Author: EPIONE

Story Title: Invisible Boundaries (A Boy With Two Hearts)

Story Type: Chaptered

Genre: Dark, Angst, Slice of Life

*Mere mentions of are present

Characters: Yoo Youngjae, Yoo Jiae, BAP

Type of Pairing: Straight

Story Status: Ongoing

Rated: Yes. Controversial concept, Mentions of depression and ual themes

First Impressions

When I first saw that this was a bap-based story, I made it a point to see who the main character was. Speaking from a reader(and a fangirl)'s point of view, I was actually excited to read your story when I saw daehyun and youngjae in the tags. The fact that the two of them are my biases definitely contributed to the short period of time I spent squealing. When I saw that Youngjae was the protaganist in this story whereas Daehyun was the antagonist, it sort of sparked something in me that made me want to find out just what this story of yours is about; even if it meant that my bias is the bad guy. xD

Another thing that caught my eye was the 'angst' tag. In my previous reviews in my previous shop, I have stated how much I avoid reading angst but for some odd reason, lately, I've come to make that one of my favourite genres. The only reason why I once avoided reading such stories is that I tend to get(and I still do) very emotional. So upon seeing this particular tag on your story, I braced myself for another round of overwhelming emotions.

Title

If I'm not wrong, 'A Boy with Two Hearts' was your previous title, right? If I am right, then I shall judge based on your current title, 'Invisible Boundaries'. The title sounded somewhat deep and I liked that. I liked how it's somewhat memorable and I also liked the fact that just from reading the title, I was able to feel the mood of the story. Your title definitely drew me in and it intrigued me. I have also tried finding other stories on AFF with the same title as yours and found none so kudos to you for that! From a reader's point of view, I would definitely stop scrolling at the sight of a title like that, which is good because readers tend to be more interested in the story if the title can draw them in at the mere sight of it. Readers like me want stories to stand out, not just by their content but also by their title, and your story has succeeded in that aspect. :)

Description & Foreword

Let's talk about your description first, shall we? 

"Youngjae's heart is a sin." Can I ask you something? How on earth did you make my heart stop just by the first sentence of your description? Upon reading that, it only made me more curious about your story and I was really impressed by your ability to get me hooked before I even read your whole description. Speaking from a reader's point of view, as I continued to read your description, I felt suspense bubbling in me. Your description definitely gave off the feel us readers look for in stories. 

There's just two things I'd like to point out though. Just a piece of advice, don't begin your sentences with 'and'. The same thing applies to 'but'. The reason behind that is that it would somehow degrade your standard of writing. It may seem like a small word but if presented in such a way, it can give a reader the impression that you're not as good at writing as the reader thought you were. Then again, I tend to be a reader who analyzes every single sentence so maybe other readers might just disregard that. Although, I tend to do the same thing every now and then too xD

Maybe you can consider changing the 'and' to 'whereas' or 'meanwhile'. It sounds more professional in a way. :)

Another thing I'd like to point out is the last sentence of your description. Something about it made me stop and re-read it a couple of times because it sounded as though a word was missing. I thought of a way to improve it so maybe you could consider it. This is just my suggestion so it isn't a must for you to make the changes. :)

This is what you wrote:

Why she is who she is, why everything is the way as it is - there's always an undisclosed reason behind everything. And perhaps, some things should have remained that way - undisclosed.

This is a better way to write it:

Who she is or why she and everything are the way they are remains unknown. There's always an undisclosed reason behind everything. Perhaps, it's better for some things to remain that way; undisclosed.

Moving on to the rest of your description, I'd say that it was as impactful as the beginning of your description. I love how you italicized, 'How often...do we think it's okay to fall apart?". It was a very nice touch to the second part of your description and same goes for 'Youngjae's ribcage is a cathedral...his heart is a chapel's bell' as well as 'And his thoughts, his mind...are the confessions of unspoken sins.' 

I'd have to say that I simply love your description :) It kept me reading and left me wanting more so good job! Reading your description made me set a very high expectation for your chapters and fortunately, you didn't disappoint me. :)

Originality, Plot & Flow

Can I just say how much I hate you and your story? Now read that out but change the word 'hate' to its antonym. Okay so here's the deal. For you to be able to fit in so many twists and misleading scenes into each chapter but still make sense at the same time, now that's a talent right there. I'm being frank here. With every chapter I read, I was literally flipping things (Okay, not really) because I didn't know what was the truth behind everything. New questions appeared in my head with every paragraph and they remain unanswered. I love how your story has so much suspense but at the same time, it didn't contain too much to make readers give up on reading it. I've only read up to Chapter 3 and I'm already hooked. So far, I haven't come across any fanfics with the same storyline as yours. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell because it felt as though there were so many storylines linked together to form your story *.*

As for your flow, it was at the right pacing and you kept that consistent so thumbs up for you! I like how you portray your plot instead of rushing through everything. I was actually able to see it developing. :)

Character Development

I love the way you portray your characters' personalities. You didn't just list their personalities down but instead, you showed their personalities through their actions, the way they talk as well as their behaviour around others. Readers like me love stories with that kind of character developments. We don't want you authors to tell us, we want you to show us. Well, you did just that. :)

It's good how each of your main character has equal spotlights in your story and I like how the rest of BAP aren't just people at the sidelines. It's hard for most authors to make their story revolve around their main characters but at the same time, include their side characters' existence as well. Fortunately, you don't seem to be having any problem with that. 

Language (Grammar)

There's only one thing in which I would like to point out. Please begin your sentences with a capital letter. T.T I'm referring to the diary entries because the rest of your sentences were fine. Why don't you start your diary entries with a capital letter though? Is there a reason for that?

Besides that, there's really nothing else for me to point out. Your grammar is fine. There were one of two errors here and there but I was able to overlook them. Your tenses were fine and so were your sentence structures so I have nothing to complain about here!

Just one more thing though. Not many authors can write their stories in present tense and keep that consistency but apparently, you're able to do that. That's really good. :)

Choice of Words (Vocabulary)

I have been dying to talk about this ever since the start of this review! I really love your choice of words. Your sentences were realistic as well as descriptive. You see, whenever I read stories, I tend to visualize them in my head as though they are a movie and your story has allowed me to do just that! You weren't too vague but you weren't too overly descriptive either. Your descriptions were consistent and you clearly have a wide range of vocabulary. 

I was able to put myself in the characters' shoes and feel their emotions. You were detailed so I was able to understand their feelings without the need to re-read your sentences. There weren't any holes in your story and I'm really impressed by that!

Overall

I'd love to compliment your style of writing because you write really well. I'm actually wondering why your story only has that amount of subscribers and upvotes. It honestly deserves more. Due to the reason that I truly enjoy (present tense because I'm still reading it) reading your story, I've subscribed to it as well as upvoted it. Also, I'll be featuring your story in this shop. Besides that, I'll be adding your story to my recommendations list because your story deserves more attention and credits than it is getting. I'm really excited to read the rest of your story though I know I'll probably start flipping things again in no time. xD Keep up the good work!

Additional Comments:

I hope this review has helped you in a way or two :) I'm sorry for the long wait as I was studying for my Mid-Years so I barely had the time to work on your review. T.T 

Do leave a comment once you have received this review and remember to credit me as well as this shop! Looking forward to receiving more requests from you and good luck with your story!