A tune started to play; I can hear it from my room. Today, it’s the first time I hear the piano played.

It use be played every single day. Many songs had play in the morning as a sweet wake-up call and in the night as a dreamy sound of lullaby.

But today, as I heard the piano sounds I felt differently.

Branches of the tree outside swaying and knocks the window because of the autumn wind never as unfriendly as today. It looks like there’s a storm coming tonight.

Peeking out from the window, I could see the dimmed light coming vaguely from a vehicle parked outside. And I could see someone is waiting for me, stand beside his car. I had a feeling he wouldn’t want to wait too long so my hand continue to pack my things, but strangely he looks unusually patience today, there’s no trace of annoyance in his gorgeous face even though he kept rubbing his arms because of the coldness.

Yes, today is so cold. And the sky turns dark faster than it should, while you also can hear the endless sound of the thunder.

I let a sigh slips from my cold lips. What a perfect day to leave.

I opened the door and step on the stairs. One step, two steps; the song welcomed me and now I can hear it perfectly. As I get closer, stepped on the first floor, I could see him playing the piano.

The song is a melancholic number from a famous pianist whom he admires the most.

And at that moment, I hear the rain drops.

I felt cold as I shivered. Not because of the weather, but it’s because of the song.

‘When the love falls’, I know the title because about a month ago, he played the pianist’s CD and then the song echoed all around our house.

I walked closer while I noticed something. I can’t help to think as I was staring at his back… how lonely does he seems. I bit my lips, thinking on what would happen after today. After I leave him.

But I have no choice. I have to do this. Even though it means I broke his heart.

And don’t say that I’m not breaking mine too.

I put my bags down and say slowly, “This is one of my favorite. How come you never play it before?” because I just realized he never plays it in his piano until now. I though he liked it too because he told me to listen to it.

Then he turned his head, although his fingers kept playing the song. He looked up to me, who’s now standing beside the piano and staring at him.

I smiled before I asked him one difficult question. It’s difficult for me to ask and I know it would be hard for him to answer too.

“You’re going to be fine without me here, right?” I almost choked when I finally said it. I wish he would stop playing to give me his answer, but he didn’t.

He still plays the piano, and still looking at me with his innocent hazel eyes. Then after a blink of his eyes, he shifted his stare away from me, as if he doesn’t want to see me.

“You’ll be fine.” I stupidly answer my own question. Yes, I selfishly need to hear his answer just to make myself feel better. I’m cruel, right, Taemin?

Of course, he wouldn’t say it out loud, but I believed he’s thinking the same way.

My hand unconsciously reaching out to him, patting his head lovingly and fixed his straight brown hair like I always to do.

If he used to smile at me every time I did that before, right now ignoring me he just continued to play this heart-breaking melody.

My mind began to work without my conscious, trying to remember what the song means to him, because I knew this song is the only answer I could get from him. These years of living together, he always speaks through the song he plays. The ones he plays when he’s happy, the ones he plays when he’s sad. The ones he plays when something made him feel at ease, the one he plays when something troubled his mind.

But this song… as he never plays it before, means has one particular meaning.

I'm the one who teaches him to play the instrument when we’re younger, yet he loves it more than I do. Maybe because he found the way to tell me what’s on his mind. Through piano he can express the word he couldn’t say. Then he always told me that I’m the one who give him the ability to speak –through the piano.

Yes, Taemin never speaks. Not because he can’t, he just doesn’t want to. Right after he saw with his own eyes how his mother died in the car accident 10 years ago, he never say any words. It happened before he came here to my house. My father -our father took him. So then it became his house too.

I never questioned much about his mother, not only because I didn’t care and I was only a 10 years old little girl at that moment but also I don’t know why I just don’t want to bring more sadness to him.

I still remember, for a 7 years old boy, his eyes are cold and empty. The eeriness you got when you looked through a doll’s eyes, that’s exactly what I thought when our father introduced us that day.

But then again, we both are lonely because of the same reason; we lost our mothers in young age. Even though what’s different from us is that I was trying to win over my father’s attention while Taemin doesn’t even care about him.

And even though my father does everything to show his love, apparently it never really touched his son’s cold heart.

To see that, I just realized that what he needs is just someone who’s there for him without doing much but really understand that aside from the fact that he doesn’t speak and doesn’t play like kids in his age, Taemin is just a little boy who thought he had lost everything.

Maybe, motherly feeling in me is the reason why I taught him to play the piano. And maybe, that’s why when he begin to play and grew to have interest in it, there’s a smile appear in my face. Apparently, he began to smile too.

And after that day, his eyes… changed into an innocent pair of eyes that a 7 years old boy should have.

So that’s how we became friends. We had never become siblings, but our existence began to be so important for one another.

Too important I might say, and as we grew older, we became more aware of it. And we feel it more than we’re supposed to. I was trying to fight it until the day our father died from his sickness.

That’s a month ago. That’s the day when Taemin played a song; our father’s favorite. And on the same day when he said to me with the sign using his hand, ‘nothing could separate us now’.

After I saw that, I realized that the one he played for our father’s favorite is a goodbye song but also something he wanted to show that from now on, there’s only the two of us, and it will always be.

To this extent, he really makes me scared, because without even saying it out loud, I can read what’s on his eyes. So-called love, not a brotherly one but a serious kind of affection, with sparks of lust.

I can easily read it because that’s the exact thing I see when I looked at my eyes on the mirror.

Yes. For the second time in our lives, we shared the same situation with the same reason. The different is while he seems to be at ease drowns on his thoughts living in our own world, I know we couldn’t be like this.

Using any strength I have, and without telling him beforehand, I planned all of this. Even to uses someone else’s pure intention towards me just for a reason so I could run away from this.

No, wait. I would never want to run away from him, no. And I did this not only because I was afraid of him, no. He’s still my little Taemin. Whose pair of eyes still remains innocent since that day. Who rarely leave the house because he doesn’t like being surrounded by people. Who I never heard his voice even though I actually really want to be able to.

So then again… Tell me how can I leave him? Knowing that in his world, he only had me.

But as I said before, I got no other choice. I just need to know that he will be okay without me. And as I'm still searching for the answer on my thoughts, he suddenly stopped playing.

“What is it?” I asked him. He still doesn’t want to look at me, his stare landed on the white cage on the terrace.

A weak smile appeared on my lips.

A while ago he came home with a dove in his hand and he said that the bird’s wing was hurt so he wants to take care of it.

Taemin, aside from his passion on piano, he always love to take home any small animals that got hurt; rabbits are his favorite, but he could never ignore an abandon puppy or kitten, so im not really surprised when he took the dove. But one thing makes me frown is that, I don’t know where he gets the idea, he told me that the dove is like himself.

So I asked him again, “So the dove’s wing is healed? Look, he could fly now.”

He’s still staring at the bird which actually moved the wings and fly inside its cage. But then Taemin stops playing the song and walk to the cage. First, I thought he would set it free, but he just stood there and added more seeds for the bird to eat.

Finally, he looked at me, and seems to understand what I thought, so he gave me the sign language, ‘I will release him but not today. He can die because of the storm.’

Ah, he’s right. The rain falls even heavier I can see by the amount that drops on the grass in our garden.

Then I smiled, “Don’t you want to keep him here?”

Taemin always released those animals he saves after they were healed but this time I think its okay to make an exception and to have it as a pet. But no, apparently he had a different thing in mind.

This time he answered me, ‘When he’s ready to leave, I will let him go. It’s you I need to have here. But I’m not even stopped you from leaving, aint I?’

As his hand dropped after he gave me the sign, my heart also sank.

I just can laugh ironically, and say, “So now the dove is me? I thought you said it was you.”

He walked back to the piano and as he sat on the long chair, his hand makes the sign, ‘It’s me; one part of me. Can’t you see I gave out my wings for him to be able to fly again? Mine is broken now.’

I frowned. He often played around with his cynically jokes, but this time, it’s like… instead of me, it’s him how was going to leave.

And before I realized, I was running to him and embraced him in my arms.

He was ready to play the piano again, but he stopped out of surprise because I wrapped my hands over his shoulder from behind.

“I'm… I'm sorry.” I whispered. And as I flinched because of the sound of the thunder, I continue to chanted, “I'm so sorry, Taemin, I really do.”

I used to love rainy day, but today it makes me sadder. Why do I have to leave him on the day I loved the most?

Why my love to him couldn’t be as normal as it should be?

I can see he lifted his right hand. I thought he’s going to play, but no, he’s using it to pat my hand instead. And then he turned to see me, without a smile or any other expression he gave me a sign, ‘He’s waiting outside, isnt he? Just go now.’

My heart stopped to beat for a second. How did he know? And I also realized that I forgot there’s someone who’s waiting for me outside it’s even raining right now. I begin to panic but I quickly get myself together.

He released himself from my arms and walk to get my bags. I was staring still at the piano, as then he shoved the bags in front of me, telling me to leave. I took it and then walk away. At that moment, I heard he continued to play the song.

So I turned around to see him. I want to memorize this moment forever before I leave, when he played the piano; one ability that I gave to him and he fell in love to. When I secretly hoping for his smile, suddenly he looked at me and did exactly what I wished for.

He showed me his angelic smile like he used to show before I leave the house to go to work every day.

I can feel my eyes burned as it gets blurry because tears start to flow. How I wish this was just like ordinary day, where I would come home before dark and prepared our dinner. How I wish I could still listen to his piano tomorrow morning like usual.

Unfortunately, this isn’t.

So then I said to him, “Be good, love.” But when I turned around quickly to walk to the doorway, I heard him saying,

“Goodbye.”

I stopped right there, then I turn around again, but he didn’t look at me, he’s staring at his fingers that play the piano.

I swear that I heard his voice. It’s not too deep, and has the sweetness in it. It’s clear, but in the same time, it feels vague maybe because he never uses it to speak. But strangely, I felt that I heard his voice somewhere before.

As he doesn’t seem to know that I'm still there, then I continue to walk out from the house with bags on my hand.

I knew the song is nearly reach the end when I could still hear its fainted sounds while I opened my umbrella and stepped out to the yard.

I saw Kibum walked out from his car and running towards me with an umbrella in his hand.

“Is this it?” He asked me loudly to fight the sound of the heavy rain, “There’s nothing left again?”

I nodded, but then I frowned, “… Again? What do you mean?”

He took the bag and say, “Nothing, let’s just go home, okay?”

I can barely hear his voice nor understand what he’s talking about. The only thing that caught my attention is the sound of the piano that strangely became like the voice in my head. It sounds louder and so close it feels like Taemin is playing right in front of me right now.

Melted with the rain drops around me, the light coming from the thunder, also the coldness that seeps throught my heart, the song Taemin played makes me dizzy and feels drowsy. And when I cant take it anymore, I almost fell to the ground if Kibum doesn’t catch me. Then I unconsciously speaks, “The song… it will end soon.” As I knew only some notes left until it really reach the end.

But the thing is, suddenly the song stopped. As if it was vanished into thin air, defeated by the whispering wind and the mighty rain drops.

Why is it stops? Why Taemin stops? Is there something-

“What song?” Kibum’s question makes me turn my head to see him.

“That song! The one Taemin promised to play-“ I answered his question abruptly but then I realized something.

Kibum looked at me with his sad look. No. No. Tell me it’s not real.

“Let go of me!” I shouted as I just throw my umbrella and release myself from his grip then run back to the house.

I opened the door and what I saw makes me petrified.

All of the furniture was covered by white clothes. The lights are off. And it’s obvious that no one lives here, not right now. But when I walked inside, I can see the piano remained uncovered and suddenly I heard something. I turned and look at something on the terrace. It’s the cage, and inside there’s a dove, it was the sound of its wing’s fluttered that I heard.

I heard footsteps and it’s Kibum. He stood there and say, “I… I just hope that you can stop blaming yourself.”

I frowned. Blaming myself? Blaming about what?

I ignored him and say, “Before I left earlier, Taemin just played a song for me.” I still try to think and continued, “A song…”

Kibum approached me and then he puts his hands to grip my shoulder, “Listen to me. Taemin didn’t play the song. He’s not even here.”

“What? But see, the piano was uncovered.” I pointed to the grand piano my father bought for me when I was 5. Although it feels like it doesn’t make sense, why the rest of the furniture was covered and it was a bit dusty.

“Because you told everyone to let it be like that.” He explained, “You didn’t let anyone to touch Taemin’s favorite belonging.”

I don’t understand.

And just earlier, Taemin did put the seeds for the dove to eat. … Didn’t he?

“The dove.” I said.

Kibum sighed, he does look so troubled, “I'm the one who came every day to feed it because you kept saying that you worried Taemin would be mad at you if you forgot to do it.”

But… But where is he, where’s my little brother?

“Where’s Taeminnie?” I finally asked it to Kibum.

He suddenly looked all weary to me but now he released his grip and say, “Please remember it… and then let him go.”

I looked at him with fear, so then he explained, “Believe me, I'm saying this not to make you hurt even more, but I just want you to accept what’s going on.”

Then he begins.

“Your father… He died a month ago-“

“Yes, because of his sickness.” I cut his words and nodded.

“You’re right.” He replied, “And one day after that, your father’s funeral.”

I tried to recall what happened that day.

Like I said, Taemin played my father’s favorite song. And then he confessed his feelings for me by gave me the sign language, ‘nothing can separate us’.

Then suddenly, another memory came to me. It’s the song. ‘When the love falls’. Right after he honestly told me how he feels, he played the song on the CD player.

‘It called ‘When the love falls’. The title suits us, doesn’t it? I mastered only a half of it right now, but I promise I will play this song for you soon.’

After that, we both left the house as I drive to our father’s funeral. It was raining so hard like today, and I can barely see the road, so then…

Now I know. Everything I thought happened earlier; Taemin played the piano, he feed the dove, he said ‘goodbye’ to me, all of it, it was just my imagination.

The truth is… He’s not even here. Not now.

“No.” I whispered as Kibum asked me, “You remembered?”

I remembered one by one. But it’s so hard to accept that fact.

When I recalled again my memory, a loud crash played in my mind as I squinted. It’s my fault. The car lose its control, hits the tree and-

“It can’t be.” I said as I'm staring at Kibum although I'm not really looking at him, “Tell me that Taemin was somewhere safe.”

Kibum just pulled me to his arms and caressed by back, “He’s safe, together with his mother and father.”

A tear fell from my eye, as I suddenly felt sick.

When I heard Taemin’s confession that day, I honestly feel disgusted to myself too, because I fell in love with my half-brother. And I had this thought of leaving him, for the sake of both of us, in case he still insisted that we can stayed like usual after his confession. And he did.

But I swear to God, I never want him to die.

I don’t even want to hurt Taemin, not a scratch on his finger… Or his heart. No.

The dove, he said that it was him. I never really get his answer why he named it as himself, but I remembered what he said about those animals he helped.

‘They only have me in their world, so I helped them. Just like how you helped me, brought me back to life when you taught me to play piano back then when we’re young. And just like how my world only had you in it.’

Yes, now I remembered he’s saying that to me.

“Taeminnie. I'm so sorry… I’m really sorry.” I cried as Kibum still holds me in his arms.

“Now you remembered.” He said softly, trying to calm me down. “You made me worried this whole month because you seemed so devastated. Even the doctors telling me to go along with anything you want to so, but I was so scared of losing you.”

I also began to remember about Kibum and who’s this guy to me. He’s a friend who always cares for me, but I never really give my answered to his feelings.

And Taemin’s voice, I’ve heard it before; on the ambulance that took us to the hospital after that accident.

We both lying side by side because we had injuries, I barely remember right now on how bad is his condition, but I can recalled, that time he try to reach my hand and held it. As I was half-unconscious at that time, I heard faintly he said, “You’re safe now.”

Now as I buried my head on Kibum’s embrace, I can’t stop my tears to fall.

Taemin. How can you say that? If you really can say that, then you’re supposed to be safe too! But what happened was you weren’t there when I opened my eyes on the next day in that hospital.

Kibum released me and then he said, “Now let’s go home, okay?”

Home? This is my home. I want to tell him that but I don’t have the strength. So I just followed his lead as he helped me to walk.

He seems upset to himself, saying he couldn’t protect me or something as he kept murmuring to himself while we were walking under the umbrella to walk to his car.

And after we reached it, we went inside and I stay still as I sit on the front seat. He sat on the driver seat and using a small piece of towel he started to dry my hands, my arms, my face that soaked from the rain.

I don’t know, it seems that it was his habit to kept murmured, but he still doing that, blaming himself for not listening to my doctor or something, while he took a jacket from the back seat and covered it to me.

I looked at him without him noticing because he’s busy with the heater inside the car and then he also dries himself with towel. I wonder why I couldn’t like him as much as he does to me. He seems like a nice person, a bit chatty but his intention was good. He’s also one of the best-looking young men I’ve ever met. And even though he seems couldn’t stop to mumbled, he surely has all the patience in the world since he took care of me for this whole month.

But… Please forgive me, Kibum-sshi. My mind could think properly right now, neither my heart could feel. Maybe… you still need to be more patience towards me if you really willing to be by my side.

He took two bags I carried from the house earlier, and then he said, “Let’s see what did you took from the house, maybe it can help you to remember.”

The bags are actually empty, although Kibum took a book from inside one of them.

“Do you remember what this is?”

I frowned. No. I felt that I almost can recall everything, but I don’t think I’ve seen the book before. I shook my head, and then he asked, “Can I open it?”

After he got my permission, he opens the book and read the first page, it’s Taemin’s name. “Lee Taemin.”

He opened the next page, and kept doing so. The book compiled music scores; the ones Taemin wrote by himself, and the ones he re-wrote from famous pianists.

I was in awe as in the book, there’s my birthday date, which is yesterday. Kibum asked me, “So this is supposed to be his gift for your birthday? And you… never seen this before?”

I nodded.

“So why did you come back to the house to get this?”

To be honest, I don’t know either. I don’t know whether I really went back to the house because I want to take that book or not. I don’t know how the book can get into my bag. I don’t know.

I have this crazy thought in my mind, once again, my brain can’t think properly. But… maybe it was Taemin himself who put it inside my bag and he did play ‘when the love falls’ earlier as a goodbye message. Maybe, I don’t know.

Kibum closed the book and put it in my lap. “Well, anyway you should treasure it.” He gave me a smile before he said, “Now, shall we go home?”

I just looked at him and he started to drive.

“I'm happy you can remember what happened one by one. I can’t wait to tell the doctor and I hope this is a good sign.” He, once again speaks to himself.

“Anyway, are you hungry? You must be. What do you want to eat? How about… we eat meat?” He asked and then decided by himself while I don’t even say anything.

Actually, I don’t want to. And even if I want to, earlier when I opened my mouth to speak, nothing came out.

It’s… as if I don’t have the necessity to talk. For I was getting used to be the only one who talks to Taemin, now as I realized that he’s gone, I don’t feel like talking. More like I lost my reason.

To sit there in the moving car with someone who I knew surely will take care of me, I barely care about anything around me. I hugged the book Taemin gave me and promised myself, I would start to play piano again. Smile appear in my face, but a tear also falls from my eye carelessly.

And then… Like an endless tune, that song appeared again. I can hear the intro slowly fade into my mind. It’s getting louder and clearer it makes me deaf from anything else. As if it’s the sound of my universe, it’s the voice in my head. I closed my eyes and then I began to hum in mute.

When the love falls.
 

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heyyy recently it had been raining all the time, so im here with another story, a sad one with Taemin... im sorry that i have to made him like this :'( but i hope you can enjoy my story!

love love love,

z.