All Of The Stars)
(Sequel to The Beautiful Things)

It was like an upturn of events. Once there were smiles and laughter and Sehun remembers being happy because that was all he had ever been the moment he met Byun Baekhyun. The images he pasted on the album book stared back at him every time he opens it. He remembers the good times and the words spoken and unspoken. He remembers smiling, laughing, holding someone so warm in his arms that he felt he could never let go. He knew he could never let go, but those arms that returned his embrace retreated and left him. They were no longer strong enough to hold him back. And now all he ever does was to shed more tears for something he could no longer grasp.

Sehun had to fight the urge to let his hands roam to places they shouldn’t be at the sounds that left Baekhyun’s sinfully pink lips. The way Baekhyun looked right then should be illegal – tousled raven black hair atop heavy-lidded eyes that rolled back as his pouty, swollen lips moved against Sehun’s so beautifully, so soft, that it almost had Sehun sobbing because this felt like pure ecstasy. Their lips fit so perfectly with each other’s, like two puzzle pieces joined together to make one. He lets his fingers run through Baekhyun’s hair instead, grasping at them just slightly so he could kiss more, taste more of Baekhyun’s beautiful neck. Heaven couldn’t even compete.

A particularly loud moan rips through Baekhyun’s parted lips at Sehun’s harsh nip on his skin and it was enough to snap every control that Sehun had learnt to master ever since he met Baekhyun at that park. There was a growl rumbling lowly within his chest as his hands worked on the buttons of Baekhyun’s shirt and he remembered a similar scene much like this one that happened just a few days ago; of lewd moans and ragged breathing, pale skin on pale skin and Baekhyun’s very pink, very swollen lips. Weren’t they in the exact same situation? And if that had happened, wouldn’t this be the second time? No, he recalled. They hadn’t done anything.

Like the very thing that happened just about three days ago, they parted with a start, hands not leaving each other but lips no longer connected, only this time it was Sehun who had pulled away instead of Baekhyun. Heavy-lidded eyes stared back into his, red lips begging to be kissed and there’s a frown that sits in between Baekhyun’s brows as he complained with his eyes to why Sehun had stopped. Why had Sehun stopped? Wasn’t this what he wanted? Now that Baekhyun’s willing to go forward, shouldn’t he just follow through? Except he remembered exactly the words that Baekhyun had uttered that day when he was the one who stopped Sehun from ing his shirt. I’m not ready, Sehun. I’m sorry. Sehun had been disappointed, but he understood.

He just couldn’t understand what was happening at the moment. It surprised him that he managed to hold himself back from kissing Baekhyun again and instead he cleared his throat and let his hands rest on Baekhyun’s hips. “Baek, I thought you said you weren’t ready.”

Baekhyun’s lips parted and a low, complaining whine sliced the silence. Instead of saying anything, the black-haired male only attacked Sehun’s mouth again, and he couldn’t do anything but kiss back because to be really honest, he’s pretty sure no one could actually resist Byun Baekhyun. It was with great effort that Sehun managed to pull away again, and Baekhyun lunged for his lips but missed them, landing instead onto his chin. He kept going, however, kissing and nipping at Sehun’s skin, and if Sehun’s evil he would just go along with it.

But Sehun is not and he actually really loves Baekhyun enough to not take advantage of his virtue. His hands gripped a little harder at Baekhyun’s shoulder than he had intended, pushing the smaller boy off of him just slightly to look at his face. “Baekhyun. I’m serious.”

“Mhm, I’m serious, too.” Baekhyun uttered, although his words came out more like a muffled moan than a whisper – he’s got his hands busy undoing Sehun’s pants and that right then was unacceptable because Sehun’s pretty sure that if it goes on he’s not going to be able to stop.

Gripping Baekhyun’s wrists, Sehun managed to get the smaller male’s attention. “I remember you saying you weren’t ready a few days ago, Baek. I’m not pushing you.”

“I’m ready now.” Baekhyun emphasized his words, looking straight into Sehun’s eyes and if Sehun had looked away he wouldn’t have read the uncertainty that played in the other’s chocolate gaze. Baekhyun isn’t ready and Sehun could read it. Sehun could read it really well.

He tugged at his pants, pulling the zipper back up as he unwillingly and completely pulled away from Baekhyun. Hurt flashed across the smaller male’s features as he kept his eyes onto Sehun; hurt and rejection and disappointment but mostly embarrassment. Why he’d changed his mind so suddenly, Sehun didn’t know. And even though he hated to see those emotions played out in Baekhyun’s eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to let Baekhyun do what he would regret later. The uncertainty he had seen earlier told him that there is a reason to why Baekhyun was acting that way, and he doesn’t have the heart to use Baekhyun’s vulnerable state for his own pleasure.

He left his shirt half ed and faced his boyfriend. “You’re not ready, Baek.”

“Who are you to decide that for me?” Anger laced at Baekhyun’s voice as he fumbled with his own shirt, pulling at the hem to put it into place. “You just don’t want me.”

Don’t want him? Sehun could laugh if his heart wasn’t aching so much with that accusation because right then Baekhyun looked good with tousled black hair and swollen lips and Sehun doesn’t want anything else but Byun Baekhyun. But of course Baekhyun had to doubt that. He felt like he was going to laugh and cry at the same time. Pursing his lips together, Sehun placed his hands on his hips, rephrasing the words he was going to say aloud. Baekhyun only stared back at him with a hurtful expression, not blinking and looking like he might cry.

The Baekhyun he knew would never have shown his emotions so easily – it took him only by the third date to actually see Baekhyun’s smile and like many months later for him to see Baekhyun cry for the first time – and the fact that he had tears in his eyes right now only meant that the situation is serious. Sehun doesn’t like quarreling and fights and all these raised voices. The last time Baekhyun was upset with him, it took them almost two weeks to patch things back up – two weeks without snapping pictures of Baekhyun and watching the boy laugh – and it was enough for Sehun to wish it would never happen again. It’s impossible, though, for a relationship.

Sehun cleared his throat, his eyes catching the sight of his precious camera abandoned on the table since Baekhyun distracted him. If he hadn’t cared enough, he would probably just grab it and go for a stroll. There’s always some good moments to be captured. But Sehun does care, and Sehun is in love with Byun Baekhyun. “Baek, I want you. You don’t know how much I do –”

“Then take me!”

“I can’t when you’re not even sure!” The snap came out of nowhere and Sehun swore he hates the way Baekhyun flinched at his voice.

Baekhyun’s earlier exclaim had come out whiny and somewhere at the back of Sehun’s head he’s reminded of a certain vampire romance movie in which the heroine is literally desperate for Edward Cullen’s . He really wouldn’t make a comparison – Baekhyun is so much more beautiful than Bella Swan could ever be, in his eyes, at least – but a certain circumstance calls for some mood-lightening and he really isn’t a fan of all the angst. Sehun sighed, massaging the expanse of his forehead with his index finger and thumb. He’s fighting not only the incoming typical feud but a pending headache. And also . Life can be sunshine but cruel as well.

A few minutes of silence passed consisting of only Baekhyun’s soft breathing and Sehun’s harsher ones. Another sigh escaped Sehun as he pulled Baekhyun by his wrist, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy in an attempt to wash away the tension between them. Baekhyun’s lower lip is jutting out in a natural pout but he lets Sehun pull him into his arms. “Baek, you told me a few days ago that you weren’t ready. You couldn’t have possibly changed your mind already.”

“I am ready. I wasn’t then but I am now.” Baekhyun lied, not looking into Sehun’s eyes.

Cupping the boy’s face, Sehun searched for the warm chocolate gaze until they meet. “No, you aren’t. I can see it in your eyes, Baek. I don’t want you to regret it later on.”

The silence came again but this time it was less tensed. Baekhyun had relaxed, and his features had gone back to its original expression, which is basically expressionless since Baekhyun doesn’t dwell on feelings that much. “I’m sorry I was so desperate. I didn’t mean to come out so needy. And you’re right, I am not ready.”

A kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead made him close his eyes, and Sehun threaded his fingers with the other’s nimble ones. “It’s alright. We have all the time in the world, right? We have time.”

He didn’t expect it, the sob that sliced through the air coming from Baekhyun, because even though he had seen the boy cry, he had never really seen Baekhyun so broken. But the thing is, Baekhyun isn’t even crying. He looked wrecked with red eyes and red button nose and his hair is all over the place but there’s a small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. “I have everything but time, Sehun. I don’t have it, not enough to spend it with you.”

Sehun frowned, the throbbing in his head intensifying. He tried to mentally come up with a joke or something to lighten up the mood, to lighten up his mood, but all he could hear was Baekhyun’s voice repeating itself over and over again in his head. “What are you talking about?” Sehun asked, slowly and carefully, afraid of the answer because he wasn’t ready to end it; he’ll never be ready to ever part from Baekhyun. It doesn’t make sense how in love he is with the boy.

The said boy raised a hand to cup the side of Sehun’s face, eyes boring into his as his smile faltered altogether. “People come and go, Sehun. Yesterday is history and tomorrow is uncertain. I don’t… have much time. Not as much as I’d like to have but it’s not my choice.”

There was only frustration that crawled down Sehun’s spine like spiders, and it’s the bad kind. Not that there are good ones. He isn’t going to try explaining this again. his lip, he lets out a humorless chuckle, not finding it funny at all if Baekhyun was playing with him because this topic is sensitive and he would much rather not talk about breaking up at all. The smile that he wore was almost painful and his lips trembled because he just couldn’t smile. It wasn’t long until he loses it, letting a frown etch onto his forehead, heart racing wildly at his chest.

“Are you- Are you breaking up with me?” He hated the way his voice was shaking, and his vision was actually blurring and he was going to cry because he really couldn’t imagine moving on without Baekhyun. He couldn’t imagine waking up without Baekhyun’s voice; he couldn’t imagine going to sleep without seeing Baekhyun’s smile. He really just couldn’t.

Baekhyun chuckled, shaking his head as he stood on his tip-toes and place the lightest of kisses onto Sehun’s lips and as the both of them closed their eyes, Sehun listened closely to the drum of their heartbeats, chests pressed together. He was surprised to find that Baekhyun’s weren’t as calm as he looked and beat twice faster than Sehun’s did. When they pulled away again, Sehun saw that his eyes swelled with tears and they dropped down his cheeks when he blinked, tears he hastily wiped away with the back of his hand as he forced another smile onto his lips. The breath that Baekhyun inhaled was shaky and ragged, a hand patting gently on Sehun’s cheek.

“I’m not. I can’t. I can’t let you go even if you wanted me to.” He kept his gaze glued onto his feet as he spoke, and there was a tremble in his voice but he didn’t shed another tear, or he did but Sehun couldn’t see clearly. The thoughts had him crumbling and surrendering to his emotions. “Call me selfish or whatever you want, but I can’t let you go. I know I don’t say it often but, I love you so much, Sehun. And I’m so angry,” He sobbed, wiping again at his cheeks. “I’m so angry at the world. I’m angry that they’re going to take you away from me.”

The tears wet his cheeks when they spilled from Sehun’s eyes as he blinked, and he wanted to understand but he couldn’t; he couldn’t grasp onto what exactly Baekhyun was telling him. “What are you talking about, Baekhyun? Who’s taking me away from you?”

Baekhyun’s eyes when they finally met Sehun’s again were filled with only pain and hopelessness. “Life, Sehun. Life is going to take you away from me.”

It is strange, Sehun thinks, how something so beautiful could turn out so tragic. He has read and watched the scenes many times in different books and movies. They were always the same; typical and clichéd. Most were only of a sad genre ever since someone mentioned that happy endings aren’t true. The books and movies made him believe that not all ends of every story will conclude the same; that not every girl or boy will stand alone at the end just before the credits roll, or the author’s acknowledgement comes. It had only become too typical that it felt odd for it to be real. He believes, he believed, that some people are meant for happy endings.

For a while, it was true and that happy ending was just an arm’s reach away. He should have kept in mind that movies and books were made to teach and that those scenes of tearful nights and heavy hearts were examples of how difficult it could be. For now he only spent his times awake holding back tears he could only shed behind the boy who means so much, the boy who gave his beliefs in happy endings hope. And in the cold nights he curled into a ball on his bed wishing for another day to spend with that same boy, because yesterday is history and tomorrow is uncertain.

But time isn’t on their side and it was going to take the boy away from Sehun.

“Baby, don’t cry.” Baekhyun whispered against Sehun’s skin one night as they both lay in the middle of the tulip field they had often visited, wrapped within Sehun’s arms and watching the stars up above. “Don’t cry for me. I’m not worth your tears.”

And it was then that Sehun cried, letting ugly sobs leave his lips as he pulled Baekhyun closer and closer until his lips pressed onto Baekhyun’s forehead. He couldn’t bare the ache that lashed at his heart and it hurt so much and Sehun had never felt so much pain. He wanted to say something, anything, to make Baekhyun stop believing that he isn’t worth it because he is, he’s worth everything to Sehun, but what came out of his mouth were incoherent drag of muffled sobs.

His arms secured themselves around Baekhyun and he was afraid if he loosens his hold, he would lose the boy forever. “You’re worth it, Baekhyun. I love you so much.”

It’s a wonder, really, how Baekhyun had been able to smile again that night as Sehun kissed him. It’s a wonder how Baekhyun was stronger than Sehun could ever be.

Sehun couldn’t remember how many nights he had spent hunched over his laptop – no, not admiring the pictures after pictures of Baekhyun that he kept in his folder but searching, reading, looking for a cure, a solution, anything, to break what fate had decided for them. Many of those nights he ended up frustrated and in stubborn tears, hands fisted in his hair because he couldn’t find, couldn’t understand it. The internet shows of the possible ways for Baekhyun to get treated, for Baekhyun to stay, but he had done it all and nothing was working. The ugly scar on his chest was proof enough that he’d done the surgery needed because the defect in his heart was large.

In the end, Sehun sat frozen in his chair, clutching a framed picture of Baekhyun and himself, the first picture they had taken together in the kitchen of this very house; of Baekhyun looking happy with his wide smile and Sehun attempting a pout that made him look  like he was in pain. He couldn’t remember exactly how long he spent each night staring at the picture, wishing he could somehow take the pain away from Baekhyun and make him stay in his arms forever. He was scared and in those nights he fell asleep on his study table, the photo in his hand. He would dream of the happy endings he had once believed to be his. He couldn’t accept that it was to be no more.

The last time Sehun had cried so much was when his grandfather passed away back when he was twelve; spending days for a whole month locked up in his room because grandpa had been his best friend. And he was crying so much now again, just thinking about ever losing Baekhyun from his hold. Like when they were kids, Chanyeol hugged and held him again. There was no shame that Sehun could feel, and so he only cried into the older’s shirt until he couldn’t breathe, letting the taller’s soothing words and voice lull him to a peaceful state.

It doesn’t last; Sehun learnt when he found himself in tears yet again after excusing himself to the gents just to get away from Baekhyun. He couldn’t bear it, that continuous slashing in his chest whenever he holds the male in his arms. The thoughts of losing him forever haunted Sehun’s conscience, and he couldn’t hold back his ripped emotions within himself any longer.

Baekhyun looked more… peaceful, to be honest. His smiles come more often than it had before, although not as wide anymore. There was a look in his eyes; like he had seen the world and its cruelty at such a young age. They looked weary despite the love that they still carry; love and affection reserved for only Sehun to see. The sickness had taken away his youthful vibe, leaving him weak and tired, and Sehun couldn’t help but notice it as the days go by.

“Look at the stars, Sehun. They’re so beautiful.” Baekhyun spoke on another night, once again wrapped within Sehun’s lanky arms as they lay on the field of tulips. Night had fallen a few hours ago, and they had spent it just beside each other, stealing kisses and offering playful comments and for a while, Sehun felt normal. It was as if Baekhyun was healthy and he didn’t fear for tomorrow’s arrival. Sehun just wanted this night to last forever.

Baekhyun’s pointing finger fell together with his hand onto the flat of Sehun’s chest, fitting there like it belonged, and Sehun squeezed at Baekhyun’s hip to tighten his hold. Baekhyun hummed peacefully, an almost sad smile tugging at his lips. “I wish I won’t have to stop looking at them.”

Sehun’s breath hitched in his throat and his vision blurred only for a second before his tears rolled down his temples. He couldn’t look at Baekhyun, so he opted to looking at the stars instead. They looked less intriguing now while he has Baekhyun in his arms. “You’re as beautiful as them,” And Baekhyun smiled because he could feel the honesty that laced Sehun’s voice. Sehun dared himself to look, to glance at the boy in his arms and when he did, his breathing shook and his chest ached. “And I wish I won’t have to stop looking at you.”

At times like this, Sehun wondered if it was Baekhyun who was slowly slipping away, because now it was Baekhyun who leaned up to kiss his cheek, not shedding any tear as he smiled down at Sehun, a hand cupping the side of Sehun’s face. “You won’t have to. I’ll always be here.” He placed a palm onto Sehun’s chest where his heart should be and he leaned even further down to place a kiss there, soft and slow and Sehun almost, almost couldn’t take it.

“Why are you leaving me so soon?” He latched his eyes onto Baekhyun’s features, scanning every inch of the boy’s face before their eyes meet.

Baekhyun’s smile didn’t falter but instead of keeping that eye contact, he let his gaze fall onto Sehun’s lips, finger tracing invisible patterns on Sehun’s chest. His lips did tremble, but again he didn’t cry. “I don’t want to, Sehun. You know that. But it’s okay, you’re okay.”

“But I’m not okay –” Sehun’s words were, however, cut short when Baekhyun placed an index finger onto Sehun’s lips, silencing him with a gentle touch. Sehun wanted to say it and he wanted to cry and his head and his chest and can this night never end? Baekhyun replaced his finger with his own lips, giving Sehun’s a chaste kiss and this time, the tears shone in his eyes.

“You will be okay. I know it.” He blinked, and his tear dropped onto Sehun’s skin but neither of them wiped it away. His voice shook and his lips trembled violently. “You’ll find the reason to be okay again. You’re going to promise me that you will. Because it’ll be harder to let go if you don’t. I need to let you go.”

“I don’t want you to,” Breathing became harder for Sehun and he had to in a big gush of it so he could continue. “I’m not letting go of you.”

The breath that Baekhyun in was ragged and unsteady, flashing Sehun another smile as his fingers wipe away the tears at his cheeks. “You will have to, eventually.”

“Not tonight,” Sehun responded just as quickly, raising his hand so he could caress Baekhyun’s face, his skin soft and smooth under his touch.

Baekhyun smiled then, wider, brighter and Sehun thinks it was enough. “No, not tonight.” The smaller shook his head and settled once again into Sehun’s arms, facing up at the stars that shone high up above them. The silence wasn’t long because soon the air was filled with the perfect flow, albeit slightly shaky, of Baekhyun’s beautiful voice singing But I can see the stars from America, I wonder do you see them too closely against Sehun’s skin where his lips lingered, eyes unfocused but gazing up at the sky, of words that mean the world to the both of them.

And as Sehun held his lover tighter, closer, he wished he would never have to let go.

So I took your hand back through lamp-lit streets and knew, everything led back to you.

The thing about atrial septal defect, or also known as a hole in the heart, is that one is never certain of his or her survival. Sure, the treatments promised of a recovery; if it’s a small defect, you can heal just by machine, and if it’s larger surgery would be the solution. They promised to stitch the hole back so the patient could live longer and Sehun couldn’t blame them over the fact that his boyfriend, the love of his life, was dying. It was works of the world and nothing is ever eternal, definitely not Baekhyun’s life. He could only wish that Baekhyun could stay a little bit longer. But not all wishes are meant to come true, and it’s highly unlikely his would come.

The stage that Baekhyun owned stood proud and held him high. He sang his heart out to his audience and the students clapped and cheered and they cried because his voice touched the depths of their souls like it did Sehun’s. Sehun remembers the reason to why Baekhyun’s character in the musical is crying and it was because he was left by the one he truly loved because she couldn’t accept the fact that he was sick. And like the year before, Baekhyun caught Sehun’s eyes and he smiled through his scripted tears – although now they were mixed with real emotions because it wasn’t just a musical anymore. It was happening, and Sehun couldn’t hold it in.

So he cried, and he did nothing to hide his tears as Baekhyun continued to sing. He was a sobbing mess, wiping his cheeks with his sleeves and ignoring the people who stared at him. They couldn’t blame him; they could almost feel that very same emotion radiating off of Baekhyun’s skin, but they wouldn’t understand. They never would. They weren’t losing the one they love.

Backstage Sehun stared at his abandoned camera, in its casing untouched since the start of the day. He couldn’t bring himself to snap any images of the moment. He was only capturing these memories in his head. One day he would remember clearly, and maybe he would cry but it wouldn’t matter. That night as he held Baekhyun in his arms, still in the clothes he had been in when he watched the musical, he asked with a quiet voice if Baekhyun had known it all along.

“I was born with it, Sehun. I already knew a long time ago.” Baekhyun confessed and there was sorry in his eyes for giving Sehun hope, for making Sehun belief but he doesn’t say it because Sehun knew he wasn’t sorry. Sehun knew he need not apologize. For a second or two, he admits he was angry, about to lash at Baekhyun for letting him in, for slipping into his life, but he thought through the memories that Baekhyun planted within him and he doesn’t regret a moment.

Sehun didn’t say another word about it as he kissed Baekhyun full on the lips; pouring out his love and his care and his wishes for them to never part. Fingers raked through skin as their bodies touched and Sehun asked with his eyes if he was allowed and Baekhyun’s replied to him with a determine ‘yes’. He worshipped every inch of Baekhyun’s skin, leaving love marks all over as they made love, for the first time and wishing, praying for it not to be the last. The tears they both shed as they fell over the edge tasted sweet on Sehun’s tongue, bitter yet sweet. And Sehun dreamt of a longer time with the man he had made love to, a dream that was cut short when he woke up and realized that Baekhyun wouldn’t open his eyes.

Sehun had never been more afraid than the moment he thought he had lost Baekhyun forever. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, as he carried Baekhyun’s limp body with hurried and clumsy steps to the hospital. He pleaded, prayed, for Baekhyun to come back to him, for Baekhyun to please wake up but all that greeted him was Baekhyun’s black lashes that kissed his cheeks, unmoving, breathing slowing down and heart beat going soft. Sehun was terrified.

He needed an oxygen mask to help his breathing, Sehun saw when he was finally able to enter Baekhyun’s warded room, long after his parents had gone home. His milky skin grew even more pale, a stark contrast to his raven black hair. Sehun took this moment to study the boy he swore to love forever, wants to remember how he looked like when they part and knowing he will never be ready for the time to come. He watched the way Baekhyun looked peaceful, calm with his eyes closed, the slow rise and fall of his chest and the steady beeping of the machine next to him. Sehun took Baekhyun’s hand to hold, kissing his knuckles to help soothe down the pain that clawed at his chest. He willed for the tears to go, but they dropped anyway.

“I love you so much, Byun Baek.” He whispered those words into Baekhyun’s hand, even though he knew Baekhyun couldn’t hear him. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

Sehun believed, Sehun believes, in miracles and he does because just then Baekhyun’s eyelids flutter open and his hand squeezed Sehun’s back. For a while, Sehun believes.

Baekhyun’s laughter sounded like bells in Sehun’s ears, weak but genuine, and Sehun would do just about anything for him to hear it every day. It’s another night spent under the stars, surrounded with red tulips as the crickets sang their songs, Baekhyun wrapped within the safe arms of Sehun, fingers laced and lips meeting lips. It’s one of those beautiful nights Sehun would always remember, but Sehun would remember this particular one for the rest of his life, for he had never felt so happy yet so sad at the same time, content with just Baekhyun in his embrace.

“I’m so happy, Sehun.” Baekhyun spoke after a series of jokes and laughter, poking at each other’s sides and tangling their legs together. They had just taken another set of pictures together, pictures Baekhyun made Sehun promise he would keep. And he would, he really would. They would be his memories. Baekhyun draped an arm over Sehun’s torso, resting his head on the taller’s shoulder, his voice coming out a whisper into the night sky. “Thank you for making my life worthwhile. You’ve made all my dreams come true.”

Sehun couldn’t cry like he felt he was about to, because he didn’t want to ruin the night by wasting it in tears. Instead he brought Baekhyun’s hand up so he could kiss his cool palm. “I love you, Baekhyun. I love you so much and all I ever want is for you to be happy.”

The chuckle he lets out was humorless and almost sounded like a sob, but he pressed the back of Sehun’s hand against his cheek, eyes fluttering close. “And I am. I really am. I love you so much, too, Sehun. I wish I could have more time with you. But it’s alright. My mother said we’ll meet again very soon. And even though I said I hate my parents, I really don’t. And I believe her.”

The fingers that Sehun thread through Baekhyun’s hair felt stiff but they run through the soft locks almost smoothly. There was a tugging at his chest with every word that Baekhyun uttered and his eyes burned behind closed lids. Something grew in his throat and it hurt when he swallowed. The air around them felt different, laced with a sorrow yet also peace, as if it knew of what was to happen. Sehun didn’t want to know. He would rather not know. “I believe her, too.”

“Sehun, when I – when I’m gone, would you remember me?” Baekhyun’s voice sounded like a broken cord of a beautiful song, still magical somehow but in need of amendment. But there isn’t any time to make it perfect again. “Would I still be the special one?”

There was nothing Sehun could do to hold back his own sobs, the tears he had managed to hold back spilling down his temples as he pulled Baekhyun close to kiss him on his forehead. The kiss spoke of upcoming lonely nights spent in tears and memories and pictures, of saying that he could never forget. “I can never forget you, Baek. You’re still here, you’ll always be here. You’ll always be the one. The only one for me.”

His sobs were ugly and in normal circumstances he would be cursing silently at himself for letting his emotions go exposed without a barrier, but he now he could only feel that pain in his chest. Baekhyun hummed peacefully, eyes closed when Sehun pulled back to look at his face. The corners of his lips curled and when he opened his eyes again, he was smiling. “Would you stay with me tonight? I think I want to fall asleep here in your arms.”

And so he did, holding Baekhyun as close to him as possible.

It was in the middle of the night, as Sehun stayed awake watching the stars, when he felt Baekhyun slip away. His arm went lifeless around Sehun and his breathing stopped and Sehun thinks there’s nothing more painful than to watch the boy he loves die in his arms. Baekhyun’s dark lashes, just like when he was asleep, kissed the milky skin of his cheeks, lips just a shade lighter and he was still so warm in Sehun’s arms and everything hurts. For a while, nothing made sense. Baekhyun looked like he was smiling, and Sehun could only cry.

He held the boy in his arms for what felt hours, continuously shedding painful tears as he placed occasional kisses onto Baekhyun’s cold face. He was alone completely, and he wasn’t ready to let go. He would never be ready to let go, but he knew he was grasping onto something that can no longer be held onto. Baekhyun’s time had come, and he was left to mourn for this loss.

It was good to know that people had loved Baekhyun and Sehun could tell just by the amount of people who surrounded his new home. He stood the closest, permitted by Baekhyun’s parents, staring down at the stone with the beautiful carving of Baekhyun’s name. There’s emptiness in his chest as he knelt on one knee and place a single rose onto the surface of the grave, taking a moment to run his fingers across the carved name on the stone. His vision blurred again and it was difficult to breathe. He would have fallen if Chanyeol hadn’t caught him just in time.

Most sent their condolences to Sehun first instead of Baekhyun’s parents but Sehun really couldn’t bring himself to bother. It hurt everywhere and the throbbing in his head was making it hard for him to focus. He spent another two hours in front of the grave before he lets Chanyeol drive him home. But instead of finding himself curled in his bedroom, Sehun ended up requesting for Chanyeol to send him to the tulip field, and Chanyeol did without so much of a question.

That night he lay awake in the field of red tulips, the crickets were quiet and the stars hid behind clouds. He was painfully aware of the empty space beside him and he let his tears stain his face. The night was cold and the air around him sizzled with sorrow and loss and he couldn’t do anything but cry again. Baekhyun’s warmth still lingered around him and he could almost feel the boy there with him, his voice just an echo at the back of his head.

“My mother said we’ll meet again very soon. And I believe her.”

“I believe her, too.”

And I know these scars will bleed.

But both our hearts believe. All of these stars will guide us home.

A/N: Ta-Da! iKitsuNeko, you won the guessing game. Angst. Lmao. Comment your oneshot pairing request! Anyway, I bawled my eyes out writing this one and I’m sorry if I disappoint any of you who wanted the romance to continue. I just had to with this. Comments are always appreciated. And Ijai sorry I didn't mean you inspire death it's just you inspired me okay? Okay.