"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US? DO YOU THINK HE'S NOT IMPORTANT TO US? HE'S OUR LEADER! HE'S MY HYUNG!"

 

The whole dorm shocked listening the screaming of Huang Zitao. I don't even dare to meet the panda's eyes. Luhan tried to calm the maknae but Tao keep on shouting at me.

 

"YOU KNOW HE'S LEAVING! WHY DON'T YOU TELL US BEFORE HE DISAPPEAR? WHY DO YOU KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF? ARE WE NOT A FAMILY TO YOU ANYMORE?"

 

Joonmyeon, the ultimate leader, raise from his chair and shouted, "SIT DOWN, HUANG ZITAO!"

 

"I HATE YOU!" Tao screamed at my face before he went slamming his room's door.

 

"It's okay, guys. It's all my fault anyway. I should have told you guys."

"No, _____ noona. It's not your fault. You know how far Tao can go when he is mad." Sehun wrapped his arm around me and lean his right cheek to my left shoulder.

"He'll be fine in a few days. Don't worry, _____-ssi. We'll talk to him later, okay?" Jongdae ruffled my hair.

"Yah! You'll mess up my hair! Shin Hye unnie just done it for me." I laugh a bit while slapping Jongdae's hand.

"There. Our baby boo has laughed. Now we can stop worrying about our _____-ssi." Chanyeol pinched my cheek.

 

I laughed loudly even though the boys know I'm crying inside. I stayed for awhile and went back to my apartment after Sehun and Jongin have clean the kitchen. I want to say good night to Tao but Yixing don't allow me to do so. I just nod and get out of their dorm with deep cut in my heart. I never went home without saying good night to everyone.

 

***

 

Shower. Done.

Editing the pictures. Done.

Upload it in their official Twitter and Instagram. Done.

 

I put my Nikon and the tag "OFFICIAL EXO PHOTOGRAPHER" and SME staff ID card into my bag pack before went out to the balcony with hot tea and my laptop. This is the only way for me to release my stress. I opened up my favourite Kpop website - AllKpop. I read the highlight of the day.

 

KRIS IS RUMOURED TO LEFT EXO

 

I re-read this until I can't take it anymore. It's unofficial, of course. He hasn't left EXO yet, but he's planning to. I know.

 

Yes, I know.

 

From the beginning actually.

 

A month ago, in China. That's where it happens.

 

I reached the phone beside my pillow. "Galaxy boy" appeared on my screen. I slide the "green phone" on the screen.

 

"Wu Yifan, it's 3am. Why on earth do you call me?"

"_____, I'm leaving."

"Galaxy boy, what are you talking about? Of course you're leaving China. Look, I know you're sad to leave your hometown but --"

"I'm not following you guys back to Seoul." He interrupts.

 

I really woke up hearing those words.

 

"What the hell are you talking about, boy? You're joking right?" Please tell me you are.

"Meet me at the emergency exit. Near to your room."

 

I ran out of my hotel room as fast as I can and went to the emergency exit. As soon as I reach the place, I saw Kris was already sat at the stairs. I was about to reach his shoulder when he suddenly pull me and make me sit beside him.

 

"Damn, you're strong. You want me to stop using my hand, is it?" My left hand start to rub my right hand.

"Sorry, baby. Didn't meant to hurt you." He kissed my hand and hold it tight.

"You've hurt me already. What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I want to quit."

 

Hearing those four words is enough to make my tears fall.

 

"I don't think I have what it takes to be in EXO. I'm not a good leader, I can't sing, I can't do anything. I don't want to be in EXO just because of my looks."

"What? This is ridiculous. Of course you deserved to be in EXO. You said you're not a good leader but you can try to be better. Joonmyeon will be honoured to help you for that matter. You can't sing but you can rap. Let Luhan, Minseok and Jongdae be the vocals. You can't do many things in a time. You know that."

"I. JUST. CAN'T. Can you understand that?" Kris look at me. I can see tears in his eyes.

 

Tears keep on flowing out my eyes. Both of us are crying right now. He held my hand tighter.

 

"I don't want you to leave, Kris. We need you. The boys need you. EXO-M need their leader."

"I can't."

"When did you stop believing yourself?"

"Since I think no one believe in me."

 

I pulled out my hand from his firm grip and stand up.

 

"How dare you said that? Who says no one believe in you? Do the boys tell you that? Do you think the staff don't have believe in you? DO YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE BELIEVE IN YOU?!"

 

I'm about to cry very hard when he stand up and pull me towards him. I try to pull back but fail to do so. How can I escape from the hug of a very very tall and a very very strong man? I just bury my face to his chest and keep on crying but I don't hug him back. He my hair and kiss my head once in awhile. We keep on like this for half an hour when he finally let me go. However, both of his hands are still holding my waist. Before I could say anything, he leaned in and kiss my forehead.

 

"Thank you for believing in me, _____. I really appreciate it. But I really have to leave." He said after he tilt up my chin using his thumb so that I can look him in the eyes.

"Do you have to?"

He nod before saying, "Yes. But I want you to promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Only you can know about this. No one could know this until I tell this to the public. There's no one I could trust more than you, _____. Promise?"

 

I nod. He hugs me for the last time. He leaned to my forehead for ten seconds before leave.

 

And that was the last time I saw Kris.

 

And the promise I made cause me to have a fight with Tao.

 

Being the official photographer of EXO makes me involve around the boys. Being in 93-liner makes me closer to the boys. Being fluent in Korean, Chinese and English makes me even closer to Kris. He told me everything. I know him and he knows me. We share secrets. How on earth I can't realize that Kris stop believing himself? He is the most confident out of the 12. He can't leave EXO. EXO are one.

 

But when I think about it again, he has his right to left EXO. This is about his life and I have no authorities or rights to stop him from choosing his own path. I hate myself for being selfish. If he is not in EXO, he'll still be alive and I can meet him up anytime with the rest of the boys. He is our friend, no matter if he is Kris of EXO or just the 24 years old basketball lover Canadian-Chinese fashion king Kevin Wu Yifan.

 

A song played from my laptop. I look at the screen and Baby, Don't Cry written on the player. I minimize the player and I saw it. My desktop background. A picture of me being hug by those twelve boys after their Overdose promotion at China. Kris is standing beside me. This is the last picture of me with Kris. And for the nth time that night, I cried.

 

***

 

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

 

"Yahh! Would you stop for awhile, ______? You've been holding your camera for five hours straight." Jongdae shout from the centre of the stage.

"This is my job, Kim Jongdae. You want me to lost my job?"

"Noona, this is just the rehearsal. Even the staff are resting now. Will you sit down right now?" Jongin starts to act like a director.

"Save your energy for this weekend, will you? It will be a very long weekend." said Minseok.

"Take a break, _____-ssi. We only have you to take the pictures during their concert. Please don't make me have more headache. I don't have much time to hire another photographer." Manager-nim push down (gently) my shoulder so that I sit beside Kyungsoo.

 

I grinned to the manager before putting down my camera. Kyungsoo pass me a bottle of cold water. I thanked him before I gulped a good amount of water. Damn, that feels good. I look around. Some of the staff; logistics team and safety team; are having their meeting beside the stage. Probably discussing about the swing they want to use during the concert. It's the final week of their concert practice and now they are at the concert venue to have a full rehearsal. Everybody are getting busier since D-Day is getting closer.

 

"Yah _____-ssi, there's almost 1000 pictures here." Chanyeol looks at me while holding my camera.

"Those are today's picture."

"We just started rehearsal five hours ago!" Baekhyun looks at me disbelievingly.

"If the rehearsal starts five hours ago, it supposed to be 2000 pictures in there already."

 

The boys look at me with wide eyes. They were about to ask me more about the pictures before their choreographer shouts to start practicing again. I went to the backstage to take a rest a bit more before I continue my job again. I'm not joking about the pictures. I could take 2000 pictures in five hours. But I can't. I keep thinking about Kris. No update in Instagram, Weibo. No text. No call. He just disappears. The boys can't contact him. Even the managers can't reach him. Every staff try to get hold of him. Other SM artists try to call and text him but still; Kris keep himself unreachable.

 

A lot of rumours began to fill among Kpop fans. Some of them said he have heart disease. Some fans said he is a traitor for leaving EXO without saying anything. Some even quit being a fan of EXO. How could these people believe the rumours? Do they know Kris that much? Do they really know the pain Kris feels? Thank God there are fans that still support Kris and EXO. I always thanked the fans who ignore the stupid rumours and continue to support the boys.

 

Wu Yifan, could you please at least tell me you are safe?

 

***

 

The first and second day went well. I take out the crew tag and my camera from my neck before I take a sit at an empty chair outside the waiting room. Everyone is resting for awhile inside the waiting room before went back to the hotel near to the venue.

 

I reach for my right pocket. I pull out the ointment the paramedic gave me just now. Both of my hands are really hurt since I snap pictures non-stop for since yesterday morning. I massage my hand carefully. I have to do this tonight so that I can snap pictures again tomorrow. And I have to do this alone because God knows how the boys will react to this. Once, I can't even move my hand after a very grand photo shoot of them. Yixing, being a very serious healing unicorn, insisted me to stay at their dorm so that they can look after me and the others agreed to it. They don't even allow me to edit the pictures until I can easily move my hand.

 

"You okay?" A voice come from the waiting room door.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." I quickly hide the ointment when I saw Tao is reaching towards me.

 

TAO?!

 

"I saw the ointment. Give me your hand." He said before he sit next to me.

"Errr..."

 

He don't say much. He grabbed my hand and start to massage my hand.

 

"Shin Hye noona tell me you hurt your hand. You could at least tell one of us."

 

I just nod. Tao is talking to me after the two weeks of cold war. I can't believe this.

 

"You should thank me since I don't tell others. You know Chanyeol will go crazy if you are hurt."

"Umm, thanks Tao-ssi."

 

Awkward silence fill between us. He just continue to slowly massage my hand for five minutes and then he let go of my hand. I thank him but he still remain at his seat.

 

"You know, I'm not mad at you anymore about Kris. I don't suppose to shout at you that night. Will you forgive me?"

"That's okay, Tao. Forget about it already. Besides, you have the right to be mad at me."

"Do you think he will come back?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

 

He looked at me for one second before he nod and looked away.

 

"Hey, I want to celebrate our end of cold war." I said to Tao.

"How?"

 

I held out my camera.

 

***

 

I'm about to doze off when someone knock the door. I look at the clock. It's 2am already. Who could it be? Baekhyun? He always come to my room when he can't sleep. Could it be the super evil maknaes trying to disturb their already-tired-of-playing-with-them-at-the-backstage-and-in-the-car noona? I just open my door a bit before someone push it from outside and that someone close the door as soon as he is in my room.

 

"Kris?"

 

He freeze for a moment before he turn to me and grab my hands.

 

"What happened to your hands? Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?" Kris asked me non-stop.

"Wait. What?" I am so confused.

"I saw your update at Instagram. How could you hurt your hands? I told you to be careful."

 

I can't believe this! Kris is in front of me now! Without thinking twice, I hug him tightly. I guess he is surprised for awhile because he takes about three seconds before he hug me back. I pulled away after awhile but he still holding my waist and my hands are still wrapped around his neck.

 

"How can you be here? When did you arrive at Korea?"

"Since the first day of the concert."

"Why don't you come on stage? The fans will go hysterical if you suddenly appear at the stage."

"I'm afraid that they will hate me."

"No one will hate you. The one who came to the concert still love you. They still shout your name in their fanchant."

"How about the boys? And the staff?"

"They always pray that you will come back."

"How about you?"

"Don't you read the hashtag I made for you at the end of the caption? I put it in the caption of every photo I share in my Instagram since you went away."

"What hashtag?"

"I thought you saw my latest update."

"Yes I do. Baby, you know how lazy I am to read the your super duper long caption. I close my Instagram after I know your hands are hurt and ran all the way from my room to yours. Wait. Let me check."

 

He used one hand to reach his phone at his pocket while his other hand still holding my waist. After he found my Instagram account, he look at my latest update. It's the shot of Tao and I grinning widely with the caption: "Currently chillin' with my best friend @hztttao . Done with second day by the way. It is fun taking the pictures of them and you fans as well although I hurt both of my hands (T^T) Better take a good rest before the final night. Fighting!!! #EXOLostPlanet #EXOphotographer #InKrisIBelieveITrust :)"

 

"You really believe me?"

"I do. And I will always believe in you."

 

He smiles. I really miss that smile. He kissed my forehead before he keeps his phone into his pocket again. Then he pull me closer to him.

 

"So, is it just the fans who miss me?"

"Duh. The hashtag #WeMissYouKris is on worldwide trend until right now."

"How about the boys?"

"They watched Showtime everyday and they'll repeat your funny moments."

"How about this pretty lady in front of me?" He said while leaning his head closer to mine.

"Pfft. Why do I even miss someone who don't even contact me while he's away from me? Wait. Why did you come back? Change your mind already? Please tell me you do. Please please please please please."  I widened my eyes and tried to do aegyo by stomping my feet.

 

He laughs before he attached his lips to mine. His lips are softly touching mine. He pulls me even closer. It's like he won't let me go. Forever. Our lips have their rest after a moment. He hugs me and placed his chin on my head.

 

"You are the reason I came back. I miss you so much, _____."

"I miss you more, Wu Yifan."

"I miss the boys and the rest of the staff. And I miss performing too. Watching them from afar make me heart ache. I really want to perform again. You think they will forgive me?"

 

I pulled away from the giant hug. I reached for his head and kiss his forehead.

 

"They will definitely forgive you. They will be glad to have you back in the family."

"Really?"

"Really." I smile to him.

He kiss my forehead before said, " God, I love you so much."

 

I replied with a kiss on his cheek and I made a heart out of my fingers. He passed me a dazzling smile before he pulled me into his giant hug again.

 

"And promise me one thing." He said while he my hair.

"What?"

"Don't take pictures with other men without my permission. Especially the boys."

 

I pulled away before asking him his reason. He give me a quick kiss on my lips and cheeks and a long one on my forehead. He lean his forehead to mine before he say, "You're mine, baby." I smiled to that statement.

 

***

 

Hysterical screams and shouts echoed throughout the stadium. The rest of EXO boys are screaming and giving him support from the back of the stage after Baekhyun has finished his second chorus. Kris is back on stage and he's ready to unleash his flare.

 

Say

Every night

Do you know you always look so fine

You're just like a rock star

Do you know how fine you are, yeah

 

Imma take you to the secret place

Drop the shades and crank the bass

Uh, hey girl!

You know how to play

 

The stadium again roared with "Uh! I know how to play!". I feel jealousy rising up in my heart. Phew. It is tough to have an idol as a boyfriend. Snap out of it, _____-yah!!! Be professional!!!

 

I'm really glad he's back. I know the boys are glad too. The screams and shouts are enough to show the fans are really happy that the Galaxy Man is back. I can see some of the staff are crying and jumping joyfully. The managers are looking at Kris proudly from the backstage.

 

The Star ends at the centre of the stage. The boys and the staffs ran towards the centre stage, pulled Kris into a big hug, forming a very large circle of people. I can see a family in that circle. This is my cue to snap a picture. The fans keep on shouting "Wu Yifan! Wu Yifan! Wu Yifan!". After snapping, probably, the most memorable photo in EXO history, I cried a bit. Kris, too, cried very hard after the hug ends. He saw me at the bottom of the stage and give a love wink. I replied it with a flying kiss. He pretends to catch the flying kiss from the air with his hand and place that hand in his chest.

 

In you, I trust, Kris.

In you, I believe, Wu Yi Fan.

 

End~

 

#WeMissYouKris

 

I'm sorry if my fanfic bored you to death and please don't kill me. (T^T)