“You lied to me” Junsu closed his eyes and kept his head low while Yoochun's voice was louder and louder. “How could you do this?”

“I'm sorry” he whispered and fought to prevent his tears from falling. It wasn't entirely his fault for lying. Yoochun gave him no other choice. If he wanted to win the man’s heart he should have lied no matter what.

“You're sorry?” Yoochun laughed, irony written all over his face “Of course you're sorry now... but if I hadn't found out you would have kept lying to me, right?”

“Chun ah, you g-”

“Stop calling me that” Yoochun cut his. His voice was cold and strict and made Yoochun look like he never loved him.

“I'm sorry” Junsu apologized again. He knew he was on fault, he knew that his lie was actually something that had a huge impact on Yoochun but he had to listen to his explanation.

“Do you know any other phrase?”

“You don't let me say any other phrase” finally Junsu raised his eyes and met Yoochun's eyes. The other looked away immediately. “You don't even let me look at you”

“Because when I look at you, you seem so innocent and that distracts me. Then... I remember that even your innocence is fake and... that disgusts me”

That disgusts me... Junsu felt a knife stabbing his heart. “Don't talk like that”

“Don't tell me what to do” Yoochun smirked “Didn't your parents teach you to respect older people?”

“Stop that! So what if I lie? Does this change what you feel for me? It certainly doesn't change what I feel for you. I only lied because it was the only way to have you” it was a desperate try, to convince him.

“No Junsu, it doesn't change what I feel for you. It changes the way I think of you. It changes your image. I love you like hell... but you're a liar and you lied about something I hate”

Junsu made an attempt to get closer to Yoochun but the latter instantly tensed and kept their distance. A distance that Junsu wanted to get rid of. A distance that was becoming more huge by minute even if the boy was trying to stop that.

“You wouldn't have let me in your life if I hadn't lied” this was meant to be a question but Junsu knew the answer already.

It seems that Yoochun thought the same thing. His eyes lowered immediately. “Maybe we weren't meant to be, Junsu. Maybe falling in love with you was wrong at first place”

“Take that back now!” angry tears were falling like rivers from Junsu's eyes “Take it back!”

“Junsu...”

“You heard me! Tell me that you didn't mean that! Yoochun... falling in love with you was the best thing that happened in my life. I don't want to hear you say that what we have is wrong”

“What we had...” the man corrected him in a whisper.

“NO!”

(“What are you looking at, Junsu?” the boy didn't move his eyes at all but he smiled at the question.

“Can you see him?” he pointed carefully “Changmin, he keeps coming here... I can't stop observing him”

“Who is he?” Changmin asked in curiosity “Why is he at school anyway? He looks much older than us”

“I think he is Jun Young's older brother... he is coming to pick him up” Junsu explained and grinned “He is really handsome”

“So why don't you ask about him?” his friend suggested and Junsu nodded.

“Yeah it's about time... I should not let him go, right?”

“Yeah!”)

“We can't continue like that”

“Yes we can! You just have to accept the truth. It doesn't affects our relationship”

“You have to accept that you're acting like a teenager right now... You're acting your... age”

(“Yeah, he is m brother. Why?” Jun Young raised an eyebrow “Are you interested?”

Junsu shyly smiled “Maybe... Is he a single?”

“He is but... he is not into schoolboys at all. So forget about him”)

Junsu freeze... maybe he was indeed acting childish... maybe he was indeed stubborn but it was all because Yoochun had his eyes closed. “You used to like my childish behavior”

Yoochun looked away.

“You used to get excited when I w-”

“That was different! And this is added to our mistakes' list! For god's sake, I could go to jail because I molested an under aged” he said in a panic tone.

“You didn't molest me for crying out loud! I wanted this as much as you did and maybe more. You can't go to jail because of that. Now, Yoochun come back to your senses please” Junsu shouted and wiped away his tears. “Why are you throwing away all the things we've been through because I said a stupid lie? So what if I am not 20? I'm 17 almost 18... I'm almost legal!”

“It's not just that Junsu... I... feel like I can't trust you! I don't even know you anymore. I know you are a college student, studying journalism. I know that you love soccer and you love to sing a lot. Nothing it's true, right?”

It was Junsu's time to look away.

“You told me that your dream was to take an interview from the most famous soccer player some day. Is this even true?”

Junsu swallowed but shook his head “No... It’s not true”

“Do you understand now? I don't know you anymore... I don't know who you are, what your dreams are, what you love the most, what you do in your free time...” the older man couldn't hide his disappointment. But Junsu could see how much pain was causing Yoochun his own words.

“A lie leads to another lie... and you build our relationship with lies”

“Not everything is a lie”

“It's too late now”

“It's too late because you didn't gave me another choice”

(“So how old are you, Junsu?” Yoochun asked and kept the distance between them in a safe level.

“How do you think I am?” the younger challenged him.

“You look really young... about 16? 17 maybe?” Yoochun truthfully guessed.

“Is it 17 a really young age for you?”

“Of course... I'm 27! I am almost thirty. Isn't it normal for me to think like that?”

“So a 17 years-old student has no chance to be with you?” Junsu held his breathe, waiting anxiously for the answer.

“You mean... in a love relationship?” Junsu nodded “No... no way! I won't give a chance to anyone that age”

“Not even a chance?” with difficulty Junsu managed to breathe.

“Not even a chance”

“Thank god I am not a 17 years-old boy then...” it was horrible but necessary...

Yoochun grinned in happiness? “So... what do we have here? Is a certain someone interested in me?”)

“You shouldn't have lied anyway... don't blame me”

“So, is this the end?”

“Goodbye Junsu”

***

“What's wrong?” Yoochun asked his younger brother. He came in the house, completely pissed and he was cursing.

“We lost!” he screamed “Because of him!”

“Hey hey! Calm down... you lost? You mean your soccer team.” Yoochun tried to understand.

“Yes! We were supposed to win today. It was the most important game, talent scouts were there”

Yoochun hugged his brother “I'm sure that they saw how talented you are! It doesn't matter if you lost the game or not”

“I still don't understand what's gotten to our leader, Junsu! He couldn't even keep the ball between his feet. It was supposed to be mostly his day. They were there for him... but he made us all failed.”

Yoochun froze. Junsu... his Junsu?

“Maybe it was because of stress... people get anxious and fail” it can't be his Junsu...

“No, not Junsu! He is never stressed... he adores soccer! Sign a contract with a big team was his dream. Something was wrong yesterday. I even asked him and he screamed at me to leave him alone... and so I did but that pissed me even more”

“He... he probably feels sad”

“He better! And to think that he once asked me about you... he was interested in you! Thank God you don't like schoolboys, hyung! I wouldn't want you to be with him after what he did”

The man's heart was beating so fast, without any control. It was his Junsu... and he failed. Was it because of what happened yesterday? Was it because they broke up? Out of sudden, Yoochun felt pretty bad and guilty. Junsu had this important game and he didn't know. Heck! He didn't even know that he was a soccer player.

Whose fault is that? Junsu's fault! He shook his head... whom was he trying to fool? He was at fault as much as Junsu was.

“Hyung?” his brother's voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Where are you traveling?”

Yoochun blinked “Jun Young, I have to go”

“What? Where?”

Yoochun didn't answer... he just run out of the house! Junsu was probably a mess. It was always so easy for him to break out. He had cried so many times in Yoochun's arms and Yoochun was always there to comfort him. Junsu used to cry for small things but Yoochun was smiling and made him feel better.

This time... Junsu was not inside Yoochun's arms. This time Junsu was probably crying alone somewhere. But where?

The man stopped running and took a deep calming breath. Where are you? Where are you?

So many possible places... but it hit him! Han River. Without wasting any time, he followed his instinct and his feet took him to the side of the river they used to escape together from their everyday life.

***

Junsu had lost Yoochun yesterday and today he lost the chance to fight for his dreams. Being a professional soccer player was his biggest dream. Playing soccer in the biggest field of the country and being belauded by fans, was something he was dreaming about every single night (after coming hard while thinking about Yoochun).

Now both Yoochun and his career were just a dream. That was piercing his already broken heart. Yoochun was his support, the person whom he could lean on and cry, cry, cry until he was feeling better. Now he was alone... all alone.

His tears were falling hot and Junsu was trying to wipe them, failing every time since more and more tears were coming. He gave up. He wasn't even able to stare at the river anymore because his eyes were moist and blur.

Junsu sat on the ground and hugged his legs, hiding his head between his knees sobbing hard. He need Yoochun to comfort him, he wanted to feel Yoochun's body embracing him... Why was he alone in such a difficult time?

“Junsu?”

Yoochun's baritone voice, talking to him softly...

“Oh my god, baby”

Sometimes Yoochun was humming some melody and Junsu was able to relax.

“I knew you were going to be here”

Junsu raised head, wiping his tears. He blinked in order to clear his vision but he managed to see Yoochun running to his direction.

Was it him, for real? “Yoochun?” he hesitantly blurted out.

The older man was standing breathless in front of him. “I'm sorry” he said and all of sudden took Junsu in his arms, hugging his small body tightly.

“How did you know?” the words came automatically.

“It doesn't matter” Yoochun's one hand was caressing Junsu's arm and the other was making circles on the boy's back “I'm really sorry”

“Yoochun are you... do you... why are you here?” the boy felt so right being in Yoochun's arms. He didn't dare to move at all.

“I... I thought about it” the man was about to take Junsu off his embrace but the latter stopped him.

“No! Just... keep holding me, please” Junsu's pleading tone melted Yoochun's heart. How could he treat such a lovely boy that way? He moved his body into a sitting position, holding Junsu even more tighter.

“I shouldn't have treated you this way” he confessed and Junsu started sobbing hard. He didn't know why, the boy sobbed but he didn't like that. “I was mad because you lied but... but I shouldn't have break up with you”

His shirt was already wet and Yoochun was worried about Junsu “Baby, why do you keep crying? I'm here now...”

Junsu said something that Yoochun though it was “I'm sorry”

“Hey hey” he gently lifted Junsu's head and made him look at him “Stop crying, ok?”

Junsu nodded and closed his eyes when he felt Yoochun's lips kissing his tears away.

“I never meant to lie to you” his voice cracked “I didn't know what else to do”

“Baby don't a-”

“No! Let me explain... Do you know how much I needed to tell you about what I really do? What my real dreams are? I needed your support and I wanted to share my thoughts to you. How was I supposed to do that?”

“You're right... but you should have try to tell me the truth”

“I tried to bring this up so many times. I was talking to you about relationships with huge age difference but you were always so negative and you were changing the subject”

“Junsu... I am still not comfortable with dating a boy at your age. But... but when I found out that... you were here, crying all by yourself... when I heard that you failed reaching your dream, my heart ached.” Yoochun sighed “I felt awful. I felt so sad because I wasn't there for you and because I didn't even know what your dreams were. I blame myself for that”

“Does that mean that you forgave me?” the boy hesitantly asked and Yoochun smiled. It was a breathtaking smile and Junsu fell in love again.

“I did... but the question is... will you forgive me?”

Junsu shook his head “You have no reason to ask me that”

Then there was silence. A really comfortable silence. They had missed each other even if it was just one day.

“Junsu yah...” minutes later Yoochun broke the long silence “...did you fail because of me?”

“What?” Junsu was taken aback. He snapped opened his tired eyes and stared at Yoochun's chocolate brown orbs. “No”

“Then why?”

Junsu smiled “It wasn't the right time for me. I can still fight for my dream... it just... wasn't right”

“I don't understand... you mean... it wasn't right because you were so sad about breaking up?” the older tried to make some sense.

“I wanted you to be there, in the crowd. I wanted to search for you and secretly dedicate my goal to you. It wasn't right because you were away. It wasn't right because I wasn't able to tell you about my dream. It wasn't right because simply you weren't there”

“Is that so?” a sweet kiss prevented Junsu from answering. “So, now that I know the truth... will you fight for your dream?”

“Will you fight with me?”

“I will”

“Then it's about time for me to conquer the biggest fields of the country...” Junsu's eyes became dreamy “...maybe the biggest fields of the world”

Yoochun chuckled “I think you need to slow down. You can start by conquering your cities biggest fields”

“Yah! Is this how you're going to support me?” Junsu pinched Yoochun's side. “You're the worst boyfriend ever!”

The other laughed and kissed Junsu again to distract him. For Junsu... it was the best distraction ever...