Hyukjae’s POV

“Hyukjae” Hae called me as soon as he saw me turned around and run. I stopped and tears fell slowly from my eyes… I kept my back facing him.

“Monkey…” that nickname hurts me.

“Don’t call me that!” I tried my best to not choke.

I heard him approaching me and I stiffen but as soon as I felt he was going to touch me I yelled at him. “ Don’t touch me… ever”. And I ran away… but he followed me and since I couldn’t see clearly because of my foggy eyes I couldn’t run fast and he soon catched up with me.

Donghae turned me around facing him but I turned my head away not wanting to look him in the eye. I saw his expression… I had never seen it. It was full of sorrow, tears were threatening to fall but he was holding them in.

“Look at me.” he asked me but I just kept looking away. He put his palm on my cheek and caressed it… ‘I miss his warmth’ I thought to myself.

“Please look at me…” but I still couldn’t I was still trying to suppress my tears. “ If you ever had a thing for me… even… just a slice… of a feeling…” he was choking as he talked and I was guessing he was already trying so hard to hold his tears. “Then look at me… please.”

I finally looked at him and my tears poured even more as I saw his tears falling… he was crying. He still caressed my cheek as he looked me in the eye. “I’m sorry…”. Why was he apologizing for? I’m sorry doesn’t fix the past.

“Let go of me… it’s too late to apologize.” I struggle to get lose but his right hand left my cheek and he tightened his grip on my arms. “Let me go!”

“Can you really just walk away like that?! Can you really just ignore me for the rest of your life?!” I was shocked at his sudden burst.

“I already walked away! And yes… I’ll ignore you the rest of my life…”

“You can’t forget those memories we created…” It was true I couldn’t forget that easy but I had to.

“Ne… I won’t forget those memories… but every time I remember being by your side I’LL HATE YOU MORE!” although I was happy being his side there were times when I had to hide the pain he made me feel.

“Did I really make you sad to the extent for you to hate me?” I could tell the hurt in his voice.

“Yes…I hate how you always treated me like dirt when I just wanted to be your friend… how you would always push me away… how you would act like the perfect guy… then just turn cold again…” I was crying hard this time I couldn’t control myself. “I ALSO LOST WHO WAS IMPORTANT TO ME! ATLEAST YOU HAVE YOUR MOTHER! I LOST BOTH OF MY PARENTS IN AN ACCIDENT!” I felt weak and fell on my knees.

He knelt in front of me and wrapped his arms around me and I hide my face in his chest and wept for a really long time. It just hurt to much to have fallen for this stupid fish… and I new I couldn’t let him go but at the same time I knew I couldn’t be with him cuz I’ll get hurt again.

“I’m sorry…”

Donghae’s POV

“I’m sorry…” that’s all I could say. All I could do is apologize to him.

He’s stopped crying and I felt him wiping his tears so I pulled away a little, still not letting go of him. Hyukjae never looked up at me… he just kept his face down.

“Sorry won’t erase those painful memories… I was there for you even if you pushed me away I never left your side… and when I needed you the most you disappeared!” I still remember that night I let go of him when he needed me.

*Flashback*

“Fishy!” hyukkie jumped in front of me with his gummy smile. He always made me feel like smiling when I saw him smiling.

“What monkey?” he pouted. ‘So cute’

“Why do you call me monkey? I should be a fish like you…” he looked so cute pouting like that. “A fish and a monkey can live together… fish need water to breath and monkeys can’t breath under water…”

“ Okay you can be an anchovy.”

“Really?!” I nodded. “Yay!” he jumped in happiness.

“Now what where you gonna tell me?” I asked remembering he came looking for me with his gummy smile, which I knew he wanted to go on a date again.

He thought for a while then his smile appeared again. He is always so happy that I envy him… but then again I don’t cuz every time he’s around I’m happy. He makes me happy.

“Lets go watch a movie tonight and then go to the beach!”

I knew it.

“Okay lets go.” I got up and grabbed my jacket. He grabbed a hold of my hand and we walked out of our apartment.

We went to watch Twilight. Yea he is a fan of sci-fi movies. We were walking at the beach hand in hand and he looked so beautiful as the moon shined on him. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him till I we heard his cell phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“hy…Hyukjae…”

“Hyung what’s wrong?” I guessed it was his brother Sungmin.

“Hyukjae… our…our parent’s… had an accident.”

“What?” I saw hyukkie trembling.

“Umma and… Appa… died on there way back…”

Hyukkie was now crying and I was worried but I kept a blank face as always. I saw him drop his phone and his grip on my hand loosen.

“Hyuk what’s wrong?… hyukkie…” I called him and he looked at me then he burst out in tears and tried to run but I didn’t let go of his hand.

“Donghae let me go! We need to hurry!”

“What happened?” I asked

“My parents had an accident! Hyu… Hyung said they died! It’s not true I know it ! I have to go… please let me go!”

“That’s all?! You scared me for a moment.” I said cold again. I don’t know what got into me. I hadn’t been cold toward him in a while.

“What?! Donghae… my parents might me dead and you just say that’s all?”

“I lost my dad too… you’ll get over it some day.” Okay I didn’t mean that.

He pulled his hand away from mind and looked at me with an angry expression on his face. “ Are you human?” he asked

“No… I’m a fish.” I tried to joke.

“Okay fine go with your hyung and your parents. I’ll go look for you later.” I walked away leaving him there.

For the next few days I tried calling him but he didn’t answer me so I went to look for him but his brother always told me he wasn’t home or he didn’t want to see me. I figured he just wanted to be alone like I did when my dad passed away years ago. So I didn’t look for him for a few weeks.

I started to miss him so I went to look for him but no one answered the door. One of there neighbors came out of his house and asked me if I needed help. That’s when he told me Hyukjae and Sungmin had moved out a week ago.

*End of Flashback*

I looked for him for years when I finally realized what I had done. Just thinking of someone’s death makes me act cold.

“Hyukkie… I never meant to hurt you…” I tried once more… maybe he’ll forgive me and give me another chance to show him I really did care that night and that I love him.

“Its too late Donghae… you already caused the damage that can’t be repaired…”

“Everyone makes mistakes… and mistakes can be fixed…” I kept trying to make him let me go back to his side.

“Yes every mistake can be fixed… but they have an expiration date!”

“What?” I was confused by what he said. How can fixing a mistake have an expiration date?

“Hyukkie!” I heard someone call my Hyukkie so I turned around at the same time hyukkie stood up wiping his tears.

“Hyukkie are you alright?” I stood up as soon as I saw a man run to my Hyukkie asking him if he was alright. Of course he wasn’t!

“Siwon I’m fine… really.” that Siwon guy hugged Hyukkie and looked a bit worried. I couldn’t control my jealousy. So I pushed him away from my Hyukkie.

“Get away from him!” he looked at me like if I was some crazy guy.

“Siwonnie are you okay?” why is Hyukkie so worried about him?

“Monkey who is this?” I asked as I saw Hyukjae helping Siwon to stand up.

“Donghae… this is Choi Siwon… my fiancé.”

“WHAT?” I couldn’t have heard right… this has to be a mistake or something. Hyukjae is my monkey! Only mine!

“He is my fiancé… I’m getting married next week.” my heart broke into thousand of fragments. I couldn’t believe what he just said.

“Siwon this is an ex classmate from high school.” what? An ex classmate?

“I’m his boyfriend!”

“What?” they both chorused.

“Donghae! I’m not your boyfriend anymore! Understand?!”

“Donghae? Your ex who left you alone when your parents passed away?!”

“Yes! I’m Donghae! Hyukjae’s lover!”

I felt a punch on my left side of my face. “Siwon! Don’t! it’s not worth it!”

“Stay away from Hyukjae! You already hurt him to much!”

“Siwon please give me a moment with Donghae. I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Okay but call if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay”

Siwon left and Hyukjae turned to look at me.

“Hyukkie…” I called him but I just saw anger in his eyes. 

“Donghae please don’t look for me ever again… I’m getting married to Siwon and I don’t want to see you again.”

“But Hyukkie I love you and you love me!” I tried to grab a hold of him but he pushed my hands away.

“I loved you… but I love Siwon now. He was there for me when I needed him! He understood every time I was crying and lend me a shoulder.” I saw him take something out of his pocket.

“I’m sorry… please take this back.” he handed me the necklace I gave him on his birthday, we had been dating for 4 months by then.

“Hyukkie…”

“I found it when I went back to my old house two months ago and I somehow knew I would see you again. I wanted to return it to you because I didn’t want you to think I still had it and that I still loved you.” he took something around his neck.

“Plus there’s no place for it around my neck.”

“Hyukkie… please…”

“I’m sorry Donghae…” and like that he walked away from me.

I wanted to stop him… I wanted to hold him tight and never let go. But I guess I have to let go since he loves someone else now. I just stood there watching him leave with Siwon, my tears fell as I watched them walk hand in hand like I used to when I was with Hyukkie.

The End