Once again, this one-shot has trigger warnings for suicide and depression. Read at your own risk.

He can’t sleep.

Three years pass with every night remaining the same.

“Ming, sing me to sleep.”

The corners of his eyes crinkle at the sound of high-pitched giggles - soothing, comforting giggles.

The ends of his lips lift upwards, the wrinkles defining his old age, as fingers brush down his hair. The old house creaks as the wind wraps around it like a comforting blanket. Kyuhyun falls asleep to the sound of humming.

*

Kyuhyun wakes up to sheets on the floor and shivering.

He glances around the room to find the curtains floating towards him. Sungmin appears from behind the curtains, hair curling around his face from the light wind blow from the open window.

His hands, delicate fingers and all clutch at the inside corners as he walks over with a grin, giggling as he crosses his outstretched arms in front of him so that the curtains cover his body.

“Come and get me Kyu~!”

Kyuhyun scrambles out of the sheets, ignoring the sharp pain in his back as he yanks open the curtains.

He sinks to the floor in a heap and cries when no one is there.

*

Hours later and he is still lying on the floor, dried tears on the side of his face.

The curtains hover above him like a shield, protecting him from the outside world. He doesn’t have the strength to get up and face the world.

Kyuhyun clenches his teeth as an accumulation of emotions attack him at once. His chest tightens as he sobs, beating his chest with fist.

“Kyuhyun.”

Kyuhyun shakes his head furiously, rubbing the heel of his palm over his heart as if it will rid the pain. The excruciating pain.

“Kyuhyun~”

“Shut up!”

He screams and he screams and he screams.

Sungmin looks down with solemn eyes before squatting down and brushing his hair out of his face.

Kyuhyun’s throat tightens and he finds it difficult to breathe.

“You need to calm down baby.”

He is hyperventilating now. He can not seem to stop.

“Kyuhyun, I love you.”

And he passes out.

*

“Kyuhyun~!”

Said man smiles as he peeks inside the bedroom, smile broadening at the sight of his lover kneeling on the bed.

“Has Santa come early? I seem to have an angel on my bed.”

Sungmin throws his head back and guffaws Kyuhyun laughs along as he slips inside and shuts the door.

“Open up the window while you’re up, Kyu~!”

Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow seeing as it is 14 degrees Celsius, but he complies and opens the window partially.

“Can I get my treat now?”

Sungmin smirks and settles his weight on his outstretched arms behind him.

“Come and get it.”

Kyuhyun grins and pounces onto Sungmin, their laughs echoing around the room as Kyuhyun peppers kisses across the older’s face and neck.

“God, you are so beautiful. What have I done to deserve you?”

Sungmin smiles softly, titling the younger’s head up before diving for a soft, loving kiss. Kyuhyun smiles against the kiss and wraps his arms loosely around Sungmin’s waist, pulling him against his body.

The two pull back, gentle puffs of breath brushing against their chins as they press their foreheads together.

“I love you, Kyu…so much.”

“I love you too, Minnie. Forever and always.”

*

Kyuhyun’s eyes flutter open as he groggily wakes up. The sun is bright in his eyes and the curtains still, no longer hovering. He painfully pulls himself up and fixes the sheets on the bed before making his way downstairs.

A numbing pain pulses throughout his body as he ignores the body gliding across the living room, humming as he waltzes around like he’s at a royal dance.

Sungmin always wanted to waltz together, but Kyuhyun had two left feet.

He pretends not to notice the laughing boy as he makes funny faces at him while he washes dishes.

Sungmin use to love making pretend stories as they did the dishes together.

He fights back the tears as he dazedly watches the fighting couple near the front door. He watches as the smaller of the two hollers at the other, arms flailing as the tears spill. He watches as the taller looks away, biting his lip before swinging his head back around and screaming back in desperation. He watches as the older makes a move to leave, hand on the doorknob before he’s pulled back and smothered with a kiss.

He watches as he’s slapped and suddenly disappears.

*

He doesn’t remember the cause of the fight. It’s all a blur compared to the chaos afterwards. All the screaming, the crying and wailing, the sirens, they all sound the same.

Kyuhyun remembers chasing Sungmin outside the house in hopes of reconciling with the other. He remembers shivering as the snow fell, smothering them and blurring their vision. He remembers screaming as the bright lights came closer. He remembers the raw feeling in his throat as he kept screaming at the sight of blood. He remembers screaming at the driver to call the paramedics. He remembers screaming and screaming and screaming.

He remembers the paramedics didn’t make it.

He remembers Sungmin didn’t make it.

He remembers dying along side his lover that night.

*

Kyuhyun stares up at his ceiling, contemplating the pros and cons.

The pills are heavy in his hand while his eyes burn, throat thick with tears. Sungmin is sitting Indian style next to him with furious eyes.

“I won’t forgive you if you do this, Kyuhyun.”

If I take the pills, I’ll be with him again.

“Put them back, Kyuhyun! You’re better than this!”

If I take the pills, I’ll be free of this personal hell.

“Goddamnit, Kyuhyun! Stop this!”

Kyuhyun lets go of the sobs as all the thoughts attack him at once.

It’s all your fault. You chased him away. You’re the reason he was hit. You’re pathetic. Couldn’t even save the one person you love. How could you?

How could you, Kyuhyun?

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I tried, I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun mouths over and over again, the tears racing down as he clenches his fist around the pills.

“Please, don’t do this,” Sungmin sobs along side his lover.

Kyuhyun cries as he blocks out Sungmin’s yells. He cries as he lifts his hands and pushes the pills into his mouth before swallowing them along with water. He cries as he listens to Sungmin’s sobs.

“Don’t you miss me, Minnie? We can be together again. We can hold each other again. We can kiss again. We can have our little talks,” Kyuhyun smiles shakily as he reaches for Sungmin’s cheek only to meet cold air.

“You ing idiot, you’re such an idiot,” Sungmin spits.

“I’ll meet you in a minute, Minnie. I love you,” Kyuhyun sighs warmly as the pills begin to shut down his body.

The last thing he sees is Sungmin crying over his body and he wonders how Sungmin felt whenever he was dying and watching his lover cry over his body.

“I love you too, Kyu. I love you too.”

For the first time in three years, Kyuhyun sleeps with a smile on his face.

A/N: Kyuhyun, in the story, has psychotic depression. Psychotic depression is a subtype of major depression occurs when a severe depressive illness includes some form of psychosis. The psychosis could be hallucinations (such as hearing a voice telling you that you are no good or worthless), delusions (such as, intense feelings of worthlessness, failure, or having committed a sin) or some other break with reality. (credit: WebMD) You could make the argument for PTSD, but eh.