Hey Seokjin, how are you?

Its Rapmonster, leader, here. I thought I'd write to you and update you on what's going on with us guys. Well, we miss you. That's the first thing I have to say. I really hope that you are happy wherever you are now. If anyone deserves happiness, it's you. 

Jimin. He's stopped dancing for fun. Whenever he dances he just looks programmed, like a robot almost. He's slowly deteriorating and it pains me so much to watch. It's like he has lost his spark, the thing that made him happy is just no more. 

Jungkook has stopped playing guitar. He used to love it, do you remember? One day I asked him to me a song on the guitar but he freaked out and started yelling at me to leave. Later that day, we found him sitting crying beside his guitar. But that guitar was now smashed up remains. We bought him and new one, but he hasn't even touched it yet. Maybe one day he will. Hopefully. 

The management wanted us to continue as a six, but it would'nt be the same. It's not right. So that was it. 

No more interviews.

No more fun.

No more dreams.

No more BTS.

That really hit me hard. I just still can't believe you aren't here Seokjin. I'm a useless leader. 

Hoseok has lost his hopeful spark. I mean, we've all changed, but his personality change is the most noticeable. He walks around with glossy eyes and a blank expression, nothing like he used to be. No hope left at all. I caught him crying himself to sleep and calling your name out.

If anyone should be blamed, then its me. I should've seen the signs. You were going out more frequently and returnign to the dorm later than usual. I was too caught up in myself. I should've paid more attention to you.

Taehyung still tries to be funny and, truthfully, we are all so grateful for it. It's nice for at least one thing to be normal. I asked him why he was doing it and he shrugged. "Its what Jin would've wanted". But I saw right through it. It's just a brave front; inside he's crumbling like the rest of us. He's trying though. He still misses you. We all do. 

Our Min Yoongi is still writing lyrics. But they are all sad. He keeps himslef to himself, holed up in his room. Whenever we do see him, his bloodshot eyes and puffy cheeks are noticable right away.

We are all coping in our own ways. Jin we love you. I remember when I came to you and you helped me when I was under a lot of pressure. I wish I helped you like you had helped me. If I could switch places with you then I would. 

You were the type of friend everyone should have. You gave us confidence and built us up. You were our hyung; you encouraged and helped us all. You were our brother. There is no BTS without you. 

The doctor said that you overdosed on anti-depressants. I should have helped you. Nobody even knew what you were going through. That also pains me; the fact that you were going through this alone. 

Everday it feels like someone is sticking pins in my heart, ever so slowly, just causing the most pain possible. I'm so sorry that you felt taking your own life was the only escape. I'm so sorry nobody helped you. I'm so sorry. We love you.

See you in heaven Seokjin.

Love, Namjoon xxx