Living on the streets isn’t so bad, Namjoon supposes. Once you get used to sleeping on concrete and waking up covered in bird it’s sort of like being on a permanent holiday, no job, no taxes, no responsibilities…

No house. That can sometimes, but every time Namjoon gets caught in the rain and starts dreaming` of warm baths he reminds himself that no house means no noisy neighbours and suddenly the shivers don’t seem so bad. Really, the only thing Namjoon finds himself sorely missing from his old life is a toilet. 

"Please miss, I’ll be ten minutes tops. I just really, really need to poop,"

The woman in the doorway’s eyes pop, “there’s a MacDonalds three blocks away, you can do your…business there.”

"No You don’t understand I’m not gonna-"

The door slams in Namjoon’s face

"-make it." his stomach grumbles angrily and his bowls clench uncomfortably. Safe to say, he’s regretting his decision to try the cold pizza he’d found sitting by the bins outside the local hairdressers this morning. 

He waddles to the next house and bangs loudly on the door for what feels like forever before a grumpy looking old man answers it. 

"What do you want boy?"

"Please sir, I need to use your bathroom."

"Is that so? What’s wrong with your bathroom?"

"I don’t have one."

"No bathroom?"

"No sir?"

"Whyever not?"

"Aliens kidnapped my house and my friends and now my toilet’s in space"

"Is that so?"

"Yes sir,"

"Bastard aliens…"
"He’s actually rather nice sir. just confused."

The old man looks at Namjoon hard, “what’s going to happen if I don’t let you use my bathroom?”

Namjoon’s stomach gives a long, insistent gurgle, 

"Excuse my language, but I’d say I’m about thirty seconds from ting my pants."

There’s a ten second stand off during which Namjoon has to cross his legs to keep himself from farting and the old man mumbles something about ‘those ruddy aliens,’

"Alright then, but you better clean up after yourself. Upstairs on the left."

"Thank you sir!" Namjoon shrieks as he takes the stairs two at a time.

Namjoon smiles to himself as his bowels make a mess of the old man’s toilet. Now that he’s restoring comfort he can start to think about where in hell he’s going to find some lunch