“Hmm, so that was the last time I saw him”

“So you never got to confess?!!”

“Well, that’s not completely true…”

⇔

Byung ran through the dense field of wheatgrass, with a smile, bright on his handsome face. The sound of chirping birds and crisp, green leaves dancing beautifully along the sweet summer breeze made his face light up blissfully. He was sixteen, petite and rather enticing for a child. The crescent eye smile and the fluffy black hair, hopping along his jumpy stride, everything was youthful.

That boy was young and untamed.

“Byunghun, Catch!”

The boy hopped a bit higher as his hand successfully grabbed the flying, roasted corn. It was sizzling hot on his hands, though it only made the boy grin even wider and bowed even lower at the humble gift. The middle aged man just smiled along as he watched the young latter spring cheerfully along the small, humble street. “Study well and be a president ara!”

“NAE~”

It was five years old; still it looked rather weary and impoverished. The brown, wooden tables were rusty while his books smelled of dust. Still, learning was fun; Byung loved the atmosphere around his old looking school. It was a place where he could learn everything that he needed.

Friends and teachers were smiling brightly despite the humid, steamy air that was foully scented with the smell of rusting steel. And the class was noisy with laughter and screams, as if they were possessed by the weather, everything was hot in motion.

Sitting by the window of the low, one-story building, Byung’s eyes prowled outside. His teacher was late and the kids were tired, so the teenager stared outside for a view of the clear, blinding blue sky. When suddenly a bright reflection caused him to shut his eyes closed, as they were blinded by the intense light.

He scowled outside, getting angrier at the source of the annoying glitch of light. But then, his flaming glare died down as his eyes trailed an interesting figure. A young, fair looking latter was standing stiffly straight outside the entrance of his small school. And that young man was wearing this green, olive outfit, something Byung figured as a military uniform.

“Hey, who’s that? Gosh, he’s so skinny ha-ha he looks like he could be blown off by the hot breeze”

“I know… But look at his waist. It’s… a gun, isn’t it” Byung’s small, squinty eyes widened at the sight of the fully loaded, black firearm that was hanging lightly off of the young soldier’s belt. Niel stopped laughing as the boy pushed Byung’s head aside and peeked outside; gasping the moment he saw the deadly weapon.

“Ugh, I thought the war was over. Stay away from that dude okay, Lee Byung” The taller boy demanded strictly at his small, precious friend. “Whatever, move! Glossy forehead is watching us!!” Byung shoved Niel away from his table as he desperately ignored his old, middle-aged teacher.

Rummaging into his canvas sack, something his father named as a bag, the petite boy threw his Mathematics Textbook on the frail, aging table and acted like he was paying attention.

But then, it fell loudly on the concrete floor, gaining attention from the whole class. They smirked as Byung bent down, sighing hopelessly at the floor as his fingers reached the thick, smelly book. “Moving on, today we have a visitor. Pay ate…” The voice of his teacher trailed off as the footstep echoed in his ears while his eyes were locked on the two stomping, green clothed feet.

“Hello, my name is Lee Chan Hee. I’m nineteen years old and I am a soldier. Nice to meet all of you.”

“Today, I will be teaching you how to take cover when facing explosives and speeding bullets during a combat”

“Please pay attention. First of all, you have to duck or bow down as low as possible and take cover behind any strong, solid shields. For example, walls, metal table…”

The younger’s lips gapped as he drifted into a trance as he nearly drooled at the soldier’s good looks. The elder’s glossy pink lips, his small and adorable face, his sparkly eyes and those wide shoulders puzzled Byung as his mind argued, how a man could look so manly yet beautiful.

Byung’s eyelash fluttered as the bell rang screechingly loud, thankfully waking the boy from his reverie. He stood up as his eyes were locked on the young soldier, following the latter silently. “Excuse me. Are you following me?”

Niel shook his head, refusing to accept his friend embarrassing act as the taller walked away from Byung, leaving the sixteen year old alone with the armed, young man. Chan Hee stared down into the younger’s two, almond colored eyes as his expression froze. “Uhh.. Um. Yes. No. Oh gosh… I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realize I was following you, I’m sorry”

The younger’s cheeks turned pinker from its current state. Stuttering and flushed, Byung was helpless as he stared frozen down to the floor. It was utterly embarrassing because his own head couldn’t register the fact that he was following the young soldier, rather inappropriately.

“Hum.. uhmm”

“Well, if you have nothing to say, please excuse me” The uniformed latter turned around coldly, leaving Byung behind and walked proudly ahead, step by rigid step. Byung’s eyes widened as he lifted his head, entirely offended by the young soldier, ignoring him like he was mere air. “What a douche” the younger hissed, as he roughly jerked on his long, seasoned bag behind his back.

♦

The long, annoyed pout on Byung’s face was as bright as the gleaming midday sun and every step the boy made was laced with enough anger, he was partly scurrying down the beach. It was hot and the beads of sweats on his forehead verified the boiling, South Korean temperature during their beloved summer. Then, his heated steps halted in front of a big, cool and shading tree.

That tree looked like it was hundreds years older than Byung was and big, protecting leaves were covering the blue skies and they stopped the painful rays from burning his skin. There, the young student let loose of all his strength and fell down to the sands while instinctively, his nails dug deep into the ground.

“Where are you~”

Byung hummed lightly as he kept shoveling the sand away with his rough, scarred hands. Scooping out sands like it was his job and as he dug deeper, the sensation of a solid object near his fingers made the boy smile. “Assa!”

The fair, pale skin latter pulled out a medium sized box from the ground. A wooden, self-made chest painted bright yellow and slightly browned by the staining ground, which opened effortlessly with a click of his finger as it revealed the stacks of novels and books inside. Old, new, used and torn, all bundled up inside this ‘treasure box’. He bit his lips, looking like he was hungry to claw them out and read them aloud.

His expression was identical to a face made by young, puberty stricken boys at the first sight of their first magazine.

However, the cover spelled.

“Ten Most Beautiful Poems”

As he carefully flipped the first page, the boy breathed out silently as he anticipates the first line of poetry that was about to make his heart jiggle in flutters. But then his sparkly, enthusiastic eyes froze as his ears tingled, an annoying, crude sound that was polluting the beautiful atmosphere. “What in the… bloody world is that?!!”

The young, teenage boy turned around and crawled about the huge, scrubby tree trunk. Gasping and cussing at the sight of a face that was embarrassingly familiar, a very pretty face indeed. The soldier was fast-asleep on the ground, with his hat covering his eyes perfectly dark from the lights and his lips glossy from his own smelly drool.

Byung scoffed loud, enough to wake any sleeping creature, but interestingly worked terrible for the young man he once claimed beautiful.

“For a soldier, this punk has an awful sleeping habit. Bet he won’t even realize if I threw a grenade right into his ” Byung snarled as he positioned himself further from the sleeping soldier. But then, his eyes were actively scanning the young man’s body. And as his eyes got closer to Chan Hee’s waist, it flickered brightly at the sight of the unguarded rifle as his curiosity made his morals weak.

“He won’t even realize if I just borrow it and put back right away, right” Byung convinced himself, trembling slightly as his fingers sneaked closer to the loaded weapon.

But the moment his forefingers grazed the black, snake skinned belt, Chan Hee flew up from his laying posture and swiftly hurled Byunghun over. By a blink of an eye, the elder was effortlessly sitting on top of the black haired, pale skin student with his army knife hovering inches off the child’s neck. Smirking, the young soldier darkened his round eyes and spoke victoriously.

“Not so smart are we”

“Pu....please.. I’m sorry. Please don’t.. Ki.. kkill.. me.” the young teen’s voice broke as tears started to brim his lash line and slowly they flowed down his cheeks, glistening under the bright sunlight.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Chan Hee commanded strictly as he dropped the sharp blade to the light brownish sands and stabbed it deep into the ground, standing it triumphantly beside his knees. “I know.. I’m so sorry!” Byung’s voice climbed a tone higher as annoyance started to shoot up from his spine, the way the elder was making fun of his fear and how easy it was for him to be turned over by a man Niel called paper thin made the boy boiled in anger.

“Hah.” The young man hopped off Byung’s torso, sat down and coolly leaned on the huge tree as the younger shakily sat up. Huffing desperately for some air, the fact that Byung held his breath for a good two minutes finally made it to his systems and his lungs screeched for oxygen. He glared at the elder with so many wraths; he could burn the man alive.

“Hmmm… for a crybaby, boy… you have quite a strong gaze.” The soldier commented as his fingers wiggled the buried knife and brushed off the remaining sand from its glossy, sharp blade. “This is my hangout, my little home by the way. Whatever I did… it’s because I wanted to protect it. Y.. you can’t be here!”

“I don’t see your name on it, ” Chan Hee strikes back as he started to close his eyes again.

“Well, you’re sitting on top of my treasure chest.”

“Then you can take it when I’m gone”

♦

Byung brushed his umbrella roughly as he grinned at the falling, wet drops of rain that were dampening the ground as he stabbed the head of the light, pastel blue umbrella into the soft gewy sands. It was raining peacefully, as the symphony of the raindrops made his heart flutter with excitement. That rainy day was the perfect day to write some poems. No, he never knew what love was but he was interested and very much eager for the experience.

“Assa… all is set; all I need to do now is….. Ughh! Seriously!!”

He snapped the blank notebook shut as he stood up and walked around the tree, with his hands tightly gripping the sides of his lean waist. Sighing, the young boy stabbed the sharp wooden pencil into the flesh of the tree trunk, making a crisp, painful screech that woke the very familiar person who sleeping on top of his other treasure chest again.

“Uh… arrasso omma. Five minutes..nngh..Omma” The elder groaned as he curled his thin body and hugged his knees closer to his chest, burying his cheeks deeper into the warm sands. Byung chewed his lips desperately as he tried to contain the overflowing amusement, yes Chan Hee looked adorable. His squinting eye smile was painting his face bright with giggles as he took a seat beside the olive clothed latter.

The younger poked Chan Hee’s arms forcefully, making sure that it was strong enough to wake the soldier up. “Hey, don’t you have other clothes to wear? It’s been six days since you invaded this holy place with those nasty unchanged outfit. It’s starting to smell”

“Aishh this punk need to learn some manners really” the elder growled as he fixed his crumpled collar and sat up. “Gosh… it’s raining again. Ughh, I hate this weather” he tilted his knees and glared at the wet spots made by the damp sand on his calf and how they stained his precious uniform.

“Well, I love it. The rain is a symphony that no human can make copy off, every time it would sound so different.” The short young teen smiled gently as he stretched his hands and played with clear, cool fluid that was dripping off the leaves. “The sounds they make when they fell on your hands or when they crashed onto the roof. Every time, a different melody, isn’t it beautiful to be so variant”

“And that wet spot simply means you should change into normal clothes. You’re scaring the kids” Byung spoke rather sharply but his eyes were still on his wet, drenched hands and a smile was still warmly painting his good looking face. Chan Hee couldn’t take his gaze away from the sixteen year old teen, something was pulling his attention entirely, so much that he felt obliged to answer Byung’s sarcastic remarks.

“I can’t change. I never know when they will call me up and ask me to fight, it might be later but hell it might just be now so…” his voice trailed off while his fingers mirrored Byung’s actions, gently reaching over to the falling drops of rain. The younger’s words managed to move his heart about this annoying weather and for the first time, the rain felt nice.

It was gently slipping off his fingers, and the sensation felt like all his sorrow swept along with the rainwater, lightening his murky heart.

And Byung who was beside him had his mouth gapped ever so slightly and his heart was running rampage, Chan Hee looked breathtaking. Slowly, the picturesque view of the fair soldier accompanied by the rain made his pulses choke. 

Quickly the latter pulled his gaze away as he tried to breathe properly, but the humid, damp air failed to reach his lungs as his heart thumped harder and harder.

♦

“What’s that? Ev..evanesant?” Chunji leaned closer to the younger as his eyes slowly got smaller, while his lips tingled, the word was merely pronounceable. Byung’s silent snark somehow made it to the soldier’s keen ears. The soldier hissed near his ears, making him giggle in amusement, showcasing his perfectly shiny choppers.

“It’s evanescent hyung. A poetic word, something that fades quickly. Inside our memory or in reality. Like this summer, so quickly slipping away from our grasp that we could barely hold on to them precious memories.” Byung’s pen dragged against the harsh, brown recycled paper making a jagged line across the blank page which had only one word in it.

EVANESCENT

Chan Hee peeked at the boy’s pretty handwriting, while his face scowled at the deep meaning word. “Are you losing something right now? Why that word?” A piece of grapefruit hopped into his mouth as he spoke and slowly the young soldier chewed the juicy fruit, relishing its freshness inside his dry throat. His forehead was still so close with the younger’s arms, brushing lightly against the soft, cottony material. The blossoming colors on Byung’s cheeks were ignored, rather unseen by the young man as he continues to puzzle at such tragic word.

“My grapes! They’re fading!! Dammit Hyung. Why are you so hungry anyway?!!” immediately, the soldier folded the bowl of grapes in his arms, hugging them like it was his treasure. The younger sighed as he gave up on the bowl snacks he fairly stole from his father’s room.

“Hey, wanna see my books. Rather than wasting your precious time like this and growing old as a strong fool, I think some of these good’ol paperback can help you think better.” The younger heaved the heavy box closer to the soldier’s knees, giving him a better view of the collections he has. Scoffing, the latter dug out a book that had “History of Winners” as it title and roughly flipped through it like it was the last thing he would read on earth. “Why do you bury these books anyway, it’s smelly and old, but some are quite readable.”

“Because if I left them in my home, it would only be sold at the recycling shop for some ty coins.” The latter spoke gently as his hands ran over the lid of the yellow box, feeling its crevices and gritty surface. “Pfft. Who would take these torn, smelly books?”

The younger growled as his eyes burned at the sight of the way the soldier was holding his precious books, as if they were some dirty rags. “If you don’t want them then just leave them alone! And my dad! My dad would gladly sell them for some change.” Chan Hee looked at the young boy with a sympathetic gaze, not that he was but rather he understood. “My dad is just a poor recycler; he’d grab anything that could pay my school.” The slight grasp on the dusty, old paperback turned into a firm grip as the elder scanned the whole literature intently, occasionally grinning at their ironic quotes.

“Where are your parents, Chan Hee, aren’t they worried about you?”

“They’re both dead. My mom… killed in a sudden attack and my dad, hmm..”

“Suicide”

“Oh… no. I’m so sorry, I…”

His chewed, weary lips slipped free from his pearly teeth as Chan Hee rolled on the ground, laughing and squealing like a madman. Byung’s eyes snapped wide open at the reaction, as his heart shook; honestly, he was partly freaked out by the handsome soldier. “Oh god your face! Golden! Ahahahha, no, my father didn’t die you fool, gosh hahahahha why are you so scared?!”

“He’s a military tailor, he made me this uniform. He’s probably cussing around right now, getting angry at some lousy worker.” The young soldier spoke as his fingers delicately pulled out a small, dry leaf out of his shirt pocket and lightly blew on it as his eyes squinted and his lips curved a gentle smile. “You’re messed up.”  He giggled at Byung’s words, but then his smiling eyes looked rather weary, painful to the joke he had just brought up against himself.

“But my mom, she really did…” his voice trailed off lightly as the elder stared at the cloudy sky, hating it’s view because only the rainy days made his heart go slightly sad, slightly crazy.

♦

Byung’s eyes seemed like they were locked on the pretty pages of poetic, heart wrenching words, but honestly, they were actually desperately stealing peeks at the young, handsome soldier. Ever since four days ago, like a sickly plague Byunghun couldn’t control his emotions anymore. A slight touch or a simple eye contact would send him waves of shivers down his spine and the colors of his freckled cheeks would blossom like neon.

He was scared, of these feelings he had for the elder. How they made him a bit mad, alarmed the life out of the sixteen years old, but it wasn’t like he could pull himself away too. He would miss the soldier then. “Hey… do you know when they will be calling you?”

A gust of smelly, thick dust evaporated into the air as Chan Hee slammed the pages shut under the younger’s chin. He was clueless, so clueless that he was mindlessly lying on top of the boy’s lap and snuggled on it as if Byung was a lifeless teddy.

“I don’t know, I’ve been here for almost a month and no calls yet”

“Guess they forgot about me”

The younger nodded in response as his fingers instinctively brushed over the soldier’s hair, playing with the glossy fibers between his nails. He didn’t realize what he did, but it felt right the moment he did, he wanted to caress this handsome man, kiss him, hug him, everything to make the scars fade away. He was hopelessly in love, a love that he had awaited all his life.

Chan Hee was his first love.

A strong, slightly mad soldier was the person Byung decided to give his heart to. But isn’t insanity a beauty? Because this love he had, it was completely evanescent. Like those tragic poems he recited, this love was painful, cheerful and boiling hot. It was a one sided, authentic first love.

“Byung, have you ever fall in love?”

The younger’s fingers froze as they paused on top of Chunji’s supple forehead, resting lightly against the fluffy hair. “Hmm.. yes. I guess.” Then, with his eyes looking down to the drowsy the elder, he caressed the dark, glossy fibers between his fingers while his heart thumped in a sweet melody.

“She must be pretty.”

“Why”

“Since you’re so handsome, I’m sure it’s a pretty girl with big, glossy eyes right?”

Byung’s gaze ascend slowly to the clear blue sky, cursing it’s beauty as his heart trembled at the soldier’s words. Why was he so clueless? Why can’t he see? His tongue was already at the tip of his lips, he wanted to shout his questions out loud to the ignorant man but there was no point. This was the love he yearned for, a love destined not to last.

“That person… does have pretty eyes, and black glossy hair. Clear, milky skin and a slim figure, a beautiful person indeed.”

“But that person, is a person I can never reach apparently. That is why each moment is painfully breathtaking, that person is like a rainbow that is bound to disappear” those words lingered inside of the soldier’s ears as his eyes popped open and immediately, he looked at the boy, but Byung was too busy staring  at the passing clouds that he missed the elder’s searching gaze. Strangely the elder yearned for the face of the sixteen year old, as if that face had meant the world to him, he wanted to see Byunghun so bad that he could die.

“Evanescent”

But the elder swallowed the growing lump inside his lungs and spoke calmly, telling the younger exactly what he wanted to hear. A word that understood Byung the most, as if he could relate, as if he could comprehend this feeling Byung had been hinting around. But he didn’t.  And so he spoke again, oblivious to the words that would only tighten this knot of affection.

“Hey kid, come back tomorrow, okay. I might miss you if you don’t come”

“Really?”

“I think I might just stay here forever. It’s nice here… Say, why don’t you dump that girl and just stay with me, I’ll just sleep here quietly and you can write your cheesy poems and we can spend time like this every day”

“Then I’ll come back tomorrow right after school. “

“Great… I’ll be waiting”

Their eyes were like the galaxy, glistening and hopeful as they stared into each other with a gentle smile washing over their handsome face. It was a precious time for Byung as he didn’t need to conceal those emotions anymore; the elder’s word rained him with courage. In his poetic mind the young latter whispered,

“Tomorrow, I will show you this love. A confession.”

♦

The night was sparkling and the sound of the rain lightly brushing over the boy’s rooftop made the night a perfect night to pour his heart out into a blank piece of paper. His legs were crossed as Byung leaned against the edge of the table, his long limbs strutted over the tip of the furniture as his fingers dangled along with the breeze.

The end of the cylindrical pen was hanging off his lips as the boy silently nibbled on it while his eyes prowled the rotting ceiling above his head, skimming along the blobs of wet woods and how the rainwater easily passed through the solid structure. A structure made humbly out of recycled material his father had carefully picked out. While the shadows were dancing along the blasts of lightning, swaying left and slowly right as the boy ignored them mindlessly as if they were a part of the family.

“Yah Lee Byung Hun, are you starving yourself? Dinner is getting cold and you know how we both hate the cold”

The middle aged man stood in front of Byung’s room as if a door was stopping him from going inside as he repeated the word cold, once more and sharper than before. The boy rolled his eyes as he heavily brought himself up, leaving the red paperback spread open on his table while one of its pages was roughly scribbled on,

 그 기억들이 마치 중력처럼

Those memories are like gravity

내 모든 마음을 너에게로 끌어당기고 있어

They’re pulling my whole heart into your direction,

벗어 날수가 없어,

I can never escape it” 

(This is actually the lyrics of Nell’s history of silence song. Please check them out if you are interested, they are a band that makes miracles)

He stared at the stain of kimchee on the tip of his chopsticks, smiling at the shape of a heart that was made by the shreds of the seasoned red veggie. His father, who was counting numbers beside the table scoffed as he demanded Byung to hurry up and finish dinner so that he would have his smart son to help him count the taxes.

“I’m not helping you tonight, sorry dad. Just leave it, I’ll finish it tomorrow” the boy smiled at his father who was trembling with annoyance, gritting his teeth at his own child’s reply. But then, the old man walked closer and brushed the child’s hair with a gentle grin “Okay, sleep tight, boy.” Byung looked up to his father and nodded attentively, replying him with a sweet, heartfelt grin. Because despite all he things that made him feel uneasy, just the presence of his only father made sense to his young and rebellious heart.

And because only his father understood his complex feelings, word by word and each every unseeming phrase of his mind.

♦

The slight crack on on the roof allowed the young boy to see across the plates of metal and into the night sky that was blissfully clear even after the storm. The scattered stars made his heart tingled as they slowly started to curb together and for a familiar face, a man with fair skin and beautiful sparkly eyes and cherry red lips and that high, handsome nose. Everything was drawn perfectly on the black, fluffy clouds. “I can’t wait for tomorrow”

♦

“Hey,Lee Byung Hun! YARGH!!” Niel shrieked while he glared at the shorter, who waved his hands enthusiastically as he sped out of the class, leaving Daniel alone at their table. Niel scoffed as he hopelessly stared at his friend’s table, which was filled with words.

그 기억들이 마치 중력처럼 Those memories are like gravity내 모든 마음을 너에게로 끌어당기고 있어 They’re pulling my whole heart into your direction, 벗어 날수가 없어, I can never escape it” 그 기억들이 마치 중력처럼 Those memories are like gravity내 모든 마음을 너에게로 끌어당기고 있어 They’re pulling my whole heart into your direction, 벗어 날수가 없어, I can never escape it” 그 기억들이 마치 중력처럼 Those memories are like gravity내 모든 마음을 너에게로 끌어당기고 있어 They’re pulling my whole heart into your direction, 벗어 날수가 없어, I can never escape it”

“This kid have no idea, he’s gonna get his heart ripped into two damn pieces really” the latter whispered as his fingers sled on top of the groups of words, trembling slightly as he regretted his effort that failed from stopping his best friend from getting hurt.

♦

The sharp summer breeze was slamming into his face as he stumbled on the stacks of small, pebble pagoda made by the kids on the streets. Hissing away the pain, the boy ran on even when his toes were bleeding, his heart couldn’t handle the wait anymore. This was no longer a one sided story, no, it was about to become his greatest literature yet and so frantically this young boy jumped over fences and squeezed through pin-like alleys just to get to the beach faster.

When he did, a sigh of relief escaped his brooding red lips as compliments rolled down his mouth. “Good job Lee Byung, great job!” Chan Hee was not there, not yet. So, excitingly the boy shoved away all the dried leaves and cleaned the tree as if it was his sanctuary while his foot was simultaneously brushing away sand from the spot of his treasure box.

“Come out!” He groaned as the veins on the boy’s hands started to bulge while he pulled out the yellow box once more, placing them strategically in front of the tree trunk. He shifted it left, then right and finally when if felt perfect to his eyes, the boy lay down an old, aged book that was titled “The love poems”. Its red cover was a bit torn but the pages spelled beautiful words, at least to his preference.

And at the last page of the book were his words, written with time, with cautious and with all the emotions inside his young, hot blooded heart.

But then the sun started to set and the twilight skies was mocking his presence, his wait.

He didn’t bring any watch nor did he even realize that hours have passed, but he knew it was late when the flutters inside his guts died down and slowly it grew rather lumpy along his throat. He tried to forget this annoying little blister inside his heart but it was swelling badly. He could feel it rottening inside his guts as his eyes started to burn.

“Where is this bastard, why is he so ing late? Damnit, Channie!!” the latter’s bum was starting to go numb so he stood up and step by step he was circling the tree by himself, muttering and cursing the elder.

But then a sharp pain shoot up from the sole of his left foot, a curse followed his breath as the boy looked down to see what was it, that had punctured his already uneasy limbs. The lump in his throat grew and grew and as if they exploded, tears brim the child’s eyes. Then unlike the clear, peachy sky, just like the rainstorm they paraded down his cheeks as he knelt down and picked up the black, bulky object into his hands. “, this cruel bastard. This awful, heartless bastard”

His fingers trembled as he whispered those words and slowly tears had drenched the small, black gun inside his hand, making them as useless as his pretty, poetic words of confession.

♦

It was midnight and Niel was walking home from his vocal lesson, he passed through the fields and finally the boy made it to the seashore. The boy’s eyes scavenged desperately across the wide view of the beach and the sea, looking for someone in specific. He remembered, just a few hours ago Lee Byung’s dad had called and the man’s voice was shaking, fearful rather to his young ears. And he knew exactly why.

Then under the big, protective tree beside the beach, he saw a sad figure that was hauntingly familiar. Lee Byung was still there, under the tree, beside his yellow box and inside his trembling, broken fingers were two objects. Niel’s breath quivered at the sight of the latter and at the two things his friend had hugged so desperately as he sat down by the road and watched over the petite young teen.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you. Damn Byung… Those cruel wars, it finally took you with it.”

⇔

“Hey, hey are you crying Lee Chae Han? Byungchan-ah, go get some tissue for your younger sister would you.” The elder tapped her shoulder gently and comforted the young teenage girl. His eyes were forgiving as he smiled sweetly, a handsome smile that never faded from his glory days.

“Yes grandpa” the handsome, seventeen years old swayed lightly into the black sedan and pulled out a box of tissue. As he placed them near the young lady, the latter walked further from the two, happily inhaling the warm, summer breeze into his young, untamed lungs. “So did he leave you because of the war, did they finally call him over? Oh why Byunggie grappa, why would they do that?!” the pretty girl sobbed as she held the old man’s fingers shakily, desperate for an answer.

“Because they needed him more than I do, he was protecting the country and so, somehow he was protecting me too. He protected me, your grandma, your daddy and mommy and even the both of you. He was a hero” slowly, tears brims the man’s grey eyelashes as he tried his best to make her understand. He was smiling and he thought he had understood, but then his heart was still a bit sore each time he told that story to his descendants. “But you never got to confess.”

“Yes... I never had the chance, but it’s okay. Because if I did, maybe it would only pull us apart.” The aged man looked up to the passing clouds as he silently cursed them for looking exactly the same as the day he had met his first love and so the slight sore inside his heart grew a bit bigger.

“Oh! Grappa! See what I found!! Is this yours too?!” The young latter groaned as he heaved the green box closer to his grandfather. “Oh my goodness, ahaha! This box, I completely forgot about this one.” The elder nodded as Byungchan ripped open the lid and gasped at what was inside, it was a stack of bullets. “Go to the car.” Lee Byung demanded as his fluffy, grey hair bounced along the old man’s actions. “Y..yeah” his two young grandchildren jogged hastily into the black, Volkswagen and slammed close the door, leaving the seventy year old alone with the stack of projectiles. “It’s been so long, how could I forget about you. That man, he sat on you all the time, I must have forgot that you were there in the first place” his wrinkled hands smoothed over the greenish sides of the chest, fiddling the few nails that was poking out as his lips started to curl into a smile.

Then, the man took the medium sized chest on top of his lap and as he looked inside, he brushed away the stacks of ammunition so that he could pull out some of the books inside.

But then, before he could claw out any books, there was a letter inside.  The light, pastel blue envelope looked like it had survived the passing decades as the old man picked it out and brought it up to the sky. He lived long enough to stop being afraid but then, at the sight of the letter, the bullets, and the fact that he kind of knew where they came from made his old, weary heart thump again.

Looking through it under the sun surely was not working well so with his hands slightly shuddering, he carefully ripped open the envelope and before he could even see what was inside, Byung inhaled the summer air deeply as his other hand was gripping the sand. He was not even sure it came from the person he wished it to be, it could be a letter that he made for himself that he forgot or just a prank from the youngsters that had found this box before.

Then as he pulled out the folded paper inside, the old man bit his lips as his heart was racing unbearably,

Dear Lee Byung,

I’m sorry; I didn’t know what your full name was. Actually there are too many things that I never bothered trying to find out. And it was a mistake.

Because now it keeps me awake at night, trying to figure out what type of colors you like, what food you prefer, I couldn’t guess that it was the grapes since; just because you brought me some fruits don’t mean you like it. I wondered if you liked the snowy days too.

I don’t know…

And I should’ve found out, because I liked you. I liked you a lot. It’s been six month since I got out of the hospitals and twelve months since the war ended. A bullet got through me and it barely missed my heart, I survived.

So after so long, I’m back. But you’re not here. I wonder where you are, I wonder if you finally got to confess too. But this is my confession to you.

I like you.

I love it when you smile at those books, somehow making me feel rather jealous at them because you’d rarely smile at me. I love it when you played with the rain and changed my mind about those weathers. I love it when you stare at me with those loving eyes, yes I noticed and it made me feel like I’m one of the prettiest things on earth. I just love everything you do.

But I was scared, because I might not be the one you need. Also because I might just get shot (which I did) and die, I didn’t have the heart to leave you like that. So even if it was cowardly, I left you with no goodbyes.

Actually, I know this is too late, because after ripping the sixth letter, I saw you in the cab, I saw you leave, and you didn’t even look back. So if you’re reading this, I don’t know when, just know that once I really loved you. And even as I am writing this, I still do.

Fyi, the gun, the bullets is in your second treasure box. Use it well kid.

The ink started to swell as Byung’s tears dropped onto the letter, while his face was crumpled up into an agonizing scowl. It was painful, to read each and every word and not lose his composure, he didn’t want his grandchildren to see him cry but it was inevitable. Somehow, somewhere, deep inside his soul, this first love was still burning bright.

He could barely remember Chan Hee’s handsome face, but he could still feel the fiber of the latter’s hair between his fingers. Smooth and glossy as they slipped away from his hands, while their breath collided while they lay down beside the tree, reading cheesy, cliché words. If only he didn’t leave to the states, if only he stayed, maybe he could have bid the man he loved a proper farewell.

“I’m sorry Chan Hee. I’m sorry that I found this, fifty years too late. I’m sorry…”

Then as, he silently sobbed, the aged man dug out his yellow box. Tears were staining his wrinkled cheeks, but at the sight of the red paperback that had his confession, he smiled so brightly that the skies were gleaming less bright. “Byungchan! Chae Han! Come and help me for a while”

Under the hot, humid sun, the family successfully dug two holes beside the old, dying tree. And inside them were two boxes, one yellow, which had Byung’s failed confession and another one green, that had locked Chan Hee’s confession for too long. Two treasure chest that had held a first love story perfectly timeless, they were buried together.

Because the two confessions was never a failure, they were just unlucky.