Sighing before picking up the phone to dial the number he’s known off by heart for years, Leeteuk punches in the digits with his thumb before lifting the device to his ear, another sigh passing through his lips.

“Hello?” Leeteuk smiles after hearing Heechul’s familiar voice questioning before he replies, “Hey, Heechul. It’s me.”

“Took you long enough to call, old man. The kids have been going crazy lately and no one can restrain them, especially Hyukjae and Donghae. Those little s have been more rebellious than ever lately, you need to sort them out before all of South Korea witnesses them having .”

Light laughter floats through the phone to Heechul’s waiting ears and Leeteuk can only grin, reminiscing in all of the times he’d had to scold the pair about being too obvious in public. Seems like all of his careful coaxing over the years had failed, he knew it always would after all, no one could restrain the affectionate couple from indulging in their daily dose of the other.

“I take it they’ve been hiding out in their apartment a lot then?” He responds, laughing once more at Heechul’s frustrated cursing.

“Well that and then when we go to get them, they have to be all ing touchy in the van as well. There is no bloody end to it, Donghae couldn’t even part from Hyukjae in the airport, back hugging him before having to be told to stop by the noona trying to get them checked in.”

“Well, that might be a slight problem,” He sighs in return, all amusement gone, “I’m just glad that none of the news agents have started questioning anything yet.”

“Well, we’re going to have to have a talk with them when you have your next break, when is it by the way?” Heechul asks, not really wanting to be the one to tell ‘EunHae’ off and be labelled as the unfair and jealous hyung.

“Tomorrow, that’s the reason why I’m calling. I need you to pick me up in the morning, they’re letting me go for the night as well so I’ll stay in the dorms with you and Kangin, no doubt the kids will all stay over as well instead of running away, what have you been doing to them to make them all want to move out so much?”

“I’ve done nothing, I swear it’s just because Kangin keeps hogging the TV remote and since he doesn’t have many schedules at the moment, he’s just been lazing around and working out, it’s frustrating. But yes, I’ll pick you up. Does nine sound good? I’m sure you want to be out as early as possible.”

“Yes, thanks Chullie. I’ll see you then.”

“Bye, old man. See you soon.”

“Bye,” Leeteuk sighs as the phone line goes dead. Nostalgia fills his mind at the malice-less nickname given to him by the only just younger male, despite only being nine days apart in age.

Unable to sleep due to the strange clawing at his heart, Leeteuk rolls onto his back, the hard mattress not bringing much comfort to him. Pulling the thick blankets up under his chin, he shivers, shuffling around a bit under the weighty material to bring some warmth to his body.

Deciding that this is the most comfortable he’s going to get, he shuts his eyes, moving to lie on his side and curl up as close as he can into himself. Keeping his eyes shut, he lets his mind wander, everyone else in the building probably asleep as he is not.

Hyukjae has been doing such a good job while I’ve been gone, he feels his lips attempt to stretch into a fond and proud smile, but the cold nipping at his toes prevents the warm action from being processed.

Ignoring the cold and being too immobile to quit his small bed in search of more layers, he carries on his reflection, Hyukjae deserves a break, I’ve been gone for too long and he needs to rest. Maybe he’d like a holiday with Donghae, that’d help both of them. Donghae tries to stay too strong for Hyukjae, I know how sick he’s been lately because of it.

Leeteuk couldn’t be any prouder of the pair, trying their best to keep Super Junior and their sub-groups running as smoothly as possible. They may still be kids to the eldest, but they’re responsible and respectful, efficient yet loving, and that’s all he could have ever wanted from them.

Donghae had been the one he had missed just a bit more than the others. He knew that the rest would be able to carry on perfectly fine, but Donghae had been so dependent on him ever since Donghae’s father had passed away, Leeteuk picking up that role as best as he could and providing the younger with the parental love that he missed so dearly.

Of course Hyukjae would provide Donghae with everything, eternal love and everything that comes with being married, but Leeteuk would always be the father figure in Donghae’s life that he seems to still need so deeply. Donghae has always been a child, but at that point, Donghae became Leeteuk’s child.

Three years was not so much of a distance in age, yet it became enough for Donghae to think that Leeteuk  could fill in and care for him, and since their ages weren’t too spaced apart, Leeteuk would always be there, Donghae, the childish man, would always have a father in Leeteuk.

And so for Leeteuk to be away from his unofficially adoptive son became one of the hardest of life’s trials.

Heechul and Kangin have got this, you have nothing to worry about Jungsoo, he tells himself, trying to lessen the pain with the knowledge that his family is being held together, even without him. They’re doing so great without me, and now they’re preparing for our comeback, but what will happen with me? Where do I fit into this again? I’m Park Jungsoo, but where do I fit into Super Junior now that I’ve been gone? They can live without me, but I can’t live without them.

A sharp shiver wracks his frame as the dark thoughts continue to swim through his mind, filling places that had been untainted over the year and a half of self-loathing and reflecting on the past, life being too mundane to think of anything new.

Everyone always leaves me, even my own father did. What did I do wrong? I became famous, rich, handsome, kind, loving, was it all not enough? I’m called an angel, yet why do I have scars that run so deep? If this is really what an angel is like, then why do people worship them with so much splendour? I’m hardly an angel, I’m just Park Jungsoo and no matter how hard I try to become an angel, I’m never going to get there. If I was an angel, father would still be here, my grandparents would still be here and my mother would never lose a smile. Inyoung would not cry, she would not be hurt with words; she would be an angel beside me.

As tears soak into his hard pillow, Leeteuk lets the damage continue, lets the hurt consume him in a fire of raging flames that lash out and burn, leaving scars that never fully heal. And when he finally gives up the struggle to continue the destruction, he falls into an exhausted and dreamless slumber, one that is full of tossing and turning due to the darkness looming over his heart.

“Hey,” Heechul greets him, standing properly instead of slouching against his car, taking Leeteuk’s bag before wrapping his arms around him in a hug. A grin is plastered across the elder’s face as he joins Heechul in