“Daehyun-hyung, I want to ask you something...”

He looked up from his book and stared at Junhong, who was kind of unsure, then nodded his brunette hair. The blonde haired boy was strangely quiet after his visit to Daehyun’s apartment with Jongup yesterday and he partially wanted to know why. “Well, you have my full attention.”

“So, I and Jongup-hyung was kind of curious about your roommate...” He timidly started. Yesterday was the first time his younger friends met his roommate, Yoo Youngjae, but Daehyun hadn’t seen anything wrong. It looked like they got along just fine. “We really didn’t want to pry, but... what’s your relationship with him?”

Relationship?

“Well, that’s a bit hard to explain... but basically we are friends, bestfriends.”

The younger raised an eyebrow. Unsatisfied.

“Really?”

“What kind of answer are you expecting then?” Daehyun chuckled. It was always like this with him and Youngjae, ‘just friends’ wouldn’t easily described their relationship to others.

“Well... you two look like a couple, so we assume that you’re hiding your boyfriend from us...” Junhong shrugged. Couple, boyfriends, lovers; how many people had thought of them like that, Daehyun had lost count. “We saw as you gave him a backhug in the kitchen, and you sleep in the same bed, and you wear each other’s clothes and well... please excuse our wild imagination...”

Daehyun laughed.

Yoo Youngjae.

It had been long since everything was confusing between him and the man. It had been long since the day when he would toss around in his bed trying to figure everything out of their funny little relationship. It had been long since he began to understand, that what they had was simple.

It was simply platonic.

His friendship with Youngjae grew like any other normal friendship out there. It began with the little clique he had in middle school; the kind of group which was the troublemaker of the class, but much loved because, well, good-looking people were kind of always right.

From that little crowd, the best of friend met. Their little obsession with computer game, soccer, and nothing in particular, drew the two hardheaded boys together. They were—and are—the dinamic duo. Inseparable. Almost codependent with each other.

“This is wrong, stupid!”

It was just another day before the exam, the only time Daehyun would lower his pride and allowed himself to be called stupid for a day by his bestfriend.

Yeah, Yoo Youngjae was a smart- and Daeyun was kind of lacking in that part.

“Then, teach me you !”

It was another day before the exam, the only time Youngjae would spare his patience to teach the dense Busan boy, just because it kind of calmed him down.

Yeah, because he’s secretly a nervous wreck, and Daehyun was kind of lacking in that part.

In middle school, their friendship grew like any other normal friendship out there. Friend to a friend, they were. Boy and another boy, they were. And thus the story went on, of two boys who were classmates, deskmates, soccer pals, singing rivals, partner in crime—of two boys who loved each other company the most.

“Well, it is sad to admit, but you’re definitely my bestfriend...”

In the muddy school yard, drenched by rain, and fairly exhausted from the soccer game they had; he had said that with a broad smile.

And a copy on Youngjae’s face mimicking that.

Then, graduation brought another light to their friendship.

At least, for Daehyun, it was.

The realization hit him that day, while looking at his bestfriend’s smile under the blooming cherry blossom tree in the crowded schoolyard; how easy it was to lose the boy. Tomorrow, they won’t be walking together to school, there will be no playing soccer in their lunch break, there will be no jokes to exchange, or laugh to share. It didn’t give him the heartbreak, or a painful knot in his chest. Just a hollowing feel in his stomach, like he will forever be hungry of particularly nothing.

Maybe, their friendship wasn’t that simple after all.

“Yah, why are you so quiet?” Youngjae pouted, because well, he liked to pout to get what he wants—this time, his bestfriend’s attention.

“Hmm?” Daehyun mumbled his answer, he really didn’t know how to talk; such a rare occasion it was. He rolled his body, back facing the other boy in his bed. So much for a graduation party sleepover.

“YAH!” Youngjae hit his shoulder. “You’re the one who invited me to this ing sleepover so I won’t let you do this to me!” And the slightly younger boy tickled him so he laughed, and they laughed, and the laughter echoed in the silent walls of his bedroom, slightly easing the burden in the pit of his stomach. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

Daehyun only stared at the brownish orbs shining in the dim light of the room.

It was strangely beautiful.

“Daehyun! What’s wrong? Don’t scare me like that!”

Well, what could he say? That he was afraid of losing his friend?

“I’m afraid of losing you...”

So much of a damn pride...

Youngjae stared back at him, amused. The younger flicked his forehead and he pouted. Really, when he is trying to be all serious... “What do you mean by losing me, huh? I always tell you to use your brain once in a while,  now I regret it....” Daehyun wanted to squish that chubby cheek, maybe Youngjae’s snarkiness will be reduced a little— though it was completely unrelated.

“You’re smart, now you can enroll into a prestigious school and leave me rotting here...”

Youngjae smiled softly. “Who said that you can’t? You don’t even try...”

“You always said that I’m dumb...”

“I said that you never use your brain, !”

“THERE! You called me dumb!”

The younger ruffled his hair in annoyance and puffed his chubby cheeks out of habit. “Then, let’s have a deal: you will try your hardest to get into TS High—and I will make sure that you try your hardest this time, so we can enroll in the same high school. AND, if I see that you already fight for it but fail, I’ll go to the same high school as you!”

Daehyun looked at the slightly younger ones with disbelief, he can get into any school and he had bothered to do something this big for a mere Daehyun. “You don’t have to do this...”

“Well, I want to.” Youngjae nonchalantly said while turning his body to face the ceiling.

“Why?”

“Because contrary to the popular belief, I kinda don’t want to lose you either....”

So Daehyun stared at the slighly blushing boy that night, and said nothing. He promised himself—and for the first time, for real— that this time he will do whatever it takes to get into a good highschool and never part from his one and only bestfriend.

And he did.

Days and night studying, taking his break from soccer and everything else, he had devoted himself to that one goal. Nosebleed from the huge amount of stress and the occasional headache was nothing to him. And at the end of the day, with eyebags in his eyes and the anxiety dwelled deep in his heart, he always questioned why, why would he wanted to push his limit for that one friend of him. The snarky annoying bestfriend of him.

Only when he finally passed the test and saw that blinding smile on Youngjae’s face that he had somehow discovered why.

Well, he just simply can’t lose him. That’s all.

Their highschool years was the hardest to handle. For Daehyun it is.

They remained bestfriends, that was out of the question. They were magically ended up in the same class every year. They ended up sitting in the same desk everytime. Daehyun was busy with soccer and band, while Youngjae plunged himself into science and  student council stuffs. But they remained close nonetheless. They are the dinamic duo. The inseparable pair known accross the school.

Despite their unchanged status,  Daehyun had fairly noticed the change in his own little head. Youngjae shone brighter in his eyes, his smile a little blinding at times, and his touches a little electrifying sometimes. He had grown more possessive of his bestfriend. There was this one time when Youngjae was crushing on this pretty girl from the nextdoor class, and despite his constant support to the younger, he was glad that she turned him down.

Youngjae ended up crying to him that night. And as the bestfriend he is, he gladly gave him soothing hugs and pats in the head.

It was no help that Youngjae also kept giving him the mixed signals. He was dependent on Daehyun, dragging him everywhere everytime. When Daehyun became close to one girl, he could sense the jealousy, the roller coaster mood the younger thrown at him everytime he brought that girl up in their conversation.

They were bestfriends.

But their friendship wasn’t simple.

The growing confusion, watered with their ignorance to it, grew into something quite unpleasant. There was this phase when they suddenly became awkward around each other, when they couldn’t quite look at each other’s eyes. It was around the time when Daehyun began to question his own feeling. Ironically, the long and excruciating phase was the result of one curious, harmless question.

“Are you two in love with each other?” Himchan had innocently asked.

Their group of friends suddenly went extra silent that Daehyun could hear his own heartbeat. Are they? Is he?

He wasn’t flustered because Himchan had caught on him or something, he was flustered because he had asked him the same exact question bugging his sleep every night. Is he in love with Youngjae?

They brushed it off with a laugh and a fake silly confession, but they just couldn’t act the same around each other for weeks afterward.

“I think we need to....talk....” Youngjae had appeared without notice that certain Saturday morning—it’s not that he had to give him a notice in the first place. It already is his second home.

“We really need to talk...” Daehyun echoed. He needed back his much deserved sleep.

“So, what happened to us?” Youngjae asked, more to himself than anyone else as he sat on Daehyun’s bed.

“I don’t know...” He honestly answered.

“Do you love me?”

Youngjae and his bluntness.

“I don’t know....” Another unsure but honest answer.

“You really don’t know?” Youngjae stared at him in disbelief. “Well, because I’m pretty pretty sure that I love you...”

“In what way?” Daehyun asked in return.

“Do I have to fit it into a way?” Youngjae asked back. Just that many questions in their head. “I mean, I love you. I don’t know in what way but I love you. I just know that I can’t do anything without you around to nag at me or scold me, or to scold at. I don’t want to date you, but I don’t want you to go anywhere...” Youngjae looked at him straight in the eye. “Do you want to date me Daehyunnie?”

Well, truthfully, Daehyun had never thought of that.

Did he want to date Youngjae? To asked him out to be his boyfriend? Or kiss him?

“No.” He firmly answered. No.

He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Youngjae, but he couldn’t picture Youngjae or fit him into a certain role in his life, like boyfriend.

He loves him. That’s what important.

“I love you, but no.” He repeated.

“Then, we are settled, right? Let’s love each other openly Daehyunnie!”

They laughed, and the laugh was nice. Daehyun couldn’t believe how stupid he was, confusing himself for nothing of importance at all. It was a certainty: he loves Youngjae. And nothing needed to be done with that. Because love wasn’t supposed to be put into a cage. Love should remains free and they should remain free to love.

They both had girlfriends on the way, and still remained to keep their love for each other. They are the most important person for each other, and they had agreed that whoever comes into their life had to bear that one little fact. And so the girls came and gone, but they remained.

And highschool passed by like that.

When they went to college and decided to rent an apartment together, Daehyun was certain that they were platonic. Their love was platonic. And he was okay with that.

They lived together under one roof, shared their bedroom, their clothes, everything. Youngjae had seen every bit of him, the good and the worst. They shared moment of fondness, of jealousy, of anger, of anything but boredom. And many had mistaken them for a couple—they do have an abundant amount of skinships, they hug and cuddle, hold hands and stoke each other’s hair with affection in open curtain.

“We’re friends. We love each other as friends.” Daehyun sprinkled the tone of finality on his statement, but Junhong kept raising that one annoying eyebrow of him.

“I don’t buy that...”

Daehyun laughed again. “Why not? Can’t us?”

“Well, first, your is thick as hell when you’re around that guy. And have you look into the way you give him this starry-eyed, longing look? And I can’t believe someone who say that they are platonic when they never even kissed each other yet....and you never done that!”

Well, why would he want to do that?

“Stop it, you’re just being delusional. Me and Youngjae are platonic. Case closed.”

“So what if one day one of you get married?” Junhong insisted.

“What?”

“If one of you finally marry to someone, then would you remain glued to each other like this? You won’t happen to plan on living together even after you’re married right?”

Well, that one was never been a topic on their discussion.

“I don’t know.”

Junhong groaned. “Awww, come oooon!! Don’t ‘I don’t know’ me. I told you, you’re not platonic. You two are definitely not platonic. When you go home, kiss him on the lips and tell me you’re platonic, that’s when I’ll believe all this stupid bull.”

“Okay okay!”

Daehyun did that so Junhong would shut up and focused on their assignment. He dreaded to go home and eat Youngjae’s cooking already....

“You know, my friend said something strange today....” Daehyun casually said. They were sitting on the floor with a bowl of ice cream between them, a comedy played on their TV. Their usual formula of a cuddly, lazy night.

“What? They thought we’re a couple again?” Youngjae’s laugh was crisp and melodious.

“Yeah, and this time Junhong, the really tall kid yesterday, insisted that we are not platonic. No matter how much I explained he just won’t budge... kids nowadays...”

“You’re just two years older than him!” Youngjae playfully hit him on the shoulder.

“That’s not the point Youngjae-ah...”

And then there was silence, the kind that calmed them down.

“And he said something even crazier...” Daehyun trailed off.

“What’s that?”

“He told me to kiss you...”

Youngjae nearly choked on his chocolate ice cream.  “WHAT?!” He turned his head, staring at Daehyun wide-eyed.

“Crazy, right? He said that only when I kiss you, and I can say that we’re platonic after that, that he will believe me...” Daehyun smiled his goofy little smile, and they stared at each other for a few seconds longer. “Well, there are no harm in trying actually....” Daehyun quietly said, eyes still locking on the other unsure gaze.

“Well, if it can shut him off...” Youngjae answered softly.

So Daehyun slowly leaned in, or Youngjae leaned in— or they both leaned in. Eyes closed in a slow motion and their lips met for the first time, the soft skin with the slightly chapped one. Daehyun slowly deepened their touch, and he was melting, tasting the sweet chocolate lingering on the other’s soft one. Their kiss was shy, but sure. And when they part, both were gazing into each other eyes, lost for words.

Daehyun leaned his forehead on Youngjae's, and muttered under his breath.

“Dammit, Junhong!”

He had always thought that they were platonic for sure. Well, apparently, maybe, they’re just platonish at best.

____________________________________________________

Well, why the ending has to be the hardest part to write? And that was the first time I write a kiss-excuse the lameness-

That's it my friends! I hope you enjoy this one.

And a comment would make me extra glad ;-)