Who am I you ask?

I’m Kris of EXO.

I smile and brought happiness for fans. I laugh and gained attention from fans. I wink and brought giggles from fans. I sing or rap and brought cheers from fans. I draw and brought laughter from fans. I give fan service and bought their hearts.

But what if those were all for a show? Or for fame? To project everything under the stage name of Kris or Wu Yifan who rose shine onto the Music Industry as one of the leaders of EXO. Does this bring me happiness when I know I’ve been faking it all along?

But who is Kris or Wu Yifan in truth? Who was he before he stepped on the stage and faced the support of his fans that garnered much love?

Am I not Li Jiaheng? A Chinese-Canadian resident?

Or has it become now a was Li Jiaheng?

Who am I now?

Wu Yifan.

And..

I’ve officially become the now Kris and was Kevin.

Can I be who I was once again?

Everyone must have thought I have everything when I’m losing everything I’ve got.

I am Kris and was Kevin.

I did lose my identity. My identity is my everything.

Kevin, smiling for anyone. Kevin, laughing for anyone. Kevin, winking for anyone. Kevin, singing or rapping for anyone. Kevin, drawing for anyone. Kevin, fan service-ing for anyone.

I miss the days. Stay strong, Kevin, and not Kris.

To bring everything back, I must become Kevin once again and leave as Kris.

A wise decision for a foolish man. But I’m a fool. My decision, therefore, is foolish.

This must have what left some people thinking.

I hope not.

I feel bad that SM has to carry the burdern the fiasco brought by my sudden action. It wasn’t their entire fault. I signed the contract and an agreement was immediately commenced. I’m too weak to hold onto everything we agreed and let it go in from a single move.

We does not only mean an agreement I made with SM Entertainment and its officials. We means the whole SM community, from my sunbaes and hoobaes to my own brothers, EXO: Xiumin, Luhan, Suho, Lay, Baekhyun, Chen, Chanyeol, D.O, Tao, Kai, and Sehun, and most importantly the bond we’ve created with the our fans.

But it doesn’t end there.

Should I always sacrifice my everything for the sake of the bond of we?

I’m losing my ownself for that matter. In fact, I’ve been at loss ever since. I only took notice of it recently.. That I’ve been shadowed by the fear of losing everything when I’ve already lost it.

It’s not Kris whom I fear. It’s Kevin. It’s my ownself that I fear.

Why do I fear myself? What’s the cause of this?

Is it because I signed myself?

Yes. I did sign