“Daehyun, I like you”

Youngjae confessed to me when we meet. I can see Junhong stiffened.  I bet Youngjae didn’t tell him cos he’s as surprised as me.

I can see Junhong’s face getting pale. But he keeps on smiling at Youngjae. No, Junhong, don’t smile.

“Ah… I have to go now” he gets up and pats Youngjae’s shoulder, I can see he’s whispering a good luck to his best friend. No Junhong. You shouldn’t do that.

Youngjae smiles widely and nods before turning back to me.

“Daehyun, would you be mine?”

I can see Junhong looking at me with his teary eyes and nod, as if telling me to accept Youngjae’s feeling. No Junhong. Don’t tell me to do that.

 

I run back to my room. It hurts. Like someone stab a knife on my chest repeatedly. My own best friend never tell me that he got a crush on my crush!

Well it’s my fault too. I never tell him either that I had crush on someone.

I know that Daehyun have the same feeling to me, but I can’t stand to see Youngjae in pain. We know each other since 5 years old. He’s like my own brother who always trying to protect me and makes me happy.

I hope Daehyun understand the sign I gave to him, I wish he will accept Youngjae’s feeling.

I curled up on my bed, hugging the bear Daehyun gave me, crying.

 

Youngjae looking at me with his puppy eyes. I know he’s waiting for my answer, but Junhong’s last stare stop me from giving answer.

Did Junhong really want me to accept him? Doesn’t he know my feeling? I take a deep breath and trying to think rationally.

“Thank you Youngjae. I feel honoured that you feel that way to me. But I still need some times to…sort out my own feeling” I told him. I can tell he’s disappointed at my answer, but he still smiling.

“I’ll be waiting, Daehyun. I hope it won’t take too long” He gets up and leave me alone.

I’m sorry Youngjae, but it’s not you the one that I want.

That one that I love just giving up his feeling to me, because of you. What should I do now?

 

I heard the footstep near me. I shut my eyes tightly, pretend to sleeping.

“Junhong….ah…you’re asleep. I’ll just… calm down Youngjae…he’s not rejecting you yet…you still have the chance” I heard him talking to himself while getting out of my room.

So Daehyun hasn’t give the answer? Didn’t he get my message? Stupid Daehyun, why does he have to make it harder?

A text message comes. I know it’s from Daehyun so I didn’t open it. I don’t want to hear anything from him right now. I’m preparing myself to stay away from him.

 

He’s not reading my message, I know. Why Junhong? Why did you do this to me?

I walk back to my room, close my door, ignoring the call from Himchan hyung. I don’t need anyone right now. I don’t need food either. I just need Junhong to talk to me and tell me that he loves me too. Not telling me to accepting Youngjae. No Junhong. It will never happen.

 

I woke up and find Youngjae spazzing on the balcony.

“Hyung” I called him. He get surprised but then smiling at me.

“How was it?” I brace myself to ask him.

“He hasn’t give me the answer. He said he need to sort out his own feeling”

“oh..”

“Hyung…since when….?”

“I don’t know, Junhong-ah. It just happens. These days he looks more attractive. Whenever he came here, I can’t stop staring at him and my heart won’t stop beating”

“Why…don’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry Junhong-ah. I’m too shy to admit it”

“oh…”

“Junhong-ah…what if he reject me?”

I don’t know hyung. I wish he will reject you. But I can’t stand to see you in pain.

“Don’t think about it, hyung”

“I mean…what if he likes someone else? I always wonder how it feels to have a broken heart. I’m scared. But I have to face it, right?”

Don’t smile at me, hyung. Don’t be nice to me. I don’t want to see you hurt hyung.  But I love him too, hyung.

 

If yesterday he won’t answer my call, I have to meet him today. It’s been a week since he ignores me! It’s not right to let go off your happiness only to please someone else.  That someone will get hurt in the end if he finds out about it.

Junhong you have to understand that. I can’t love someone else.

“Junhong-ah!” I saw him and quickly walk to him. You’re not going to hide from me, aren’t you? Damn Junhong don’t run! I take big steps to him and catch his hand.

“Don’t do this to me!” I yelled at him after I dragged him to the stair. No one’s around.

“Please” Junhong said. His eyes were puffy and now filled with tears.

“No Junhong! You know I can’t do this! It’s not right!” I know my voice getting higher, he’s squirming even though he’s taller than me, now he’s on my eyes level.

“Please” his voice getting smaller.

“I can’t! I can’t lie to him, I can’t lie to you, I can’t lie to my own feeling!” I pushed him to the wall. This kid is really frustrating me.

“I will tell the truth and I hope you won’t run away” I grab his hand and pulled him to follow me. I tried to call Youngjae and telling him to meet me at the usual place we hang out.

 

Daehyun please don’t do this to me. Don’t hurt my brother. He loves you. You can’t hurt him. Please.

“I can’t hurt him but I have to hurt you? I’d rather die than do that”

He’s mad at me. He’s dragging me to meet Youngjae. Can I die right now?

Youngjae hyung don’t come. Don’t come please.

 

Youngjae arrived at the place, waiting for Daehyun with thumping heart. Daehyun sound so serious, maybe he already finds out his own feeling. But then the sight when Daehyun appear makes Youngjae’s heart aching.

Daehyun pulls Junhong with him. Anger’s written on his face. While Junhong’s face pale as if he seen ghost.

Daehyun sit in front of Youngjae and make Junhong sit beside him, still not letting go his hand even though Junhong wriggles his hand.

“Youngjae, I’m sorry for calling you suddenly. But I have to do this now. I can’t stand this anymore”

Somehow Youngjae understand what will Daehyun say.

“Thank you for your feeling to me, Youngjae. But I’m in love with someone else”

Junhong’s eyes getting teary. He closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to see Youngjae right now. Never want to see Youngjae hurt.

“Maybe he never tells you, and I guess you never tell him either about your feeling to me. But now I’m going to tell you, that I love Junhong. And from what I know, I can assume that he has the same feeling to me”

Tears roll down on Junhong’s face. It’s true that he knows Daehyun likes him. But they never confessed to each other. They just understand each other’s feeling. Having Daehyun confessing his feeling makes Junhong happy but at the same time breaking his heart cos he know Youngjae must have his heart broken right now.

“I’m sorry I can’t accept your feeling to me. And I hope you can understand Junhong. He’s telling me to accept your feeling and throwing away his own feeling. But it’s not the right thing to do. I know he doesn’t want to hurt you, but that’s just wrong. How can I love someone else when all I want is him”

Youngjae smiles sadly. His heart is breaking, not because the rejection, but because of Junhong. He never thought that Junhong would throw away his own feeling only to make him happy.

“Junhong-ah…why you never tell me? How can I take away your happiness? I’m your brother. Of course I will make you happy. You always make me happy, don’t you ever try to do this again. It hurts me to see you like this”

Junhong opens his eyes and greet by the hyung that smiling sadly. He cries even more.

“I’m sorry hyung. I just don’t want to see you getting hurt. You always do anything to make me happy. I thought it’s the only thing I can do for you”

“No, Junhong. You’re wrong. You always make me happy. You’re the best brother I ever had. You should’ve told me that you’re in love. So this will never happen. Promise me this won’t happen again. Never throw away your happiness, even it’s for me”

Youngjae gets up and walk to his brother, hugging him tightly.

“Daehyun, please take care of him. He’s my precious one. Treat him well” Youngjae tell him, and the other nods.

“It might hurt a bit, Junhong-ah. But it will heal soon. Don’t worry. Just mind your own feeling, you shouldn’t have hurt yourself like this. I love you, you know that?” Youngjae caress his hair. Junhong nods and mumbles. “I’m sorry hyung”

“I’ll leave now. Fix everything now between you two, okay?”

 

“See that Junhong-ah?”

Junhong fiddles his finger. He’s not looking at me at all. I lift his chin and force him to face me.

“I love you, Junhong. And I will never let you go for anyone else. Not even when you ask me to. I will never let you go”

A single tear escape from Junhong’s eye. I wipe it with my finger and kiss his forehead.

“I love you too Daehyun”

I hope you understand now Junhong, I will never let you go, ever.