called 'mom and dad time'. 

Jongdae and Yixing's relationship caught Sehun completely off guard though and they revelled in the story of how they met, Jongdae being smitten ever since Yixing had first approached him about being a member of EXO, and how Yixing thought Jongdae was 'so cute' when he was sleeping. 

Yifan looked up from his newspaper then coughed, catching what was left of the tables attention. 'Sehun and Zitao's contract made the paper.' 

Zitao squealed slightly and hurried to Yifan's side. 'A house in the Eurong district was found to contain the bodies of five individuals, all of them murdered. Speculation calls for the work of the well known organisation EXO although no trade mark signs were left in the house after thorough searches of the house. Investigations into the identities of the victims are stunted by mutilations of the face.' Zitao frowned 'Mutilations of the face? There was nothing like that, was there Sehun?' 

'No, well apart from the one who was hit with the candlestick but technically that wasn't us.' 

Yifan stood and silently left the room. 'It looks like we have a problem on our hands.' he said from the doorway, stoic as ever. 

Hours before his next contract, Sehun sat cross legged on his bed with Zitao. 

'I need Minseok to poison me again.' he sighed. 'It feels like there's a whole part of my life I'm not even aware of.' 

'He'd probably be happy to agree, and it's quite possible. Some have the strength to block memories they deem upsetting and it need a trigger to release those memories.' Zitao was drawing patterns on Sehun's leg, moving up his thigh slowly but surely. He realised that he was writing his name and Sehun's name and all the other EXO members too.

'There's a lot that I don't know about you Tao...can I call you Tao?' Zitao nodded and carried on drawing, ignoring the former part of Sehun's sentence. 'Why did you join EXO?' 

'You should start getting ready now, Baekhyun hyung doesn't like to wait behind.' Zitao flopped onto the bed, various limbs dangling over the edge. He stared up at the ceiling in a trance like state. 

'I have time for you to tell me.' 

'It's a long story Sehun.' 

'Fine, but please tell me when I get back. You can trust me Tao.' 

Zitao climbed off the bed and wrapped his arms around Sehun, holding him like his life depended on it. 'I will tell you when you get back.' he breathed into his neck.

Somehow Sehun couldn't quite believe him though, packing his things in silence, mouth drawn close until hands looped around his waist. 'I will tell you Sehun, please don't be angry with me.' 

He leaned into Zitao's touch, perplexed with how normal it felt to be pressed against him, turning his head to look behind him to see Zitao gazing at him intently, turning himself around so his hands now held his back. Their noses grazed against each other briefly, eliciting a laugh from both of them, tearing away from each other. 'Don't go without saying goodbye to me.' Zitao called midway through the door as he left the room. 

'Hyung, aren't you afraid of missing from this distance?' 

Baekhyun turned and gave Sehun a puzzled look. 'I don't miss. I haven't missed since I was sixteen.' 

Positioned on the side of a hill, hidden by large rocks, Baekhyun released an arrow into the air, eyes squinting into the distance. It was getting dark and Baekhyun was becoming impatient. 'I've tracked him for a whole three weeks. I know his routines inside and out, and right now he should be walking down this track and picking up the arrow I just fired.' he said with disbelief. 

'Variables, remember?' 

'They only stretch so far, if he's not here in the next minute then I'm moving onto plan B.' 

Plan B was slightly less covert and involved Baekhyun and Sehun knocking on his door and greeting him with an arrow in the chest and a dagger in his side. This was not implemented though, both Sehun and Baekhyun caught off guard with movement from the side, barely unnoticeable to an unknowing set of eyes. Too large and slow to be an animal. 

'Sehun, move, he's been tipped off.'  Baekhyun shout—whispered, panicked and flustered and slow to pull the string of his bow, pain arching into Sehun's side that made him call out and stretch an arm outwards, his shirt becoming damp and warm against his skin, torn flesh burning. 

Seconds later the head of an arrow embedded into the target until he rolled forward without grace nor life. 'Sehun!' 

His shirt lifted and cool hands placed against his wound to diminish the blood, Baekhyun chanting over and over that he was sorry. So sorry. Sehun took large gulps of the air, everything seeming so slow and cold and not enough. Tears that he didn't want filling his eyes and painting his face and pain that came in waves, washing him ashore every time when all he wanted to do was float on ocean water. He didn't think he was going to die, and in some way that was the worse part as it meant his torment would continue. 

And he didn't remember how he got back to the sanctuary, or who stitched up the broken skin on his side. He remembered the heat and the fever, the sweat and the scars. 

'How are we going to clean all of this up?' The one with the caring face face said, hair dark against his pale skin, turning to evaluate the state of the room and finding the younger boy, eyes lowered to the floor, hands clasped together. 'I refuse to continue.' 

'Are you sure of what you're saying Junmyeon?' Yifan placed both hands on Junmyeon's shoulders, looking down at him tenderly. 'We know what will happen if we leave. The plan will finally have to come into play.'  

'What about the boy?' 

They both cast looks at Sehun, still refusing to look anywhere but the ground at which he stood. 

'We have to leave him here, you know we do. We can't take him yet. He isn't ready.' Yifan stepped forward, crouching at Sehun's level, sixteen years before him but seeming so much younger, so afraid and fragile. 'This must be awful for you, please, drink this. It will take away any pain you're feeling.' Sehun was presented with a clear liquid and he drank without complaint or question. 

He slept soon after, waking with a headache to stained bedsheets and silence. He was sick when he found his parents, and then a second time when he found the knife his father had given him for his sixteenth birthday. There was nothing left byt the time he had fully realised what he had done. He did not remember why he had done it, but it was then he realised that he was ice. 

Rumours made him, shaped him into a killer, EXO's pride and joy one day. They watched him and guided him unknowingly, building his anger until his first human kill. Junmyeon and Yifan happy to send Yixing to find him and finally welcome him into the family after two long years of conditioning and training. 

Sehun blinked light from his eyes and strained to make sense of his memories. There was someone sitting on the bed opposite him, Sehun didn't care who. 'Get Yifan.' he croaked with an unused voice. 'Get Yifan now.' 

There were no arguments, only waiting. 'How much of my life has been a lie?' he asked, but there was nobody in the room to answer him. 

'You killed my parents.' he said with calm in his voice when Yifan greeted him. 'You killed them and made me believe for two years that I did it.' 

Yifan pulled up a chair next to Sehun's bed. 'I did not kill your parents. I am not claiming to be innocent but I was merely a bystander, left to pick up the pieces of a vile business. It's time for you to know now that you were chosen to be a member of EXO from the age sixteen...'

'I don't care about that. Tell me why you were there when my parents were killed, Junmyeon too.' Sehun had no time for the pain in his side or the ache in his skull, voice loud and harsh. 'Tell me why you stood by and did nothing.' Yifan closed his eyes for the longest time and Sehun wasn't sure if he was ever going to open them again. 

'Junmyeon and I used to be a part of an organisation much like EXO, except where we kill only those who have sinned, they killed the innocent alongside. We planned to leave for some time before your parents assassination, to begin our own sanctuary. We knew of orphaned children before you, the EXO members you see today are all like you in the way they were recruited, secretly and unknowingly shaped into murderers.'

'That's why Zitao wouldn't tell me why he joined EXO? Because he knew that I'd shared in the same fate as him?' 

'Yes. He too believed that he had killed his parents. They all did.' 

'What happened to the organisation?' 

'They became unheard of, but now we have our twelfth member it seems they have resurfaced.' 

The fevers came and went, lingering for a while until he was healed, but with absence of need to find the truth Sehun found no pleasure in them. He tossed his bedsheets, tore them away from him then pulled them back when the cold came. Zitao kept him company whenever he was awake, reading to him and making promises to take him to Leus one day. His words did nothing to take away the heat but they comforted him and wrapped themselves around him.

Minseok came in twice a day and changed the dressing on his wound, patting medicines into his skin, understanding Sehun's reluctance after poisoning him the first time. 'That was something Yifan asked me to do.' he said, peeling used bandage from Sehun's skin. 'You're healing well. I think  you'll be all better by next week.' 

Baekhyun came to his bedside often too, repeating every time that he was sorry, and Sehun would tell him not to worry about it anymore. 

Whilst people came and went, Zitao was the one always there. The only constant in Sehun's life and because there had never been many things that stayed with him before, he only held on tighter.  

'Kyungsoo once told me he was going to see his mother, what did he mean by that? We don't have families.' Sehun asked on one of the days he was feeling slightly better and was able to sit up in bed. 'Kyungsoo was adopted after his parents were killed. She refused to believe that he killed them and so I suppose he still goes to see her to show his gratitude.'

Sehun watched Zitao pack things for his next contract, already missing his place beside him. 'Who's going to keep me company when you're gone?' he asked, feeling around for the book Zitao had been reading to him. 'We haven't finished this. You can't go.' He crossed his arms and looked defiantly at him, straight faced even when Zitao began to laugh. 

'I'll be gone for a few days at most.'

'Tell me what you're going to do on your contract.' Sehun pouted and Zitao patted his cheek lightly. He was well aware that he was playing on any cuteness he'd managed to hold on to but Zitao seemed to lap it up.  

'Well, I'm going to go to Xila with Luhan and we're going to scout for information on our rival organisation. There'll be no risk involved whatsoever.' Sehun look at him through squinted eyes, wary about the latter statement. 'Don't get hurt.' 

'I'll try my best. Besides, I'll have Luhan to protect me.' It did nothing to suppress his feeling of dread. The sanctuary was on high alert and with Zitao gone it would feel even more tense. Yifan was on edge and Junmyeon too motherly and doting, spending all of his time making sure that everyone else was happy. Baekhyun was still upset over Sehun's injury and Chanyeol had gone to the city to fight in the arena leaving nobody behind to comfort him in the way he needed. Jongdae had began to appear in the sanctuary inconsistently and Yixing spent days searching for information on the rivals, holed up the library or making trips to towns far out. Overall the sanctuary was not a welcoming place anymore, but rather a place of quiet and contemplation, dread and worry. 

Luhan and Zitao came back with news that nobody wanted to hear to be true, everyone crammed into Yifan's office to find out what they'd learnt. 

'They're killing the most innocent people they can find, priests, children, pregnant women and even one of their own members to make us the public enemy. They've been leaving our calling cards behind them to ensure that people think it's us.' Luhan explained, annoyance on his usually peaceful face. 'They're ruining us.' 

Yifan scowled and pulled a set of documents from his desk, scrawling out what Luhan had just said in formal terms. 

'The towns guard are refusing to let us slide by anymore. Security needs to be increased.' Jongdae added. 'Stop searches are being conducted in some of the larger towns.' 

'Okay. From now on no more leaving anything behind. We'll have to find better ways to conceal our weapons, disguises may have to be used. If the worst happens then we'll have to move our base elsewhere.' Yifan concluded. 'All contracts sent to us for the time being will be refused in case they're traps. As of now we are still EXO but we will be dormant. Use this time to enhance yourselves. 

The atmosphere was worse. There was no convening, only locked doors and noiseless rooms. 

Zitao complained to Sehun about missing the feel of blood, and usually a statement like that would make him back away in fear but he understood perfectly. They were killers and death was a life force now, appetite growing with every murder. He missed it too. 

'I don't know what's going to happen to us.' he said one night when they lay in bed together. 'It feels like we're disappearing.' 

Sehun wrapped his arms around Zitao's waist, pulling him closer until he could hear his body working. 'Your blood is still pumping. I can hear it. You don't need anyone else's as long as you still have your own.'  

It was the first time he had seen Zitao cry. 'I don't want this to end.' Tears dropped from his eyelashes and down his face, soaking into the pillow. 

'It won't. We can be happy.' Sehun reached out to brush away the sadness, kissing him as softly as he could. 

Yixing was the quietest. He approached Sehun with trepidation and pulled him outside of the sanctuary for a walk. The fresh air was strange by now, used to a heavier atmosphere. 

'I have a favour to ask of you but it is not a pleasant one.' Yixing said once they had put some distance between themselves and the abandoned house. 

Dread seemed to be a constant in Sehun now and so he did not fear what Yixing had to say. 

'My travels have led me to believe that there is a traitor in the sanctuary. We have been tainted beyond repair. They have been active for some time before your arrival and so you can be ruled out, hence why I am telling you.' He seemed regretful to say. 

'Who?' 

'Only you and I can be seen as innocent. A purification must take place. It saddens me as they are my brothers as well as yours. We serve a higher power though. We serve death.' 

'But Jongdae...' 

Yixing cut him off. 'Life is about sacrifice.' 

'I'm not skilled enough to do this.' 

'Don't worry. I will help you whenever I can. Obviously nobody else can know about this Sehun. I trust you to make the right decision.'

 If Sehun felt the emptiness inside him before, then he could feel it ten times over now. It consumed him. It was the hardest not to tell Zitao. They shared all their secrets together. 

They still rested in the same bed at night and filled their days with each others company. 

'What would you do if I left the sanctuary one day and never came back?' he asked. Zitao frowned and pulled himself closer to stop the space between them. 'You wouldn't do that to me would you?' was the sleep ridden reply. 

'Would you leave with me?' 

'I don't know. EXO is my life, even if it does seem to be non-existent as of late. You both mean a lot to me and I am loyal in equal measures.' 

Zitao was asleep when Sehun packed all of his things up. He would not kill those who treated him so well, who took him in and showed him what was right. There were no goodbyes, only night time. 

He ran with the darkness as far as he could.   

He didn't allow himself to cry for the future of EXO, or for Zitao the person he had grown to love most. 

Working in a tavern didn't seem so bad. He got to catch up on all the rumours he'd missed. 

The town of Leus was more beautiful than Senihayl and springtime brought him happiness. Cherry blossom bloomed for him and people would stop and talk to him in the streets. There was no more death and no more need for blood on his hands. The only thing missing of perfection was the people  he left behind him. 

In winter when people came in search of alcohol to warm their blood, Sehun was there to give it to them and listen to their idle talk. 

'The towns guard found the EXO sanctuary. It had been completely cleared out when they got there.'

'I haven't heard of EXO in a while. What do you think happened to them?' 

'They never found any bodies, you know?'

end of part one i guess

i'm going to rewrite this story but set in modern times so they'll have tech and more advanced weapons so look out for that (i think it will be called rebirth revisited)

thank you to all my subs and commenters, you're all my inspiration and determination