Hello Summer

Hello Summer, we meet again.
It's been a year since the last time I saw her, and I miss her so much right now.
She's the angel of my darkest night. She's the sunshine that brightened my day. She is everything to me, do you know that?
When she smiles, I feel like the world is torturing me, because that was the most beautiful smile I can't even deny. When she's sad, I feel like hating everything, everyone. How dare they make this pure and innocent girl sad? When she's mad, it's so hard to resist. She'll pout and I'm not sure if I should stop her because I don't want to take away that cutie pout, the adorableness of her.
I want to see her cheerful smile again, I want to see her childishness and let her win over me again, because I'll have the chance to mess that fluffy hair of her after that.
I miss her so much, Summer. But when can I see her again?

Summer, I still remember everything, anything.
I remember she is the one who greet me first. It's the first day of school, the entrance ceremony. I was lost in the big school building because I'm late, then she appears suddenly and invite me to sneak over to the rooftop instead of leading me to the ceremony hall. At first, I don't want to follow her. But she keeps pulling the hem of my uniform and there's just something that makes me curious about her so I just follow he thoughtlessly. 
Right after we arrived at the rooftop, she opened her bag and took out a lunch box.
"What are you gonna do?" I asked her confusedly.
"Eat, of course. I haven't had my breakfast yet." She opened it and chopped one chicken nugget, offering it to me. "Want some?"
What the hell is wrong with this girl, I thought. "No thanks." I responded to her shortly, even though I haven't had my breakfast yet, that doesn't mean I can accept foods or drinks easily from this stranger who I just met 5 minutes ago.
"Calm down, I don't have bad intention to you. Look look, this is so delicious." She placed a chicken stick to and munching it happily.
I saw her eating and I thought to myself, maybe this was not a good idea. Now I'm trapped here not knowing what to do, so I'm just looking at her and gulping endlessly, not too shy to ask for it, but too afraid that I'll die on the first day of my youth.
"Ah, I forgot. Jennie is the name." She bowed a bit and took a bottle water and a banana milk from her bag. I bet there's also desserts and fruits inside.
"I'm Seungyoon." I said awkwardly.
"Okay then, Seungyoon-ah~" she just finished her rooftop breakfast that's more like a little picnic to me.
"We should go back before teachers or seniors are checking on the freshmen." I said to her who was busy placing everything back to her bag. I got up and cleaned a dust on my pants.
"Let's go!" She gave her bag a little pat and she got up following me. Just right when I turned my back to the door, the door is opened showing an old bald guy with a 30cm stick on his right hand.
Great timing, just great timing, Jennie. Thank you so much.
What I know after that is, we have to write 150 sentences of apology, in library, just the two of us.
But it made me grow attached to her even more, I don't know why.

Summer, do you know that she doesn't know the different between left and right? That's still the cutest thing I found out about her. It was when we headed to the school's canteen together.
“Seungyoon-ah, there's something on your right hands.” Jennie grabbed my left arms from behind and she showed it to me, there's a scar there.
“Oh, on the left hands. When did I get this scar anyway?” I tried to recall things, I remember that I didn't touch any stuffs that have sharp medium today.
“It's on the right, I didn't know either. Maybe you got it from home?” She asked me randomly, but something caught my mind because she is still saying it's on the right. I looked at my right hands and found nothing.
“There's nothing here.” I showed my right arms fully to her, but she gave me a “Don't fool me” look and stopped walking.
“I said it's right here!” She raised her voice and grabbed my left arms again, made me smile suspiciously at her. I just found out about something.
“Jennie, this is left, this is right.” I showed her my left arms, then the right one. Jennie looked at me confusedly and furrowed her eyebrows.
“What do you mean? This is right, and this is left.” She raised her left arms and the right one after.
“Okay, whatever you say Miss. Let's just eat and forget this left and right thingy.” I cling my left arms around her head and messed her hair in amusement, dragged her to the canteen.
“Not fair.” She pouted and it made me ruffled her hair again. I might die everyday to see her being like this.

Summer, do you remember our first date? It's the first week of summer, when the weather is not that hot but bright enough to brighten our day, and that was the day when I finally get to kiss her beautiful lips.
She chose to go to a theme park while I really wanted to go to a pool. We argued till we both tired, that made people at the station are looking on us because they're annoyed. In the end, we chose to go to the cafe she wanted the most, hello kitty cafe.
“I feel glad because I'd rather go there than wear that Mickey Mouse headband and took a picture together. That's just too damn cute for a guy like me.” I told her on our way back home, and she just laughed so hard about it.
“I can see that, Yoon-ah. I actually wanted you to admit it to me by yourself.” She laughed so hard even more. I feel like I'm fooled and glaring at her who's still laughing endlessly, but between that laugh, I noticed everything perfectly. This moment, will never happened twice. She was mesmerizing in the dim of the street lamp and the warm wind of early Summer. So when she stopped laughing because she noticed my weird gesture, I took a courage to get my face closer to her, and I kissed her.
The time is stopped in our own world, and our hearts are competing for whose beating the fastest.
She smiled shyly after, and it's so warm to see that smile I have been waiting for. The rest of our walk to home, we both are just holding hand together and remained silent because we already knew what's on each other's heart.
It's love, we feel the same.
And that's the sweetest and the most precious moment ever in my life.

Summer, I don't think I'll be able to pass this summer without seeing her. The last time we look into each other eyes, is the last day of school. The last time I hold her hand, the last time I sing for her, and the last time I ruffle her hair. She's different, Summer. Believe me. She's one of a kind, that's why I fall too deep, in the blend of her introvert side and craziness that I had to mix everything when I'm with her. There are just too many memories between us that I can't collect and treasure for a moment, but that's not enough to accept the fact that she'll be gone, soon, and without me realizing that it was really the last farewell. She told me many things that day, and I just shook it off like a thin air, because wherever she'll go, I also will go to catch her up. But unfortunately, that's more complicated than I thought. No call, no text message, no SNS update, and just like the wind, she's gone so easily, nobody realized, and nobody knew, including myself.

But Summer, do you know how happy I am because I finally will see her again today?
So I flew to New Zealand, the city where she was born and raised. I didn't forget to buy her flowers this time, the kind she liked the most, Daisy. I never get the chance to gave her this before because I'm not that kind of guy, I told you already. But this day, is a special day. So it's different.
I went straight to Auckland Memorial Park at Silverdare that can be reached by taxi for 1 hour. Her relatives told me that she was buried in the Lake View Terraces, so I headed there directly when I got there. It's not that hard to find her headstone, her grave was the closest one to the lake, makes people who visit her can see a beautiful scenery. So peaceful, just like seeing her again.

She lived a good life, now she'll have a good rest
J E N N I E  K I M
January 16, 1996 - May 24, 2013

“It's nice to see you again, Jennie-ya.”
I let the wind hit the flower and my face, assuring myself that she just greeted me with hello, again.
I squat on the ground fully and put the flowers on the grave. And then I prayed for a moment, wishing her soul to be in peace out there. I stared at the ground deeply, it's been a year yet it's still feels like 2 months since she left.
“There are just so many memories I can't count but there are also so many things we haven't done together yet, and I don't know wether I should be grateful or not.”
“But after all, you'll always remain in my heart, because you are worth it.” I took a deep breath, preventing myself to sob or even cry at here. I touched the ground gently, wishing I could touch her again for real. I know she's here, beside me, and I should have been happy.
“There are so many things I wanted to say to you Jennie... How I wish you were here and you're still able to hear to what I said, I won't be shy or holding myself anymore.” I smiled at the grave bitterly, but I really can't hold my tears back right now. So, I just hung my head down and let it out, the sadness, the pain, the longing, my misery to the love of my life.
“Sadly..I know.. you aren't..” I said coherently between my sobbing. If only I could turn back the time and asked you not to move to New Zealand. If only I could say that your choice was wrong back then, and death was waiting for you when you got there. If only I knew, whose car that hit your fragile body, just right when you want to achieve your dream in your hometown.
“I miss you so much.” I whispered .
“I miss you..”
“Me too..”

Is that you, Jennie? I lift my head and I see your shadow in a white gown, holding the daisy bouquet that I brought in front of me.
“You should have been happy, we are not in the same world anymore.” She smiled, the purest smile I've ever seen, and I'm literally frozen at that time. I can't believe what I just saw so I tried to reach her presence, but then, her shadow is vanished in the air slowly. I stared at my hands and I snapped back to reality, I turned my heard to the ground to see the bouquet that I bought, and it's gone. It's really gone.
I got a shiver right after, but I try to believe what I just saw. I stared to the ground and touched it for the last time. I stared at the beautiful lake, enjoying the peaceful scenery hoping this moment will last in my mind and I don't ever want to forget it if I won't be visiting her again later. She did hear everything I said, and she wanted me to be happy, I have to do that. But honestly, I just want to be happy with you only, Jennie..
“Thank you for coming, Jennie.” I wiped my tears and got up.
“Rest in peace, Love.” I kissed her headstone before turned back, leaving her grave. I walked out the park and stared at the sky, this has been a long and meaningful journey. I may not be able to survive until now, without her. But seeing her again today, I think I will start my new life and I wanted her to see me happy too, even though this time, she is not the reason why.
Hello Summer, so please watch me. The next time we meet again, I'll make her happy more than I am right now. I want to meet you again, with a happier life.