Things haven’t been the same without you.

Well, I’m done. I’m tired of it all.

Please, just one more chance, that’s all I ask for.

Byunghun, go home.

It’s been seven months since you’ve left me all alone. The first month was hell. I couldn’t do anything. I just stayed in bed and moped around. The second month was a step closer to getting over you. I left the house to go get some food. The third and fourth months were the months where I began to store away all of those memories. I occasionally forgot that we ever loved. The fifth and sixth months were the months where I completely forgot you. I stayed out with my friends until the sun rose. There was no trace of you. But the seventh month, this month, I feel really lonely. I have the urge to have someone next to me just like you have someone next to you. Someone to hold and whisper sweet words to. Someone to affectionately rub noses with. Someone to cuddle with on the couch as I watch the television and you read a good book. You. I need you by my side.

Earlier today, I saw you walking around some guy with your arm linked through his. You pointed out a cute headband, a giant doll almost the same height as you, and a bunch of books. I went back home, feeling numb and craving alcohol. I called my friends over for to have a few drinks. I thought a can would take the sadness away but it didn’t. One can led to a second. A second can led to a third. A third led to a fourth. And before I knew it there were enough empty cans to cover up the coffee table that you picked out for me.

No matter how much I drank I couldn’t get drunk with my friends. I was the only one that was expressionless out of the six drunk young men. I couldn’t take their rowdy behavior. I needed to take a walk to anywhere. My leather jacket didn’t seem to block the cold air that rushed towards me quickly. My mind was filled with a giant blur of memories. You linking your fingers through mine. You giggling crazily as I chased after you. Walking down the streets in couple outfits. Drinking soju with you late at night until you became drunk.

Next thing I knew I was in walking in the streets of Gangnam. The bright windows filled with expensive clothing caught my eyes. I remember window shopping with you. You always made e stop at every store so that you could look and never buy. I always wished that I had the money to buy you everything you wanted. But even if I had the money, I probably couldn’t have made you stay. It was me and my life. Running away on dates because of my enemies. Not being able to go out on dates often because I always started fights that I couldn’t end quickly.

I started walking away but I stopped again because of you. You’re laughter was just as it was contagious as it was when you laughed around me. But now, you’re laughing in front of someone else. I guess you’ve been out with him all day. Your smile for him vanished when you turned your head and met eyes with me. I could see the hatred and anger still in your heart. He turned your head away with a concerned look. You shook your head. I guess he asked if anything was wrong. You always were a bad liar so I wonder why I thought you were joking about our break up seven months ago. And I guess you didn’t want to see me again because you went back from the way you came.

^^^

I came back home to see my friends passed out with beer in their hands. I wonder why I became a part of their little gang. You hated the fact that they were the only people I hung out with. You hated the fact that they were the reason why I caused so much trouble. I joined them in the living room. I lied down on the empty couch and stared at the beige ceiling. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and the other guy. You’ve moved on so quickly. Closing my eyes didn’t help me stop thinking about you.

I sat up in frustration and messed up my hair. I needed to see you. Just one last time. I needed to explain that I haven’t caused trouble for the past seven months. I needed to tell you that I still loved you. Running down the streets, the stairs and hallway, I finally reached your silver colored door. Without hesitating, I knocked and knocked and knocked. You had an annoyed look on your face and it seemed as though you had been expecting me.

What?

I think I’m going crazy. I can’t stop thinking about you.

Byunghun, stop.

I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop loving you.
I can’t stop replaying every moment I had with you. I just can’t.

Lee Byunghun.

Look, I don’t care if you’ve moved on. Just know that I’ll be
waiting.

What are you talking about?

I saw you with your new boyfriend.

That was my older brother. He just came back from the military.

I felt stupid. Your brother, the one that you used to cry about every time he called you. The brother that you showed me countless pictures of. So you hadn’t moved on. Maybe you were just as lonely as I was. Maybe you still loved me. Maybe we could be lonely together. Maybe we could be together again. We could be lonely in Seoul together.