Look who's in the mirror right now?

I only can see someone who didn't know how to appreciate love...

Someone who only think about himself but act like he cares about everyone...

Never believe in love even if people keep talking about it...

That's until he meet that person who change his life...

And maybe change the way he thought about love and friendship...

 

 

"Hey, Kyungsoo! There's a new trainee today and I hear that he's a good dancer, you know~ "Suho says as soon as we sit down on the floor right after the dance lesson had ended. I really should work harder with the dance part. The trainer seems like he won’t act all cool anymore with my terrible dance skills. I just wonder how long will I survive in this industry?

"Really? Seems like there's more rivals then, right?" I just say that casually without thinking about it. People might think that as sarcasm, but the ones who already knows me, will think I'm only joking about it, which was half true and false.

"Hey, you don't scare him later, okay? That kid is still new and seem like he's younger than you. Uhmm… One year younger than you maybe? "The others kept talking about this new guy, but I didn't have any interest to hear about it.

Our dance lesson started again after maybe just a few minutes of pause. The trainers inside the room started to stand up, making me feel relieved, because they stopped talking about that issue I didn’t like.

"Come on, it's starting soon. You don't want to get punished, right hyung?" One of the trainees says without looking at the others face and got up from his position, before he went to stand between the two giants, trainees Chanyeol and Kris. These two seems to be close with each other and likes to make fun of me sometimes. They like to stand on each side of me, but I just let it be even though sometimes it makes me feel embarrassed.

"Right guys! Today we will have a new trainee. I want all of you take care of him and be friendly, remember? Don't fight, if you guys don’t want to get into trouble!" the trainer says calmly like he uses to be. Sometimes he would get all scary, but in the same time, that guy can also be friendly when some of the trainees are trying to make a nice conversation with him.

"Come in now," the trainer says again before a young looking boy walked in the room, whit his head slightly bend down, he is maybe shy because he gets all the attention of the people inside the room.

"He… hello! My name is Kim Jongin! Nice to meet you!" he bowed deeply as soon as he introduced himself, but suddenly his eyes were on me. I couldn’t see properly how he looked at that moment and I accidentally did something that Suho already warned me to not do earlier. My gaze looked like a 'mad gaze' if I look at people properly. Seems like I success on making another person scared of me right after we meet for the first time at that moment. Weird for the first meeting, but somehow, something in my heart was tugging, but it was a good thing that I always have this blank face on me that nobody realized the change in me.

 

 

Day by day...

Month by month...

Year by year...

Without I realized, it’s been few years since we knew each other...

My thought and the way I act already changed...

They also realized the way I changed and it seems like the way I'm at this moment makes me easier to be friend with everyone else...

Blank face or daydreaming is still a part of my day...

But I didn’t act like I care about people anymore...

Since you taught me how to love them sincerely...

 

 

"Kyungsoo-ahh~ Let's watch movie!!!!" he says slightly cheerfully when there's only the two of us in the room. The way he’s acting all cute didn't suit the image he have on stage. Yes, we already debuted and it's been a year already. I never thought there would be twelve members in our group, but I felt grateful since our hard work made all these moments worth a lot. Beside, I still can stay by his side and talk with him whenever I want.

"Like usual then, huh? You better prepare it before I come back, okay?" I say before I chuckled silently and got up before I went towards the kitchen to prepare some food for us when we would watch the movie. It's been our daily life to make our room feel like a cinema, since we can't go out a lot these days. Without me even knowing, I always would be there for him whenever he needed it and it's also vice versa for him. I didn't remember when, but the next time I knew, we kept hanging out together and even the members try to separate us so that we would talk with them too.

After I finished everything, I went back to the room he was waiting for me on the floor, with the film prepared. "Kyungsoo. Come here," like always he will give me that 'seduce' style smile, I didn't know why he did that to me. Of course my heart will melt by it, but this is what I'm lucky with. It's not me who had to do anything that I could be close to him, since he's the one who would approach me first before I would.

"Can you not be all touchy? It feels like you really need a girl so that you can hug her in these moments," that's the only way I try to joke around with him when a situation like this happens, but it hurts in the same time. Stupid me for making myself hurt like that and it hurts more when he doesn’t say anything, he would only smile and pull me close to him, so that I would be sitting at the front of him and he was hugging me from behind. One of the reasons why I can't focus on the movie.

 

The pain I felt...

Nobody knows...

I try to hide it...

But you saw it through me...

 

 

Our performance for that night would be in a moment and every one of us is already in position on the stage. It's a bit scary when we have to sit on a high place and will have to dance after that. I always felt nervous even though I’ve already been on many stages before. It never happened before, but since my debut as one of the member of EXO, I got a stage fright. Each one of my member already knew about it and always keep encouraging me to not to feel too nervous right before our performances.

That's when he comes, the only one who can make me overcome of the stage fright, Kim Jongin. It's weird but all the touches he gives me, and the soft caress that makes my body feel hot but calms me in the same time. I love and hate that feeling in the same time.

The performance started smoothly at first, but everything was ruined when I hurt my leg. I know I can't stop at that moment, that I should just keep going, but it hurts, it sure does but that doesn't matter since my members and the group is much important for me at this moment. The old Kyungsoo shall be gone and never comeback. I don't want to be selfish and act hypocrite in front of other members anymore.

I ended the performance like nothing happened and I'm glad it was like that. As soon as we went down from the stage, Jongin approached me angrily. I can see how angry he was at the moment and without any words, he just lift me and pulled me to our manager. All of the other members were speechless and just watch the scene dumbfounded. They just stood there, and I could see how confused they were about Jongin's attitude.

"You idiot." Jongin said, I know someone shouldn't say those words towards someone else, but I felt happy when I heard it. I can feel that I was smiling from ear to ear at that moment, but I only could hide it with my face in his nape. 'He realized it... idiot," The words Jongin had said made me happy and I kept smiling all day even though I had to use a stick to walk for a few days afterwards.

 

 

Stop all this nonsense...

Let me live peacefully without thinking about who's the one you love...

Stop myself from falling for you...

I know it's more nonsense than you falling for me...

 

 

'A person like me shouldn't get your love and I know that I will never have it even if I force you to do that. You never say NO to me but I know that you would say it for this one...' I thought about this every time I looked at your face. It becomes worst day-by-day and I know that I can't turn back or even stop this feeling anymore. This friendship is too precious to me that I would never take the risk and ruin it.

"Kyungsoo, you seem sick, it had been days that you’ve been looking like that. Are you okay?" he asked me with that concerned tone, the way he looked at me made everything I tried to build around my heart collapse just like that. I stared at his face and I knew I shouldn't do that since I might look really pathetic in front of him at the moment.

"Hey, what's wrong? You know that you can say anything to me, right hyung?" the words are just like a spell he always uses when he wants me to spill something out from my mouth. It always works but now...

"You. Problem..." it still works and I can see how confused he looks at the moment.

"Jongin, I...." I can't continue talking and I just start to smile like nothing happened. It's the time when I should use my acting skills and all the training was worth of it because he seems more confused than before.

"Kyungsoo-ahh! Are you just joking with me or what?" he seems slightly frustrated and I can't help but to give him a tight hug. A wrong decision and I knew that I would regret it.

"What did you want to tell me earlier? What was the reason you wanted to meet with me here?" I asked, trying to avoid the question and it seems like I managed to do that when he looked slightly brighter than usually.

"Kyungsoo~" Jongin pulled away slightly from the hug and without a reason, for the first time since I knew this guy, this smile that he was wearing at the moment was the most hurtful smile, but a brightest one in the same time. I was in shock when I heard the next thing he said.

"I got her to be my girlfriend!! She finally agreed to it, Kyungie-ahh! I'm so happy now!!" he can't stop smiling like an idiot at that moment and making me spinning around with him. I accidentally fell on the ground when we stopped spinning around.

"Oh no, Kyungsoo! I'm so sorry!! Are you okay?" he asked while kneeling in front of me with a guilty face. That's not the face I want to see. How I wish I were the one who would always make him smile like the way that girl does.

Jongin had talked about that girl before, she's one of the trainees in our company but I never thought that girl would accept him since he says that she didn't seem interested with him. Now I felt like an idiot when I heard that of course that girl would fall for him if he keeps acting gentle towards her without stopping. Now it seems like my nightmare was getting worst than before.

"Hey! Are you okay? Don't make me worry, Kyungsoo-ahh,” he says looking worried, feeling guilty maybe.

"I'm okay. That's nothing," I just keep smiling like nothing happened and stand up with his help.

"Congrats, I hope everything is going well then," I didn't know how these words came out naturally like that while I felt like I was being stabbed with a knife inside of my heart.

"Thank you!!! I'm going out now. Please cover it up for me, Kyung. Don't tell anyone, okay?" he hugged me and ruffled my head, which in result he stoles my heart again before he leaves and went towards the one he loves and adored all this long. The most pathetic things that happen is that person is not me and I know it will never be me.

 

 

I want to tell you but these tears keep welling up...

Even if I tell you, you would never listen and keep talking about her...

This is why I decided to wait even if it would be long…

You can hate me when I say that I'm happy when she leaves you...

Since you will come to me when that happens...

Those happiness smiles will form on my face secretly but it's still hurting.

 

 

"Kyungsoo..." I was making some food for the other members when Jongin suddenly hugged me from behind, leaving all the members stare at us with confusion. That warm body felt too close to me that I didn't know if my smile was visible to our member's. That kind of situations will only happen when he's feeling down and mostly because of that girl.

"Want to talk? Let me..." without stopping myself from talking any longer, he just pulled me away from the kitchen and I only could mouth 'save some to me' to Chanyeol since he's the person I could trust when it’s about food. I'm glad that Chanyeol just followed what I said without complaining and the kitchen became loud again with all of the members chatting with each other.

"What happen Jon…” it always happens and I wouldn’t be surprised if I fainted in his embrace each time he hugged me tightly like that. All I can do in this moment was patting his back to calm him down. But deep inside of my heart, I wanted him to keep feeling miserable in that love which didn’t belong to me. Without knowing it, I let myself cry after keeping it inside, so that nobody would see it.

"I'm a demon...aren’t I?" I mumbled quietly to myself, it was all I could do at this moment and I didn't even know if he heard what I said or not.

"What? What did you say, Kyungsoo?" he wanted to pull away from the hug, but I didn't let him and kept him in my embrace for a moment.

"No… It’s nothing. You didn't have to worry about me. Say, what happens now, huh?" I asked him gently, trying hard so that he didn't hear those hiccups and the tremble tone in of my voice. It's better that way,' keep hurting yourself so that you will turn to me,' I felt terrible for keeping praying so that it will happen, the happiness and the bitterness was there and I know that I can't ask anything anymore.

"She... We broke up… She... loves someone else," with that, he's breaking down and those screams that he emitted were hurting my heart. I know I asked for this but I didn't want him to be this broken. 'Oh God, what have I done? Why did I pray that to happen to him?' I asked silently inside of my head while I kept hugging him tightly.

"Shushh… Let it out for now. Everything will go better. She didn't deserve you," those last words were just floating around in the air because I didn't dare to say it out a loud when he's in that kind of situation. We just sat in the middle of our room without doing anything except hugging each other until he fell asleep because he felt too tired with all the crying.

"You know? I love you more than you loved her," those words just came out of my mouth without me even realizing it. This guy who was holding onto me tightly didn't even know what kind of person I am. I’m selfish that I want him to be only mine.

"You didn't know, don't you? I'm really desperate for you. Each time I want you to smile for me, calling my name even in your sleep," I keep whispering those words to him while he was sleeping, it's like talking to a wall but it hurts too much that I'm having a hard time to breath.

"Kyung… soo…" those words made my eyes widen in surprise and I turned towards him, thinking that he was awake but no, he wasn’t, he was still sleeping soundly like nothing happened earlier. I just watched him without saying anything and with that, my tears kept welling up without stopping. I laughed silently, while biting into my hand afraid he would get up.

"That must not be true. How can he...” "Kyungsoo..." there it goes again. The name kept coming from his mouth and it makes me feel so happy that it hurts.

 

The next morning came too fast. I couldn't sleep at all. When I could feel that he was slowly waking up, I quickly closed my eyes and turned around so that he was facing my back. I tried so hard to move slightly away from him, but freeze when his hands were wrapped around my waist.

"Where are you going? I know you’re awake, Kyungsoo," I can hear the tiredness in his voice, but didn't even dare to face the guy at first in the morning like this.

"Nothing. I… Just… It’s hot when we’re too close," I tried to break his arms off from my waist, but it didn't move even an inch; instead he was getting closer to me.

"I don't want to, you are warm and I want that feeling near me. Thank you, Kyungsoo… I really love you, my friend," those words send shivers to my body and the kiss that he gave me at my neck made me freeze once again. Why he does this? It's not fair and this word ‘Friend’, I know what it means and I didn't like it even a bit.

'But God… Let me be close like this with him. I don't want to lose him. I need him because it's him,' I prayed in my mind as I closed my eyes tightly, trying to make those tears go away before he could even take a look at my face that day.

"It's nothing. Just sleep more. There's nothing to do today," I whispered slightly and I could hear what he was saying, "Great! You’re really a good pillow for me!" which meant he would keep holding me like that and I can't get away from him all day for that day.

"Aish... you dummy…" still, I can't help but to smile or laugh without thinking about anything else when I'm with him. Happy is the suitable words when it comes to him, but Hurt is also the words when I can't get myself to forget about the feeling I have towards him.

"I love you, I really do… Kyungsoo…"

 

 

I never can guess what you were thinking at the moment...

It's complicated when sometimes you act like that...

Each time I spent with you made me realize something...

Whatever happens…

Even if it hurts or not...

I keep falling for you without limit...

I love you and the reason is...

Because it's you...

The one who keep being by my side...

And the one who know me more than anyone else...

 

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hey guys~ seem like I will end it like that? hahaha.. hope it's not that complicated for you guys to understand it and enjoy the story? It's the first time for me to finish the story that I wrote and it sure felt awesome doesn't it? I hope you guys love it and sorry if there's some grammar or spelling error there. Thank you for reading!!! ^^