I never planned for this to happen. Hell— I’ve never planned anything in my life really. 

Let me rephrase — I never planned for him to happen. His entrance into my life was as sporadic and random as lightning in a thunderstorm. He had a similar effect on me as lighting does to its landscape— he was quick, struck with a vengeance, and I never saw him coming. 

Though I hoped that the chances of him appearing twice were much greater than that of lightning.

At first… at first I didn’t even pay him that much attention. Looking back, it’s pretty hard to believe, since not long after that first meeting, all that I could seem to focus on, was him.

I was too caught up in the fast pace of the world I was now a part of. Too caught up in the people, the places, the experience. He would make me feel things I never had before, mind warping things like depression and immense joy, heady feelings like lust and love and hatred. 

When we were together it was like I had put on a pair of rose tinted glasses that I refused to take off. 

Funny thing is…. I never did take them off. 

They were ripped off of me in one violent and swift motion. 

Now, don’t be mistaken, I don’t, not even for a second, regret the time we had together. If it wasn’t for him I’d probably still be wondering around, existing and not really ever living.

I’m never really going to able to forget him. You can never really forget a person like him. A person that has that something that enables them to pull people in hook, line, and sinker. 

On early mornings when I couldn’t slip peacefully asleep, I’d lay awake, next to him, clothes strewn carelessly throughout his apartment, makeup smudged to oblivion, hair tangled to knots, and I’d question everything.

Why me?

Why him?

Why now?

I never came up with an answer that would satisfy me. 

.

.

.

…And I’m ok with that.