Wednesday, 4:06PM
6 June

It’s been more than two weeks since I last saw Suhoon, and each day my mind still continues to think about him. What I would do if I saw him, how he would react, why my thoughts keep lingering to him.

It was haunting.

Every time I would think like this, I could feel my heart flutter against my chest. Then, at the realization that he probably had forgotten me by now, it would immediately sink. Sink as low as the pit of my stomach, waiting to be consumed by the acids.

I strolled with Fibi through our usual route. Some days I would let my feet carry me to the place Suhoon and I met. But that was only some days. Today wasn’t one of them.

Today was the day, I thought, that I would officially give up on my pursuing of him.

Fibi stopped to sniff the grass. From the way she was going at it, I could tell we’d be here a while as she started to eat it.

I closed my eyes with a long sigh. I tried to clear my mind completely of the man that continued to dominate me.

My eyes were still closed, and it had only been at most thirty seconds before I sighed again, frustrated. Of course this wouldn’t help.

It only made it worse.

I opened my eyes to look straight ahead. As soon as my lids lifted, I saw a blur of black in front of me.

Startled, I moved backward, only to fall. My bottom hit the grass and I thanked Fibi that she didn’t decide to stop where there was cement.

I blinked from the ground.

I had to be imagining things.

The thing that was a black blur was smirking.

Only, it wasn’t a blur anymore. It was Suhoon.

“Uh…” I mumbled, unsure of what was happening. I could feel my heart beating rapidly, trying to get free from its cage. It really was Suhoon.

“Need some help?” He took a hand out of his pocket and reached out to me. His smirk was still perfectly positioned on his face.

I frowned. I pushed myself up and looked down to wipe the grass off my legs. Why hadn’t I felt someone come up to me? The cleansing of my mind couldn’t have been so thought-consuming. Even though I was majorly embarrassed, I looked up at him. I knew this might be my last time seeing him. I had to make it worthwhile. “Where’s Jang Boah?”  I asked the first sane question that came into my head. I let my eyes roam the ground at his feet, emphasizing the question.

“I’m by myself today.” His hand traveled back into his pocket, all the while keeping his attention on me. It was scary how nonchalant he was. He acted as if we’ve been friends for years and that this wasn’t only the second time we’ve seen each other.

I nodded, thinking he was going to continue. I guess he didn’t understand the question that I really was asking. “So, then, what are you doing?” It sounded stupid when I actually voiced it. Obviously, he wouldn’t say, “I came here to see you.” I could still dream.

He withdrew his hand from its pocket to scratch behind his head. His eyes left mine for a second as if he was contemplating a reply.

I leaned forward, telling him that he was taking long.

I saw his foot move back. Was that him faltering?

“I’m just taking a walk,” he simply said. He crouched down the same way he did when we first met. This time he wasn’t wiping off his shoe; instead he started to pet Fibi under the chin. He used his other hand to scratch behind her ears. I smiled. Not because it was a tender moment, but because I knew she wasn’t fond of being touched like that.

“She’s not happy,” I sneered.

He glanced up towards me before bringing his attention back to his task. “What are you talking about? She likes it. That’s why her neck is stretching out towards me,” he pointed out, full of himself.

My smile turned into a grin. “Whatever you say,” I shrugged.

Before I even finished my sentence, Fibi’s paw went up and she held onto his wrist. I could see her claws weren’t out. “She likes it,” he repeated. “She likes it so much that she’s telling me she wants more.” I heard the small doubt in his words.

I didn’t reply. I didn’t need to. Fibi pushed her paw further onto his flesh, and her claws were touching him. It wasn’t enough to break skin, but it was enough to be surprised.

He briskly pulled his hands away and stood up all in one motion. I took a couple steps towards him and grabbed both of his hands to examine them. I couldn’t wipe the amused smile off my face, so I hardly even tried. I leaned in close and we both looked to see that his hand was entirely okay.

I looked up, beaming. “It’s fine.” His expression looked normal, but it didn’t feel that way. He seemed almost nervous. It was then that I finally took note how far apart our faces were from each other. Barely an inch. Up close, he was even more beautiful. My smile staggered at the feel of his breath on my lips. It felt like he was trying to dizzy me on purpose.

The entire thing seemed so natural, that I didn’t realize how intimate it may look.

His hands were warm and soft. They were so gently laid on mine. The heat rushed to my face.

I rudely recoiled and hurriedly stepped away from him. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. That was the last thing that I wanted to happen.

“Why were your eyes closed?” The words were rushed out of his mouth.

I tilted my head to the side, confused.

“You were questioning what I was doing here as if it was illegal,” I tried to protest, but he continued. “Why were your eyes closed?”

I realized he was talking about when I was trying to clear my head of the stampeding thoughts of him. I couldn’t tell him that was my explanation. Trying to act indifferent, I told him, “No special reason.”

He was clearly unconvinced. “You just always stand while closing your eyes for about a minute?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I stammered. I nervously looked off to the side, pretending like I was fascinated at a nearby tree. I didn’t want him to see me blushing. He was watching me when I closed my eyes? How else would he know I had been doing it for that long?

He glanced over to where my eyes were directed before turning back towards me, apparently uninterested in the oak. “Just tell me.” He tapped the side of my shoulder with the tips of his fingers.

I looked at him like he was insane. It was a strange gesture, one that you would do to someone you were familiar with. I don’t say anything.

“You not telling me makes me want to know. You look at me like I’m mental, but you were the one standing in the middle of a park with your eyes closed,” he urged.

“I refuse to tell you,” I remarked.

He looked shocked at how blunt my statement was. “That’s fine. I won’t tell you the real reason I’m here, then.” He pretended like he was going to walk away and leave me. I laughed and pulled his arm to turn him around.

“You lied to me?” I faked being hurt.

“It wasn’t really a lie. More like stalling,” he looked smug.

“Stalling? Stalling for what? That doesn’t even make sense, liar.” Like he did, I faced the opposite way and started walking. I tugged Fibi’s leash, telling her to come with me.

Instead of pulling me around, he followed next to me, keeping in time with my footsteps. He didn’t speak.

I directed my eyes over towards him without turning my head. “Are you going to follow me home?”

“Are you going home?”

“Don’t answer my question with another question. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that?” Everything seemed natural again. It was crazy how everything happened. We would be awkward and then normal and then playful. 

“Answer my question first.” He continued to look ahead.

“It doesn’t work that way.” I purposely made sure my tone sounded annoyed.

“Do you want me to follow you home?” I saw his eyes turn to me in my peripheral vision.

I could tell my face was turning an even darker shade of scarlet than it’s ever been. I hesitated before putting my thoughts into words. “Are you flirting?”

He gave a sly smile. “You’re not supposed to answer a question with another question.”