The first time Kwon Jiyong realized he liked boys, he was fourteen years old and staring at his best friend’s mouth. The first time he realized he loved a man, he was watching him dance with someone else and his heart hurt so bad, he wanted to disappear forever.

When Dong Youngbae, his best friend and the man he secretly loved, had cornered him and asked him why he had been so distant lately, Jiyong had wanted to lie, to hide the horrible truth, just to keep him near. But when he opened his mouth, the only thing that came out was a pained sob and an honest confession.

“I love you and it’s killing me,” he had whispered as he cursed himself for being so weak.

There was pause which Jiyong had counted--it lasted twelve and half seconds, to be exact--before he felt fingers tenderly grazing his chin. When he looked up, Youngbae had been smiling the most brilliant smile.

“That's all?” he had asked, like it wasn’t a big deal. Like it didn’t mean everything in the entire world.

Jiyong had only frowned in response and Youngbae had interlocked their fingers tightly, the small motion saying more than mere words ever could. The rest, as they say, was history.

They told the rest of the Big Bang members (ignored Seungri’s triumphant cries of “I knew it!”) and a few other select but important people and now Jiyong found himself fussing over a stove, trying to make an American style breakfast for his boyfriend of four years.

The past few years hadn’t been easy, especially with all the attention that their group attracted everywhere they went. Hiding their relationship was difficult but Youngbae and Jiyong were committed to each other and they weathered every storm that life sent their way. They weren’t perfect--sometimes they fought like cats and dogs and Youngbae had a tendency to give Jiyong the silent treatment for days when he was truly upset with him, but they always came back to each other. Always apologized. Always worked harder for the sake of one another.

Their relationship wasn’t a fairy tale, but it was sincere and beautiful; their bond and devotion to each other only grew with each test of their love.

There was just this one thing...

Jiyong smiled when he felt muscular arms wrapping around his waist.

“Good morning,” he said, feeling plump lips pecking the back of his neck softly.

“Hmmm,” came the groggy response. “What are you making? It smells good.”

“I’m not really sure, I just found the recipe on the internet,” Jiyong said.

“Come back to bed,” Youngbae said, his hands already roaming Jiyong’s torso, lightly.

“Bae-ah,” Jiyong yelped in surprise when Youngbae’s hands slipped into his boxer briefs teasingly. “We’re gonna burn the apartment down.”

“Fine,” Youngbae clicked his tongue and let go of Jiyong. He shuffled into the living room and settled himself down on the couch with a cup of coffee.

Jiyong heard the sound of the television before hearing an excited cry of, “Babe, look, we’re on TV.”

Jiyong turned off the stovetop and walked towards the living room. There was a rerun of a Return of Superman episode on the screen. Jiyong's smile faltered as he sat down. He watched Youngbae playfully banter with the adorable Haru, looking like the perfect future father.

It made Jiyong’s heart waver.

He loved Youngbae to the moon and back. He wanted to be his one and only forever. They’d never talked about a proper marriage but Youngbae often promised ‘til death do us part when he kissed Jiyong’s insecurities away and Jiyong couldn’t even imagine ever loving another person the way he loved Youngbae. But Jiyong was a man.

He was a man and that meant their love was, at best, taboo.

It also meant that he’d never be able to give Youngbae what he so clearly wanted most.

A child.

Jiyong sighed as he watched himself on screen, awkward as hell around Haru. Youngbae laughed at the episode, sipping on his coffee, hair mussed from sleep. Jiyong’s head started to throb.

“Can we change the channel?”

“Why?” Youngbae asked, but he was already looking for the remote control, already bending to Jiyong’s will.

“Because I hate this episode. I hate this show.”

“No you don’t,” Youngbae reasoned. “You begged to be on the show again, remember?”

“Just change it!” Jiyong snapped.

Youngbae turned off the television and turned to face Jiyong.

“Babe,” he said, knowing Jiyong loved the way the English word rolled off his tongue and the fact that it was their secret loving nickname for one another. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Jiyong was nothing if not stubborn.

“This doesn’t really seem like nothing,” Youngbae said and Jiyong wanted to smack him for being so damn reasonable all the time. So damn logical.

“Why do you always think something’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong, dammit. I just don’t want to watch some stupid show about stupid kids that I’m obviously never going to have.”

“Is that what this is about?”

Jiyong sighed and folded his arms, a picture of childish defiance.

“Talk to me, Jiyong,” Youngbae begged, eyes so earnest and worried that Jiyong just melted at the sight of his concern. It wasn’t the first time Youngbae defeated his defenses with nothing but sweetness.

“I’ve just been thinking lately,” Jiyong began, once again spilling the truth despite his best efforts. “Maybe we’re getting too old to keep pretending like this is the right thing for you.”

Youngbae stood then, putting a few feet of space between himself and Jiyong. The distance felt infinite.

So did the silence that followed Jiyong’s statement.

“Are you trying to break up with me?” Youngbae finally spoke, voice trembling with anger and hurt. “Because if you are, you should just come right out and say it.”

Jiyong couldn’t look at him anymore. He bowed his head and settled his gaze on his own hands. “I know you’ve talked to Tablo-hyung about how much you want to be a dad. Hell, everyone on the eastern hemisphere knows you want that. But I can’t give you that. No matter how much I love you. Maybe you should be with a woman, so you can have a real family.”

“Jiyongie,” Youngbae began, his tone a lot softer, his anger seemingly tempered. “Is that all?”

Jiyong looked up, startled. Youngbae was smiling again.

“A family isn’t just biological. Haven’t you ever heard of adoption?”

“But it won’t be ours,” Jiyong said, his throat suddenly dry with the rollercoaster of emotions he was feeling.

“Of course she will,” Youngbae said, walking slowly back to the couch and putting his arm around Jiyong’s shoulder. “She will be ours because we’ll raise her and we'll give her all our love and attention. That’s what’s really important.”

Jiyong didn’t miss the way Youngbae was already referring to their hypothetical future child as a girl. He grinned.

Youngbae truly was a future daughter-fool.

“How come you’ve never brought it up before?” Jiyong said, still reluctant to believe that his worry could be so easily erased by Youngbae’s simple kind of love.

“Because, I may be ready to be a father but I don’t think you are. You have so much left to do still. Plus, you’re still super awkward around kids.”

Jiyong groaned and put his head on Youngbae’s shoulder, his heart beating fast with the implications of what they were discussing. A family with Youngbae. Just the thought of it made Jiyong unbearably happy.

“So you want a girl, huh?”

Youngbae chuckled. “Of course I do. And when you’re ready, I know you’ll make the best mother.”

“Youngbae!” Jiyong squealed, laughing as he playfully pushed Youngbae away.

They wrestled lightly for a bit, before Jiyong ended up on top of the singer, their chests flush together and their mouths connected in a deep kiss.

When they parted, Youngbae’s hand Jiyong’s cheek softly. “I’m serious,” he continued, giggling breathlessly. “Our little girl will know how to put on eyeliner by the age of seven and she’ll have the best fashion sense on the playground.”

Jiyong smiled. “Do you really think I'll be a good father?”

“Of course I do, babe. You’re gonna be the best.”

“How do you know?” Jiyong asked, laying his head down on Youngbae’s chest. He adored the way Youngbae's fingers his hair delicately.

“Because you’re good at taking care of people. Look at how well you take care of me.”

Jiyong would always remember this day as the day he knew, without a shadow of doubt, that Youngbae was the only man who would ever hold his heart. His tenderness, his honesty, his unwavering devotion to Jiyong despite the hardships they had faced so far let him know that Youngbae really would make the perfect father. He was the best person to start a family with and the fact that he didn’t once worry about what the world would think only made Jiyong love him more.

Youngbae was his soulmate, and Jiyong knew this for sure when he next spoke.

“Besides, you practically raised Seungri and he’s only gotten caught choking someone once.”

They collapsed into a fit of uncontrollable laughter until they rolled off the couch, which only made them laugh harder. They made love on the floor a few minutes later, their breakfast left cold and forgotten.

The next day, Jiyong awoke with his love’s arms around his waist and a list of girl names on a notepad on the bedside table.