I like you… Really like you… Until that feels so hurt…

My name is Park Jieun. Just an ordinary girl who has an unusual feeling to a namja which incidentally is my own classmates. Namja was named Kim Jongin. He was not so handsome, but is included in the category of smart enough to measure intelligence of a high school boy student who is not too concerned with the lesson. Considering this is my last year in high school, I realized that I felt an unusual feeling to him had been felt for two years.

I never knew, either since when these feelings arise. Strange feeling, feels warm, and without ever knowing it always makes my lips I arched a smile when saw him. At first I thought this was just an ordinary sense, limited to a familiar friendship. But our relationship is hardly even close. I and Jongin could never be in the same opinion. Friends in class always say that we like Tom & Jerry, always reply to taunt one another, never got along, and always engaging argue with that none of them were able to stop and mediate us.

Enemy becomes lover.

It was funny when my friends tell me that if they saw me always frown after an argument with Jongin. I always snorted when they began to lecture me for not too often argued with Jongin, despite the fact that they are happy and feel comforted see our fights.

I remember once, I fell in love with him when that day I was watching a football game between our school with other schools. Initially, I came because it was forced by both my bestfriends, Jung Soojung and Choi Jinri, where they were both forced me to come because they wanted to watch many handsome namjas they were after.

“Come on, Jieun-ah! You must come with us. You will not regret it, I’ll bet!” Soojung persuade me, holding my hand tightly as she put her sad face.

“Soojung is true! Well, Jieun-ah! Come with us! You will not regret it because you can see Luhan who also play later. Did not you say he is good-looking?” Jinri added, she also took a look of pleading, coupled with his puppy eyes.

I pulled my hand from the grip of Soojung, drink my iced tea then sighed for a moment. “I did say Luhan is handsome, but I don’t like him. You do know that I do not like crowds. You two can go there alone.”

“We could die slowly if we just go together by ourselves, you know! How could you let us sit there alone. Try you imagine?”

“Yah! Jinri-yah, you’re too much!” I cut before Jinri could imagine strange things further. Then I nodded, finally approved a second call this by my crazy friends. “All right, I’m coming.”

And hear it, Jinri and Soojung smiles and high fives together. I can only see them with a small smile at both my friend’s crazy behavior.

Yes, that day I went with them to watch the football game. Indeed I have to admit, I was a little interested to see Luhan’s action because I swear, he’s a handsome namja and really y when he action on the field. Unfortunately, at that time my eyes caught a tanned-skinned figure namja who for some reason that day he looks very handsome and y with the sweat running down his face and body. A boy who never get along with me, stupid boy who always mocked whatever I do.

Kim Jongin.

Since then I admire him. Love him in silence.

***

Last year in high school and live a few more months until the day of our final exam and after that the school days will end. My relationship with Jongin did not exactly getting better and smoother. In fact, I feel that my way to try to make him know my feelings to him more and more difficult. Jongin still continues to be the same to me, taunt me, complaining all that I do. And I can do the same, reply travesty that always make friends in class tease us when we were at loggerheads mouth.

But there was one day that I could never forget. The day where Jongin reject me before I had confessed my feelings to him.

“Don’t you ever understand? How come you never knew?” I asked that day, when I was sitting next to him when the lunch hour.

He turned to me, looked at me as if he didn’t understand what I’m talking about. I myself don’t know why that day I asked him a stupid question. Jongin said in a confused tone. “What do you mean, Jieun-ah?”

I didn’t answer it. My eyes are now met with a look in his eyes I turned my rush forward. I know for sure my face was red as cherries. “How hard did I try, you’ll never understand.” I hissed softly.

“I’m sorry, Jieun-ah. You’d better look for another man.”

Words that made ​​me freeze. I looked at him with eyes dilated, a little shocked to hear what he said. He looked at me, I can’t read his expression. I almost cried, but I hastily took a breath, trying to hold back my tears rate that has been in the eyelid.

I was trying to bend my lips, painted a sweet yet bitter smile. I tried hard, didn’t want to look weak in front of him. “Yeah, hahaha.” That’s the reaction that I can remove it. I feel very weak at this time.

Jongin was standing, glance me and then re-align his eyes as he said, “mianhae, Jieun-ah.”

And with that he left me alone. Leaving a stupid girl who can only bite her lip, trying to hold back her tears. But the girl failed. She cried.

***

Day after day went by and I tried to get past it vigorously. The spirit that I have collected and I’m trying to realign after cracked and broke into pieces after Jongin rejecting me. Since that day, I tried to wake myself that all Jongin’s attitude to me only a friendship, and only I think excessive.

Since it, Jongin also a little changed. He never again laughed as usual. He became more reserved, and I don’t know why. Not much different with him, I was like that. Soojung and Jinri always grumbling because I was no longer annoyed often go with them, and they always say that I never laugh the same way again. I had been trying hard to act casual. Slowly I could laugh again, but still, if my eyes and Jongin’s eyes meet, smile and laugh will disappear in a matter of seconds, as well as him.

Sometimes I feel stupid if I remember that I ever ask a stupid question, to end up with a refusal before I could express my feelings. Just because a few weeks earlier Jongin improved attitude to me and even he looks very attention and care for me, I like to feel anesthetized and attitude it signifies that he also has the same feel to me. But again, I think too much.

Until finally, didn’t feel that only staying another month to the day where we will carry out the final exam. Tough times where I tried to focus myself on the final exam, but once again I failed. I can’t focus myself as a very bad news came to me.

My school was busy talking about the news that turns Jongin was chasing a beautiful yeoja named Son Naeun. I’ve heard several times Jongin’s friends who tease Jongin if Naeun passing nearby or near him, and I know when it Jongin looks shy and blushed.

Yeah, Kim Jongin like Son Naeun.

At that moment I realized the reason why Jongin rejecting me. Yes, because he loved Son Naeun. Each time remember the name of it, I could only smile bitterly. Son Naeun is indeed a very beautiful girl. Long black hair, very nice body, and a very sweet smile, reasonable if Jongin fall in love with her.

That day I realized that I would never have a place in your heart...

***

One more week to the day of the final exam. Somehow I feel my life is getting harder. Too many things to think about and will never be able to stop because I think it keeps things spinning in my head. I stress, I guess.

I was very surprised when suddenly Jongin came to me when I was sitting on my bench for learning, and he smiled at me. The smile that had so long he never addressed me.  

“You want to teach me math? I really do not understand anything.” He said as he took a seat next to me.

I don’t know if this is a dream or not. I could only reply with a stiff smile, talk was a bit difficult, I was nervous. “Y-yeah, sure.”

He smiled again at me. “All right. Later that night I come to your house at seven in the evening. Call?”

“O-okay. Call.”

“I’ll see you tonight, Jieun-ah.”

I can only blink several times, trying to digest what had just happened.

***

That night, I like a girl who will be doing her first date. How not? It was almost seven o’clock and I’m still busy unpacking my closet to find clothes that well enough to at least not too look bad in front of him later. Okay, I know, I was not asked out by him. Jongin just came and asked me to teach him math, instead of dating and dinner overnight. But still, I was very nervous.

When I was busy choosing clothes, the voice sounding bell and I can guess that the person who pressed the bell is Jongin. I wore a long-sleeved shirt with my black leggings. Glancing briefly at the mirror to ensure that my face and my hair are not bad, then jogged to the front door to open it. Jongin already standing at the front door, with a black shirt combined with a gray jacket and black jeans, which of course makes my heart beat faster. For God’s sake, Jongin looks very y and hot for me.

Okay, I realized I should not be thinking nasty today and I decided to smile while greeting him.

“Oh, hey. Come in.” Take me to him.

He smiled back at me and I was invited him to go inside my house. When we were about to go up to the second floor, and into my room, we met my mother who greeted him.

“Ah, a friend, Jieun?”

I nodded.

“Annyeonghaseo, aunty. I am Kim Jongin, Jieun’s classmates.” I saw Jongin greeted my mother with a smile and bowed politely.

Did not want to hear my mother’s comments that I know will be a very long issue a question, I immediately pull Jongin and rush upstairs. “We are going to study in my room. Tell them not to interfere.”

Jongin only resigned when I pulled him. I hope they really do not bother me. Yes, they are, both my naughty brothers and my noisy sister. Junhong, Jongup, and Jina.

Suddenly I realized that I was just wasting my clothes on the mattress because rush to find clothes that I would wear. I turned around to him, he looked at me with one eyebrow raised.

“W-wait a minute, okay?”

Jongin nodded and I immediately went into my room after closing the door. I quickly took my clothes were scattered and randomly put into the closet. Hell, I can fix it later when he got home. And after everything looks normal and not messy, I re-opened my door and let him in.

Being in a room with a boy feels a bit less comfortable. Moreover, the boy is the person you like. And that’s what happened to me. Pounding feeling I feel every time I glanced at the busy Jongin because open book. I think I’ll go crazy if it is too long to be here with him.

Jongin and I’ve sat next to each other and, on the carpet where the desk I prepared earlier. Jongin ask some questions at me and asked me to teach. To be honest, if I’ve seen about, I’m going to be a serious and very focused. I’m busy working on the matter, while explaining to him how to do it.

I saw a little strange because he did not react to anything I did, didn’t comment on anything, and when I glanced at him, he even smiled to myself like a crazy person, looking at me.

“W-what?” I asked nervously. Fear that if there is something in my face that made ​​him smile.

Jongin smiled and shook his head, “nothing.”

I’m a little confused with it. But I tried not to care and returned to teach him, explain to him how to find the answer to that question. Once again I glanced at him, and the stupid boy just smiled to himself.

“Did you know, Jongin-ah?”

“Not yet. Can you explain it again?”

I can only sigh heavily. “Okay, I hope this time you pay attention to what I say and stop smiling like crazy. You’re terrible, you know?”

Jongin chuckled.

I again explained to Jongin, about the same, the same explanation. And if this time he did not understand well, I wish I could drown out my anger feeling.

When I’m busy and seriously explain, a brief kiss on my left cheek made ​​me stop talking. I instantly fell silent, speechless. My eyes blinked several times, trying to digest what I had just experienced, but a second later I heard was the sound of cackling laughter coming from a stupid boy sitting on my left side.

My face flushed, flushed immediately as being a fever. I held my cheek and rewind a few centimeters from him. “W-what are you–”

“You’re funny. I could not help myself.”

“Huh?”

Jongin did not continue his words, he just laughed and laughed. Not that he even know I seemed frozen after he kissed my cheek earlier. Yes, I say once again, KIM ING JONGIN KISS MY CHEECK! I admit, I’m in shock.

“Jieun-ah…”

I turned my face, stared at him muttering while trying to covering my flushed face. “Um?”

And a few seconds after that I do not know where my soul resides. All I know is, Jongin lips landed on my lips, kiss me gently, while I can only frozen me wide-eyed. Shocked, speechless, and many other feelings are mixed.

I pushed him, let go of my lips from his lips then wiping my lips with the back of my hand. I’m sure my face is very red. Let me tell you, I’m not pushing him because I do not like it. I’m not naive enough, okay? I liked Jongin, and of course I was thrilled when he kissed me. But for this time, I guess I’m not ready.

I glanced at Jongin who looks guilty, he was muttering under his breath. “Sorry if I do something that you didn’t like…”

“N-no! I am not unlike it...” I told him, trying to make it not feel guilty.

“So?” He asked as he his face back to me.

With a face that is very close to my face, I feel like my face has been burned. Oh my God, what should I do?

“I-I...”

“You?”

“I-I don’t know...”

“Jieun-ah.”

“Um?”

And he kis