imon pulled back the curtains and peered sadly out of the window down onto the street below. He stood like that for a couple of seconds, not moving an inch or even blinking an eye. It seemed like a habit of his – standing in front of his room’s window while looking outside, lost in thoughts. He would do it every single day.

He was too immersed in contemplating the view that he didn’t realize his breathing had been sustained. He was watching some kids, happily fooling around in the park close to his house. Although they were close, they seemed to be too far from Simon. He wondered that maybe it could be because of the view from his warm and comfortable yet dark room that made them seem so distant. However, he was only throwing dust to his own eyes, not wanting to see the real truth.

Simon turned his back to the window not wanting to keep looking at those kids and gazed into the darkness of his room - the place where he felt the safest at. Simon’s room was nothing like normal kids one’s. It was cold and usually, only a dim light coming from the window would light it up. And he liked it that way.

There was a bed, a closet, a wooden desk where he would do his artwork and a bookcase, where he kept his treasures – his books. There was nothing else inside it and Simon didn’t care at this point, even though he once did.

Simon walked towards his desk and sat on the chair in front of it. He started leafing through a very small stack of paper and examined his own paintings and drawings. All he painted and drew was dark or had to do with darkness. None of his works had a happy vibe or transmitted cheerful meanings, none.

Without even knowing he kept on drawing and painting his life in those white pages. In other words it was like a dairy consisting on only drawings and paintings. That was why Simon hid them away from his parents’ sight. He would always put the stack of papers hid in between the books in the bookcase.

It wasn’t that his parents visit him much on his room, but he preferred to play it safe and always hide his dairy in a place where he knew his parents would not touch.

Although Simon’s parents tried their best so their son didn’t get judged by the others, it was only for their own good. They were strict and sometimes violent towards Simon. Ever since he was born he had always been despised by his parents and nothing hurt him more than that.

They made him stay at home all day and he didn’t have permission to even play in the yard. He had to study on his own and learn by himself. Simon’s parents would never waste time and money on a private teacher to come to their house and teach their useless and ugly son. They did not want their son to be seen by anyone. What would people say of them if they ever saw Simon? They would be judged and probably receive pitying glares or even worse, who knows? And that was why some people didn’t even know the couple had a son.

Simon did feel bad for his parents somehow. He wished he had not come to life and give them so much pain. He understood why he couldn’t leave his house and why his parents didn’t want him to be seen. So he was not mad at them, at least not much.

Despite never being told why his life had to be like that, Simon did indeed know why. He had once overheard his parents talk about him and that was when he discovered the truth.

Since five years ago Simon’s life changed drastically and most likely forever. The submission to scientific tests had cost him his freedom and happiness. He was a normal boy and was capable of doing everything the others did, however when he was born he had not come as healthy as his parents thought.

He had born with a rare disease that no one knew what it was. No doctor had knowledge of such disease and then, Simon was submitted to scientific tests which didn’t go that well in the end, making Simon’s appearance change radically to the point of looking like a monster. And the fact of not looking like normal people made him be excluded of society and hated by his parents.

The fifteen year old Simon wished he could be normal and could have friends and a normal life, but that would never be possible for him. Who would want a freak as a friend anyway? He would also never get a job, or even get the chance to fit in. So he had already given up on trying to change that.

Although he was too young to die, he was sick of living like prisoner and felt nothing but hate towards himself. Why had he had to be so ugly? Why it had to be him in the first place?

He had lost faith in every single reason for him to keep leaving, because there was none anymore. No one liked him. No one would accept him like his was – he himself couldn’t do it. He didn’t stand looking himself in the mirror and accept the fact that the person in front of him was him and couldn’t embrace the reality.  

When he reached the last painting he stared at it not examining it at all. His mind was overflowing with thoughts and Simon then put his diary hidden away in the bookcase. He had made a decision and he would not go back with it.

Simon went to his closet and searched for a black hooded jacket and took it out. He wore it and then glanced at the watch above his bedside table. It marked ten in the evening and the sun had long gone, giving its place to the moon.

He took a new white sheet from one of the desk’s drawers and sat on the chair. Before he started writing, he grabbed a pencil and pondered a bit. He didn’t know if he should write or not. Would his parents care anyway?

He shrugged and slid the pencil on the paper, leaving a simple message on it.

“Sorry for all the pain. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. Goodbye.”

He put the pencil away and grabbed the sheet, taking it in his hand while leaving his room. He put the hood of the jacket on his head and carefully headed towards the entrance. Simon then searched for duct tape and when he found it he stuck the paper on the entrance’s door. His parents would see his message for sure and probably would be very relieved for not having to hide their son anymore.

He sighed and glanced one last time to his house. He was not regretting his decision, he was only looking at the place that he once called home. The boy then opened the door with determination and headed outside. The cold breeze ran against his skin making him shiver – winter had just arrived.

He zipped his jacket until the top and walked in the sidewalks, looking everywhere to check if there was anyone in the streets. Luckily, no one was outside. He walked fast and despite not knowing where he was going, he just continued walking.

Without even realizing, Simon reached to the limit of the town and was now facing the sea. He breathed its sent and closed his eyes while doing so. It felt so good to be outside.

He glanced to his right and saw a lighthouse near. He walked towards it and carefully to not be seen, he entered inside. Fortunately the door was unlocked and he was able to get in. He wanted to get a good view of the sea from up there before finally taking his leave.

He climbed the stairs up until the very top and once he got there he walked towards the fence. He looked at the horizon and saw how magical the sea looked under the night sky and the moon’s light. He had craved to feel such adventurous feelings and doing things that he would never be allowed to and now, he was able to do them.

Simon gulped when he realized that if he did not do it at the moment he would regret making the decision of ending his and his parents’ pain. He had promised himself to end his ty life on that day and he would do it. That was the only way he could finally have peace and just be himself. The dead would not judge each other, right?

The boy grabbed himself to the fence and once he was balanced he deeply breathed a few more times. He was going to miss drawing and painting, but maybe in the dead’s world he could do that too. He looked down and saw how high he was from the sharp and pointed rocks down there, where the sea was hitting with no mercy.

He closed his eyes and mentally made the countdown.

Ten …

Nine…

Eight…

Seven…

Six…

Five…

Four…

Three…

Two …

“Stop!” A pitched girly voice made its way to Simon’s ears making him stop counting. The girl walked towards him and stopped at a secure distance from the boy.

At her presence Simon grew nervous. He had never been exposed to people and he didn’t have the experience to talk to them as a normal person would have.

“Stop, please. Come down. What you’re about to do is not going to do any good,” the girl spoke calmly so she wouldn’t scare the boy that was just about to jump.

She looked at his back terrified. Her heart was racing and she didn’t really know what to do to make the boy come down and not ruin his life. What she didn’t know was that it was already ruined, ever since the beginning.

Simon kept quiet, not muttering a single word. He didn’t want the girl to see his face. He didn’t want to scare her way with his monster like appearance.

“I-I’m … hum. My name is Luna,” the short height girl introduced herself hoping that the boy would relax and not do anything stupid. “Look, why don’t you come down and maybe we can talk. I don’t know what happened for you to want to die like this, but please don’t do it,” Luna pleaded as Simon stood balanced in his spot.

“Go away,” he muttered.

“No, I will not go away. Not until you come down from there. Listen, let me help you, okay? I will help you just don’t do this,” Luna kept on trying and she wouldn’t give up. She would not bear to see the boy fall towards the other world, the world people feared the most – the dead’s world.

“You can’t help me. No one can. I’ve lived my life as a prisoner to my own appearance and no one can change or will change that,” Simon finally spoke a little bit louder so the girl could hear him.

“What do you mean?” Luna questioned, not understanding what he meant before stepping closer.

“No! Don’t come near me. I’m- I’m ugly,”

“What are you talking about? No one’s ugly. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. I’m sure you’re just as beautiful as others. Come down, please,” Luna shook her head at the boys’ thoughts. Why did he think like that?

“No, you do not understand! I’m a monster. Everyone gets disgusted by looking at me! My parents hate me and I even can’t accept myself too. No one will ever try to befriend me because I’m this ugly. I’m not worth it either,” Simon yelled as tears started forming in his eyes. His heart knew nothing but pain and more pain.

Luna looked at him in shock. She was surprised as to how someone could be so negative about himself. She didn’t understand why he was saying he was ugly. Was he really that ugly that people would not want to befriend him?

“Then let me see you. Let me look at your face and tell you otherwise. I don’t judge a book by its cover and when I befriend people it’s not because they’re pretty in appearance, but because they’re pretty in their souls,” she paused and took a breath. “Look, I’m not pretty either. I’m very far from that actually and I would love to not be good-looking with someone else… Would you be that person?” Luna’s eyes scanned him hopefully. She wanted him to finally listen to her words and climb that fence down.

“Well Luna, I’m sorry but you’ll have to find someone else,” Simon muttered before breathing deeply and leaning forward, ready to meet the laws of the physics with his body.

Simon let himself fall with his eyes closed and enjoyed his last moment alive, as he felt the wind brush through his hair and clothes.

“No!” Luna ran to the fence and straightened her hand, wanting it to reach the boy, but was in vain. Simon had already jumped off the top of the lighthouse. She gaped at the sight of the boy falling down and covered with her other hand feeling terrified.

She had just witnessed a suicide and she couldn’t do anything about it. Her wide eyes were glued to Simon’s tiny body all twisted in between the rocks. For a moment Luna forgot how to breathe.

Not wanting to see that horrible sight she slowly stepped back from the fence in a state of pure shock. God, she didn’t even know his name. She gulped and tears started rolling down her cheek. She wished she could have looked at his face, at least once. She was sure he didn’t look like how he was describing himself.

And with that Simon left the living world, in order to search for freedom in another place – a place where he would be able to fit in.