In the bathroom, Kevin sat on the toilet seat, crying. He made it through the day without any tears showing but broke down as he sat with his head in his hands.

He then froze when someone knocked on the door. Kevin wiped his nose and tried his best to steady his voice.

“I-I'm in here!”

“Kevin?” It was AJ's voice “I heard you crying”

Kevin wiped his cheeks and eyes.

“I'm not crying”

“Kevin, I'm going to stand here until you come out”

Kevin let out a shaky sigh and blew his nose into a tissue. He unlocked the door and looked up at AJ who was clearly concerned.

“Wh-What?” Kevin murmured

AJ motioned Kevin to come with him to his room and to his balcony. Kevin reluctantly went with him.

AJ sat down on the timber flooring of the balcony and patted the space beside him.

“Sit down”

When Kevin sat down, he took a moment to look up at the starry summer night. The night was warm and the sky a dark blue.

AJ turned to Kevin “What's up?”

“No. You will hate me”

AJ chuckled “I don't think I could ever hate you Kevin Woo”

Kevin looked down at the street below and shook his head slowly.

“Kevin, whatever you say, I will keep it. I promise” AJ put his hand on his chest.

But Kevin stayed silent. Kevin then heard a quiet sigh and felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Is it because you're gay?”

Kevin quickly turned his head to AJ “What?”

“C'mon Kevin. Even if you can't tell anyone, at least tell one of us to get some relief out of it”

Kevin looked back down at the street and tears started to slide down his cheeks again.

“AJ...I don't want to hold it in anymore...” Kevin whispered. “It's so hard”

AJ sat closer to Kevin and put his arm around him. Kevin continued, not looking at AJ.

“Those times where it seems so obvious are the times where I think I can get away with it”

“Kevin, do you know what else gives it away?”

Kevin slowly turned his head to look at AJ.

“The way you look at Eli”

More tears flowed from Kevin's eyes.

Kevin's voice was quiet “I love him so much, AJ”

“I know”

“I know he doesn't love me. I know that. He's not even...” Kevin put his head on AJ's shoulder and sobbed into the crook of AJ's neck. AJ pulled Kevin into a hug, ignoring the tears sliding down his neck.

“Do you want to stay with me tonight?” Aj whispered.

Kevin nodded.

“I'm sorry for being like this. I just crashed”

“It's alright Kevin” Aj chuckled. “C'mon, get your things and climb into my bed. I'll sleep on the floor next to you”

Kevin lifted his head and turned to look at Aj.

“AJ...could you sleep in the bed with me?”

Aj blinked and swallowed “Um...okay”

They both stood up and Kevin quickly went to pack his things.

 

Aj sat in the bed reading. He could hear Kevin brush his teeth. Aj sighed and put down the book on the bedside locker. Kevin unlocked the door and turned off the light. He shuffled over to Aj and climbed into the bed.

“Thanks AJ”

“No problem” Aj smiled and tucked himself under the covers, Kevin following and turning off the lamp light. Both lay in the dark, thinking about what was said on the balcony. Kevin turned to the side and curled up tightly. AJ closed his eyes and listened to Kevin breathing softly. He smiled, knowing that Kevin could trust him. He felt he was always the odd-one-out with Kevin. Kevin never really let him stand near him. He'd step away or make up an excuse to walk away. But AJ now knew that Kevin actually trusted him. Maybe he didn't hate him like he thought. Maybe he felt that he just had to be around Eli all the time. Showing him that only he, was allowed to stand near him, touch him and love him.

Aj soon fell asleep.

 

Kevin looked at the clock. He had been still awake for an hour now. He knew Aj was asleep and in a deep one from the snores that sometimes escaped. He started to think about Eli once again. Tears started to slide down his face and fall onto the sheets.

'Why did I have to fall in love with him? He never loved me. Never could have. I am so stupid. I really am. And then AJ...AJ would actually care and love me. Why did I not just fall in love with him?'

Kevin let out a shaky sigh and tried to go to sleep. But he just couldn't. He was too exhausted over the situation. Even if it didn't matter to anyone else, he was heartbroken.

 

Aj woke up to the sound of Kevin crying.

“Kevin?”

Kevin swiped away his tears and wiped his nose with his sleeve.

“Go back to sleep AJ”

Kevin then felt the bed dip and heard AJ shuffling and suddenly had an arm around his waist, pulling him back against a hard chest.

AJ knew that this was a bold move but he just wanted to have Kevin be Kevin again.

Kevin didn't say a word. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want AJ feeling sorry for him. But he felt safe and secure with AJ's arm wrapped tightly around him. A few stray tears fell as he slowly closed his eyes. He didn't love AJ but now he felt so loved. So wanted.

AJ knew that this is how far he would get. And it was killing him.

 

 

“Kevin?” AJ softly whispered to him. Kevin opened his eyes but didn't answer. “Kevin...maybe it's better that you're asleep for me to say this. I'm sorry for all these years of making you uncomfortable. I just can't..I just can't imagine my life without you. Friend or lover, I don't care. I just need to see you. I...I don't know if I could ever stop-”

AJ felt Kevin move. Kevin had turned himself fully around, taken AJ's other arm, tucked it under his head and pressed his forehead against AJ's chest.

“What could you never stop doing?” Kevin whispered.

“I could never stop loving you”

Kevin looked up and then moved up in front of AJ's face. He brought his hand to AJ's cheek and pressed his lips to AJ's. AJ closed his eyes and wrapped his arms tighter around Kevin, pressing his warm body even closer. This is all he wanted. Needed.

When Kevin pulled away, he pressed his forehead against AJ's.

“AJ. Please do not take this in the worst way possible. But remember, I do not love you”

AJ smiled and sighed through his nose “I know. I'll wait for the day when you do”

Kevin chuckled and kissed AJ again.

“What I do know is that I won't be thinking about Eli anymore”

AJ felt tears in his eyes “Thank you” He whispered.

Kevin ran his finger through AJ's hair “I promise. I will say it. I will. Just not now” He kissed AJ again.

“Can I say it?”

“Anytime you want”

“Kevin Woo. I love you”