When I first met you,

everything around me stopped.

All the hustle and bustle,

and the terrible noises outside

suddenly faded.

When you told me about your Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,

I have to admit that I was hesitant.

I thought about it at night while under my covers,

Were you the first thing that came to mind when I woke up? Maybe

Were you invading my thoughts every second? Maybe

Can I do this for you? Hopefully

Can I do this for us? Hopefully

Because when I saw you, the only thing I could think of was how breathtaking your heart-shaped smile was,

or your large beautiful eyes-

your long eyelashes that touch your cheeks slightly-

your cute button nose-

how inviting your red lips look-

You asked me out ten times in a row

because you thought you got it all wrong.

I would've said yes, the first time you asked,

but you never gave me the chance.

So I stopped you from speaking

and asked you out instead.

On our first date, we went to the restaurant you frequented.

You arranged the chair 12 times before sitting down

and spent more time putting the cutleries in order more than you ate and more than you talked to me.

But I find it endearing.

I love how you need to have our fingers linked together every time we go out or even just at home and we're cuddling.

I love how you always need to put the promise ring I gave you on your left ring finger because I plan to give you another ring that would fit better.

When we moved in together, I said I would keep you safe and warm because now I can take care of you more.

I always watch you when you talk

When you smile-

When you laugh-

When you cry-

When I tell you I love you, your eyes light up and your lips curl up the edges.

The days are getting longer and I can see a little bit of what's going to happen.

Some mornings I stopped intertwining our fingers

Because my dreams are becoming blurry and I couldn't see.

When you wear the ring on your left ring finger, I stopped planning to get another ring.

When I tell you I love you, your eyes don't shine as bright, the twinkle is still there but your lips don't curl up as much.

Last week I slept at my old condo and spent time with myself.

You told me that it was your fault because you didn't follow a checklist, that you love me but it's okay to leave and that everything was a mistake.

How can it be a mistake when you give me 15 kisses instead of one before I go to work?

Our love is not a mistake and it's killing me to see you like this, Kyungsoo.

I won’t go out---I won’t go out to find someone new because you’re all I want and need.

Usually, things and people don’t stay permanently in my life clearly because I don’t let them.

I see myself with silver hair and wrinkled skin…

And you are the first and only permanent fix---my only eternity.

I always want you to be the first thing I see when my eyes open in the mornings and the last thing I see when I close my eyes as I hold you near, near enough to feel your heartbeat,

How your lips curl up and you give me that pretty, pretty smile.

How your fingers fit mine so so perfectly-

How you show your unwavering love as your hands touch every single corner of me-

How the tears fall from your chocolate brown doe eyes-

How you cry out my name in surprise-

every sound echoes with love…

Now, all I think about is your answer…

I hold my breath and close my eyes because all I want is to kiss you 30 times every single morning before going to work. No one else should be able to.

You look at me with tear-stained eyes,

“Don’t go Jongin, don’t go” you said so softly, I would’ve not been able to hear it correctly.

Can I do this for you? Yes

Can I do this for us? Yes

 “Say yes?”

“Yes. The answer will always be yes.”