The boys were inside the studio working on their new songs for their upcoming album. Some of them had already finished test recording while the others were trying out on the music, testing different tunes and pitches that will suit perfectly to acquire the feel they wanted. Donghae and Eunhyuk were seated on the sofas at the far end corner of the room, looking at some lyrics sheets that were the songs they were choosing from to include in their comeback album.

Eunhyuk tapped the paper he was holding with a pencil, humming a few notes and bobbing his head up and down as he did so, while Donghae remained quiet in his seat. “Caught up, caught up in your complicated love. Even if I try to look, there is no escaping you. I got love drunk and drowned, unable to resurface. You got me, got me intoxicated in your dangerous love trap~” Nodding approvingly while still absorbed in the paper, Eunhyuk addressed his companion. “Hey. What do you think, Donghae-ah? Is this okay for you? I think the lyrics are catchy enough, and this is more likely to be a fast-paced song rather than a slow one. I have some beats here which we could use, and I already came up with a set of dance steps to match them with.”

Donghae looked up from his own paper. “That’s fast, Hyukjae. It’s just as expected of you.”

Eunhyuk grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. “No, no. I just want to work extra hard on this. This could be the last in a long time, you know.”

It took two seconds for Donghae to understand. “Ah.”

Eunhyuk shrugged his shoulders before redirecting the topic. “Anyway. So what have you to say about the song?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s cool. We can have it as one of our singles, once we’ve put in the music and finished recording. And I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to use those beats and steps you’ve come up with. You can suggest them to everyone at the meeting later.”

“Really?” Eunhyuk beamed. “I’ve been thinking of doing that, too. I actually have some ideas for our album, so I guess I’ll say them all later.” He then peered at the stuff in front of Donghae. “What about you? See anything we could try?”

“I’m still thinking them over.” Donghae passed Eunhyuk a couple of lyrics sheets. “But maybe you could find some that we could work out.”

“Cool.” As he took the papers, Eunhyuk caught a brief glance at Donghae, and quite instantly realized that his best friend had not been in the best mood since morning. Setting the papers down on the table, he leaned forward and tapped Donghae once on the shoulder. “You okay, Donghae? You’ve been quiet ever since we left the dorm.”

Donghae, a little surprised by Eunhyuk’s sudden asking, managed to smile faintly and reply in a light tone. “I’m fine, Hyuk. I’m just not in the mood to play around today.”

Eunhyuk disagreed lightly to himself, thinking that lately it was becoming a more common occasion that Donghae didn’t have the mood to play around, unlike before when he was always over his hyungs and dongsaengs. But he knew voicing it out would not help anyone at that point, so he simply nodded. He contemplated on whether he should touch that topic, seeing that his friend was already feeling distressed. But since they were already on the borderline, and she was, after all, the reason behind Donghae’s ‘bipolar lack or overflow of emotions,’ as what Eunhyuk liked to call it, he decided to cross the line anyway. “Have you seen her yet?” He asked carefully.

Donghae shook his head. “Should I?” He turned his face away, so that Eunhyuk could not see the reflections in his eyes as he spoke as casually as he could. “We’re from the same company. When we’re all here in Korea, we see each other almost everyday. It’s not really of my own choice that I get to bump into her in almost every corner of this place. Whether I wish to see her or avoid her, she just suddenly jumps into the scene,” he added the last phrase with a somber laugh.

“You say that, but you’re always looking forward to those little meetings,” Eunhyuk teased, sounding a little exasperated yet somehow amused. “You know you always like seeing Yoona-ssi.”

“I didn’t say I never like it, it’s just that I’m not sure if it’s healthy. You know…” Donghae sighed, and Eunhyuk knew what he meant. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off not seeing her or crossing paths with her…” Then, as if he thought what he said was ridiculous, he let out a chortle while shaking his head. “Or maybe not at all.” He pursed his lips, then said no more.

Eunhyuk chewed on his bottom lip as he pondered on those words, although he needed not be hard on that considering that he himself felt the truth in them based from.. his own experiences. With Donghae, of course it had to be much worse; the guy was a walking-talking emotion. So maybe Eunhyuk was being exaggerated. But Donghae was, as his co-members knew him, sensitive, and he wasn’t the type to hang back on his feelings. He tended to offer a lot, and in the end, he was the one to suffer the most, too. Then again, that was one of the reasons why people liked him. He’s just innocent like that. But being Donghae’s closest friend for almost half of their lives, Eunhyuk sincerely hoped that someday his friend will give all those feelings he had to someone who would stay by his side. One whom he could finally work out a relationship with and be happy with without leaving him scarred in the end. Because in all actuality, it hadn’t been exactly an easy road for Donghae’s hyungs and dongsaengs either to see him struggling like that.

Siwon walked over to them carrying a bottle of water in one hand. He sat on the armrest of Donghae’s one-seater sofa and tapped the latter on the back. “What are you two on?” He looked over at the table filled with scattered papers. “Woah, that’s a lot. Are those the lyrics for our songs?”

“Yeah,” Eunhyuk replied. “I thought you’ve already seen them.”

“Not all of that, maybe four or five. Some good stuff in there?”

“Yeah, sure.” He handed Siwon the sheets containing the lyrics he had personally picked to be suggested to the staff and members later during their album conference. “Donghae already checked them out, and he agrees with me. Right, Donghae-ah?”

Donghae absentmindedly nodded as he continued to go over the papers again. Eunhyuk noticed in the expression of the former that he had something else in his mind and so proceeded to ask Donghae about it. Donghae’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as he concentrated on the papers in front of him. “I noticed we have a lot of fast songs. Most of these lyrics’ music are upbeat and meant for dancing, they need to be choreographed for our music videos and live performances.” He looked up to the two who were listening intently to him. “They’re nice and all, but if these are our only options then we create a full dance track album.”

“I agree with Donghae. I was there and I can hear what they’re playing. Everything is upbeat,” Siwon told them, looking towards the smaller, glass-cased room where their other co-members were huddled around the computers and mixers. “When you hear the music, you automatically move your body to the rhythm.” He performed his own version of a dance, doing complicated and incomprehensible movements with his arms and body. Donghae and Eunhyuk eyed each other before gazing back at Siwon, wearing complementary incomprehensible and complicated expressions, respectively.

“Ya, Siwon-ah, don’t ever do that in public. Promise?” Eunhyuk pleaded jokingly. “Don’t even do that in front of us.”

“It looks like a bad case of Yesung hyung’s octopus dance,” Donghae said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice and with a serious look on his face.

Siwon playfully hit his friends in their arm. “Yah!” The other two just laughed while trying to dodge Siwon’s attacks.

After a few more bickering – one involving a wide-eyed Heechul telling them outright to be quiet, which they totally ignored, of course – they finally resettled down to continue their halted discussion about their album.

“I also think Donghae has a point,” Eunhyuk said after a while. “Some of our songs are still romantic and they talk about love. But maybe we could use a little mellower.”

“What do you suggest as a better option then?” Siwon asked, looking alternately between Eunhyuk and Donghae. “Should we change them from dance tracks to ballads?”

“Hey, you three!” Sungmin called out as he and the other Super Junior members headed towards the door. “Let’s have lunch. Jung Hoon hyung’s treating!”

Eunhyuk immediately stood up. “Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

“He just said it!”

“Aish.” He then turned to Siwon and Donghae who were laughing earnestly as they, too, stood up from their seats. “What? I’m hungry,” he defended himself childishly as Siwon held him in the shoulders and whirled him to walk towards the door.

“Yeah, yeah, so are we. Let’s grab some lunch first, then we’ll talk about the rest later.”

*  *  *

When they arrived at the building’s cafeteria moments later, their manager had already ordered their food and was waiting for them at their table. The Super Junior members thanked him before indulging their stomachs, not realizing how hungry they were until their noses were filled with the aroma of the hot ramen in front of them. The group ate heartily as they continued their conversation among themselves. A while later, the topic of their comeback was raised.

“How’s your preparation for your album?” The manager asked.

“We’ve already finished the choreography for three of our songs, hyung,” Eunhyuk, being the temporary representative, replied. “Today we’re working on the rest of the songs, what else to include on the album, which type of music will blend with the whole album concept, and the like.”

“Everything’s going smoothly then, I suppose?”

“Yes, hyung. Everything’s going well and everyone is working hard. The members might have some ideas to suggest, and we will be discussing them all later during the conference. But there are no problems at all.”

The manager nodded. “Good if that is so. Your comeback is in two months. Make sure all is perfect, alright?”

“Yes, hyung,” everyone said in unison.

At that moment, the members of SNSD entered the cafeteria. When the girls spotted Super Junior, they went over to greet their sunbaes. There were only seven of them present; Yoona and Taeyeon were not part of them.

Super Junior bowed to and greeted them back enthusiastically. Donghae just smiled passively, noticing quite instantly who was missing in the group. After all, he sees her first. Always. Beside him, Eunhyuk looked almost as enthusiastic as Donghae. He was greeting everyone, though his eyes were becoming quite unsure when they would always dart back towards one particular person.

“Are you having your lunch?” Siwon asked.

“Yes, oppa,” the girls chorused. “We only just perfected our dance practice. Yuri keeps stomping on my foot,” Sunny added as a complaint, earning a smack from Yuri herself. Everyone laughed.

“Yah!” Yuri cupped her cheeks with both hands, feeling herself redden in embarrassment. “It’s because Sooyoungie’s so tall! Her legs stretch all over the place.” She even gestured it with her arm tracing a wide circle around her.

“YAH!” It was Sooyoung’s turn to cower from her Super Junior oppas, some of whom were laughing loudly in amusement at their cute hoobaes. “Is it my fault! I told everyone it’s better if we all do that leg move, but for some reason only the tall girls were to do it. And now we have to stand together in one line and have our legs clash while dancing! But is it my fault if I’m long-legged?!”

“Wow. You are not upset at all,” Hyoyeon joked.

“Blame Taeyeon, that’s her idea,” Tiffany said with her usual eye-smile.

“Taeyeon!” Sooyoung shouted beyond normal loudness of voice. Almost everyone in the cafeteria was looking at the group by then, and Sooyoung backed off and hid herself among her smaller members.

“Why are you even hiding? You’re the tallest among us!” Yuri teased.

“Where are Taeyeon-ssi and Yoona-ssi?” Eunhyuk asked.

“Taeyeon unnie is in the practice room talking with our manager. We actually came only to buy our lunch, we will be eating upstairs. Yoona,” Tiffany paused for a second, and in that split time she had managed to look over at two people: Super Junior’s manager who, luckily, was talking on his phone at that moment, and Lee Donghae who, unfortunately, had his attention on her as if he was actually waiting for the answer. “She got a call from Seung Gi oppa and she came to meet him. I think oppa’s gonna be out of town for a few days so he wants to see Yoona before he leaves. But she'll be back before our lunch time ends.”

“Ah, that’s why.” The guys nodded in response, not intending to elaborate more on the topic.

“It’s good if she’ll be back in time for your practice. Imagine how bad it will be if she suddenly kicks! and disastrously aims at you. She has long legs, too!” Shindong suddenly exclaimed while pretending to kick his legs high up in the air, making everyone burst into laughter again.

“No, no,” Tiffany waved her hand in front of her as she laughed. “Yoona did well, she never stomped on any of us.”

“Yeah, she was perfect a while ago,” Sunny seconded.

“Ah, very good. There are no worries then,” Shindong concluded, laughing as well.

A few minutes after, SNSD bade their goodbyes and went on their way while Super Junior went back to eating their lunch. Fifteen minutes before their break was over, they decided to go back to the studio so they can rest even just for a few minutes before finally resuming their tasks.

*  *  *

While walking, Donghae’s mind was preoccupied with a lot of things. His mind raced with countless thoughts, but not as fast as his heart pounded in his chest. As the others walked around him, he tried to wipe his face off any emotion so as not to raise any more worries from s. Even as Siwon asked him quietly if he’s alright, he just nodded and smiled. The others would know it then; as long as he can still smile outside, he’ll be just fine. Even if he himself found it really hard to know if he really was going to be just fine.

Was it really that hard to breathe? Were his hands supposed to be feeling cold, and was the cold supposed to be spreading through his whole body, numbing everything except that one thing there were times he wished was not capable of feeling? He shouldn’t be feeling like that. Wasn’t he just walking? But he was making his way back to the studio, while knowing that some place else Yoona was being happy while spending her time with a different guy. But it shouldn’t be like that at all, that as if there was a hand that clenched at his heart, should it? That every single breath seemed hard to take and in the end didn’t even manage to ease his protesting emotions, but only made him want to cry even more. If he thought of it, somehow it should even be funny. For two years he had faced that situation. When Seung Gi came and took his place, Donghae had to live with and through seeing the man enter their lives and place himself in between him and Yoona. For Donghae, Seung Gi had always been a huge barricade separating him from Yoona and preventing him from reaching out to her. In an instant, everything that Donghae was, now Seung Gi is. Nothing about them surprised him anymore. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, over time he had finally gotten used to Yoona-Seunggi being… there. Ironically, the only thing surprising was that in the every day that he had to face that fact, it still hurt all the same.

Even as they arrived back at the recording room, he couldn’t help thinking about Yoona. Everyone had already scattered and proceeded to do their own thing, but Donghae stayed on his previous seat on the sofa, looking at the lyrics sheets that he had already seen a while ago, without comprehending the slightest bit of meaning behind the words written on them. Flashes of his memories with Yoona flooded his mind, and he wondered stupidly to himself why in the present it wasn’t him anymore. He held her hand, laughed at her Ahn Youngmi imitations, played with her hair, danced with her, hugged her when she cried, smiled the most when she was happy, watched her sleep, wrote songs for her.. he loved her. And he didn’t think he could ever love anyone else after. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but one thing he’d bet on his life, she was the last. But while he’s thinking that way, she was loving someone else. Was it a glitch on his feelings? If he was so sure that his love for her was never ending, shouldn’t he be the one who’s beside her at that exact, same moment, and not Seung Gi? But Seung Gi was currently the one creating those moments with Yoona, while Donghae sat there, alone, unsure of how long he’ll be able to hold on to those far away memories before they start to fade away with time. Those memories were the only ones left of him and Yoona, and if he were to lose them too someday, he wouldn’t know how else.

And he was envious of their relationship. Apart from the busy schedules, they could see each other without many restrictions. When he and Yoona were romantically involved with each other in the past, although the company didn’t exactly disapprove of their relationship, it didn’t encourage what they had either, nor did the company allow any action that would make the public suspicious. He didn’t resent the company for that. He and Yoona were both aware of their statuses as idols at the time and the implications of having something personal to do with each other. But he won’t deny that he had also hoped then that their company would allow them the chance to freely express their relationship, not only to their labelmates but to their fans as well. Because Donghae couldn’t be much happier with their relationship if he could shout to the world how much she meant to him, and how proud he was that Im Yoona was, ever gratefully, his. It seemed ridiculous to think so now, but maybe then she would have stayed… or maybe not for forever like what he had always believed, but at least even for a while longer. Seung Gi was very fortunate. Just how he wished that he, too, could turn all those feelings into words, and finally let the world in on what’s really inside his heart, from then until now.

The laughter breaking out from the other members caused him to bounce back to reality. His attention was shifted to Shindong and company who were currently laughing on their stomachs as they managed to successfully carry out their overused water prank on the sleeping and unsuspecting maknae, who, in turn, grabbed the water jug and started chasing everyone with splashing water. Donghae chuckled at their childishness, wanting to join his hyungs and dongsaengs in their silly, little crazed game, but he still had a task to do and there wasn’t much time to begin with. Because of what happened in the cafeteria, he almost forgot he had to come up with an idea with regards to the songs they were to include in their album since he was the one who pointed that out in the first place. He heaved a deep sigh. Leaning forward, he took the pencil from the table and twirled it around with his fingers while thinking. The hands on his watch indicated there was still five minutes before their unofficial meeting starts.

With much difficulty, he tried to push thoughts of Yoona to the back of his mind. Though of course, he really wasn’t used to tuning her out, not that he really ever tried. A faint smile graced his lips, and he thought of how pathetic he felt he was with his insecurities seeming to get the better of him. Grabbing a sheet from the pile on the table, he forced himself to focus on the task at hand. A minute ticked by, and he was starting to get more frustrated when there came a sudden nervous thump in his chest, just as he was staring blankly at the words in front of him. … Perhaps, after all that time, there’s still a way…? If there’s a single chance to get all his thoughts across, he’d grab it, wouldn’t he? It might be too late for the present, but maybe, just maybe… Not for the past.

His thoughts of Yoona easily resurfaced and he stared almost hopefully at the lyrics sheets, an idea forming in his head.

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I’m way behind the times. This is supposed to be posted last month, but well, my laziness sickness kicked in (not that it ever stopped) and you know what’s happened. So after a month and a half… chapter 3 is up!! And since this is just posted late, I’m still around a month earlier here in the story. So no Leader-ssi yet. I’m following my own timeline in my head, so yeah ^^ Hopefully I get to update soon or my story might just get messed up.. hehe, just half-kidding :)

I will try my hardest to update this sooner than a month and a half! Lol ^^v kidding aside, I’m starting school again in a few months, and by then I don’t think I’ll be around Aff except for vacations and major holidays. So I need to finish this as soon as possible. But this isn’t the only one I’ve got, I have other stories in other sites which need to be updated and finished as well. So right now my hands are quite full and I’m sort of rushing everything now. So please bear with me for a while ^^’ I don’t promise anything at the moment, all I can say is that I’ll try my best :)

And btw, if any of you guys remember this story coming from a different author, it’s still me. I changed from yunhoybody :) Thank you for reading!