Warning : Unbeta-ed (bcs 5k is too much to be re-read), but when I use past tense it means it happened in the past, so, yea. 

The night breeze feels chilly against his skin and the sky is starless, pitch black, save for the moon peeking from clouds, shining just enough to announce its presence. The night lights seem brighter tonight, golden blobs floating out of nowhere like multiple moons and the headlights of the cars caught in traffic are their stars counterparts. From the thirteenth floor it looks almost like a universe of its own.

It’s pretty – are you watching as well?

A pair of strong arms draped around him and when Jimin turns around, he half expects to see grinning boy with faded orange hair and braces himself for light butterfly kisses that bound to come and deep voice that makes him weak in knees every time. But it’s the waft of Playboy aftershave that knocks him back to his sense and he beats himself in his minds, guilt chewing from the deepest pit of his heart.

“You’ll catch a cold,” Min Yoongi reprimands lightly and Jimin finds himself pulling the arms tighter around him as he snuggles closer.

“It’s okay; you’re a doctor,” Jimin replies with a soft chuckle before burying his nose on the crook of Yoongi’s neck, the smell of expensive cologne overwhelming that he feels almost dizzy. “And you’re warm.”

Yoongi let go a low rumble of chuckle of his own and doesn’t say anything – and Jimin is glad for that, for this is perfect. This moment is perfect. It feels so right Jimin wants to stay in it forever. This is how it should be, after all. Jimin deserves this, Yoongi deserves this even more and no one else should matter. Jimin is 28 and a dance choreographer and spends his weekends conducting extra classes for rich brats that needs the qualifications and skills to look good in their resumes but and Yoongi is a 30-year-old residing paediatrician that scares every young patients into taking their medicines yet play catch and basketball with them in the evening at the local hospital and almost quite never home during weekdays but it’s okay because at a Friday night like tonight they can both be in presence of each other, basking in contentment that only the other can bring.

Yoongi doesn’t talk much and easily irritated but Jimin is pleasant and matured; they will be the perfect couple, complementing each other – if Jimin can move on from his boyfriend who has passed away five years ago.

Their relationship has no name because when Jimin called Yoongi two years ago for a coffee, he was still wearing the couple ring with KTH engraved on the surface, and when Jimin introduced Yoongi whose place he has moved into to parents a little over five months ago, it went like “Yoongi-hyung from high school, remember? We used to play basketball together – remember mom, the captain?” and when they bumped into Jimin’s friend from college during monthly grocery shopping last week, Jimin waved away the innocent “Your boyfriend? He’s handsome.” with a laugh and “Just a hyung.”

Jimin no longer wears the ring; it doesn’t fit him any longer so he loops it on a thin silver chain and wears it around his neck instead – closer to his heart.

Jimin hates it when Yoongi’s mother calls. Yoongi’s brows would furrow so deep he looks like he’s scowling when he’s actually not, the lines on his forehead so apparent that he seems to age five years older by looking at him – and he would look awfully weary as he goes the same ol’ “I know I’m 30,” and “No, I’m not dating anyone I can’t introduce to you,” and “You won’t die that soon; you will see your grandchildren,” and “No, I’m not turning straight – I will adopt when I settle down,” and “Yes, I will settle down someday, just not right now,” and other things that more often than not sends Jimin away from the listening radius.

Because nothing hurts more than listening to Yoongi convincing his mother “It’s okay – I’m happy enough right now,” because Jimin knows it’s not true.

“Hey,” Yoongi sinks into the couch as he carefully holds the cup of coffee on one hand. Jimin looks up from the dance choreography video he is currently watching and shakes his head at the caffeinated drink –it’s one of those rare nights that Yoongi got a night off during weekdays yet he still refuses to lay off his dose of coffee. “Are you free on the night of 17^th? It’s Saturday.”

Jimin pauses the video and rakes his brain for any possible appointment after the classes that end at five in the evening. “I should be free after five; why?”

For a few seconds Yoongi looks hesitant, like he’s wondering if it’s a good idea after all. But the doctor doesn’t waver for long, though when he speaks, there’s a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes – and a dash of dithering hope. “There’s this…celebratory party organized by the hospital – I hope you can come.”

The answer is no; Yoongi should know it before anything. The answer would be no and Jimin doesn’t even have to think about it but there’s something that looks so much like desperation on Yoongi’s expectant expression that makes Jimin considers the possibility for once.

Too bad the answer is still no.

“Hyung…” he barely starts when Yoongi has turned to look so crushed that Jimin thinks he is the worst person in the world. “Hyung, you know I…”

“Just as a friend,” Yoongi cuts him off, his cool demeanour fades off to nothingness in a split second that Jimin is caught by surprise; it’s his first time seeing Yoongi so vulnerable. Yoongi is always the strong one and the strong façade has been his best defence for so long. “A junior from school, or a housemate, that’s all – I promise.”

Jimin bites his lower lips as he takes in the silent plea in Yoongi’s eyes and fights the inner demon within himself.

“Hyung.”

“Please.”

It must mean very much to Yoongi, then, because Yoongi doesn’t say please a lot. And Jimin wants to say yes so badly because it hurts somewhere in chest to see the invincible Yoongi displaying such weakness to mere Jimin but the party is organized by the hospital and Yoongi has been working at the hospital he has done his housemanship at, so it’s the hospital Jimin have been desperately want to forget yet still appearing in his dreams every now and then; the party will be full with the people Jimin doesn’t want to see ever again.

“Hyung…”

“Please, Jiminnie.”

Perhaps Jimin could do at least this, he decides.

“I’ll go,” It still feels like a bad decision when the words leave his lips but Jimin is resolute. “I’ll go, hyung.”

The party is overly formal that it shouldn’t be called a party at all and Jimin is choking in his necktie – he hasn’t worn any since his college graduation. But the wine is good, the food on the buffet table makes Jimin forget for a moment that he needs to need to maintain his weight for stamina and Yoongi is on the stage receiving an award for a research or something, smiling over his acceptance speech so bright he’s almost radiating.

It is the same smile Jimin had fallen in love over and over again when Yoongi came up to the podium for their trophy when they won the basketball matches back in school, and it reminds Jimin how once he had wondered how would it feel to kiss the curl at the corner of the lips and the thought would always makes him blush when Yoongi met his gaze from the stage.

Jimin knows he get to kiss the curl at the corner of the lips anytime he wants know and it’s the thought that makes him blush as Yoongi makes his way down towards him, smiling breaking even wider as the latter waves the recently acquired certificate slightly – and Jimin gets a glance of the boy he gave his heart to.

He’s glad he comes.

He shouldn’t have been worried about coming at all because they don’t remember Jimin.

Jimin knows it’s unfair for Yoongi but he couldn’t help it as he shifts ever so slightly on the bed, his back turned firmly. He hears Yoongi sighs among the shuffling of the bed sheets and the comforter as the older man slips into it. For a moment it is silent, and Jimin got reminded of that one time when they were out on the balcony stargazing on the lights of the traffic and how he had wanted the time to stop.

“Jiminnie,” Yoongi calls and Jimin stills, a feeble attempt to feign sleep when he knows Yoongi wouldn’t buy it for a bit. “Park Jiminnie.”

Jimin considers to continue faking to be asleep but there’s just something in Yoongi’s voice in the last bit riles him up. It’s hardly something uncommon, Yoongi had used it countless of times when he wants Jimin to know he means business; that even Jimin’s eye smiles wouldn’t sway him. And Jimin has always listened willingly when the tone is used because Yoongi is the hyung that deserves every respect, even when it has been years since they left school.

This time around, though, it aggravates him at almost instantly – Yoongi has no right to make him to do anything.

But Jimin turns around anyway; the very thing Yoongi wanted him to do, though the hardness in his eyes is not something Yoongi had anticipated and Jimin’s chest swells in pride briefly at the recoil in Yoongi’s eyes.

“She sent in the dinner every evening, hyung. We talked every time, she rolled her eyes every time Tae shooed her away, she was the one who called me when Tae had his fits – and now I’m suddenly ‘cute and perfect for you’?” Jimin stops Yoongi when the doctor opens his mouth to speak. “Dr Lee – he was the one who diagnosed Tae and I was there, he went through all Tae’s regime to me, he was the one – hell, he was the one who confirmed his death for God’s sake and all that downs to “Nice to meet you”?”

“It’s been five years,” Yoongi’s tone is strong in defiance of his colleague – there’s nothing at all wrong for  a nurse and a senior doctor to forget a boyfriend of a patient when they have to deal with hundreds in that time span. “You can’t expect us to remember everyone, Jiminnie – be reasonable.”

The only thing Jimin has registered is that Yoongi use ‘we’ instead of ‘they’.

Jimin’s eyes glint dangerously in the dark, newly found venom in his otherwise boyish voice. “Have you forgotten about him too, then, hyung? Is he just one of your faceless patients now?”

 Jimin expects Yoongi to look taken aback, or probably guilty; anything but livid.

Yoongi’s hand creeps on his neck, and for a second Jimin imagines the fingers going for a grip and he is halfway flinching when Yoongi fishes out the silver string with the ring attached. He takes his time caressing the dull silver between his fingers, unaware of the hitch on Jimin’s breath when he unconsciously pulls on.

“What game are you playing, Park Jimin?” Yoongi’s voice is so cold he almost sounds like a stranger to Jimin, and looking at his eyes for the first time at the night, Jimin actually wishes it is indeed someone else rather to believe that Yoongi is looking at him with such gaze.  “Do you seriously think I can forget him – when the closest I can get to you is behind this ring? Do you actually think I can – when here I am yet all you want is him? I wish I can, I swear.”

It kills Jimin –  along with the his previous fury – the way Yoongi’s voice cracks just enough for Jimin to see shadow of tears  in his strong eyes. Jimin wants to reach for him, to tell him that he’s sorry, and things will be okay because Jimin will be stronger, will try harder – but there’s a part in him that debates if he still has right to say those things after these three years. When he finally reaches a decision it seems like it’s too late because Yoongi is getting up and out from the bed, and there’s nothing Jimin can do except for watching Yoongi get dressed in silence.

“You’re not the only one who still dreams about Kim Taehyung, you know,” Yoongi says quietly as he reaches for his keys hung on the wall next to the door. “He comes once or twice every fortnight, that little – and he gets to take you away every time; just the way you want it.”

When Yoongi disappears behind the closed door, Jimin wonders if it’s possible to lose a heart twice.

Jimin calls his students and cancels all the classes the next day because he wants to be home when Yoongi returns.

He doesn’t.

Min Yoongi and Park Jimin’s history has started begun back when Jimin was 14 and Yoongi was 16 but it only takes one night for Jimin to retrace why they are here at what they are.

Jimin remembers his first year in middle school when he was all set to join the basketball club because he was taller than anyone then, albeit a bit broader; and so he did and there was this one senior – a third year – who did a cool alley-oop and looked at the rest of the new members with half of his interest but gave Jimin a brief, upturn of lips, eyes crinkling half way to an eye smile. Jimin soon learned that the senior was called Min Yoongi. He soon learned that he had fallen in love for the first time.

Yoongi left for high school in one year, and Jimin had his high school decided for him.

Jimin remembers how they played together in a local park sometimes during the two years but Jimin couldn’t wait to get into high school because it was different – seeing each other once in a while when there were basketball showdowns and being in the same school. Jimin made his way into the basketball team of the high school in a breeze; it turned out that he was actually good in basketball, even though his height wasn’t catching up with his skills.

He did not mind, because Yoongi was the same case and they laughed about it together. Between the small chuckles and big guffaws, Jimin thought on how he had been in love with someone so perfect for three years.

Jimin remembers how he had his heart worn on his sleeves – laughing at the catcalls from the team members when he passed Yoongi his drink, rolling his eyes at the knowingly pats on his shoulders when Yoongi pretty much talked to someone else. Yoongi couldn’t help but to be Yoongi; if he had seen through everything, he didn’t say anything about it. It was impossible to miss, really because Jimin’s feelings were as obvious as the moon on a cloudless night sky, but when it got frustrating, Jimin reminded himself that he loved everything about Yoongi, nothing spared.

The team members had once asked Yoongi what is his favourite breed of dogs and Yoongi answered with Welsh corgi without batting his eyelids and Jimin wanted to sink into the ground when the boys pounded and pounced into him because everything of Park Jimin screamed of a Welsh corgi. Yoongi smiled at the commotion, never asking why, and Jimin only needed a glance to get reminded that he loved everything about Yoongi, nothing spared.

Yoongi’s high school graduation was a beginning – because it was the first time Jimin had refused Yoongi anything. Jimin did not need the second button Yoongi had saved specially for him; he only wanted Yoongi to remember him.

Jimin remembers how Yoongi left for US without a word to Jimin the next month and Jimin resented him for a second before hating himself forever for being not good enough, not worthy enough for the little piece of information.

Then came Kim Taehyung like a whirlpool and Jimin was swept away into a love story he had been denied of all this time.

Jimin remembers how Yoongi made a comeback into his life when Taehyung was slipping between his fingers, pulled away by merciless lung cancer. Taehyung had gone like a whirlpool he was, leaving everything of Jimin shattered and in shambles and Yoongi tried to make things right for the first time.

It took three years for Jimin to finally pick up the phone and make the call he owes to Yoongi – an invitation to coffee that had Yoongi bail his precious sleep for. It took another two years for them to be here at what they are.

It takes all of that for Jimin to reach for his phone and slides his thumb on the first name on his favourite list.

“Jiminnie.”

The Yoongi-hyung he knows has returned, and Jimin can’t help but to smile despite the single, rolling tear on his cheek. His words are all lined up; three-year worth of apologies, pleas for Yoongi to come back home and never leave, promises on how he would change. But none of them make it past his throat as the image of Yoongi leaving resurfaces in his mind.

“Jiminnie, are you okay? Things alright?”

“Hyung, I want to see you.”

Jimin hears Yoongi sighs on the other line and his heart clenches.

“My shift is starting soon. Can you come to the hospital around lunch tomorrow? There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Jimin’s heart clenches some more, slow and excruciating, and colours drained from his face as the realization hits him hard.

He might be too late, after all.

He wonders if it’s a nurse, or probably a doctor. Perhaps it’s a female – perhaps Yoongi has decided that he wants offspring of his own, after all. Jimin tries to put together an image for him to hate on, of someone who has made Yoongi happy when Jimin cannot; but he couldn’t see anyone else next to Yoongi but himself. 

Paediatric wards are in a different building from the radiotherapy wards so the unsteadiness of Jimin’s legs has nothing to do with his past but rather his future.

Yoongi looks fine, albeit tired, when Jimin steps into his office, politely thanking the nurse who has seen him in. Jimin fidgets, old insecurity acting up in the awkward air but Yoongi doesn’t seem to be affected much. He flexes his sore neck as he stands up.

“Have you had lunch?” he asks, and Jimin shakes his head in response. “Let’s have one together after this; just come with me for a sec.”

Yoongi leads Jimin along the wards and Jimin wonders if it’s a patient that has replaced his place in Yoongi’s heart – but it’s a paediatric ward, nothing else should be said.  

It is a boy, and Jimin knows why Yoongi wants him to see the kid at the first sight.

It’s the same mischievous glint, the same merriness – albeit a bit dimmer – that seems to be able light up the world; everything Jimin remembers of those eyes that had once saved him. It’s the same smile, white teeth lining up perfectly as his lips forms almost a rectangular shape when he comes aware of their presence; something Jimin had been dreaming for every single night for five years. It’s the same figure that eases everything in Jimin and makes him think this is where he belongs, where he should be. It’s the same sight that has been robbed off from Jimin, that has taken and sealed his heart away for so long.

It’s a five-year-old Kim Taehyung.

The difference is apparent once Jimin takes the seat beside the bed as the boy eyes him curiously – Jimin had seen Taehyung’s childhood photo and he concludes that Taehyung had looked more boyish while the boy before him has softer features in comparison. Jimin still thinks the boy is adorable, though and he has this unexplainable urge to hug him and protect him from any harm the world might inflict.

“Hello,” the boy addresses Jimin without much a glance at Yoongi. “Are you his boyfriend?”

Jimin blushes and Yoongi comes sweeping to his rescue. “That’s rude, kid. Introduce yourself first, won’t you?”

The boy rolls his eyes at the doctor before turning his attention to Jimin again. “Hi, my name is Byun Baekhyun. Are you Suga’s boyfriend?”

“Suga?” Jimin repeats, the name foreign to him. The boy – Baekhyun – giggles in response but Jimin could see Yoongi face-palming from the corner of his eyes. He his head at the doctor. “Suga?”

“He gives nicknames to everyone,” Yoongi explains begrudgingly, scowling playfully at the boy. “Apparently I’m Suga because I’m –“

“White,” Baekhyun cuts him off gleefully. “Because suga is white, right?”

Yoongi comes forward and give him a flick on his forehead. “I told you every time that’s pronounced sugar.”

Baekhyun sticks out his tongue and Jimin laughs when Yoongi pretends to hit the boy with the progress log book on the table. It’s the side of Yoongi he has never seen because they don’t meet people together a lot, much less children. It’s endearing, because Jimin could totally see the smile tugging on Yoongi’s lips as he swats away Baekhyun meddling hands as the boy tries to reach the progress log book.

“Baekhyun?” Jimin calls attentively and he got the attention at once. “I’m Jimin.”

They shake hands and Jimin notices another similarity; Baekhyun’s hands are as pretty, if not prettier than Taehyung’s has been before the disease robbed him of his physical features.

“Are you doc’s boyfriend?” Baekhyun repeats again, anticipating the answer this time and Jimin could feel Yoongi watching from the top of his head.

“We live together,” Jimin’s eyes twinkle in a tease. The answer seems to excite Baekhyun but Jimin almost hears Yoongi huffs in annoyance. 

“Seems like you’re well enough to go home, kid,” Yoongi says as he sinks on bed next to Baekhyun’s tiny body. Jimin couldn’t help but to think that Yoongi doesn’t really look like a doctor then – he looks like a father instead.

Jimin has expected Baekhyun’s eyes to be lit up by the good news because no one likes staying in the hospital. He hasn’t expected to see the boy’s expression drops, though.

“Can I not go home?” Baekhyun says in almost a hush, contrary to his previous high-pitched voice. “Yoda said I don’t have to go home if I don’t want to.”

“Yoda?” Yoongi raises an eyebrow, enquiring. Sometimes Baekhyun’s nicknames simply befuddle him.

“Chanyeollie,” Baekhyun provides helpfully.

Yoongi crinkles up his forehead to match the name to a face. When he finally does, he suppresses a laugh because Yoda is such a clever nickname. He lifts his arm and ruffles the boy’s hair. “That’s Dr Park for you, young mister.”

Baekhyun shrugs nonchalantly. His initial playfulness seems to be dampened by the news of going home. It does make Jimin wonder what home does Baekhyun have that he doesn’t want to return to. Jimin was hospitalised once back in grade school when he broke his ankle and he couldn’t wait then to get home, missing his father’s nagging to stop watching the TV and do his homework as well as the spinach-laden dinner his mother had always made him eat. So the pout on Baekhyun’s little face is lost to Jimin; though it does make him remember Taehyung’s – Taehyung who had been growing up in such a warm family that there hadn’t been a day when Taehyung didn’t say that he wanted to go home.

It does make Jimin feel like he wants to give Baekhyun such a home.

“Domestic violence,” Yoongi says, his voice laced with weary as they leave the hospital compound. Jimin has wanted to take the wheel but Yoongi never let him drive in his presence for god knows reason. “His mother didn’t survive the labour, his father got into accident a year ago so he’s living with his uncle. Not a very good uncle, I’ll say. He got children of his own, too and money’s tight so Baekhyun is a stress-reliever of some sort.”

“Is that why he got sent to the hospital?”

Yoongi nods. “His uncle sent him in saying that he fell down the stairs and broke his knee but we found bruises all over his body. It’s hard to get it out from him but our intern, majored in psychology – the one he called Yoda – did it. I don’t know how he did it, really, but Baekhyun told him everything.”

Jimin falls into silent as the car stills in the lunch hour traffic. He has always liked children; his brothers are 10 years younger and he had been spoiling them more than his parents since day one, and even now his favourite class to teach is the junior classes of children younger than seven years old, even though they can do nothing more than basic twirl. He has always liked children but Baekhyun is precious for some reasons he has no idea of; perhaps it’s his resemblance with Taehyung, perhaps it’s just Baekhyun himself with his witty nicknames and witty remarks and high pitched laughs – that Jimin wants to make him happy, to keep him happy.

“Jiminnie,” Yoongi pokes Jimin’s bubble of thought with his voice and Jimin notices that the car is moving again. “Where do you want to eat?”

 Jimin tries to think of a restaurant but the image appears in his head is of a boy he has just met.

He wonders if the paediatric ward allows fast food take-outs.

It has been hours, Jimin has lost track of the time but he’s sure it has been hours since he reaches home. The room was brightly lit by the sun rays that entered unfiltered from the clear windows when he first opened the envelope and it is almost dark now as the star secedes, leaving golden syrup as the goodbye trail yet Jimin is still staring at the form he had pulled out from the envelope.

Sighing, he finally puts the form on the table, joining the note that has come with it.

If anything, the note is more perturbing than the form.

Jimin picks up the note for the second time, surprised when he starts to read he finds himself knowing what word comes next.

Jiminnie,

You know I’m not good in words, right? You know I can’t say half of things I’m going to write. I’m sorry for that.

The form explains itself, I hope. It seems so sudden, it’s barely a week since you know Baekhyun but when I see both of you, the decision feels so right. I talked to Chanyeol, too and he said it might be the best route for Baekhyun. He said that Baekhyun couldn’t stop talking about you as well, just like how you cannot stop talking about him these days (no, I’m not jealous; though he does see you a lot more than I get to nowadays). You might not believe me, but that little had me from the first day, too. I’ve seen a lot of abused children but none of them I want to give happiness more than I do about Baekhyun. He deserves all the happiness in this world, and I know you think so, too. What’s with him, I wonder. We should find out together.   

I know we haven’t talked about us. I wonder if there’s anything to talk about. We can never get to be anything more than what we are right now. You might not be able to call me your boyfriend no matter how long I wait, but I suppose it’s okay. For all I know, I want to be with you. You are the one I want to spend my future with. That’s all matters. I’ll be your hyung from school as long as you stay.

If I can give you a diamond ring worth two months of salary, I would (hell, I would give you one if you want but think manly, Jiminnie). If I can marry you, I’d go with all the nonsense of going on one knee or anything. If I can give you Kim Taehyung – I think – I will give you just that. There’s only too many thing I want to give you, Jiminnie. But most of the things I can’t. But the rest depends if you would let me.

Me and Baekhyun, for a starter. Me, you and Baekhyun as a family. Can you imagine it? I can’t think of a future more perfect, but that’s up to you.

I won’t turn in the form without your parts filled in. Baekhyun knows nothing about it – I don’t want to give him hopes – so don’t worry about it. If you’re not up for this, we’ll find him another family. There’s no pressure there.

And I love you, Park Jimin. No matter what your decision is, I love you. I’ve almost lost you once because of my stupidity, I’ve decided that I won’t let go now unless you want me to. But you won’t make me let go, right? You ain’t my favourite Jiminnie for nothing.

You can still think of Kim Taehyung and cry for him – I won’t take that right away from you –but let me comfort you when you do. Let me give you the future that he wanted to give you. Will you give me that chance?

Jimin looks at the form for the last time, his eyes darting from BYUN BAEKHYUN written in bold under NAME, going through the details of his birthday and hometown, down to the FIRST GUARDIAN section where Yoongi has filled in his details. His eyes reach the blank spaces under SECOND GUARDIAN and that’s when he put the form back and closes his eyes.

You would want me to do this, right, Tae? You would want me to take the next step.

It takes some times, but the answer is clear once Jimin heaves open his lids and he stands up to find a pen.

Author's Note :

I have no freaking idea on how child adoption works in Korea or any part of the world so please spare me from that and just assume that two unrelated men can be guardians for a child. You can bash me for anything else lol  I suppose this can stand alone by its own (aside from For You, In Full Blossom as a prequel of some sort) but it’s actually a sequel for a story I am currently writing, in which the whole Jimin-Taehyung-Yoongi thing happens. I am supposed to post that one first but it can’t seem to be finished any time soon ( halfway, I suppose, at 5.5k mark lol) so yeah, you get this one first lol

And oh, here’s an epilogue because I don't want to study for exams just yet lol

p.s. Thanks for reading and do tell me what you think of it! =)