It started one night when they were one month away from their first debut. Minseok was curling on himself, cocooned in thick layers of blankets, running the coregraphy he had learned at morning over his head and sulking over the impending diet he needs to do; when he heard soft rustling noises. He had stayed still afterwards, unsure of what was Zitao doing all of sudden. It was midnight, they need their rest, but Zitao’s movements increased instead, what with all the rustlings and if Minseok dared to say, he sounds restless. After arranging the words inside his head to reprimand Zitao, he turned his body around and was about to open his mouth when the sight of his younger roommate made him closed it again immediately.

Zitao’s eyebrows are furrowed, eyes clenching shut and upon closer looks, they are glistening with tears. He knew the younger could stand the cold more than he did, but Minseok saw how Zitao is shivering. Biting his upper lip, Minseok stood up, dragging his layers of blanket with him and plopping himself unceremoniously on Zitao’s bed. The younger jerked his eyes open, staring at Minseok with wide, wide, teary eyes. But before he could utter anything, Minseok reached out tiny hands, pulling Zitao’s head and tucking it under his chin. It wasn’t long before soft sniffles turn into muffled cries, the sounds echoed around the closed room. 

Minseok thought about Zitao’s hometown, about the meals his mother used to make, about how foreign it feels like, wrapping your head around something you’re not familiar with. Minseok remembered his older self; eighteen, with a too round face and awkward crooked smile. He remembered about the empty bathroom stall, one year after his training started, his breath heaving and heart palpitating frantically, when it all hits him in the face; what was about to come, what was about to be taken from him if he wanted to pursue what he had been wanting. Minseok used to think it’s a part of growing in this business, depending on himself and coping with it all until he came this far. But as he hugged the sobbing Zitao closer to his chest, somehow remembering all that was made him realized how lonely he had been.

“Ssh, hyung is here for you” he said, nimble fingers combed through the black hair on the younger’s head. He didn’t say anything anymore, opting to just hugged the younger closer, rocking a bit until the sniffs had stopped and Zitao was considerably calmed down. “You are not alone” Minseok said to the figure in his hands, although he wasn’t really sure he heard him.

“Hyung is here for you”