The rain was pouring real hard. People were running on the streets, trying to find a shelter. Cars were honking on the busy streets. No stars or moon was seen on the night sky for the rain clouds had hid them totally, making the atmosphere feel more lonely.

 

While everybody else was busy finding shelter from the rain, a light brown-haired guy with soft, almost-feminine facial features, seemed to find shelter and comfort in the rain. People were looking at him with strange looks in their faces, as if he’s some kind of lunatic. Some though tried to offer him shelter but he refused to take it and continued taking baby steps down the busy street.

 

Nobody probably knew what he was doing or what he was thinking. Or maybe, what probably happened for him to be doing that. Nobody knew. Nobody else but him.

 

 

---

 

 

It was such a very busy day. People were rushing to catch the buses on time. Cars caught up with the heavy traffic were honking all at once. Everyone was busy trying to reach their workplaces on time, including Luhan.

 

“I can’t be late. I need to submit these videos on time.”, Luhan thought as he made his way through the numerous people coming his way.

 

He was holding his disk on one hand and a medium-sized Taro flavored bubble tea on the other. Having his favorite bubble tea early in the morning has been his thing for as long as he could remember. But his day just got worse when he saw how his precious bubble tea got thrown on the street and literally splashed everywhere. He groaned angrily as he picked up the empty cup and threw it on the bin.

 

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to.”, Luhan turned and his eyes met another gorgeous pair of eyes.

 

What Luhan didn’t understand was the unusual feeling he had at that moment. Instead of getting mad, yelling at that person for bumping recklessly into him, he found his self deeply mesmerized at the other.

 

“I’m so sorry. Let me buy you another bubble tea. I know a very good place.”, the taller guy offered.

 

Luhan just smiled and gently shook his head, saying “It’s okay. I’m running late anyway. Thanks for the offer. I’ll go ahead.”

 

“Oh, okay. Bye!”

 

Another unusual feeling came up to Luhan as he walked away—he was feeling sad. He wanted to stay. He wanted to say yes to his offer but he couldn’t. If he said yes, he would soon find his self jobless.

 

Reaching the gigantic company building where he was working, he took a sec to check his time. 8:29AM it read. ‘One more deadly minute’, he thought. He was ready to run for his life to the elevator when the guard stopped him from doing so.

 

“Please wear your ID sir.”

 

“But I am wearing my ID. It’s—“, Luhan suddenly paled.

 

It’s not there. It’s not around his neck. He was so sure that he wore it. He checked his self a couple of times before he left. He was sure he saw an ID hanging around his neck. Now, it was only the ID sling left. No more ID.

 

“Damn! Where is it?”, Luhan’s eyes started searching the ground for his ID.

 

Luhan traced back his way with his eyes glued to the ground. The ticking of his watch made him even more worried.

 

“Luhan!”, he looked up and saw the same guy who he bumped into earlier.

 

Luhan’s face showed confusion at first till he saw what the other one was holding on his hand—his precious ID. His eyes instantly sparkled in delight and ran towards him.

 

“My ID!”, he took it from his hand.

 

“You dropped it a while ago. I wouldn’t have noticed it if I didn’t step on it.”, the other guy chuckled. “I’m sorry.”

 

Luhan beamed a smile, “Thank you so much! You just save my life.”

 

“Wow! It’s the first time I met someone whose ID is one’s life.”, the other guy chuckled once more.

 

Luhan just shook his head and was about to go when the other guy stopped him. “I’m Sehun, by the way. Would you mind if I ask for your number? You know, maybe we could enjoy some bubble teas together. I love bubble tea, too, if you wanna know.”

 

Luhan’s heart thumped so fast and without second thoughts, he said “Sure.”

 

 

---

 

He sat down on the wet street. What other people didn’t notice were the tears frequently falling down from his eyes. Well, nobody would notice for the rain has concealed those tears. So that’s the reason why he found comfort in the rain. Nobody would see his tears.

 

It was his fault anyway. Who else would he blame? Nobody. Nobody but his self. He committed the mistake. He failed to keep his promise. So now, he had to pay for it. He hurt Sehun so much and now, it’s payback time for him.

 

 

---

 

 

“Why Luhan? Why?”, tears were flowing down his eyes nonstop.

 

It was such a painful sight for Luhan. He promised his self that he won’t ever see those precious tears coming out of Sehun’s eyes. He wanted those eyes to sparkle naturally the way they used to be, not because of the tears.

 

But it was his fault. He did something wrong. Something terribly wrong which caused those tears to fall.

 

Luhan tried to hold his hands and pull Sehun in a hug but the other struggled hard to break free from it.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Sehun-ah. I- I didn’t mean it.”

 

Sehun threw Luhan’s arms aggressively away from him, “You’re sorry? You didn’t mean it? You didn’t mean to cheat on me and go Xiumin? You didn’t mean lying to me? You didn’t mean breaking my heart into goddamn pieces?”

 

Luhan kneeled down in front of Sehun and hugged his legs. Tears, too, were uncontrollably falling down his eyes. He knew he had done something and he had regretted it. He had regretted everything that has happened between him and Xiumin. Now, he realized he and Xiumin were never right. It was wrong from the very beginning and he hated himself for realizing it now.

 

“Let me go, Luhan.”

 

“No, no, no. I won’t Sehun. I can’t live without you.”

 

“You should’ve thought about that before you cheated on me.”

 

Luhan hugged his legs tighter while Sehun tried to get off his grasp. It’s easy for Sehun to forcefully and strongly move his leg, kicking Luhan away, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Because no matter how hurt and disappointed he was of Luhan, he still love this man so goddamn much that it started to hurt him even more.

 

Luhan stood up this time and forcefully crashed his lips unto Sehun’s. Luhan could taste the saltiness of Sehun’s lips. Sehun, on the other hand, wanted so much to respond and kiss him back. His heart was pushing him to do exactly what he wanted to do but his mind contradicted. It firmly believed he shouldn’t.

 

Sehun let his mind win over his heart and pushed Luhan away, a reaction which Luhan never expected to receive. But what hurt Luhan the most was the following words which escaped Sehun’s mouth before he eventually left.

 

 

 

“It’s over, Luhan.”

 

 

---

 

 

Those words were unforgettable. There were only 2 words—3 including his name—but they were strong enough to shatter his heart to million pieces.

 

“Luhan! Get back to your senses, will you? It’s been 5 months but you’re still acting like this! You’re still sulking yourself. Do you even see how wasted you look right now? It seems like you’re not living anymore! You look like a freaking zombie!”, Luhan’s puffy, tired-looking eyes looked up at his friend, with an umbrella on his hand, who eventually was getting sick of looking at Luhan wasting his life.

 

“I died 5 months ago, Baek. Since my life left me. Since Sehun left me.”, Luhan’s eyes sparkled, not because he was happy, but because of the tears threatening to fall once again.

 

His friend, Baekhyun, just shook his head and rubbed his temples. This friend of his really is a headache to him but what can he do? They’re friends. Friends are supposed to stick with each other through thick and thin, right?

 

As tears started falling from Luhan’s eyes again, Baekhyun just heaved a heavy sigh and bent down to help him get up.

 

“I was such a fool, Baek. I was such a jerk for letting Sehun go.”

 

Baekhyun said nothing and just continued to lend his ears to his hurting friend.

 

 

---

 

 

Today was supposed to be a special day for Luhan and Sehun. It was supposed to be their 3rd anniversary. It has been 3 years since their paths crossed. But it didn’t go the way Luhan had always imagined it to be. Another promise he made to his self was that on their 3rd year of being together, he would propose to Sehun and offer his whole life devoting and loving him. But it’s just one of the many promises he failed to fulfill.

 

Baekhyun has had enough with seeing his friend slowly killing his self so he decided to bring Luhan out to have fun for the first time in 5 months. He thought he needed to do something. He thought he needed to bring back his old friend. He thought he needed to bring back the happiness in Luhan’s eyes.

 

“Where are we going, Baek?”, Luhan inquired in such a weak voice.

 

Luhan squinted his eyes and blocked the sunlight with his skinny hand.

 

“Anywhere that would bring back my old friend. The Luhan I once knew.”

 

After a few steps to God-knows-where, they finally stopped. Luhan looked up and his heart started to ache again. It was a shop. A bubble tea shop.

 

---

 

“One Taro and one Chocolate-flavored Bubble Tea please.”, Sehun smiled at the cashier.

 

He paid the cashier with his left hand while the other was securely intertwined with Luhan’s hand. This has been their usual afternoon date. After work, Luhan will pick Sehun up in his work place, which was fortunately just a block and a half away from his, and together, they’ll go to their favorite place—the bubble tea shop nearby.

 

Staffs had already known them. Even the owner of the shop himself got acquainted with them. He even gave them free bubble teas in every monthsary. Everybody thought they’re a perfect couple and usually, everyone got jealous with how sweet and in love Sehun and Luhan were with each other. The two would just blush and thank them for their sweet compliments and blessings.

 

 

---

 

 

‘But now, it’s all gone.’, Luhan thought sadly.

 

It’s all gone now. Sehun’s gone now. He would chase him and take him back if he could. He would do everything just to get him back. Just to win him back. But he can’t. He couldn’t. He doesn’t even know where Sehun is. He tried looking for him in all possible places he could be. He travelled from north to south, east to west, but Sehun was nowhere to be found. He tried contacting each and everyone Sehun knew but apparently, Sehun stopped communicating with them, too.

 

He was too desperate, too frustrated to find Sehun but it seemed like Sehun really tried so hard to hide from Luhan and yes, he succeeded.

 

“Here’s your favorite. It’s Taro-flavored.”, Baek handed him a medium-sized cup before sitting down on the chair across him.

 

Luhan held his favorite bubble tea in both hands and stared at it. Memories flashed back and he can’t help but cry again. Regret and guilt was eating him up. Eating him whole. And he hated the feeling. He hated how everything turned out. His mind was full of ‘what if’.

 

What if he remained faithful?

 

What if he didn’t cheat on Sehun with Xiumin?

 

What if he just hold on Sehun tighter and never let his self fell into Xiumin’s trap?

 

He was so sure of his love for Sehun but he didn’t know why he couldn’t resist Xiumin. Sehun was more than enough for him but why did he still looked for another? He didn’t know why.

 

“I was too selfish, Baek.”, his voice cracked. “I finally had everything I ever wanted but I let him get away. Because of what? Because of nothing!”

 

Baekhyun just sighed. He brought his friend out holding on to a slight chance that he may be able to see his smile again but no, it was still the same.

 

“I should’ve followed your words, Baek. I should’ve listened to you when you told me to stay away from Xiumin. I should have. But I freaking didn’t!”

 

Luhan started hitting repeatedly both sides of his head with his fists. Baekhyun reached for both his hands and stopped them.

 

“Stop it, Luhan! Just stop it! Hitting yourself won’t bring back Sehun.”

 

Luhan apparently stopped and thought about it. Baekhyun was right. It will never bring Sehun back. It will never change the fact that he cheated on Sehun. It will never change the fact that he hurt Sehun so much causing the taller one to leave.

 

Luhan sobbed harder as his hands fell weakly on the table.

 

“I love him, Baek. I love him so much.”

 

“I know, Luhan. I know. But crying and wasting your life won’t bring him back. You know that, right?”

 

“I know.”, he said almost inaudible.

 

Baekhyun was about to say something when his phone rang. It was his girlfriend calling him so he excused himself from Luhan for awhile. As Luhan tried to wipe his tears from his cheeks, he glanced outside the window and saw a very familiar figure. He looked closer and closer. His eyes grew wide. His heart thumped so loud. Is it him? Could it really be Sehun?

 

There was only one way to find out. Luhan dashed out of the bubble tea shop, leaving Baekhyun dumbfounded. Baekhyun tried to run after him while calling his name but Luhan was determined to catch that familiar figure and confirm to his self. He thought maybe this is the time. Maybe this is the chance he had waited for the longest time.

 

Luhan went through a crowd of people. He didn’t know why there were so many people but he couldn’t care more. All he cared about was catching up to that guy. Catching up to Sehun, probably.

 

The familiar figure was walking in a slow pace. He had a medium-sized cup of Bubble Tea in his hand. Chocolate-flavored. Luhan rejoiced in his heart knowing that the guy could really be Sehun. For Pete’s sake he knew how Sehun is addicted to Chocolate Bubble Tea, like how he is with the Taro-flavored one.

 

Luhan held the figure’s hand and turned him around. His heart thumped even more rapidly as the face he longed to see for months met him. It was indeed Sehun. Luhan instantly pulled the taller one in a tight hug and buried his face on the taller’s broad shoulder.

 

“I miss you, Sehun. Please forgive me for everything that I’ve done.”, he whispered, his voice was cracking.

 

Luhan’s heart broke when he didn’t feel Sehun’s arms around him. But he thought to himself that maybe, Sehun still didn’t forget what he did. That Sehun still couldn’t forgive him. That Sehun was still mad at him.

 

But the words Sehun uttered later caused Luhan’s eyes to grow wide and shattered his heart even more.

 

 

 

 

“Who are you?”

 

 

 

 

Luhan didn’t know what to say or what to do. He slowly slipped his hands off of Sehun and stared deeply into the taller’s eyes. He was glad it was sparkling like how he first saw them. But the words that escaped his thin, pink lips were too unbearable for him to take.

 

Did Sehun really hate him that much to act like he forget him?

 

Did the pain he caused make Sehun forget everything?

 

Did Sehun really throw all the memories they had together?

 

Oh how much Luhan wanted to ask those but he can’t. He tried hard to speak but no words came out of his mouth. What he didn’t notice though were the tears flowing down his cheeks, staining them.

 

“Hey, are you crying? I’m so sorry if I know you and I couldn’t recall you.” Sehun bit his lower lip and wiped Luhan’s tears.

 

‘His warm hands...’ Luhan thought. Oh God knows how much he missed those hands. Those warm touches. Those hands that used to touch and bring warmth to each part of his body on cold nights. Those hands that perfectly fit into his own.

 

Sehun didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know why this stranger hugged him and cried in front of him. He didn’t know why and how this stranger knew his name. He never met him before. He couldn’t recall. He couldn’t remember. But something tells him he’s someone he knew. He’s someone important. Because if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have felt that weird feeling he was having in his heart.

 

“Sehun!”

 

Both Sehun and Luhan looked at the direction where the voice came from. A tall guy, probably as tall as Sehun, walked towards them. The dark circles around his eyes made him look so manly and strong but his thin lips curving into a smile showed sweetness.

 

“Tao!”

 

Luhan looked at Sehun and saw another precious thing he missed—his sweet smile. His heart ached as he saw Sehun intertwining his hand to the other guy’s hand. It fitted perfectly, like how it fitted with his hand.

 

‘That should be me not him.’, he thought.

 

“Who is this?”, Tao asked Sehun.

 

Luhan gulped the big lump formed in his throat and spoke up, “I’m Luhan.”

 

Sehun smiled at him, driving Luhan insane. “You finally talked.”

 

The name rang a bell in Tao’s mind and kept recalling where he had heard that name. Realizing it made him say, “Luhan, would you like to eat with us?”

 

---

 

Luhan couldn’t help but feel awkward sitting in front of Sehun and Tao. Apparently, Sehun and Tao are together and it hurt him too goddamn much. It hurt him so much that all he wanted to do was to disappear and take Sehun away from Tao and make Sehun forget him.

 

But no, he couldn’t do that. Seeing the smile on Sehun’s face with Tao beside him crushed his heart. He wanted Sehun to smile that way but not because of Tao, but because of him. Like how it used to be months ago. And the fact that today was there supposed 3rd year anniversary didn’t help at all.

 

Why did he even agree to eat with them, anyway? If he just said no, he wouldn’t be hurting this way. But it was Sehun. It’s the opportunity to eat with Sehun. An opportunity to see him again. To talk with him again. To clarify things. Just because goddamn it it’s Sehun! Period.

 

“Luhan, maybe you should know what happened.”, Tao started.

 

Luhan prepared his ears for whatever he was going to hear. He obviously will not like it but he felt the need to know.

 

“Sehun got into an accident 5 months ago.”

 

---

 

Tao was on his way home when an unbelievable sight was seen. A car just crashed to a tree. Seeing the smoke coming out of the car, Tao hurriedly ran, hoping to rescue whoever was inside the car. He tried to open the door but it seemed like it was somehow stuck. The smoke coming out from the car was getting thicker and thicker. An enormous amount of panic rushed through Tao’s body. He tried the door again but it was still stuck. He had no other choice but to break down the window and unbuckled the seatbelt before pulling the stranger’s body out. He carried the body carefully, as if it was the most fragile thing he ever held in his whole life, and laid it 15 meters away from the car.

 

Tao noticed the blood in the stranger’s head and other parts of the body. From the looks of it, he knew the stranger was badly injured. Before he fished out the phone in his pocket to call an ambulance, he heard the stranger mumble.

 

 

 

“Luhan…”

 

---

 

Amnesia… that word brought tears to Luhan’s eyes. Tao said though that the doctor had informed them there’s still quite a big chance for Sehun to remember especially if something could trigger Sehun’s mind. But still, it’s amnesia. Meaning, Sehun has forgotten everything. Everything. All those wonderful memories they shared. All the kisses. The hugs. The dates. The sweet nothings. The teases which would always lead them to their bed and spend the night making love to one another.

 

And what’s worse? It’s his fault. It’s his fault Sehun ran away. It’s his fault Sehun got into an accident. It’s his fault Sehun forgot everything.

 

If only he could turn back the time. If only he could bring back all those memories to Sehun. He’ll do everything he could.

 

But making Sehun remember all those sweet memories would also bring back the bitter memories. The mistake he had committed. The promise he failed to fulfill.

 

Luhan was torn in between. It was already 2 days since he saw Sehun again and here he was, still battling with himself. Sehun insisted they should keep contact with one another. He knew Sehun was determined to remember him. Sehun was determined to remember something from his past. Tao, on the other hand, surprisingly supported Sehun and insisted, too. Luhan couldn’t do anything but to nod and exchange contact with them.

 

He was getting frustrated. Should he try to remind Sehun of who he is and what they had or should he move on and let Sehun be happy now with Tao? He knew the second choice was the best answer but goddamn it, could he really do it? Could he really let go of Sehun? He loved him so much. No, he loves him. He did, he is, and he always will love Sehun. Letting him go is like a suicide for Luhan. It’s easy to say but damn it’s so hard to do. Besides, Sehun was willing to remember everything. Shouldn’t he be happy? Well, he couldn’t coz by everything, it means, all memories, good or bad.

 

“So are you really going to let him remember?”, Baekhyun came up with two cups of bubble teas in his hands.

 

Luhan sighed, “I don’t know, Baek. Should I?”

 

“Well, he asked for it, right?”

 

“Yes, but I’m afraid he’ll really remember Baek.”

 

“Don’t you want it?”

 

“I do. I really do. But you know, our memories are not all good. Especially the last memory we shared.”

 

“Then don’t let him remember the last memory.”

 

“But he’ll eventually remember.”

 

Baekhyun sipped into his bubble tea before replying to Luhan, “Then when the time comes, just accept whatever his response is.”

 

Luhan looked at his friend, thinking about what he just said and sighed.

 

 

 

Sehun-ah, I will let you remember me. I will let you remember our love.

 

---

 

Luhan checked himself out in the mirror for the past 25 minutes, earning a teasing laugh from his friend.

 

“Hyung, I can hear the mirror complaining already.”, Baekhyun continues to laugh.

 

Luhan just rolled his eyes at his best friend and finally, walked away from the mirror.

 

“I’m nothing compared to you. Do you even realize how long you stare at yourself at the mirror when you’ll be on a date with Yeon Rin?”, he retaliated.

 

“Well, I gotta look good for my babe. Just to make sure that she’ll only look at me. Only me.”, Baekhyun winked.

 

Luhan patted his shoulders before leaving. “Now, you should know why I do the same.”

 

“Wait, you’re trying to win Sehun back?”

 

“Bye!”

 

Hearing the door shut, Baekhyun just shook his head at his best friend and continued with what he was doing earlier.

 

Luhan fixed his hair for the last time before driving off to meet Sehun. Today is the start of going back to the past with Sehun.