Expecting
The Secret Lives of Bigbang - (One Shots)Anticipation, fear, nervousness, suddenly all these feelings bubbled up inside him and Seunghyun was sure right here on this pristine hospital floor he would burst into a mess of goo and love and all kinds of wonderful things from the sight of his beautiful baby girl. He just needed to see her. But hospital policy forced him to wait outside while Jiyong witnessed the birth of their child.
It had been months, years even, that they contemplated this very moment. Seunghyun was sure they’d never have children together but as luck would have it surrogates were possible. So he waited with bated breath and far too many nerves and questions and thoughts to be healthy, waited for any word that everything was alright, that their baby was born.
He had doubts when they had first begun this process. Would he be a good father? Was he even fit to raise someone else, to care for them, and be responsible? It was no secret that Seunghyun was childish most of the time, irresponsible half of the time, and hardly reliable. But when he had seen Jiyong’s want and almost need to be a parent he felt he could do it.
The bitten down nails on his hands and slight blood from his lip were telling him otherwise. He felt panic rise in his chest this was not something he could do. And right as he stands to leave the door of the delivery room opens and stepping out is Jiyong with a swaddle of blankets in his arms. Seunghyun is sure he stops breathing, stops thinking, just stops. Jiyong is smiling down at the blanket, a smile so breathtaking, and far more lovely than he could ever imagine, and he knows without even looking at her that he loves her. He loves her because Jiyong does.
This is only confirmed when Jiyong walks toward him, face beaming and tears already on his face, not even ashamed that he is crying. “Do you want to hold her?” of course he does, he does, he doesn’t, and whether he wants to or not a small creature is placed into his arms. He’s a little fumbly and far too awkward to hold her correctly, Jiyong gently places his hands where they need to go, and he’s looking at the face of his daughter. His daughter.
He couldn’t believe that this tiny thing was his. Was theirs. And for the longest time he just stared down at his sleeping little girl, her face slack in sleep, eyes fluttering beneath tiny lashes, a swath of soft black hair atop her head, and hands barely the size of his fingers. He had to take a deep breath, sure he would faint, his eyes turned upward and he stared back at Jiyong’s own awed face. There was a moment of wonder passed between them this was something they’d never be able to explain in words but they each felt it. Despite all their fears and misgivings she was theirs, they were hers, and that’s all that mattered.
Comments