The story behind my life was what which opened my eyes to turn around and look back at my lifetime. Through this ocean of time we, as living souls, sail through heavy tides, steady currents and high rocks and coral reefs; we come across islands habited or abandoned, we come across ships broken and wrecked, slowly drowning into oblivion. We come across schools of tiny fish passing by to wherever they’re headed to, and decades old turtles coming to the surface for a breath of fresh air. Weeds float perpetually on the surface and entangles on the ship we sail on, it might hit the rocks, it might survive the heavy tides, it might even flood with the cold ocean water; nevertheless the ocean is beautiful, the journey is joyful and sorrowful and beautiful all at once. Despite everything we still sail on, we sail away until the ship wrecks and we too drown into oblivion; that’s what made life, life.

One thing that my husband taught me was to never regret but reminisce. I never thought it was possible for us to spend together one life, for it was granted; granted that a dominant wife and a suicidal husband would never make it through. That was what the world would see, for all they believed was that the husband would always be suicidal while the wife would always be dominant. However, my husband and I proved it to ourselves that it was wrong.

The reason why he was so broken and wrenched was that the company was on the verge of bankruptcy, that I never knew because I disliked to listen to him talk of ships, thus he evaded having to tell me all this. He had been a depression patient back in the past, our marriage had healed him for some extent but it got back to him, he had begun to cut himself because he loved the pain of it. That time when our first child died, his true intention had been to save me from sailing away from him forever because I had been in a critical situation with a biological matter, it could have killed me but he let go of his child instead, knowing that I might not even be capable of making another baby, though luckily I could. He had been afraid, and he didn’t want my life to be at risk even if it meant he had to sacrifice his marriage and desires and even the company itself because no matter what, he believed we had each other and he believed he needed nothing more than to have us for each other. He loved it when I mocked him and made fun of him because he didn’t mind having his sanity tainted as long as it brought a smile upon me, he said it was a remedy for his paining heart. That time when he went away when I gave birth to our child, it was to check on a drowning ship of his, there had been over hundred travelling inside, only ninety five of them had survived, and the only reason why he survived death that time were my baby and I, he had wanted to sail away forever, but he didn’t because he wanted to see his child. That, I never knew, because I refused to listen to him speak of ships.

I realized, I had been all so wrong.

 I asked him then, begged him to tell me everything that happened to him in his life, for his life was mine, and it was precious to me. Be it ships or ferries or boats, I wouldn’t care for I wanted him to see that I would always stand by his side. His response was to smile in return, and we held each other for so long that he missed answering a series of his phone calls. He said he didn’t mind, because these moments were the littlest details which mattered the most for him.

I learned from him that we should never overlook the littlest details of life, because they mean so much more than we could ever imagine. I knew that it was indeed the truth, because I, for one thing, had easily missed the tiniest details which could have made our lives much, much better.  My husband, despite his mentality, I figured was someone who enjoyed being needed than needing; he was selfless; put everything before himself and would never take even the littlest of the troubles as granted; thus caused his utter misery. He worried for the others more than he would for himself; this, sadly was one of the tiniest I had missed to grasp throughout the years we had spent together, I had failed to see how much of will and faith he put on me no matter how terribly I had treated him. Despite me being a devil on earth, to him I had always been in the lime-light.

I had overlooked the simplest moments which I should have held closer to my heart; thus I could reminisce and look back at the time I have come true. Maybe I was too selfish, maybe I was taking retaliation too eagerly to my heart that I had missed the smallest of what could have been memories of my life; this, I figured when the same routine took its course, now, under my awareness. Although he always returned late, I came to learn later on that he never forgot to check on our baby, on the house and finally on me and tuck me under covers before going to sleep himself. I noticed he did this with such an ease, he had been doing this, probably, throughout all the time I had missed. And every morning if I failed to wake up he would follow the same routine reverse; check on me, tuck me under covers, check on the baby, run some chores and head for work. Despite all the work he had, he followed this at all perpetuity. This would leave tears in my eyes.

This was why I came to the conclusion of making memories with him although I never imagined I would have to reminisce on these memories one day, I never even imagined them to be reminisced, let alone be memories which would only remain in my heart. Without knowing any of this, I began to spend with him the time of my life.

It took me five years of our marriage to finally tell him I loved him.

Seven years into our marriage, nonetheless, he decided to sail away.

My husband was the perceptive, attentive kind to always realize what was coming on his way; what he never realized, however was how his selflessness could lead him in an entirely different course in life. Once our baby had turned three, he turned her into a sailor baby and spent all his free time telling her of his sea adventures. She, of course, didn’t understand half of it, nonetheless it excited her because she loved the way he made paper hats to play pirates late at night and how he demonstrated everything as he went on. These were the beautiful days, and I never failed to look out for the tiny details of these, the chortles, laughter and moments where they got exhausted and fell asleep on each other because I wanted to gather memories to recall.

Never had I thought he would break his plead and sail away from me so soon.

That moment when he did, I remember crystal clear although this wasn’t particularly a memory which I could recall and go without tears. The little one had barely turned four then, and he had only launched his new cruise ship and was sailing off to a tourist island as its first journey; I could still remember how happy and dandy he was because he had kept a massive step in his life. The last time he kissed me and held me I never thought it would be the last; the last time he held our baby and told her he’d play pirates when he returned, I never thought it would be his last wish to grant, because he was happy, and I never believed people could leave their loved ones with smiles in their eyes.

When the first distress signals from the cruise ship carrying two hundred hit, I was there, praying for god it wasn’t any bad. They were going on and on about how it had hit a coral reef, but a muddled mind couldn’t grasp any of it. The second signal hit, saying that they had only managed to get seventy five out in life boats, the third said to have hundred and twenty rescued but nothing mentioned what could have happened to my husband; he hadn’t come out, and for the selfless person he was, I could barely imagine what he was probably doing in there and this thought was killing me. Before the fourth could have hit, He called me on my phone. The ship had listed not any further from coast, I realized, and I wanted to somehow reach, sail away to wherever he might be and save his dear life; but when I finally heard his voice, my feet could barely keep me up.

His final words to me before he had gone to oblivion would forever remain in my heart.

“I’m sorry….But I think I might sail away from you now….far away…forever”

I begged him to not to, I begged him to make it stop, but far out I could hear the sirens cry, the waves crash and the women whine, he was breathing hard, he was trying to breath, to hold on.

“But promise me you tell our baby that I love her….promise me you tell her that her papa died because he couldn’t save hundred lives….and you, I’m so sorry but I love you…”

This day could have marked the end of my life, I too could have considered sailing far, far away wherever he might be, telling all his adventures on the big blue to all the kids around, but I knew that they would never be the wishes he needed to be granted. My husband was bold, he was selfless, he was strong and precious; that day I lost something so wonderfully exquisite which I held so close to my heart; the pain was indescribable because I took too long to realize what really mattered the most in my life. He hadn’t been any less than a husband for me yet so much more. He taught me the lessons which I had never learned through the twenty thirty years I’ve lived, He took me through a massive journey on an emotional roller coaster and gave a life time experience on every aspect of life. He opened my eyes, he showed me the world; he showed me how tears could turn into smiles. He gave me the happiness which I could never describe and pain which showed me what made life, life. He gave me a child, something to protect over my life, he gave me memories to reminisce and cherish a lifetime.

If this was before, I would have regretted right now, because he wasn’t there with me anymore, to smile and chatter infinitely about ships and boats and endless seas, but he taught me to not to regret but reminisce; therefore, I reminisce right now, the story of my life.

Life is too short to cry and regret, he taught me. So make the best out of it. Never regret but reminisce, never cry but smile, and enjoy the journey, sail away through the time of your life.

Hello! It's me again.

I'm truly sorry if I caused anyone to flip tables and punch walls or anyone around you, but a story is a story, and things had to happen that way.
I know this is NOT the best story I've written so far, I don't like this story myself, but my intention was to accept defeat as well as victory; this story could be a great mistake, but its out of mistakes that we learn new things to add to our lives, and this, I reckon, is a great opportunity to prove myself that things don't go as perfect as we plan.
Anyway, there are few things I guess, do need some explanations.

1) They didn't get married out of love. And Eunji, here, is a female character who needs to have her things done in her way, which led things into a greater mess provided that Sung Gyu is a mentally instable person himself, and he wanted to be heard (That's how I am) but Eunji, since she wants things done her way, didn't realize this fact that he wanted constant attention from the closest person he has.

2) Its natural that such couples decide to have babies once married because they don't want to be burdened by the fact that they aren't in love. I personally know someone who did this, having a baby because she couldn't bring herself to love her husband. This, I guess is something they do to assure themselves that this marriage could go on, binded by the love to their child, the child being the link to each other. I know that the readers here are pretty much grown up so let me tell you this; two people don't have to be in love to make a baby; its all a natural happeining, no feelings have to be involved to carry out the "act" of making a baby. So yeah, the reason they both wanted a child was to have some kind of link between them to have the marriage going on, though, eventually the depressed Eunji wanted a divorce.

3) none of the ship-wrecks are real, they're just out of my imagination so god forbid they ever happens.

4) If you have noticed, the story, not once mentions the names of the characters. That is because this story and two others (Reconcile and likes me,likes me not) are stories written for a story marathon which I run on facebook by the name 'Once in a spring' project. The reason why the characters and places are nameless is that I leave them all for the readers imagination, and not everyone out there (On facebook, likevise) are kpop fans nor Gyuji fans, but I post this here because I saw Eunji and sunggyu as the characters while writing this.

So there, I explained. Although this story isn't best of my work, I'm so happy and glad you read it, nevertheless. Thank you, and god bless.

With love,
Achini.