Blonde highlights.
Blonde highlights.2 years ago.
“Soon the beginning of us will be here. I’m in love, otherwise it wouldn’t hurt this much.” He smiled, widely. Foolishly showing of his white smile. All teeth showing, eyes shining with the sparkle of tears completely taken by joy. He thought he had finally done it, he thought he had found his one true source to happiness.
8 months ago.
“This is it. I have to tell him. I will tell him.”
8 months, 3 weeks ago.
“You’re too young to-“
“No, I’m not! No one said love came in a box with tissues stamped with ‘your age matters’! I was only supposed to use the tissues to wipe my tears, not to read them while my soul poured out its every cell of happiness!” he screamed, in pain. In agony. It was all too much, he couldn’t understand. He didn’t want to.
8 months, 2 weeks ago.
“Sehun-ah, please-“
“Don’t say it.”
“I have to, somebody has to.” He whispered, holding the young soul closer to his chest. He raised his hand to feel trough the blonde highlights one last time, but stopped himself knowing he was too weak to. Instead he let go and left him there. Walked out of the room, down the hall, forcing himself to get into the elevator, pushed the buttons almost too soft to have the light cling on around the numbers. And he never looked back.
7 months, 2 weeks, 18 hours ago.
His hands started trembling, searching for anything to hold onto. Anything to grab and never let go. He thought he had a tight grip, he promised never to let go, but something was pulling it away. Something was pulling his happiness away, miles away from what he was used to.
5 months ago.
He was crying, not for the first time. His salty tears reached down his heated cheeks, landing on the soft lips that had once belonged to his happiness.
“Sehun, get up.”
Turning his head into the pillows, he frowned as the pillowcase stuck to his wet face.
He had gotten used to Suho’s voice hovering over him every hour asking him to get up and get some work done.“Sehun, for s sake. Now!”
3 months, 3 weeks ago.
“I can fix a month, but not more.”
They guys knew they were asking for too much but even having the two of them together in the same country let alone one dorm, was too much on everyone. They needed to split, they needed a break. And this would be the only time the members were happy there was a ‘exo-m’ and ‘exo-k’.
“One month, no more, we promise.” Chanyeol smiled, halfhearted. Hoping with every nighttime prayer that this would fix everything, fix his family. Bring back his brothers safely from whatever love trap they had tangled themselves in.
3 months, 2 weeks ago.
“Brunette? Why would he want to go brunette? Kai and Xiumin just went blonde, so did you. Brunette won’t catch any attention to his image.”
“Manager Hyung, just let him do it.”
“No, I want to know the jerks reason. He hasn’t talked or practiced for months, he’s behind on every schedule and we haven’t even recorded his parts to an album that’s supposed to be released in two weeks!
Suho sunk down in his seat. Pulling at the end of his now blonde roots, he got aggravated.
“Look, Hyung. The guy is having a bad time and needs whatever he needs to get better. Those highlights, represent parts of the happiness he lost. He wants them taken away. He wants to go brunette, let him. Or you won’t have an album to show the CEO at all, and that should make you lose the only job you’re even remotely good at. My members health, goes first. I don’t care about his image. He’s going brunette. Today.”
No more lying around, it was better to do what Sehun wanted and get him doing something other than waste tears and gain the looks of a homeless.
2 months, 3 weeks ago.
“Eat.”
“I’m not hungry, Suho.” He whispered so low, the whole table took a look at him. The first anticipated words from the young man for months. In seconds, Suho was by his side. Clutching his hand, looking for anything from the Sehun he had known.
The brown head turned with empty eyes and flashed a smile. “Hi.” He croaked. His voice was raspy and almost dried out. And they had all missed it, no matter how broken it sounded.
He squeezed Suhos hand and let it go, pushing it to the side. He was still not used to the skinship.
Suho smiled and let out a deep breath. “Finally.” he murmured and the room filled with relieved sighs and smiles.
But the man who had grown so attached to his young friend, as a father to a son, didn’t know better. The father didn’t know his son well enough. He could have never guessed that he had let out that breath he’d been holding in too soon.
2 months, 1 week ago.
“Wanna come to the airport with us?” he asked although he didn’t really expect an answer.
Kai was standing going through Chanyeols drawers, looking for a snapback to fit his outfit. He knew Chanyeol would throw a fit if he knew what he was doing.
Suho slapped him in the back of his head and pushed the drawers shut with his hip. “No, he doesn’t want to come. Have you forgotten what member he’s avoiding in Exo m? And get out of Chanyeols closet, you know he’ll get pissed.”
Rubbing his head, he pouted and put on the snapback he had fished out before Suho showed up. “Red is my color, don’t you think?” he grinned.
Suho shook his head and decided to give up, leaving it all to Chanyeol he sat down next to Sehuns half asleep body. Just as he did, the brown head pushed aside the covers and got up.
“Red will be your color when Chanyeol finds out.” He murmured as he walked past Kai and into the bathroom.
Kai turned to Suho and nodded Sehuns way. “He forgot to say hyung.”
2 months, 6 days, 22 hours ago.
“Where’s Sehun ah?”
It was an airport, there were fans everywhere. Screams and shouting, some crying others just smiling as if they’d seen angels. But yet, that question weighed down heavily like a cloud of deep sighs and regrets. No more than a second later, the members found themselves shutting out the noise of girls breaking their vocals chords in attempts of having at least one member turn. Frantically, they exchanged looks and smiled. It was better to conceal it, to never speak of it.
The k members knew better than anyone what their youngest brother had been through and they weren’t going to let it happen again.
Laughing, Kai lunged at Luhan and had him under a grip. Messing up his hair, he laughed and stared at Suho cutting into his eyes. Suho caught on and filled in on laughing with Kai.
“Ah, Luhan hyung, we missed you guys. They’re all back home. Chanyeol, Baekhyun, D.O and Sehun.” He chuckled and took one of Luhans bags, nodding to the gate exit.
“Why does he get treated like a princess?” Tao muttered and Kris could be heard laughing.
“Should I carry one of yours?” he asked teasingly, while Tao snorted and speeded up his walk.
1 months, 2 weeks ago.
“Don’t forget to change mics when you rap, okay?” Kris adviced and fixed the collar of his suit.
“And don’t run around too much on stage, you’ll fall and look ridiculous.” He continued.
“Kris Hyung, it’s our first ever concert, I think I’m obliged to run around.” Tao chuckled and took one last look in the mirror.
Chen laughed in his seat, shaking his head. “No matter how many times you tell him Hyung, I think Tao’s going to fall of the stage anyways.”
“Hey, has anyone seen Sehun?”
1 month, 2 weeks, 15 hours, 30 minutes ago.
“The show is 30 ing minutes away, where is he!” he spat, furious.
“We’ll find him, just look through all dressrooms and hallways. Maybe he’s somewhere practicing?” Chanyeol comforted, as he watched their leader stressed running around. He knew how much this meant to Suho and he felt himself growing annoyed. He had accepted Sehuns fooling around for months now, but minutes away from the biggest moment of their lives, wasn’t okay.
1 month, 2 weeks, 15 hours, 22 minutes ago.
“Everyone’s looking for you.”
Throwing back his head, his eyes met with the foreign boys. Chocolate brown orbs, now covered with blue lenses. Slowly panic started filling out his chest and he could sense himself breathing heavier. Faster.
Dunk dunk dunk.
“I can hear your heart.” He commented, making his way over to Sehun, slowing down with every step.
He closed his eyes, as he cursed under his breath and forced himself to open them again. He wasn’t going to do this, not now. Not here. He needed to leave, to get away from Luhan.
“Why is it beating so fast?” he continued.
He got up and brushed of the knees of his pants. The cold breeze from the wafts hit his neck as he for a second leaned against the cold wall of the basement floor.
“It’s the fans, I’m nervous.” He lied and walked past him. His happiness.
He needed this show, to realize, he had more love out there than he thought.
3 weeks ago
They were joined in a circle as always. Seconds away from a ‘saranghaja!’ and minutes away from their fourth show of the tour.
“We’ve done three and we’ve always received energy from the fans to continue through 2 hours of performing. Energy to do what we love. I know you’re tired and I know we miss home, but Hong Kong is here to give us more energy, and it’s only fair we give back the same amount.” Suho spoke and ended it with a loud ‘1,2,3 saranghaja!’
3 weeks, 6 days
He was holding onto his hand, rubbing back and forth over his fingers. Trying to erase his touch, trying not to love the warmth he had felt. He had avoided these circles for weeks and when he finally decided to join in he had to put his hand above Luhan.
“, why?” he whined as he continued to rub until his hand was burning red.
3 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours ago
“Looks like you and Luhan hyung are getting along better?” Chen smiled. They were sitting backstage, waiting for Tao to finish his solo stage.
Sehuns head shot up. Better?
“I saw you guys hugging on stage.”
“Yeah, you and 16 000 other people. That’s on stage, hyung. It’s an act. For the fans. For people who are blind to see the truth. Like you. Maybe you should sit in the crowd?” he spat.
Before Chen could answer, Kris stumbled in laughing. “You gotta see this, Tao fell off stage!”
2 weeks ago
“Okay guys, we’re leaving!” he shouted through the dorm and stepped out, but just as the cold breeze hit his body, he was pulled back in. Rubbing his arm, he faced the brown orbs of Luhan. He could clearly see that he wanted something, but Sehun was going to walk back and wonder what was going on anytime now and he couldn’t risk the meeting. So he shook him off and push him back before stepping out.
But Luhan wasn’t done.
“Why do you two keep eating out? It’s been two months, I’ve been back for two months, he should get used to the fact that he is going to need to eat with the members he works with.”
Suho his heel and let out a deep sigh. “He’s just growing up and having his taste buds grow with him, he likes the food down Seoul better.” He lied, laughing it off.
But Luhan didn’t budge. “Alright, then why don’t you ever bring Kai or Tao? They’re just as much growing up as he is.” Crossing his arms, he tilted his head, knowing Suho wouldn’t have anything to reply.
And Suho didn’t. “Look, I-“
“Because Kai and Tao enjoy eating with the favorite princess of the block. I don’t like seeing gay action. It’s not my style.” Sehun spoke up, showing up on the last steps of the stairway. He didn’t look at Luhan, only kept his gaze on the leader.
“Are we leaving, or you staying with her?” Sehun asked, nodding Luhans way.
Luhan scoffed. “Her? Last time I checked, I was your style.”
“Well you know, things change, people move on. My thing changed, I moved on.” He snapped back.
“Wow, Sehun. You grew up a jerk.”
“Well," He repeated,"being a sweetheart didn’t even work on the sweetest, so here I am. Jerk to your favor, princess.” He shrugged and bowed in a sarcastically rude way.
1 week, 5 days ago
“What’s this?” he peered at Kai.
“I don’t know, I didn’t exactly go checking a box that didn’t belong to me.” He shrugged and left the room.
He stared at the shoes, quickly growing attached to the denim material clutching onto the neon green colored heels. He felt over the spikes with his finger, every now and then pushing down one. They were a pretty sight, for anyone who loved shoes. Without thinking further, he put them on and studied himself in front of the mirror on the closet door.
“Do you like them?”
“Yeah.” He smiled, before realizing who that voice belonged to. He closed the closet door and stared blankly at Luhan. “Leave my ro-“
“Don’t say anything, Sehun. Please. Just let me finish.” Luhan begged, almost whispering.
There was a silence. Thick and long. They could hear each other breathing.
“Look, I’m going to try the whole moving on thing. Apparently it worked for you,” he chuckled halfhearted, ”so in order to do that, I need to erase all the attached strings. Number one, I owed you a pair of sneakers. From our trainee days. I lost yours, remember?”
1 week, 4 days go
“He’s in the there.”
“Is he-“
“Yeah, and its real bad this time.”
“Who made him cry? What happened?”
“He’s moving on.”
“I thought that was a good thing.”
“No hyung, not Sehun. Luhan is moving on.”
1 week, 2 days ago
“One last object left.” He smiled.
Sehun nodded, facing the window. The unfamiliar roads of China, staring back at him.
“The pens you borrowed from me, during your last high school year-“
“I don’t have them.” He answered bluntly.
“Well, I know it’s been 3 years, but you can buy new ones.”
“Yeah, okay.”
1 week ago
Sounds of drawers being opened and then slammed shut, footsteps hurrying between the bed and closet. With a hand held to his own mouth, Sehun tried to silence the sobs.
Not knowing if it was a dream or not, Luhan tried to shut his eyes tighter and fall asleep but the next sound that was heard made him jump out of bed. Through the walls of the room he shared with Suho and Baekhyun, he could hear the clear gasping for air as sobs rushed through Sehuns throat. He had been waking up like this for days, without being able to do anything. He’d sit on his bed, rubbing his eyes, listening to Sehun cry and beg. He knew he couldn’t help, but he’d feel guilty if he went back to bed, so he would stay up. Sometimes minutes, sometimes hours. Waiting, for it to stop.
6 days ago
“Sehun ah, please stop. Sit down, we can figure this out.”
“No! I can’t do it, I can’t!”
“The is going on in here?”
“Kris, he won’t listen to us!”
“He’s been up all night, walking back and forth, sobbing like a baby.”
“Sehun, stay still, sit down.”
“SEHUN I SAID SIT THE DOWN.”
4 days ago
“We can’t go on as a group, if all you want from us is pity.” Baekhyun spat. “I’m here to do music, not babysit a 20 year old man because he’s not over a crush he had a year ago.”
“Baekhyun-“ Suho cut in.
“No, I’m not going to shut up anymore. You wont let Kai sleep because you’re up all night whining. Chanyeol is so busy trying to keep k separated from m, that he cant work on this own performance. Suho treats you like a son, and even so, you never even said thank you to him. Luhan has been feeling like crap for weeks now, and you’re just sitting there. On a throne of ‘who-can-not-get-over-a-break-up-the-fastest’. Does this all make sense to you, Oh Sehun? Do you feel great about yourself? Does it smell like summer and flower blossoms around you, when you watch the members go down with you, one by one?
4 days, 13 hours ago
“When are we going out? I’m starving.”
“We’re not.” Suho replied, not paying attention to the young boy.
“Why not?”
“From now on, you eat with all 11 at the dining table. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. You go to bed at 11Pm and you sleep. You don’t go out in the middle of the night for ‘fresh air’ and you don’t lie to us about going to the practice room when you’re not going there. You are going to go to every practice and you will, no matter how hard you think it is, move on.” He spoke, with a dead tone. No affection, no compassion. Just pure orders, from a leader.
“Okay, let’s eat. Enjoy your meals everyone!” Kris smiled and nodded at the food in front of them.
“Wait!” Chanyeol cut in. “Sehun’s not down yet.”
Kris scoffed. “Is that some kind of joke? He never eats with us. Go ahead guys, eat.”
“What are we having?” Sehun asked, as he walked in and pulled out the empty seat. He sat down and smiled as he felt the familiar memories of having dinner with the members rush to him.
Kris stared awed and tilted his head, confused. “Did Suho leave without you or..?”
Sehun shook his head. “He's taking a shower. He’ll be down in a minute. Baekhyun Hyung, could you pass me the salad?”
Baekhyun stopped in the tracks of chewing and reached for the bowl of salad as he could feel the stares from the members. “Yeah, sure.” He murmured, handing over the food.
It was as if they thought that Sehun asked for the bowl to throw it at them.
1 day ago
“They’re leaving in an hour. Are you sure you don’t want to say anything to them?” Suho asked again, for the third time today already.
Sehun nodded
“Sehun, they’ll be gone for 2 months. 8 weeks. You won’t see them for 8 weeks. That’s practically an entire summer break-”
“I know.”
“Are you sure?”
“Suho Hyung, it’s not the first time they’re leaving for promotions in China. They’re not moving out, they’re going to work. I am sure. 100%.”
Suho frowned as the squeezed the doorknob. “Okay.”
22 hours.
Stumbling into the room, he held a hand to his chest, trying to catch a breath.
Sehun turned in his chair, staring at the brown haired guy.
Luhan breathed heavily as he straightened his back. “I-“ he stared, before taking a deep breath, “I forgot something.” He managed to blurt out.
“Your fitness? You’re breathing like a cow.” He stated, before turning back to face his laptop.
“No, I forgot something else.”
“What-“
That’s when it happened. When he finally decided to stop doubting.
Spinning around Sehun in his chair, he made him face his eyes as he pushed his lips against the youngers. His fingers trailed up Sehuns neck as he forced open his lips. As soon as their warm tongues met, Sehuns hand rushed up Luhans sides. Hugging him tighter, he pulled him down on his lap. He was holding on so hard, it pained Luhan. He could feel how scared Sehun was of losing him, losing the moment. Smiling into the kiss, he let a soft moan escape his mouth as he hugged him back. Pulling apart, Luhan bit down on Sehuns lower lip earning a groan. He traced kisses up the youngers cheeks, stopping right by his ear. “This, I forgot this.” He whispered. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t’ move on. I love you, Sehun. I’ll make it up to you, everything. I promise. Just wait for me, okay? Wait for me.”
Sehun smiled as he nodded, out of words to say. he would wait. Forever if needed.
Luhan pulled his fingers through Sehuns brunette morning locks as he chuckled. “I want the blonde highlights. Get them back.”
21 hours ago
“Did you get it?”
“Get what?” Luhan asked, puzzled.
“The charger, you said your forgot your charger.” Chen reminded him. “Did you get it?”
“Oh that,” Luhan smiled, “yeah sure, I got it.”
“Someone text Suho that we’re getting on the plane, I forgot to take out my phone of the suitcase.” Kris shouted over the screams of the fans.
2 hours ago
This time it didn’t hurt, and I missed my highlights just as much as my happiness did.
Comments