BEYOND THE ETERNAL DREAM

 

 

 

 

 

" I'm going out. Don't wait for me. " After utter the words, he quickly put on his shoes and flies through the door. Without even glancing at me.

 

As for me, it is not something new. He does that all the time.

 

Does what ?

 

Well, let me say, he basically fall out of love.

 

Why did I say that ?

 

Well, isn't that obvious ? He's going out with God knows who and he left me alone in my- no, correction. In our house.  We never talk as much as we used to now because some of the reason is that he is so busy with assignment and stuff. But I know he's not.

 

He is a college student and so does me, we pretty busy with assignment but he is way too busy. Even busier than a president. Is it so hard to spend a day ? No ! Even a ing second on me. His girlfriend. The answer is no.

 

He will always say that he need to finish up his homework, his assignment and study for his upcoming exam. The strange this is, he and I are in a same class. We go to the same college and we even take the same classes. But I have never been that busy.

 

Love ? Its funny right ? How it come and go just like that. My problem is, I love him too much and that love keeps getting stronger and stronger. But love act differently on him. He grew tired of me. He doesn't seems to care about me now. Lovers should care about each other right ? Well I guess he didn't.

 

Who am I referring to ? Ah, I forgot to introduce you to my 2 years boyfriend. Jung Taekwoon or as people called him Leo. 

 

You see, the thing is, he is way too chic and rarey show his emotion to peoples. That's why the whole college students is afraid of him. But shocking, the lion did have a heart. And he confessed to someone. And yes. You are right. Its me. The chic lion confess to me, an ordinary girl. Why did he choose me ? That is a question that will always remain mystery.

 

Back to the story. So he left, leaving me alone on the sofa, watching tv. Honestly I really want to know where did he go. But I don't want to ask. I don't want to care either because he might yelled at me when I ask him question.

 

Leo never like people asking him question, escpecially me. He found it rather .. annoying.

 

Its 2 am now and I accidently fall asleep on the sofa, again. I heard some moans and screams when I woke up. I know what is going on but I don't care. I just ignore the noise and went to our- my room and quickly cover my ear with pillow.

 

Am I crying ? No. I'm used to this situation. At first I was shock but I was too afraid to ask him about the noise although I know what their doing. I guess I get used to it too much until I feel numb.

 

The next morning greets me but soon my happiness dissapear as I saw scattered cloth on the floor. As I want to pick up, suddenly the door is open, revealing him with a half- girl beside him. The girl look shock but he still maintain his poker face when he saw me.

 

" Who is- is this ? " she yelled. I was to tired to argue with another of his so I throw her cloth at her and open up the main door, practically asking her to leave. Well she waste no time to dressed up and walk away. But not before kissing my boyfriend's cheek.

 

After she left, I stare at him with an emotionless face I had to put on. Showing him that I'm okay with this. He scoffed, before entering his room. Probably getting a shower after a hot steamy night.

 

I wanted to cry. I really do. I feel so betrayed at that moment. But nothing come out from my eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

" Inn ! " my bestfreind scream while hugging my back. " I miss you. " I smiled at her and pat her head.

 

" I miss you too Zhie. "

 

"  So are we hang out tonight ? " She look at me with a pleading face. I know I didn't hang out with her lately. Well after I have a relationship with Leo, I basically live my life for him. I don't hang out with people as I don't want Leo to misunderstood me. He could sometime be so jealousy.

 

But to think of, he won't be a jealously Taekwoon anymore.

 

" I guess it won't hurt to go shopping for a day. " I winked at her, earning another hug from her.

 

" Finally ! Gosh I thought that you won't go out with me since, you know, how Leo will react when you going with someone. "

 

" Who give a damn about what he thinks. You're my bestie and it is not a criminal to go shopping with my bestfriend. Beside, you're a girl for Heaven sake. He won't be jealous. "

 

" Yeah right, the last time we hang out, he ended up calling you every 10 minutes, just to check whether you're okay or not. "

 

Yes, I admit that. He always called when I'm not around. He used to text me a message saying to come home early or something like he miss me so come home. But don't worry Zhie, he won't bother us again.

 

The hang out was awesome, I purposely didn't tell him where I was going after class and he usually will be worried sick if I go somewhere without telling him but guess what ? He didn't even call or text me. Which it kinda make me sad. Did he really don't care ?

 

Night is getting darker and thankfully I manage to found a taxi and that taxi driver drove me straight to our so called house. I expect him, drinking with his friends or making out with another girl but strangely, I found him watching football match with a bowl of popcorn in his hand. 

 

I shrugged and lock the gate before making my move towards my room. But before I can make another step, his voice stops me.

 

" Where did you go ? "

 

Oh so now he is concerned ? I sigh in relief. At least he did worry about me. I was a bout to open my mouth before he shut it with him, slamming the bowl on the small table while his eyes is staring right at me.

 

" Le- Leo ? " I shuttered. He's mad. I can feel it. He just stare at me viciously, as if I commited a crime. I wanted to apologize but he grab my wrist, making me whine in pain.

 

" If you want to go out ting, you better tell me first so I don't have to waste my time waiting for you ! " His stare are deadly but his words are killing me inside.

 

I just went out shopping and he said that I'm ting ? That seem unfair right ? I wanted to say the truth but I know Leo too well. He won't even listen to what I say.

 

He smirked before letting my wrist go and walk away, slamming the door. And I'm alone. Again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know, for this past few days, I had this dream. In this dream, Leo seems different. He sound so cheerful and happy. His bright smile never slipped through his face. He grab my hand and we run across the river and the sea. It did sound ridicilous but hey, its a dream.

 

But I woke up, only to know that it won't happen. He won't smile at me, he won't take my hand again and he never seem happy, being with me.

 

And that dream keep repeating itself. As if my memory has record that dream. Whenever I sleep, that dream will automatically on. It was a happy dream. Me and Leo, being happy together, laughing together and play together. Most importanly, I can feel his love in that dream.

 

Funny how dream can be so different in reality. In reality, we never spoke unless its something important. We never hold hands or going on a date. He will usually wear his poker face whenever he's with me. But in my dream, it was a wonderful day it is. Leo often caress my hair, whispering love word every single time and I will reply him with soft and sweet kiss on his lip . Sometime he will sleep on my lap while I play with his hair. 

 

But as I say. It was just a dream. And ever since that I had that dream, sleep was something I waited for all day.

 

 

 

 

 

" Leo-yah. Stop drinking ! Go home. She's probably waiting for you. " Hakyeon, his friend, advise him. Leo just shake his head and slip another drink down his throat.

 

" Hyung, isn't today your anniversary with her ? " The maknae ask the latter. Leo just shrugged and left the bar and went to the middle of the floor, dancing like there is no tomorrow. His friends just watch him and shakes their head. Probably pitying me I guess.

 

As for me, I didn't do anything for our 2nd anniversary. I'm not like the other girlfriends who will prepare a gift or baked a cake for their boyfriends. I won't do that because I know, he won't appriciates it.

 

Somehow, on my anniversary day, I just sat there, on a sofa, watching tv like usual. Maybe for the other couples, they will go out with their partner and celebrate the day where they are fated together. To celebrate the day where the boy or the girl confess to each other and get accepted. In my case, he confessed to me but he's not here, to celebrate it with me.

 

I expect being alone on my aniversary day is worse enough, I never know it will get worser. I heard a laughing echoes behind the door. Its a laugh from him and another women. Before they manage to get in, I quickly hide myself inside my room. Hugging my knee and sit at the corner. The moans and scream are getting louder and I cover my ears really hard. And for a long time, finally my tears decided to escape from eyes.

 

" Please, I want to sleep ! I want to sleep ! I want the Leo inside my dream ! I don't want to wake up ! " I scream in agony but I bet he can't hear my voice. At last, I fall asleep and that Leo in my dream appear again.

 

In that dream, I hit him countless time on his chest but he didn't move. He just stare at me with a guilty written all over his face.

 

" I'm sorry. " That's the only thing he said to me and without me waiting, he pressed his sweet lips against mine. He broke the kiss and hug me before whispering ...

 

" I love you."

 

 

 

 

 

I woke up on the floor, looking all confused. I swear I heard Leo saying that he love me and he just kiss me. But yet, I laugh. It was just a dream. And now that I'm awake, I have to face the cruel reality.

 

I went out after taking my shower and expected to see cloth scattering around but to my surprised, no one is here except me. I guess they left early. I look around and it feel ... deserted and empty. I never felt this empty before.

 

" Is it time for me to leave ? " 

 

" Is it time for me to be free ? "

 

" Will I survive without him ? "

 

Those question keep lingering in my head. I'm just asking some question that I won't be getting any answer. When is my life become this pathetic ? I swear everything was perfect last year,he was so caring and thoughtful. But what happen ? To Leo ? To me ?

 

 

 

 

 

" Have you eaten this days ? You look thin ? " Zhie tap my arm. I just blankly stare at the food.

 

" Leave him ! " She said firmly. And I'm not surprise, she ask me to leave him multiple times but I can't. I don't know why but I can't leave him. It feel like a part of my live is attached to him.

 

" Its for your own good Inn. Look at you ! You look like a zombie ! You hardly smile, talk or even concentrate in class. Where's the cheerful and talkative Inn that I know ? " She stare at me, hoping that I gain my sense back.

 

" She's .... long gone. The old Inn is long gone. I don't where she is but she's not here. " I spoke in an emotionless voice and that probably shock Zhie as she was taken aback at what I said. I know that somehow I hurt her feeling so I decided to walk away from her, Ignoring her, yelling my name.

 

 

 

 

" Taekwoon ! " He hummed in respond. I giggled before wrapping my arms around his neck.

 

" You wanna know something ? I love sleeping. And I did sleep a lot nowadays. And look at me, I have a panda eyes. " I pout. He just chuckled before kissing my eyes.

 

" Your eyes look cute. But why do you like sleeping anyway ? " he ask as he caress my arm. 

 

" When I close my eyes, I can see you. My nice and warm and caring Jung Taekwoon but when I open my eyes, all I see is the pain that Leo causes me. The Leo in reality is different with the Taekwoon in my dream, which is you. Why can't you be Leo ? Why can't Leo be you ? "

 

He pat my head and smile. Watching him smile is the sight that I will never get bored of.

 

" Then close your eyes, look at me only. Although I exist in your dream but at least you won't get hurt in the real world. "

 

" But sooner or later, I have to wake up. "

 

" Don't wake up my Inn, close your eyes forever and come to me. I'll give you the eternal dream that you will never forget. "

 

I wake abruptly after having that dream. What does he mean by close my eyes, forever. It seems so wrong. Yet it feels so right.

 

 

 

 

" When are you going to broke up with her ? " Jaehwan ask the pale looking guy. Leo just give the latter a stare and sigh.

 

" I- I don't know. " The latter just sigh and look at his hyung. The oldest spoke up while tapping Leo's back.

 

" You have to change or you will regret it later Leo-yah. " 

 

" Did you love her hyung ? " The maknae ask, only earning a dangerous stare from Leo.

 

" I- I don't know. I can't feel a thing when I'm with her. Maybe I fall out of love ? "

 

" Then set her free. Can't you see thats she's suffering ? "

 

" I don't think I can let her go. I don't know why but I can't let her go. "

 

" Don't be selfish Leo-yah. If you don't love her then let her go but if you still love her, then change. "

 

" Can't you guys shut up ! I want to have fun and I don't want you to ruin my mood ! Beside, mind your own business Hakyeon. " Leo hissed before pushed Hakyeon and walk away.

 

" Fine then ! But don't come, running to me if she leave you first ! " Hakyeon shout, making Leo stop abrutly.

 

" What if she .. leave me ? " 

 

 

 

 

 

Leo quietly close the door and toss the key on the table. He ruffled his hair frustratedly and without him noticing, he was already in my room. He could see me sleeping on the bed while smile plastered all over my face.

 

He brought his hand to caress my cheek and smile but immediately frown when he saw how thin I am.

 

" Did I hurt you this badly ? "

 

" Did you cry so much ? "

 

" I'm sorry. '

 

He whisper every words at me. But of course I can't hear him, because I was too happy in my dream until I can't feel a single thing. How I wish I was in the dreamland forever.

 

 

 

 

 

I woke up, feeling a little bit heavy. When I turn around, I saw Leo, sleeping while hugging my waist. I don't know what I suppose to feel but I do feel annoyed. Annoyed with his presence. He is not the sweet and caring Taekwoon in my dream, he just the ungrateful lion in my real world.

 

I scoffed and quickly wake up. My movement somehow wake Leo up. When my eyes meet with him, all I could feel is annoyance and hatred. But when I saw him smiling, I thought I was dreaming. I quickly snap out when I know I wasnt sleeping. I quickly walk out from the door. Leaving Leo dumbfoulded.

 

 

 

 

 

Day after day and I could see the change from Leo. He didn't went out drinking. He spend his time more with me. We go on a date at least three times a week. At first I thought that it was a dream, but no. It is real and I'm happy. I feel loved and tresured. But the strange thing is, the moment I feel happy with Leo, I didn't have any dream about Taekwoon anymore. But I could care less because I'm happy now with Leo.

 

Or so I thought  ..

 

I thought that we will be happy forever, until I realise. There is no such thing as forever ..

 

" I- I can't do this anymore. " Leo let go of my hand and bit his lip. I look at him with a confused face.

 

" I thought that I can love you as much as you love me but I can't. I really .. fall out of love with you. " He whisper while looking down on the floor. I stood there, freezing.

 

" So .. all this time was a- "

 

" Yes ! I thought that maybe if I spend more time with you, I can love you as I used too but I can't. I'm sorry. "

 

" Leo please. Don't do this to me. I love you. " I try to grip his hand but he shove me away.

 

" I think we're done here. I'm sorry. " he quickly walked away from the house and I can't accept it. I need him and I'm sure he need me. So I chase him. I keep yelling and screaming his name but he ignore it.

 

I keep running and running until I notice that I was standing in the middle of the road. When I saw him, I quickly run towards him, without looking at my left and right. Without me noticing, a white Mercedes car driving in a speed towards me and I froze. I can't move my legs and I heard someone yelling my name before everything went dark.

 

 

 

 

 

" Inn. Hey, open your eyes jagi. " I squirm as I feel the light shooting at my eyes.

 

" Where- where am I ? " I look at the figure infront me. The figure just smile and hug my waist.

 

" I miss you. " he whisper. 

 

" Leo ? " He shakes his head and frown.

 

" Taekwoon ? " He immediately smile when I called him that.

 

" Am-am I dreaming ? "

 

" Technically yes. "

 

I press my forehead and groan in pain as I try to remember everything.

 

" Le- Leo ! He say that he doesn't love me anymore ! " I widen my eyes as I remember everything perfectly. How he said that he didn't love me anymore. How I chased him and ended at the middle of the road. I hug Taekwoon and cry. Taekwoon just stare while wiping my tears.

 

" But I love you Inn. I always love you. " He hugged me even tighter.

 

" But I can only see you in my dream. When i open my eyes, I can't see you anymore. "

 

" Then close your eyes forever, be with me in this eternal dream, where I will never leave you. "

 

I look at him as I slowly nod. I will now close my eyes, into the eternal dream where he never left me from the beginning.

 

 

 

 

 

LEO POV

 

" How is she Leo ? " I just shake my head. Hakyeon, who just arrived with the others are concerned about her.

 

" How did this happen Leo ! " The oldest grab my collar. I didn't do anything because I deserve this. I'm the cause of her accident. If I wasn't ego enough, she will still be here, eating ramen at home probably.

 

" Zhie. " I called her name when I saw her coming towards me and without letting me say a word, she slap harshly at my face, leaving a visibled red mark.

 

" This is all your fault ! I know you are good for nothing ! " She yelled at me and most probably she wants to hit me again, until Wonshik come to stop her.

 

" Let me go ! This bastard need a good beating ! " She clench her fist. Hongbin quickly grab her away from me and try to calm her down.

 

I wanted to say sorrry and fix everything. After this, I'll try to become a good boyfriend to Inn. Yet ! I'll propose her and ask her to become my wife. I love her. I do. But I don't know what happen to me. Maybe because she was around and I grew tired of her ? But I can't afford her leaving me like this. Not this way, I look at my hand, the hand she hold, begging literally for me to not leave her.

 

I walk back and fro and pray so hard that she will survive. The doctor  who's in charge of her surgery came out from the surgeon room. I quickly ask him about Inn's condition. Only to be reply by a sigh. I shake my head hard.

 

" I'm sorry. We did all we could to save her."

 

" No ! No ! No ! " I yelled. This is impossible. She's died ? But it was just yesterday that we had ice-cream together. 

 

" I'm sorry. " the doctor bow before went inside the surgeon room again.  I feel that my knee is getting weaker and flopped down the floor. I can feel my tears falling down non stop. I could see that Zhie is crying and so does the rest.

 

I close my eyes. And hope that this is just a nightmare. A nightmare where you leave me alone.

 

 

 

 

 

" Come on Leo. We're late for her funeral." Hakyeon whisper. I just stood there, not moving an inch. My life was a mess to be honest. She's died and it was my fault. If only I can turn back time.

 

I can take care of her 24 hours.

 

I will always be there for her no matter what.

 

I will always whisper at her, telling her how much I love her, cherish her.

 

But I can't. I was too late. 

 

But the thing is, I can see her when I close my eyes. She will be laughing and smiling at me.

 

It was a sweet dream, where you never left me from the beginning  and into an eternal dream where  I don't want to wake up from ..

 

 

 

 

 

...................            

 

 

THE STORY HAS ENDED

THANKS FOR READING

UNTILL WE MEET AGAIN

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