。Panko-Chan
❄ seoulitudes reviews ;; finishing requests
TITLE: Panko-Chan
AUTHOR: cuteismysterious
REVIEWED BY: pcyans
AUTHOR: cuteismysterious
REVIEWED BY: pcyans
Title: (5/5)
My first impression was that it really gives that cute fluff feel. In Japanese, kawaii, per se. But then not everyone can speak or understand Japanese of course, so it adds that factor of attracting readers because they want to know what this “Panko-Chan” means. And it is quite original since when I tried searching for it, it seems like yours would be the first one to pop up on the results.
Description + Foreword: (4.5/5)
You gave the meaning of Panko-Chan, which is good. The description was placed in a poem mode, and I do say that you did a good job here.
Nothing much to say about your foreword, but at least you gave a bit of background on why you decided to write this story.
Appearance:: (4/5)
With your poster, although it really gives off that fluff feel, it wasn’t really eye-catchy in that way, because it seemed too plain with only one color as the background. But still, it gave off that fluff feel.
Plot + Originality:: (15/20)
There is a connection between the title and the plot. And looking at the description again, the description and plot are totally connected, especially when it comes to the quote that you placed there.
Now with the connection between your tags, there sure is a fluff feel, but I don’t think I can count this as romance. Sure, they met, but what if they just continued on being just friends?
The earlier parts were quite well developed, but the ending is quite boring and it didn’t give off much of an impact to me.
But here’s one good part: this was set in Menchu’s POV, so we have to be in her shoes, thus, we don’t really know what happened to Baekhyun. There are some readers who thought “Oh god he died” and then there are others who thought “Please, he might be alive”. You set some kind of factor to readers to “Go, read on!! It might not be what you expected”. When it comes to originality, I could say that it could quite be. I haven’t seen any fluff fic with this concept, yet.
Flow: (8/10)
For sure, there was a clear shift between events; past and present. There weren’t just enough sentences to fully absorb each event.
Characters: (9.5/10)
I don’t have any problems with Baekhyun, but I have a little concern with Menchu’s past. She seems to have trouble talking before, and in the present, she seems to have talked pretty perfectly already. Probably there could be an event on how Menchu got away with that trouble or there could be an explanation on why she was like that (considering that she was 6 years old when that happened. Usually kids at that age would be able to form complete sentences). It may not be part of the actual plot, but I’m just a little concerned. Let me share my personal experience since it is quite related: I never spoke a single word until 4 years old. I had to undergo two therapies to make my vocal chords work. Still, Menchu passed as an acceptable character.
Writing Style: (6/10)
There was this one sentence here: “A s a kid,” but I could consider this as a typo.
You used the word pabo (fool) here and the thing about using Korean words in here is that what if your reader doesn’t know what it means. Well, sure it’s a common word for most K-Pop fans, but what if your reader was just starting to get into the fandom. There are actually some fans who don’t find the time to learn Korean.
I had a hard time understanding the part that goes along the lines of “As they passed through the ice cream stand, Menchu…” until “Menchu followed.”. I think you need to put more actions in that part. But I could actually follow and understand the rest of the parts. The way you put your sentences together were simple but well understood.
When Baekhyun told his mom not to carry him since he’s a big boy already, you italicized it. Usually this is perceived as a thought. I got confused since the next sentence starts with “Baekhyun complained at her mom.”, and then I perceived this as Baekhyun telling this directly to his mom. So basically, if it is a thought, try putting “Baekhyun wanted to tell his mom,” but if it is meant for Baekhyun to tell it to his mom, don’t italicize that.
And speaking of thoughts, Menchu thought of “What a lame headline for an article.”, and in here, sure it is italicized, but there are apostrophes (‘) at the starting and end of this thought. To be uniform, don’t put those apostrophes.
Most especially in the flashback part, you seem to make each sentence into new paragraphs. I notice that some sentences are actually quite connected to each other, so you should put related sentences in just one paragraph.
Grammar + Spelling: (14.5/15)
I spot a few errors in here, but they are only about missing words, so I'll let this pass.
“Mom… have you seen that keychain I made a necklace?” – You probably meant “keychain I made into a necklace.”
“… Byun Baekhyun who survived accident a decade…” – “who survived an accident a decade…”
Apart from these, there aren’t any more errors. Good job here.
Enjoyment: (3/5)
Menchu’s past life was just too adorable. I was a bit enjoyed in the middle parts, but, yeah, the ending was boring. It was nice if it weren’t really for the set ending.
(69.5/85) = 81.76%
seoulitudes
thanks for requesting!!
thanks for requesting!!
Comments