Why is it that no matter what I do

I always come back to thinking about you?

 I just don’t know what to do

Chanyeol looked out his celling length window. It was early winter and the air was crisp. His warm breath fogged up a little patch on the window. It was funny, that once you try to warm something that had once been cold only showed the warmth on the outside and hid the worst behind fog. That had happened to Chanyeol, he tried to warm a cold heart and all that was left was never ending fog that clouded his site, blinding him from the truth. He smiled at the boy that popped up into his head, though the smile was bitter and sad. He closed the curtains again and went to lie on his bed.

With just a single word

You can make me fly or crash down

This isn’t like me

But you don’t know how I feel

 Soft sheets creased his skin, the fluffy pillow tried to comfort him. He felt cold and lonely, he swore that even his bed missed his presence. He turned his head to face the empty spot, it hadn’t always been empty. Once upon a time a beautiful angel lay his head on that exact pillow, and greeted him in the morning with a sleepy smile.

When will you notice

That I would offer every piece of my heart to you?

Chanyeol felt something warm and wet on his cheek, he ignored it though. He held the cold forgotten pillow close to his chest; he breathed in the lingering scent that was left by the person who once lay their head on it. Memories filled Chanyeol’s head, making him feel dizzy. This pillow was there to witness everything. When they cuddled together and sung cheesy lyrics to songs that made no sense, to nights of screams and moans. From their most tender moments, to heated arguments and fights.

 I run after you

I run after you

But I never reach you

Even though I like you so much

I can’t wait

Every time, everywhere

Show me your heart

I want to know you

More than anything else

More than anyone else

Forever

Addicted to you

I can’t see anything but you

Chanyeol silently sobbed into the pillow, he missed him so much. He let his tears be soaked up by the pillow. He pretended it was him that was wiping away his tears. He gripped the pillow tightly and let out a cry, just one more time, let me see you one more time; please.

Why is it that when I want to look cute in front of you

It ends up being fruitless effort?

I don’t know what to do

Chanyeol laughed bitterly at the memory of the boy tripping over his own feet after boasting about his oh so great coordination. He chuckled grimly at the boy in a frilly apron with flour on his face and the cutest most beautiful rectangle smile Chanyeol had ever laid eyes on. His laugh sounded more like stuttered sobs.

Even if I listen to your favourite songs

Or wear the clothes you like

I can’t get closer to you

But you don’t know how I feel

Memories of long nights spent singing lullabies to each other, his soft voice echoed through his head. Sweet lyrics poured from his mouth like honey, a melody so sweet he could taste it on his lips. Memories of stripped clothing lying on the floor, insecurities stripped along with them.   

When will you notice

That I want to be special only to you?

Chanyeol lay on his back and closed his eyes, letting the tears slid down to his ears. He thought of the dorky nicknames that only called each other by. Both knowing they but it was nice knowing that it was thought out especially for you and no one else. He remembered having the boy punch him lightly when he called him by his nickname in public, he would blush get embarrassed. Bacon, Chanyeol smiled at the nickname he had given him.

  I run after you

I run after you

But I never reach you

Even though I like you so much

I can’t wait

Every time, everywhere

Show me your heart

I want to know you

More than anything else

More than anyone else

Forever

Addicted to you

I can’t see anything but you

Chanyeol got off his bed and lay the wet pillow next to his own. He walked to the bathroom and looked at his reflection, he had lost weight and his skin had paled significantly. His eyes where no longer bright and cheerful and his old smile had long been gone from his face. His cheeks stained with tears and eyes puffy and red. He washed his face and dried it, he had already taken a shower ad brushed his teeth. He went to his closet had pulled on a black sweater and grabbed his phone and wallet. He walked out of his apartment and was greeted with sting cold. His mind drifted to the winter they had shared previous to this one.

“Don’t forget your sweater, Giant”

“I won’t, bacon”

He smiled at the memory, he missed being cared for. He missed him more. He walked down the stairs of the apartment complex, ignoring the cold wind stinging his face. He walked down the empty streets, it was 6:30am on a Saturday, no one was up yet. He dug his hands into his pockets to keep them warm, he turned the corner and walked to a small florist. He was greeted by the old man who runs the small store.

“Good morning Chanyeol, I have your order out back” Chanyeol gives him a small smile and nods. The old man disappears out back but returns shortly with a bouquet of pink and white Fairy Primrose. Chanyeol thanks him hand gives him the money, telling him he could keep the change. The old man thanked him before Chanyeol exited the store. He held the flowers close to his chest, afraid the wind might take them away, like it did with his beloved. It was their 3 year anniversary today and Chanyeol was going to visit him. He made his way through the empty streets and finally stood in front of large rusting gates. He takes a breath before pushing open the gate and walking in. He greeted the people he walked by, bowing respectfully to each one he passed. He liked it here; there was more company, more to keep him occupied. He was glad his lover was surrounded by so many people, he was almost envious, not only of his lover but the people who lived there too. They spent so much more time with him than Chanyeol could, he felt jealous really. He finally sees his lover there, waiting for him. Chanyeol briefly stops and check his breath and hair before straighten up and walking to him. He smiles when he came more into view, he sat down next to him and kissed him.

“I’ve missed you, Baek” he says, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. This never got easier, he thought. He threw away the wilting flowers and lay the fresh ones down in its place. He crossed his legs and took out his phone and played a song, the volume was low but it was enough for Chanyeol to hear. He sung quietly; tears slowly roll down his cheeks.

If it’s going to stay this painful

I want to lock my heart

But I can’t stop myself anymore

You’re the one for me

No matter what I do, no matter what I do

I can’t stop my love for you

Snow starts to fall and Chanyeol looks up at the beautiful, white snow flaks. They land on his face and melt, rolling down his cheeks.  

‘Look it’s snowing Chanyeol! First snow, first snow!’ the older stood outside and watch soft flaks of snow hit the ground and slowly melt.

‘Yeah, I know Baek’ Chanyeol s his arms around his lovers waist, pulling him into a back hug.

‘I want to be a snowflake after I die’ the shorter whispers, catch one in his hand and watches it melt.

‘Why’s that?’ Chanyeol muses, kissing his lovers neck.

‘So I can come down and touch you, even after death.’

‘Make a wish Baek’ Chanyeol chuckles at his lover.

‘I wish I can be a snowflake in my next life’ Baekhyun whispers. Chanyeol laughs softly at his lover’s weirdness.

‘I wish to stay together forever’ Chanyeol closes his eyes and wishes. He kisses Baek’s neck and the shorter giggles. Chanyeol pulls him back inside and they make love in celebration of the first snow and their 2 year anniversary.

Chanyeol looked at the sky and smiled. ‘At least one of our wishes came true’, he thought.

“I wish to join you Baekhyun, as a snow flake. Granting people wishes.” He whispered. He lay down on the cold, prickly grass. Snow had begun to pile up as it began to snow heaver.  He felt his body start to go numb. He smiled at the bouquet of flowers that had paled; it looked as if they too were dying. He looked at the slab of stone that bore the name of his lover, engraved on its smooth surface. Chanyeol’s eyes darkened and his eyes drooped, his vision was going dark. A small smile found its way to his lips before he out.

“I’m coming Baek, just wait for me.”   

 

I run after you

I run after you

But I never reach you

Even though I like you so much

I can’t wait

Every time, everywhere

Show me every side of you

I want to know you

More than anything else

More than anyone else

Forever

Addicted to you

I can’t see anything but you    

 

 Byun Baekhyun

 1992-2013

Beloved son and lover

‘I want to be a snowflake, to touch you even after death. I love you, Park Chanyeol.’  

      

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Author's Note: What happened?! Did he die? Did he just fall asleep? Was this all a dream??? Well you can be the judge of that xD I wrote this so I can make a poster for it. I know so inspirational xD No, no but seriously. The song was Distance by Kana Nishino. It's a Japanese song but it's very pretty and her voice is amazing so check her out! Thank you for reading~!