Hi guy's I'm very sorry it's late I'm just so busy because of school stuff, since I'm taking electrical engineering it so f***ing hard...

Anyways hope you like my one-shot-inspired-from-my-friends

Love youXD

Why did you left me? 

Left me here all alone in such cruel and selfish world?

Why didn't you tell me your leaving?

Why?

In this world there is a lot of things you regret. There is a lot of moments you wanna go back to, there are a lot of things that you shoudv't have done. There is a lot of experience you wanna feel one more time. But regreting this things is worthless, since going back is impossible. Very impossible.

Everything was still so visible in my mind, all of our memories still remaining in my empty heart you once occupied. I still haven't move on. I still regret a lot of things, and there are still a lot of question you left me with.

"You're doing your routine again" my friend Minho told me, as I drink my fourth can of beer straight. And yes, his right. I'm doing this routine every once a year to commemorate his anniversary.

"When will you stop? It's been four years. Kibum never wanted to see you like that. What if you meet him looking like that, Do you think he'll like it?" I drop the empty can into the floor still starring blank out of nowhere. 

"Do you think I like it?" I said with a bitterness in my voice. I never choose to be this way. Every year I will look for answers but why do I feel like it's hidden. Like it's all taken away from me without my consent. And I'm tired, I'm so tired.

"Then why wouldn't you stop?"

"I can't" I said. Yes, I really can't move on, I'm still guilty of everything.He just let out a heavy sigh and sit beside me. 

"Well if that's your choice, I'll let you be." he said then puting his hand into my shoulder. "Anyway the audition for the musical is the day after tomorrow, you're one of the judge you have to be there, okay?" he said and i just nod in reply.

"I'll be in the rooftop" I said as I stand up to get another beer then walk to the door.

"I know, your always there"

As I stare at the beautiful Seoul night view. I can't help but to reminisce all of the memories we used to have in a the rooftop, our favorite place. I'm sure it was a happy memory, but why do I feel like crying?

Flashback

I was only eigtheen year old back then, sitting comfortably in the floor staring at the beautiful stars scattered up the sky. I'm waiting for my bestfriend to arrive and call me, asking if I can pick him up downstair, since his too scared to go up alone in a old abandoned warehouse.

Then suddenly my phone vibrated so I pick it up,

"Hello, Kibummie"

"Hi Jong can you-" he stop in midsentence, because I suddenly speak

"of course, like always" I exclaimed happily. I'm already use to it by now and I don't mind it at all, in fact I like it. 

Star Gazing, is the one of the thousand things we like doing together. We would love to stare at them all night, wothout falling asleep or taking breaks. But I like staring at him more than staring at the stars. 

I went downstair to pick him up then we went up together but when we are half way there he suddenly stop, and sat on a step then breath heavily.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly when he doesn't stop gasping for air. He doesn't respond so I put my hand in his back then start lifting him up. But all of a sudden he giggled

"Got ya!" He yelled. Kibum like pranks, actually his the king of pranks. And most of the I'm always the victim.

"You little scum!" I run but he run away before I can catch him.

After that, we just lay down on the floor and stare at the beautiful sky. I can hear his still panting, I can feel his chest moving up and down. I stare at him as he stare at the sky, I can see his pearl white skin, his gorgoeus feline eyes, and his bow shaped lips that I longed to touched.

"Jong?" he suddenly spoke and a shockwave run into my spine, did I stare at him for too long? did he realized it? Am I busted for my feelings for him?

"Y-yes?" I stuttered

"Did you knew?" 

"What?" 

"They say that, if you die happily you're gonna be star, a bright and shiny one" he said then smile at the star. 

"Really? why is it?"

"I don't know" he shrugged then pout a little, still staring at the stars. I wonder if he ever realized I'm staring at him and not the stars every night

"Do you wanna be a star?" I asked then I stare at it too.

"Of course, so that I can see my love ones from above. How they move on and be happy, and how they feel loved again" he answered " But not now" he added then stare at me with a serious face. " I don't wanna die" then he laughed and I laughed with him. 

"Sure but you forgot something. You will also see them wounded, sad and unhappy because of their lost" 

It took minute before he spoke again.

"Jong" he called my name again but never stare at my face.

"What?"

"If your gonna die tonight, what would you gonna regret the most?" then he suddenly asked, I didn't expect that question, but eventhough I know the answer

"I don't know" I lied. Because I know it all I just have no guts to tell him everything, to tell him how I feel, and to tell him how I love him for so long. I have to lie for now but how long can I hold this lie? Until there is time?

"If that' the case I'll wait for you to think for your answers, tell me everything, okay?" he stare at me with questioning eyes. Can I tell him everything? 

"s-sure" Or will I lie to him again.

The next night I waited again at the rooftop. I waited and waited and waited, but he never came. He never called or texted me.

When I realized his not coming anymore, I just stay there, confused.

Why did he not showed up? He was always present at everytime. Sometimes he was even the one forcing me to come when I feel so tired from school.

But now, where is he?

Where did he go?

Is something wrong or his just to busy to tell me he can't come?

This been a week since I last saw him, and again I'm here still waiting for him.

I arrived at past seven o'clock and it's now about eight thirty. I pack my things and give up waiting when my phone suddenly vibrated from my pocket.

"Hello?" I said when I realized it's an unknown number.

"hello Jong, I'm here can you pick me up?" I quickly hang up, and ran downstairs just leaving my things behind.

When I arrived downstairs, panting. I glared at him and said;

"Where have you been?! Why aren't you answering my calls?! and why did you change your phone number?"

"Why are panting? I never told to hurry up. And please one question at a time." he said irritatingly "I'm so busy because of school that's why I can't come here. I lost my phone and bought a new one that's why I'm not answering your calls, also that answers you third question" 

"Okay" is all I can say now. I'm so embarrased for acting so stupid. "I'm sorry" I half-whispered

"It's okay, I should've just come here and tell you, I'm also sorry for making you worry" I blushed

"W-who said I'm worried?"

"No one said it, it's just obvious" then he giggled at me

"Anyway, did you find answer to my question?" he asked. Right, that question. I have to tell him now, I can't lie anymore. My heart is telling me to but my mind is stopping me, who should I follow?

"Let's go upstairs" I change the topic and he agree. I need to get ready, I need time, eventhough I've had enough.

When we arrived at the rooftop, I can feel my heartbeat pace becomes faster, and my palms getting wet and my mouth getting dry.

"Oh my god there so many stars" He exclaimed and I just stare at him as the starlight's reflect into his beautiful feline eyes.

"I found the answer now" I said to him as he turned his attention to me. I look into his eyes like it's saying 'what is it?'

"I will regret not telling you that I love you."

"I will regret every single moment I had with you, because you see me as your friend when I see as something a lot more than that. I will regret everything because the briefest memories that we shared is the longest in my mind, and you will never knew that. I love you Kibum, I loved you for so long"

He just stare with a small smile in his face at me unmoved, his face not surprise nor dissapointed it's in the middle, like it's telling me ' I know, I'm just waiting for you to tell me '.

I walk slowly towards him until were inches apart. I gently put my forehead in his and slowly kiss his lips that I longed for. We kiss tenderly, affectionately and intimately. I felt that love I gave him is giving him back.

I broke the kiss then he hugged me tightly, he didn't say anything his just silent but I can feel his warth against my chest and his love against my heart.

End of Flashback

That moment was the happiest day of my life but why does it have to end  so soon, That it didn’t give me time to adjust it all in my mind and my heart, cause the next thing I know is…………… your gone.

The next night I’m so happy and excited to see you. I waited attentively, I can’t relax, I’m so agitated to how I should treat you, and I’m so nervous yet so blissful.

As I waited and waited and waited again, you never came. Why didn’t you like me?

Are you walking away from me?

I thought your feelings are the same as mine, but why aren’t you here?

I can’t stop agonizing I went into your house to find answers. I knock into the door then found Taemin –your little brother, dressed in all black, his eyes all puffy

“Can I talk to Kibum?” I said but he just started crying and sobbing hard.

I don’t understand what’s happening Kibum You left me clueless of everything, because you tend to hide it all from me.

“What’s wrong Taemin, Is he hurt? Where is he?” When he slightly stopped he started responding to me.

“I-I hate him. I hate him leaving everybody naïve of what’s his been going through, and leaving me to tell them”

“What do you mean, Taem?”

“H-his gone hyung, his gone.” Then started crying again sobbing hard

When he said that, my world slowly fell apart. I felt my whole energy was drained from my body, because the one thing keep me breathing is now… gone.

“That’s impossible, his just with me yesterday, we were so hap-“

“You are so happy because you confessed to him, I know it all. He tell me everything, he would always tell me how your night would go, how he would blush when you would stare at him for so long. He would always tell me how you would pick up and hold his hand all the way to the rooftop and how he forced not to smile and be happy, because forbidden to be happy. I know everything, hyung.”

“What? What do you mean forbidden to be happy, I can’t understand” as I said this I didn’t realized the tears are already building up

“He had Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. It is a heart disease that he never wanted to tell you, we even prohibiting him to see you because he can’t have excessive emotions because it can kill him, but he wouldn’t stop, because he loved you so much.”

Did I cause his death?

Tears after tears fell from my eyes, as I think of this.

“Do you remember the day he didn’t showed up, his in the hospital the whole week and mom took his phone, that’s why he pleaded for me to buy him a new one, as his brother I did it for him, but do you know what really happened last night?”

No, I don’t want. I feel too much guilt right now.

“He went home late last night, his very happy, I got worried at first but when I saw how his face glow like the stars, I didn’t say anything, he told me every details of last night until he feel sleepy and then he told me to wake him early so that he can call you,” I can hear he sobbed again because he can’t stop his tears like mine.

“B-but he never woke up hyung, h-his gone”

“No. no NO!” I exclaimed and cried harder

I woke up after I reminisce the nightmare I wanted to forget the most, How I wanted to repeat it all again and not tell you that I love you. Maybe if I haven’t told you, maybe you’re still alive.

I regret telling you. I should’ve just hide it all; hide it all for you to live.

And now I’m here alone. Alone because you left me here, here in this rooftop still broken and wounded.   Wounded from all of the memories that are now a beautiful nightmare; A nightmare that I never wanted to remember and feel guilty for. Because I love you but I let leave me too.

Kibum? You died happily right? Are you one of the stars I’m watching right now?

You can see how miserable I am, right? You left me here Kibum, I’m not happy like you use to say. Because you left here, Star Gazing.

Hi guys that's it I'm so inspired because of my friends story, of his friends died not her knowing.....

Anyway hope you like itXD

Leave some comments =p