Please listen to Taylor Swift's 'The Last Time' (ft. Gary Lightbody) while reading this story :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuijXg8wm28

 

---

 

 

To say that I have only loved one woman in my 25 years of existence must be the most cliché and unbelievable thing a man could say.

 

Sadly, it is the truth.

 

People on the outside would question our closeness, but they would always brush it aside and viewed us as merely an oppa-dongsaeng relationship, and rightly so. Even the girl herself had regarded what we shared as exactly that. I had too. But it was only these few years where I begun to see her as a woman.

 

To love someone who I watched develop from a conscious and tender girl into an intelligent, selfless and breathtaking young woman who should be completely off limits, has been the most irresponsible and brainless decision I have made.

 

Treating her like my personal trunk of gold, showering her with dangerous affection, waiting for her after she finished school, buying her favourite dumplings…are things that I never should have dared to even attempt to do.

 

But I did it anyway, because of the immense greed that I have for her, no matter how wrong it was.

 

I have dragged on something that should have never had started. I cannot continue to restrict her from living a life of her own. She deserves the chance to wholeheartedly love a guy who was far better than a possessive oppa like me.

 

It is about time that I set her free.

 

…

 

Tonight will be the last time that I’m going to take her out after she finishes class. It will be the last time that I’m going to put the seatbelt over her in my passenger seat. It will be the last time that I would offer her my jacket and scarf to keep her warm. After tonight, I’m going to leave her.

 

Parking my car close to the Nursing building at her university, I find myself flicking through my phone while waiting for her.

 

I read the news. I check my Facebook notifications. I reply to the messages that I’ve left unread for the day on Kakao, and after ten minutes, there was still no sight of her walking out of her class. So, I open my photo gallery out of boredom. Most of the photos are of landscape and scenic shots for work. But of course, there were several photos that always catch my attention. The photos of Baek Jinhee and I – drinking bubble tea, watching baseball, on our birthdays and during Christmas and even from our childhood where I would piggyback the younger, gentle-faced girl.

 

We have created many happy memories together. But to my brutal selfishness, I stepped over the line too many times. Jinhee never complained, but I always knew she was just complying with me because she felt like she had to. When I leave her, I am definitely going to be the one who will suffer.

 

Time has flown by, and it has now been a good half an hour from when Jinhee was meant to finish. I’m starting to worry about her. I’m going to call her to make sure she’s safe.

 

But as soon as I hit the dial button, I see her small figure walking out of the dark pathway from her building to the car park. She is not alone. There is a guy walking beside her. And he is holding onto her hand.

 

He is the boyfriend that she told me about.

 

Reality has hit me, her and along with her boyfriend. The stunned look on all three of our faces when I opened my window.

 

“Jinhee-ah,” I greeted the girl who held her boyfriend behind her to block my sight. She looks terrified, where she shouldn’t have to be. I’m not going to hurt her little boy. Not physically, at least.

 

“S-sehun oppa, what are you doing here?” Jinhee asked in panic. Am I that intimidating?

 

“I texted you last night that I was going to take you to eat your dumplings remember?” I explained calmly, while ignoring her boyfriend’s death stares at me. This boy sure has balls. Maybe I could trust her in his hands…after I let her slip through my own.

 

“Oh, that’s right! Sorry for being so forgetful again, Sehun oppa.” Jinhee apologises as she my shoulder through the window causing her puppy to choke.

 

“It’s alright. But it looks like you’re busy tonight so I guess we can delay it.” I said considerately. Obviously, I am jealous of the boy who is holding onto Jinhee from behind and who can officially and confidently call her as his girlfriend. But I at least have some dignity left in the tank.

 

“No, no. Hyung-nim, I have to get home to help my mother with some errands anyway. You guys go ahead.” The boy offers to my surprise. This boy is brave.

 

“Jonghyunnie…” Jonghyun is his name. With such a common name, it’s no wonder I had forgotten it.

 

“Yes, it’s fine. Jinhee-ah, I’ll call you later. Hyung-nim, please take care of her.” Does he even need to ask?

 

“I will.” I gave him a nod.

 

“Bye, Jonghyunnie.” Jinhee bids him goodbye with a kiss. I can feel my insides burning. My teeth are clenching hard behind my calm smile.

 

Jinhee hops into the passenger seat.

 

“How was your day, Jinee-ah?” I ask, as I reach over her to put on her seatbelt.

 

“It was quite tough. Patients were all so difficult and it felt like nothing was going my way. I bet you had a better day than mine.” Jinhee said with a blank expression.

 

“You’ll have these days every now and then. But they will only make you stronger, Jinhee-ah. You need to believe in yourself because I do.” I said honestly. Jinhee might look as hard like a rock melon but she is still vulnerably soft on the inside. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t take advantage of that over the years.

 

“Thanks, oppa. You’re always here for me. I don’t know what I can do without you.” Jinhee…what oppa is going to do tonight will teach you that you can do everything you dreamt of without me holding you back.

 

“Aigoo, let’s go eat now. You must be hungry because I am.” I said before driving off to our dumpling place.

 

…

 

We finally arrive at the restaurant after being stuck in traffic. As soon as we exit my car, I jump over to Jinhee’s side to wrap my jacket around her petite frame. She always wore such thin clothing at night. It’s like she is not afraid of the cold, or she got used to wearing my jackets. Holding onto her tightly, we follow the aromatic scent of mandu skin goodness in the restaurant.

 

The ahjumma kindly led us to our usual table located in the back corner of her shop. I take a chair out for Jinhee. She smiled at my action, like she always does. But if only she knew that this will be the last time…

 

“The usual for you two kids? Two serves of the steamed prawn, two duck and chives and one fried chicken and mushroom mandu? Oh and a big bowl of black bean noodles too?” The ahjumma lists precisely what we always ordered. It never changed.

 

“Yes please, ahjumma!”

 

“Okay, coming right up!” The ahjumma said before quickly racing back to her kitchen.

 

“So, how are things going with your boyfriend?” I ask coolly.

 

Jinhee froze in response. She took a few sips of her hot tea.

“It’s going great. Jonghyunnie treats me extremely well, so I—“ She tells me excitedly before I interrupt her. My bad for letting my bastard self show again.

 

“Does he treat you better than I do?” I question a little too aggressively.

 

“O-oppa… please don’t be like this. You know that you and Jonghyun are different…” Jinhee whispers with her voice trembling. I have not done myself any favours of making what I needed to do any easier.

 

“I certainly know that clearly.” I’ve started it, so there is no backing out now. She is going to hear it and I’m going break down eventually.

 

“So, tell me Oh Sehun, why are you still looking to argue with me? Why do you have to do this every single time I start to see someone? You’re not my father or my brother or any—“ I stand up and reached over to cover Jinhee’s mouth with my hand.

 

“Let’s take this outside. Ahjumma wouldn’t want to see us fighting.” I said before dragging her out. The sweet and generous ahjumma did not deserve to see us killing each other.

 

“Let go of me.” Jinhee exclaimed in frustration. I let go of my grip off of her wrist.

 

“Baek Jinhee, you stepped over the line just now. How could you say that I mean nothing to you? I’ve known you for long enough to be entitled to give you advice on anything.” Yes, I am using this card first. That is how selfish and impulsive I am; even to the girl I love; even to the girl who I’m going to give to another man for real.

 

“I stepped over the line? Are you kidding me? Oppa, you ing destroyed the line years ago! And I was stupid enough to follow right behind you!” Tears are streaming from her face. I can feel my own eyes itching in a bid to stop mine from pouring out. She has got to hate me for holding her back. She must be relentless with me…for me to leave her.

 

“I know I did, and I’m deeply sorry for forcing you to do things you obviously didn’t want to do. I’m sorry for selfishly pulling you away from anyone who came near you. I’m sorry for being so irresponsible. But there is only one reason why I did so,”

 

“And what reason was that?”

 

“I stepped over the line because I’m greedy, Jinhee-ah. I realised that I loved you as a woman, and I wanted more even when I knew you never saw me as anything more,” I confess right in front of Baek Jinhee’s eyes, only to prepare for the bomb I am about to drop.

 

“Oppa, how can you just assume what I felt, when you never asked? How do you know that I did not love you? You’re so stupid, Oh Sehun.” Jinhee replies with a bright smile on her heated face. She cannot return my feelings now. I will not give in to her. I’ve made my decision.

 

“Yes, Baek Jinhee, I am the stupidest man on Earth to secretly love a girl who is like his own sister. I am even more stupid for letting her go. We can’t do this anymore. We can’t be together. I am not going to act possessive over you anymore. I’m going to make amends to the mistake I made. I will get out of your life and—“ I insist harshly.

 

Suddenly, Jinhee responds by smashing her lips onto mine for the first time. Every single muscle in my body is tying up into millions of knots and bolts as I’m trying to hold back once again. I cannot let myself to be selfish again. This might be the last time that I will touch her, the last time that I will see her…but I have to make this right, for her own sake.

 

I lightly push her off of my lips to hold onto her shoulders tightly.

 

“Jinhee, please stop and listen to oppa,” I demand the confused girl.

 

“Oh Sehun, this might be the last time I say this…I won’t hurt you anymore. I’m going to prove to you that you weren’t using me against my will because I have always loved you, Sehun oppa, but I was scared that you’ll leave me because you only see me as the shy, innocent Jinhee. So, just give me a chance to redeem myself for you?” I’m crying now. When this girl wants something, she will never stop trying until she gets it. I’ve tried damn hard tame down this part of her. I have to persist with it.

 

“I’m sorry Jinhee, I am letting you go. You need to see how the world is like without me in it. You need to learn how to rely on yourself and achieve your own dreams. Loving me like your life depends on it is not the right way to go. So, please, do this as a favour for me.” I plea, keeping my intense stare at her.

 

“I-I’ll do it. I’ll let go. I’m going to chase after my dreams and try to form a future with Jonghyunnie, but only if oppa can promise me one thing.”

 

“Yes, Jinhee?”

 

“Promise me that this won’t be the last time I see you in my life.” Jinhee proposes. I can’t guarantee this once I disappear. I can’t guarantee that I’ll have the courage to see her in god knows how many years after tonight. And I certainly can’t guarantee that I will be the same Sehun oppa she has loved in the future.

 

But promising her right now is all I can do for her to give up her perseverance.

 

“I promise that this won’t be the last time, Baek Jinhee.”

 

And at that, she stiffly walks back inside the restaurant to eat her beloved dumplings without giving me another glance.

 

Now, there is no us. There is no Oh Sehun and Baek Jinhee.

 

We are nothing except for people who once knew each other.

 

It is finally all over, and my heart is demolished because of it.

 

…