I am only one in a million.

I already told myself that it’s impossible for me to marry him (I am so delusional, I know. I’m sorry)  or any of my bias (okay, we’ll just stick with Sunggyu).

It is the usual sayings that if you cannot marry your bias, OTP should get married, right?  Well, for me, I really don’t want Sunggyu to be together with Woohyun.  I am-I REALLY AM!-a loyal WooGyu Shipper.  I really love the interactions between them.  But to the fact that they should get married, no, I don’t want that.  I’m only saying or tweeting them about it just to express how hard I ship this OTP.  I want Gyu to marry or to be with someone who will take care of him, forever, if not forever, until the end of time.

 

Am I the only fan girl who is okay with this?

 

I already know how Gyu interacts or acts with a girl or his (future) girlfriend (based on what I saw on Mnet Scandal).  A lot of people are saying that he is the bad boy type (me like that! *evil grin* lol).  We all know that he is that kind of guy.  He is the sweetest shy boy.  All the traits (whether physical or not) that I was looking for a guy, I can all see and feel them with Kim Sunggyu!  OTL

 

Maybe a lot will be curious if I will get hurt if Gyu dates someone.  I am, I did (tho I really don’t know yet if he is dating) and I will.

I already got brokenhearted because of the Mnet Scandal.  But the more I watched it, the more I fall in love with him.  Too deep that it is almost unreal and I began to question myself.   I, too, got hurt or gets hurt whenever he mentions Hyun-A, that his ideal type is a cute and y girl (that really fits Hyun-A OTL), whenever he mentions his ideal type, whenever he mentions someone else, when he chuckled when Eunji picked him as her ideal type (in the group in their show).  It breaks my heart hearing and seeing stuffs like that.

 

It shutters me and breaks me into pieces whenever reality strikes me that I AM ONLY A FAN, that I can only spazz and fangirl over him.  That’s why if I can’t marry Kim Sunggyu, I am really praying that he would be together with someone who could understand him  and who could and would understand what  world he is in now, the one who would be with him until the end of time, who would support him no matter what. J

 

Am I really insane because I’m feeling like this?

 

I know for myself that I am really, as in really in love with him.  AS IN!  Not just any fan and idol love but… I went a little-okay, waaaaay overboard.  I went beyond the fan-idol love and I think I can no longer control this.  I love him as a girl, a normal girl.  I love him as a human being.

 

I told this to my friend who is a Chinggyu also.  She told me that I’m crazy! (lol, I know) She told me that I might not get married or might grow up single.  I said, I know and I can’t blame myself for being like this.

I also don’t know why I fell in love, so deeply in love with this guy.  He himself is his ideal girl, y’know! Both cute and y at the same time!!! OTL I came to the point that I got no interest to all the guys who want to get to know me better.

 

Just what I said, Sunggyu has all the traits I want in a guy: his chest, his y biceps, even his bulge! (Did I just went byuntae, oh im so sorry but its true) and his adorable and y eyes.  A lot of people are teasing him regarding his eyes, I know it’s just for entertainment, but I really find his eyes adorable and y.  Did I already mention his hair?  Yes, his hair, especially when they exposed his forehead.  He looks so gorgeous!  Also, his hands, I really love seeing his hands they are really pure white and it looks… so… yes… y…  Everything about Kim Sunggyu is Y!!!  The way he laughs.  Come to think of it, maybe the way he laughs is the main reason I got to like him.  It made his eyes, smile.

Did I just describe Gyu?  Did I just tell you that he is so god damn y and cute?!  And yet! HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT OR ACKNOWLEDGE THAT! AIGYUUUU!!!  The way he acts so naturally cute!  Let me rephrase that, he is naturally cute! J Even if he won’t do anything, he is just so cute!

 

I really love him to the fact that I want to see him personally.  No fan-idol moment, not to spazz or to squeal in front of him, not to faint in front of him, but to hug him so tight and thank him.

When I talked to our bathroom wall about this, I cried.  Yes, I did talk to the bathroom wall and cried.

I just want to thank him, thank him for leading Infinite.  To tell him personally how grateful I am that I am an Inspirit today (till forever).  I want to thank him for all the sacrifices he had done, I want to thank him for taking care of the other members.  I just want to thank him (a lot!) while hugging him (I’ll probably cry if this happens).  Thank you, Kim Sunggyu for being in INFINITE.  I am really thankful!!

I really want to do this but I have no money and passport yet. L  But I hope someday, I’ll be able to do this.  I’ll find a way. J

 

This isn’t all the things I told our bathroom wall when I took my half bath.  I was literally ranting and spazzing over Kim Sunggyu and when I finally finish and got dressed then open my laptop, I totally forgot some of the things I told our bathroom wall.  OTL

 

I keep telling myself that I will never get a boyfriend if this continues.  I am completely aware of this feeling but I can’t help but fall deeply.  He is the type of guy that everybody would like.  He is so squishy and so cuddly. :3

 

Sometimes, I can’t explain what I’m feeling.  Really!  I don’t know the right words to use to tell someone how I feel about Infinite, especially Kim Sunggyu.  He never misses a day to walk in my mind.  He would just barge in and do aegyo on my mind!  I close my eyes, I can still see him.  I open my eyes, I can still see him.  He won’t just go away.  He would never go away or stay away from my mind and heart and soul.  Am I getting a little greasy already? :3  If I am, sorry, I can’t help it.

 

Oh, I even told myself that I will unstan Infinite because I am just too proud of them.  I love them so dearly that I want to unstan them.  Is that weird?  XD

 

I’m thinking of doing this often, writing stuffs about infinite.  It makes my heart dugeun dugeun, literally! J