“Real love? It’s when you go through the hard trials of trust and sacrifice. And still you wake up every morning, falling in love all over again…”

Dear Diary,

Was it my fault? If I push him away on that day, everything will be different now. I shouldn’t let myself fall into his arms and continue with the mistake. I hate him. I really do. How can he do that when he already have a girlfriend? But my heart fluttered when he said he couldn’t get me out of his mind. My whole body immediately softened when he pulled me into his arms. I know it was wrong, we know it was wrong but the eighteen years old of us, we chose to be irrational.

A man that was stuck in between two women, can his life still be peaceful? Of course not. He was torn in between love and responsibility. He asked me to give him time. He will settle with her. Settle how? Break up with her? That wasn’t what I want. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I was the third party. I should be the one who being settled, not her. I should be the one who let go.

I still wonder who was the person who sent that message to me. The reaction he gave me that night doesn’t seem like him who sent the message. I should have figure out it wasn’t him. He won’t ask me to meet at a place like that. Was it her? But how come she didn’t show up? I waited for an hour there but nobody came, except for that bunch of jerks that suddenly appeared from nowhere. I was so scared. I have never been to a place like that before. I shouldn’t have gone to the toilet and gave them a chance to do whatever they planned to do. But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have a chance to call him and he wouldn’t reach on time to save me. Whenever I think back about that incident, I sighed helplessly. Everything was like planned beforehand. It was like a fate that we couldn’t avoid.   

My heart started to raced when I felt my head spinning and couldn’t focus my vision on those men who were standing in front of me, and blocking my way didn’t want to let me go. I don’t know how they did it but the next thing I know I was already being dragged to a dark back alley. Although I was conscious but I just couldn’t control my body. I tried to struggle but there were 3 of them. My strength was no match with them. I still remembered the tall one had a scorpion tattoo on his arm. He pinned me to the wall and his hand was trying to pull my hand off from holding on my shirt.

If that night he didn’t come, what will happen to me? I don’t know and I dare not to even think about it. I was still curious until now. They knew my name and they said they knew him. But that wasn’t important anymore because mistake still happened eventually and it was my fault. Although I can blame everything on them but I was conscious. I knew what was happening although the drug was controlling my senses. I should have locked myself in the bathroom or just let him bring me to the hospital.

But if that incident didn’t happened, So Won will not exist. So, no matter how much I suffered for the past 9 years, I will not regret. I know I’m selfish. I know he will hate me if he knows the truth but this was the only way I could protect him and love him in my own way. Although I couldn’t be with the man I love, at least I have something that was belongs to him and me. Something that was so precious… our daughter.

Love,

Shin Hye

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“Doctor Lee. Why are you here so late at this hour? You have a late surgery tonight?” A nurse asked when she saw Lee Min Ho walking into the children ward.

Min Ho smiled awkwardly at her. “Erm… I just came back to check on one of my patient. I was about to go back but then I thought of come down to take a look on the little girl I brought to the ER this morning.” He lied. He walked towards the nurse counter and asked carefully, trying not to let the nurse suspect his real motive being here. “I think the child name is So Won. May I know which room she stays?”

The nurse looked down to a file and then smiled at Min Ho. “You mean Park So Won? She is in that last room at the corner.” She said as she pointed to the room.

Min Ho tilted his head a little and narrowed his eyes at her. “Park So Won? You mean her surname is Park?”

The nurse nodded. “Yes. And her mother Park Shin Hye is accompanying her now.”

“I see. The father of the child left so early?” Min Ho asked again.

“Father? No, we don’t see any man come to visit Park So Won.” The nurse replied.

Min Ho nodded as he pursed his lips. How come So Won followed her mother’s surname? He asked silently. Don’t be sensitive. Her husband might have the same surname as her. He shook that thought off as he slowly walked to So Won’s room.

He gently pushed the door opened and stepped inside very softly, trying not to wake Shin Hye and So Won up when he saw them sleeping. He slowly walked closer to them and stopped beside Shin Hye. She was laying her head on her arms against the hospital bed. Her hand was tightly holding onto So Won’s tiny hand. Both of them were sleeping soundly and peacefully.

Min Ho’s lips curved into a smile as he lifted his hand and gently brushed a loose strand of her hair away that covering her face. He dare not to move a single muscle and just stood still, looking at her. He still couldn’t believe the girl that he missed so much was now sleeping right in front of him.

“There is always something that a man does which a woman can forgive but never forget.”

Chae Won’s words suddenly came across his mind. She was right. Because he was too weak back then, he hurt two women at the same time. She didn’t mention about Shin Hye during the dinner tonight. Or to be exact, she didn’t talk to him at all. She just finished the dinner quietly and let Min Ho send her home after that. She didn’t say anything and he didn’t ask either. They just let the silence took over the night and both drowned in their own thoughts.

Min Ho know even if he go home now, his mind wouldn’t let him sleep. So without thinking much, he came back to the hospital after fetched Chae Won home. He know nothing could change the fact that he was engaged with Chae Won and Shin Hye was married with a daughter but he still wanted to know what was the reason she left without a word 9 years ago.

He squatted down beside Shin Hye and looked at her beautiful face as his mind slowly flew back to the past.

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9 years ago…

Shin Hye slowly opened her eyes when she felt someone touching her face. Her eyes widened when she saw Min Ho sitting beside her and were looking at her with a smile. She quickly straightened up herself and looked around the library. She was asleep while waiting for him.

Min Ho laughed softly as he grasped her hand. “I’m sorry. I was late.” He whispered.

Shin Hye averted her gaze and looked down at the book she was reading just now. “She went home already?” She asked softly.  

He let out a sigh as his grip on her hand tightened. “Hmmm.” He uttered as he looked at her face, studied it carefully, trying to figure out what she was thinking. He knew she was trying to hide her sadness but her gaze was already let it all out.

“Have you finished reading the book? It’s not convenient to talk here. Let’s go to Apple House. Eo?” Min Ho asked softly and he leaned down to take a closer look at her. 

Shin Hye nodded as she started to pack her stuff into her bags.

Both of them were walking along the street with their hands entwined. Min Ho insisted to walk Shin Hye to the bus stop after they finished eating in Apple House. She was very quiet and the awkward silence makes him felt very uncomfortable. She was not a quiet person. They used to talked, joked and laughed around before Chae Won came back. Everything changed after that day she knew about his relationship with Chae Won. He confessed that he likes her and from that day onwards, their secret relationship started.

Min Ho couldn’t stand the silence anymore and he stopped walking when they were almost reached the bus stop. Shin Hye was startled and turned to face him.

“I will talk to her. I will settle everything with her tomorrow. Just give me one more day, okay?” Min Ho said, looking deep into her eyes. He brought his hand to her face and caressed her cheek softly. “I can’t bear to see you like this anymore.”

Shin Hye widened her eyes in shocked. “What are you talking about? How you want to settle with her?”

“Break up with her.” Min Ho said sternly.

Shin Hye let go of his hand and looked at him in horror. “I already feel like dying whenever I think about how we being together secretly behind her back. And now you are telling me you want to break up with her because of me? The one you should break up with is me, not her. I’m the third party. I’m the one…”

“You are the one that I like.” Min Ho cut her off, breathing heavily. He felt very scared. He can sense that she want to give up on him anytime soon. “The person I like is you not her. The person I want to be together is you not her. I know I will hurt her but if I need to choose between both of you, I will not let you go. I will not let this hand go.” He said as he grasped her hand tightly.

Shin Hye bit her lower lip, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to escapes her eyes. “Your father will kill you.”

“Let him kill me then. He can control what I want to study, what I want to be in the future but he cannot control who I love and who I want to be with in the future.” Min Ho said firmly.

Shin Hye shook her head. “Even if you break up with her, your family will not accept me. There will always be a second and third Moon Chae Won because we were both living in a different world. And you will be going to UK for your studies after you graduated from high school. We will be separated anyway.” Shin Hye looked down as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Before everything becomes too late, I rather end it now.”

Min Ho was frightened by her words as he quickly cupped her cheeks and forced her to look at him. “No. I know you are suffering now but you have to trust me. I know it’s not easy but I’ll talk to her. I’ll talk to them.”

Shin Hye took a deep breath. “If I didn’t transfer to Whimoon and if you didn’t meet me, will you break up with her?” She looked deep into his eyes as she shook her head slowly. “You wouldn’t. You will continue with your life as usual. Play basketball, be your president in the student council, study hard for your future and continue your happy life with her. Everything started to change because of me. You were attracted to me because that feeling was new and fresh. We spent too much time together and you just got used to have me around you. You will regret your decision when all those excitement you felt for me disappeared one day.”

“No! It’s not like that. You are trying to twist the fact and make me believe that everything between us was just a mistake. Do you think I’m an idiot? I know how I feel. I’m tired of everybody trying to tell me what to do.” Min Ho said nervously.

Shin Hye looked down as she took a step back. “Please don’t make me feel disgusted at myself. I already felt bad enough for doing this to her. I felt like I’m a thief now. I’m stealing something that was not belongs to me. Please just let me go.” Without giving him a chance to protest, she ran as fast as she could to the bus that was already stopped at the bus stop.

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“Are you sure you are okay? You looked pale.” Yoo Seung Ho said as he narrowed his eyes at Shin Hye.

“I’m okay. You don’t need to purposely accompany me to school. You will be late for your class later.” Shin Hye assured him with a slight smile.

“You don’t look okay at all. Last time when we walk together like this, we will be bickering non-stop and you always laugh l