Final
ReplacedBecause sometimes... Dreams are better than reality.
- Unknown
You woke up in haste. Sweat trickling down your temples as your heart was beating out of your chest.
You died.
You were sure of it. You had just fell off the bridge you were walking on in Peru.
When you tried to remember, you called back that there weren't many people with you, so you took you precious time to embrace the moment you had to yourself. Suddenly, everything started moving violently, the wind blowing furiously against your body.
Then, the bridge broke and you fell.
But how were you here? In your bed, at home, when you were supposed to be miles away on a trip you decided to take by yourself to take some time off from your hectic life?
Confused, you touched your body, your head, your arms, to be sure your body was real. That you were real.
Throwing the comforter off your body, you slowly got up from bed and looked around the familiar but somewhat foreign room. The walls were the same cream color you had asked begged Jongin to buy, and your furniture the same charcoal color you wanted, to create a contrast between light and dark. But some of your belongings were nowhere to be found. Looking closely, you realized there was nothing that belonged to you inside the room. Odd. Jongin's things were all there, just like they always were.
You could smell his sent through the comforter and didn't think you'd missed it so much. You started thinking back of your time together. At the beginning of your relationship, Jongin would always agree with what you wanted. Never would he protest or show any sign that he disliked your choices. And you were extremely grateful of how sweet and laid back he was.
But now…
It wasn't the same. You'd fight a lot, sometimes twice a day and it was always the same routine.
Jongin would leave the apartment with a slam and you would stay silent on the couch. It always ended with him coming back hours later and you jumping up to quickly apologize to him. Then he'd shake his head for you to stop talking and engulfed you in a hug. He'd say sweet words about how much you mean to him and lightly kiss your forehead.
Shaking away the thoughts, you looked down and saw you were wearing the same attire you had when you were walking on the Canopy Walkway. A tight and red long sleeved shirt with black sport tights.
How could this be? And what day was today?
Feeling like something was utterly wrong, you quickly called his name.
"Jongin!"
No reply.
*thump*
Hearing noises coming from the other side of the door, you guessed that he was preparing some coffee, like he always did. Turning the doorknob and opening the door quickly, you were greeted with his back.
Without knowing, you let out a relieved sigh while your shoulders relaxed, "Jongin, what day is it?" The boy turned to face you abruptly with wide eyes, completely taken by surprise.
Why was he so shocked? He resembled a deer caught in the headlights.
"Jongin-"
"Who are you?" He cut you off with his brows raised in confusion before his eyes turned to slits as he gave you a hard look.
Something constricted inside your chest and you let out a scoff.
"You're joking right." It wasn't a question. You wished it was more of a statement than anything else because even as a joke, it wasn't funny at all.
Jongin's stare didn't falter and you pressed on.
"I'm your wife, Kim Jongin. Thank you for remembering?" Your voice started low, but ended almost in a frustrated scream.
You saw how your husband's eyes slightly widened, but it left as soon as it came. "I'm sorry, but my wife is in the shower right now."
It was your turn to get confused. "W-wait... Did you really cheat on me with someone else?" Bewildered, you took a step closer to him and felt your cheeks get hot from anger. Just a week ago, you had accused him from cheating and Jongin kept denying it- even getting mad at you for saying such things.
And yet...
He leaned back and held your shoulders firmly, "Me cheating on you?" He shook his head like you were delusional. "For starters, I'd have to be your boyfriend to be able to cheat on you."
"And second, it's impossible because I'm faithfully married to my wife, and I'm certainly not the kind of guy who would go on and cheat on his wife." He emphasized a lot on wife, but you still couldn't comprehend why he was being a to you.
Yes, you left without telling him, but he had been acting so cold and distant that you couldn't take it anymore.
Thinking that that was the issue, you asked. "Are you mad at me for leaving? Is that why you're being a prick right now?" You were offended and almost dared him to say yes with your eyes.
Jongin's mouth opened like he didn't know what to tell you and you shoved his arms away.
"Stop kidding around Jongin, it's not funny." You hissed with a frown and saw how he was getting impatient with you.
"That's the thing!" He raised his voice. "I'm not! You're the one who's crazy enough to think that we're married when we're clearly not!"
Silence. Only the sound of water was heard from the bathroom and you tightened your fist. He had another girl in the shower and tried to deny his relationship with you? What did he take you for?
"Oh my god..." You shook your head in disbelief as you took a few steps back. "Kim Jongin. I was mad at you before, but right now, all I wish for you is to rot in hell." You sneered the last three words and ran to the front door.
Harshly pulling on the door, an arm stopped you from doing so and sharply turned you around.
Jongin stared into your eyes and you glared back. Those pool of comforting brown eyes, it almost made you forgive him right then and there, but you couldn't. Not with everything that's happened so far.
Trying to pull your arms away from his grip, you ordered, "Let me go."
His grip tightened around your arm and you yelped from the pain.
Your guard fell at that moment, you knew it and Jongin must have seen it too because he started. "Last thing before you leave."
Those eyes you fell in love with turned icy and void of emotion, "Don't ever come back here or I will do much more than just hurt you. Got it?"
You felt his grip loosen and you pushed him away before giving him a hard slap across the face. Never have you been known for being a violent person, but this... this had to be done.
Jongin let out an annoyed breath and started laughing humorlessly, "Wow. Now you are just a big bowl of crazy." Without letting you leave properly, he put his arms firmly on your back and pushed you out before slamming the door in your face.
He kicked you out.
It took some time for the realization to sink in.
Never would you have imagined your husband kicking you out. Even with all the quarrels you had, he'd never acted so... rash towards you. This Jongin looked like your Jongin... But the way he behaved towards you was too foreign.
Feeling something brim at the corner of your eyes, your hand flew to your mouth as you blocked out the sobs that there threatening to come out.
Having nowhere to go, you decided to leave the building and try to understand what was happening.
With angry tears, you roughly wiped them away and got inside the elevator.
You had to go see him.
Maybe he would he able to help.
*knock knock*
There was no answer so you knocked again. Letting out an impatient sigh, you started to furiously press on the doorbell not caring that it would annoy him.
"Open the door, Sehun!" You yelled as you continued to pound on his door.
You stopped knocking when you heard someone's footsteps approaching with a yell, "I'm coming god damn it!"
Taking a step back, you waited for him to unlock his door. He was the only one you talked to when you were in Peru because he actually understood your position instead of judging your actions. Unlike your parents who always thought your relationship with Jongin was oh-so-perfect.
Nothing is ever perfect.
Looking at the doorknob turn, you saw the door open and there he was, your best friend, as sleepy as ever. Not caring that he wasn't wearing a shirt you quickly engulfed him in a hug, missing his presence.
He'd always be busy either at the dance academy or with the numerous girls he was seeing. You didn't care who he went out with, just that he made sure to keep his thing inside his pants.
"Gosh, I missed you, Sehun." You tightened your arms around his stiff upper body but felt a bit awkward when his arms didn't hug you back.
Feeling rejected, you pulled your head away and looked at him weirdly, "Sehun?"
He blinked innocently and stuttered out, "D-did we date or something?"
Quickly letting him go with a cringe, you scrunched up your nose and shook your head. "No! Absolutely not. Ew."
Sehun pouted a bit with a frown as his shoulders deflated, "Okay, no need to look so disgusted." You crossed your arms and shivered at the thought.
He examined your face, feeling like you were familiar to him and continued, "So... One night stand?" You heard his teasing tone and understood he was only making fun of you.
Rolling your eyes at his playful personality, your smile faltered when you realized he didn't recognize you, just like Jongin.
"Wait... So you don't know me?" You quietly asked, dreading his answer.
Out of habit, Sehun his lips and shook his head hesitantly, "Not really. Not that I remember of, that is." He looked like he felt bad for not remembering you and relief spread inside you.
At least his personality didn't change, you thought.
"I don't understand..." you mumbled to yourself.
"What's wrong? Are we supposed to know each other?" Sehun's concerned gaze made you smile. He was always such a caring person, apart from his cold persona that so many think represents him as a whole.
Sighing, you slowly articulated, "We're best friends."
Sehun looked surprised and confused, so you explained some more for him to understand.
"We've known each other since high school and went to the same college- and I know you've also had a crush on me but I told you I was lesbian and you were quick to say that you couldn't date me." You laughed.
"So you're lesbian?" Sehun asked with his jaw hanging wide open.
"No!" You replied. "Because that's also when I met Jongin and we got married right after we graduated from university."
"Jonginnie? Kim Jongin?" Sehun piped up. "You're married to him?" Then he frowned and made a face, "But he's been married to her for a while now..."
You quickly asked, "Who?"
"Kim Jihyun."
Feeling like someone had just punched you in the guts, you gasped in horror and let out a quiet, "Jihyun?"
He nodded, oblivious that Jihyun was your sister. Maybe she didn't even know you either.
They didn't know you. Nobody did. It was like you were erased from their mind, from their lives. But if your identity was unknown, who were you then?
"Why are you crying?" Sehun panicked as he saw tears slowly fall down your face. You didn't even notice the droplets that were falling from your eyes to land on the cold hard ground.
It was like dying all over again, but worse.
You existed, but had nothing. All of most precious things in your life was taken away from you by someone else.
Feeling dizzy, your legs weakened and you fell on the front door of Sehun's home.
"Oh!" He exclaimed and kneeled down to help you up, he stopped when he saw how gaunt your face was. He ruffled his hair, completely lost about the situation at hand, so he decided to help you for the time being.
"Okay, look. Uh, just stay in my house for now and do as you like, eat what you want, drink what you want- just don't go open the cabinet in the bathroom." He paused and you looked at his blushed cheeks.
"Personal stuff in there," he quickly said. "Anyway, just... I don't know what's going on with you, but you seem like a decent girl so I'm trusting you enough to stay in my house. No parties." He ordered with a playful tone and you shook your head at how nice he was being when he didn't even know remember you.
"Why are you so nice to me?" You sniffed.
He blew a raspberry and sat down on the ground, "I don't know... You just have this aura. Somehow familiar but at the same time, not really. I guess you just look too sad right now and I don't like it, whatever the reason is."
Smiling at his kindness you joked, "If I wasn't your best friend, I'd maybe fall for you."
Sehun shrugged innocently, "Who knows? Maybe we're actually married to each other." He joked back with a wink. Putting both arms on the ground to push himself up, he dusted his pants and offered you his hand.
You took it in yours and let yourself get pulled up.
Looking at your outfit, Sehun asked, "We're you going for a jog or something?"
Not knowing what to say, you shook your head and replied, "Nah. Just some jungle adventure in Peru."
He nodded like he understood what you meant, "Ah... I see."
"What's your name?"
"Mi Hyun. My name's Kim Mi Hyun." You repeated to be sure you wouldn't forget your own name.
Sehun had left to work, but said he'd come back later in the evening. You were used to it, so you just nodded and bid him goodbye.
He said you could take whatever you wanted, unless you meant to steal his things, but you guessed that he didn't think you'd do that. Not like you would.
Going to his room to grab a new shirt to wear, you opened his drawers and looked for a shirt, small enough to fit your petite body.
Looking inside the first drawer, you quickly closed it when you saw his briefs.
"Oops." You said nonchalantly, used to seeing Jongin's anyway.
Opening the second, you saw his neatly folded shirts and looked at the tags to see the sizes.
After a few tries, you found an okay shirt to put on and closed his drawers.
Putting on your shoes to get some air, you went to the kitchen counter to write a short message to Sehun, in case he came sooner than expected. Opening the front door, you tip toed to touch the top of the door.
*Clink*
His house key was still there. Good.
Before shutting the door, you glanced at the clock, which indicated that it was June 12th and the time being 3PM.
"Holy..." Your breath got caught in your throat. That was the day and time you went to climb the bridges in Peru.
Were you going crazy?
Feeling something cold on your left hand, you glanced down and saw your wedding ring. Slowly reaching it with your other hand, you pulled it off your finger and looked at the words engraved on the inside.
Always. J+M
Remembering the day he offered the ring, something clenched inside your heart making it difficult to breathe.
"Mi Hyun." Jongin whispered near your ear.
Opening your eyes and squinting because of the sunlight, you shielded the sun with your arm and turned to look at him with a smile.
With a shy grin, Jongin reached out to touch your face with his hand and softly caressed your cheek with his thumb.
Leaning against his hand, feeling safe and at ease, you hummed, "Hmm?"
"I'm the darkness."
Not understanding his statement, you frowned a bit and tilted your head, "What do you mean?"
He continued. "You're my star."
With a laugh, you shoved him lightly, "Why are you talking in such short sentences? It doesn't make sense."
He sighed and leaned closer so that both your foreheads touched. Feeling his soft breath linger on your lips, your heart stammered out of your chest, like it always did when Jongin was at a close proximity.
Then he whispers. "Because... you're the star that shines the brightest in all of the darkness that surrounds me."
Having nothing to say from his metaphor, you bit your lip and closed your eyes to stop yourself from tearing up. You weren't a lover of mushy quotes. But this, you had never heard something so real. It portrayed your relationship with him so perfectly.
He was your star. He shone the brightest out of all the rest.
And the fact that he thought the same of you just made everything better.
"Really?" It came out as small as a whisper and you wondered if he heard you correctly.
He nodded, causing his nose to graze yours as he leaned closer before whispering on your lips, "Always and Forever."
Your breath hitched when his lips touched yours. The softness of his lips made your fingers curl and even more at how he held you like he was afraid of breaking you.
Wanting more of him, you pulled him closer, so close you could feel his chest and small abs rub against your body. Hearing him quietly moan, you reached for his head but Jongin took your hand and entwined it with his instead.
You could feel him smile through the kiss and wondered why he was suddenly so giddy.
Feeling something cool on your finger, your eyes snapped open as you pulled away to breathe again.
"Wha-" You stopped yourself as you saw the golden ring on your finger.
When you looked at Jongin, a toothy grin was plastered on his face, "I know you said we're still too young for this... But I just wanted to make sure that you're officially mine so that no one can snatch you away from me." He says almost childishly before embracing you in his arms with you looking as flustered and red as ever.
"Jongin you-"
"Shhh." He hushed you while shaking his head and letting it lie on yours.
After a few seconds, he pulled back from the hug and added, "Always and forever." Then he took his own ring to show you something.
Forever. J+M. You saw on the inside of his ring and then you took out yours.
Just as you suspected.
Always. J+M
"God." You face palmed yourself from embarrassment, but couldn't hide the wide smile hanging on your lips. "You're so cheesy..."
Jongin lightly chuckled, "Only for you."
Pulling him down, you kissed him some more until both of you were gasping for air.
"I cannot love you any less than I am right now." Jongin looked at you seriously. "Today. Tomorrow. Forever."
Not knowing what you did to deserve such an adorable and handsome boy to love you back, you thanked the heavens for giving you a miracle that is Kim Jongin.
"Always." You quietly said, letting the wind blow your words far away, deep in the mountains.
And off to the universe.
"Where are we now?"You heard yourself say to no one in particular.
Then you noticed that you had spaced out for a while and that your body had brought you to the place where you once shared your commitments to each other.
You were back at your old university on the grass mountain near the soccer field.
From all the way up, you could see the field was empty. Usually, it would be filled with students playing on their free time or such.
Letting yourself sit down on the top of the small hill, you let out a small exasperated sigh.
"Always." You say to the wind hoping it would reach him. Wherever he was.
Closing your eyes and letting your body fall back to lie on the ground you let the sun bring you the warmth that was missing from Jongin's touch.
"Why are you here?" The voice you never got tired of hearing broke your train of thoughts.
You wondered internally if you should confront him or not, but a harsh pull made you stand up without wanting to.
Jongin let go of your arm and shoved his hands in his pocket, a habit he often did when he waited for you to explain something.
"What?" You snapped. "I can't sit somewhere out of my free will?" Looking at him, he was your Jongin. But the emptiness in his eyes told you otherwise. Was he really Jongin, or was it someone else inside Jongin's body because that would explain a lot.
"I meant- why are you here when I'm here. Did you stalk me from my house?" He said it like it was poison to his mouth.
"..." You left him hanging. He had no right to talk to you like that, whether he knew you or not. It was plainly rude.
He heaved a breath while grabbing the bridge of his nose, "You're impossible."
You were quick to retort, "And you're not?"
"I'm perfect." The boy looked up at you and shrugged with a smirk.
You made a face at his narcissistic comment, "My Jongin was never this self-centered..."
"Oh, really? Your Jongin?" He raised his brows in mock amusement. "Don't talk about me like I'm yours."
Feeling defensive, you gritted your teeth and spat out, "Jongin is mine. Always and forever."
"What did you say?"
Looking from the corner of your eyes, you saw he was taken aback by what you just said.
"Jongin is mine." You nonchalantly repeated.
"No. The other thing."
You softened. "Always and forever." You said with a sad tone.
Turning you to look at him, he questioned you, "How do you know that."
"Know what?"
Jongin let out a sharp breath, "The always and forever thing. It's something between Ji Hyun and me."
You didn't want that taken away from you too, so you shut him down, "No. That's something between Jongin and me!"
"Stop shouting nonsense!" Jongin ruffled his hair and was about to say something else when you pulled your ring from your finger and shoved it in his face.
"Yeah? Well look at that Jongin."
his lips, dry from all the verbal talk, he glanced down at your hand and his heart dropped to his stomach.
It was the same one he gave Ji Hyun. The only difference being J+M instead of J+J.
What did it mean?
Still in denial, Jongin shook his head fervently. "No. You made that up. You rigged that . Tell me you rigged it!"
It pained you to hear your lover of 9 years, or the person who looked and spoke like him, say that you were lying about your marriage. Lying about your relationship. Lying about you.
"All of it is a lie." Your voice broke as you said it. "Everything. Us. Our time together, our life together." You paused and heard your breath come out shaky and ragged before you whispered, "Our love for each other."
Then you scream as loud as your lungs let you, "All of it is a damn ing lie!"
By now, the tears that you had kept inside, since you woke up, streamed down your face, but you didn't care. All you cared about now was Jongin. JonginJonginJongin.
The boy watched as you broke down, having a war between sane and insanity.
"Is that what you want to hear me say, Jongin?" You asked him quietly as you hid behind your palms, not daring to let him see you at your most vulnerable state.
You never cried. You'd tear up once or twice, but non-stop sobbing, that was something you never did. And you couldn't believe it was happening right now out of all times.
"And I don't need to tell you why I'm here." You sniffed, but said it loud enough so he'd hear.
"What are you talking about?"
His tone was calmer than before. Calmest you've heard him since this morning.
Looking in a far distance, you sadly smiled at the memory. "You always come here when you're angry or frustrated. These days, it's mostly because of m-" You stopped yourself. "I mean... your wife. Whenever you'd have a dispute with her, you'd say that you need some air and drive all the way here. Right?" You turned to look at him and his expression was stoic.
Not hearing his reply, you looked away and carried on, "I knew you were always here, but I never once ran after you because I knew you needed your space. Being with me for 9 years, I'm sure I'd need time from myself too." You chuckled to yourself.
"You told me once, after one of the biggest fight we had, that you came here to calm yourself down. It reminded you of the reasons why you were with me in the first place. Why you put up with me, why you cared for me, why you thought of me... Why you loved me."
It didn't feel like you were telling this to someone, it felt more like you were reminding yourself of all the things you remembered of Jongin. Because if you didn't, then all of your memories would die, and in a way, you would too.
"That night I was sure you were going to leave me." Your voice cracked after the first few words and your mouth stuttered. "You had left your ring on the kitchen counter and I thought it was done. That our 2 years of marriage were over. Just like that!" You let out a nervous laugh.
Jongin looked down, still silent. Not knowing whether to comfort you or call you delusional, he let you vent out what seemed like months of restraint.
"Then you came back. And I said I was sorry for everything, but you just waved it off like it was nothing. You were always so understanding towards me. Why did you love me so much?" You asked to your nonexistent Jongin, not the one standing beside you. More tears rushed down your face as you continued on, "I always made you mad... But then you'd tell me that you love me and that nothing else matters because finding someone you love who loves you back is the biggest blessing anyone can have."
"And that night... I shouldn't have left."
Something was burning inside your throat and you shut your eyes to stop the tears. Biting your lip to stop the cries from escaping, you put your fist to your mouth in an attempt to hide the fact that you were hyperventilating.
Breaking the sudden silence, Jongin spoke up, "I said that?"
Without looking at him, you nodded quickly so he wouldn't approach you.
"I must have..." He took a deep breath before correcting himself, "Y-your Jongin must have really loved you."
Through your tears, you laughed at the irony of the situation. Here was literal Jongin, telling you that nonexistent Jongin loved you.
Glancing down at the small object hanging between your fingers, you decided to put it in your pocket.
It didn't mean anything, not anymore.
"It doesn't matter because all of this is just some crazy dream, isn't it?" You asked rhetorically. Turning to face him, you forced a small smile and stepped closer to him.
Your hands were shaking as you prepared yourself for the next few words.
"Goodbye, Kim Jongin." You tenderly said.
As if knowing what was coming next, Jongin surprisingly closed his eyes and hesitantly dipped his head near yours.
Admiring his face for the last time, you closed your eyes and still saw the image of him smiling inside your mind. Inch by inch, you approached him and felt his soft and steady breath graze your lips.
Lifting your hand to softly lay on his cheek, you tip-toed and pulled him down a bit so that your lips finally made contact. A shiver ran down your spine like it did the first time you both kissed, but this time, it was bittersweet seeing that it was the last.
You tried to pull away, but Jongin's hand suddenly went to your lower back to push you closer to him. Letting out a small gasp as you expected to be done with the kiss, he put a bit more pressure on your mouth and you found yourself responding back to his soft lips.
Both hands on his chest, you clenched his shirt, afraid of letting go and Jongin put a hand on your cheek, softly caressing it with his thumb.
A tear slipped as everything flashed in front of you.
Why did everything feel so... right? His hand on your cheek, his thumb caressing your face, the ring, the grass mountain, him, you.
His hand gripped the side of your hip before he pulled away to take a breather. Both panting for air, his forehead rest against yours while his eyes were still shut.
Opening one eye to peek at him, you saw how beautiful he looked.
There- that was Jongin.
You were sure it was him. But he wasn't.
"No." He was fast to pull back. "Why did I... We can't!" He cried out.
Taking a step closer, "Jongin-"
"No!" Pointing a finger at you, he backed away slowly. But something in his face showed that he didn't want to leave. "What did you do to me..." His face contorted in pain, like he had been caught doing something bad.
"I didn't do anything, you pulled me back to you!" You desperately stated, but Jongin didn't want to hear anything that came out of your mouth.
He shook his head, feeling like he had been possessed by something other than himself and looked at you one last time before he turned around and walked away.
"Jongin!" You ran after him. "Jongin!" You called again, but his body was getting further away from you. "Jongin, please..." Seeing his shadow disappear, you let out choked sobs and felt your hands shake. Then you clasped your hands together to stop them from shaking, but they didn't.
"Stop." Hit. "Shaking." Hit. "Stop!" You said through gritted teeth as you hit your head with your shaky palms balled up in fists.
Panting heavily from all the crying, the pain, the hurt, you decided to end it.
That's how everything started.
With an end.
"Thank you." You bowed to the bus driver, and he nodded back. Walking down the steps, you hopped on the ground and breathed in the scent of the countryside.
It took you an hour to get here, but you didn't mind. It was relaxing and took your mind off your current issues.
Walking around with nothing more than 5 dollars, you took your time to take in your surroundings.
It may be the last time you pass by this neighborhood, Mi Hyun, might as well enjoy yourself, you thought.
Seeing only vast fields to your left and right, you looked around and saw there was no one to be seen. You smiled mischievously and ran into them.
You couldn't remember the last time you felt this free. Even in Peru you had this feeling that your parents could find you at any time, or even worse, Jongin. The biggest fight of the century would have blown up right there and then.
Shoving all of your concerns at the deepest corner of your mind, you started running again, letting your feet take you wherever they wanted.
"Hello?" The boy answered, feeling annoyed from his phone ringing non-stop since the moment he got inside his car.
"Jongin!"
Jongin sighed, "I don't have time to talk-"
"Did you meet her?" The younger boy asked with curiosity dripping from his voice.
He froze.
"Who are you talking about, Sehun?" Jongin had an idea of whom he was talking about, but didn't want to say it out loud.
"Mi Hyun!"
At the mention of your name, Jongin's heartbeat increased.
"Mi Hyun..." He whispered your name. It was the first time he heard and said it out loud, but somehow, it rolled off his tongue so casually he wondered if he actually knew you all along.
"Yeah! So you've met her?" Sehun sounded delighted that Jongin might have met you.
Jongin frowned and straightened himself on his driver's seat, "How do you know her?"
"She came by my house claiming that were best friends."
Jongin bit his lip. It somehow made a bit of sense. He asked again, "Did she tell you anything about her life?"
Sehun piped up, "Yeah. She said we were best friends since high school and went to the same college, where she met you I might had. She also added that I had a crush on her." He laughed giddily and continued, "But she didn't like me, so instead she told me she was lesbian and of course that wouldn't work for me!"
Unconsciously, Jongin found himself smiling at the thought of you saying you were lesbian to turn a guy down.
That sounds like my type of girl, he thought to himself.
"Anything else?" Jongin asked.
Sehun hummed. "Hmm... Yeah. That you guys got married after you graduated University."
"Really." He rhetorically replied to Sehun and the youngest hummed in response. Now that Jongin thought of it, he didn't even remember how he met Ji Hyun... He forced himself to, but everything came out as a blur.
He leaned his head against his headrest and sighed before pinching the bridge of his nose.
"What's wrong? Are you okay man?" Sehun asked in concern.
Jongin lightly shook his head, "What do you think Sehun."
"About what?"
"Her."
There was a small silence before Sehun replied, "I think... I think she's not delusional. I can't say I'm 100% sure that what she's saying is true, but... Don't you feel like that it's right that she's here? Like she fits with us." He pauses. "Here."
Jongin didn't know what to reply to that.
Yes, he had felt that it was extremely right when you two were kissing. But why would he be with Ji Hyun then? And why did you only pop up in his life now?
It didn't make sense.
Nothing made sense to him anymore.
"Hey... Do you know if she went somewhere?" Sehun asked in confusion.
"No." Jongin frowned. "Why? Was she supposed to meet you?" He didn't mean to, but he felt a pang of envy to think that you would be hanging out.
"Well, yeah. I told her she could sleep at my house, but here..." Jongin heard papers shuffling. "She wrote a note that she'd come back at 5, but it's passed 6 and there's still no sign of her."
Guilt.
That's what Jongin felt at the moment.
Did you run away because of him? Because of what he said?
"I..." He stuttered. "I think she left because of me."
"What?!" Sehun screamed inside the phone and Jongin pulled his phone away from his ear.
Not feeling like explaining, Jongin quickly ended the call feeling something burn deep inside his heart. "Look, I'll talk to you later, but I have to go somewhere. Sorry Sehun. Bye." He heard Sehun protest, but clicked end before turning the key to the ignition and pressing a foot on the accelerator.
You were at the top of the cliff for hours.
Everything looked so beautiful from there.
But then, if everything is beautiful, nothing is.
The sun was setting and you didn't want to leave, not now.
With your feet dangling loosely at the edge, you wondered when you became so fearless.
Maybe it's the fact that if you died now, you wouldn't lose much.
But then, there's him. And there was no denying that you still loved the literal Jongin in this life because he was Jongin in the end. He owned his name, his body, his voice, his heart...
"Even if I have to give up on the whole world, at least there's still you, who's worth treasuring." You whisper like he could hear you.
"That's not true. The whole world is there to catch you if you fall." You hear him faintly, but it was clear as glass to your ears.
Jumping from the sudden appearance, you were on the verge of falling. "Oh my gosh!"
He was quick on his feet and caught your upper body with much effort and slowly pulled you up, not to hurt you.
"Hang on!" Jongin shouted at the sky and pulled you carefully, not to fall in the process.
You grunt as he pulled your body safely from the edge of the cliff, before he encircled you tightly against him.
His breath came out ragged and in hard pants, just like yours did. You didn't mean to, but you lied your head on his chest, feeling comforted to hear his heart beat against your ear.
Closing your eyes, you wondered why he came all the way here. How did he find you? And why did he save you?
Kai threw his head back on the ground and said between breaths, "Why did you try to kill yourself? Are you effin crazy?"
You shook your head with difficulty and you realized how your body was shivering like crazy. "N-no."
"Then why were you hanging dangerously at the edge?" Kai looked at you with brows raised up high and eyes as wide as saucers.
Avoiding his question, you asked him one. "Why are you here?" You muttered on his chest.
Then it was his turn to avoid your question.
"You're unbelievable..." Jongin whispered to himself. You felt like you shouldn't be cuddly with him. You were going to die soon, you couldn't get attached to this world's Jongin.
Slowly getting up and patting your outfit to get the dust off, you straightened yourself.
Jongin didn't get up though, he sat up and encircled his arms around his knees while looking at you.
"What?" You asked. He was staring.
He shrugged.
You snorted, "You're weird."
"Why are you here?" Kai asked to no one in particular, as if asking himself the question.
"I have no idea." You shook your head, at lost of explanation.
"Then, do you remember what happened before you got here?" He tried to help you analyze the situation.
You were thankful that he was actually being nice for a change, so you started, "I... I was in Peru, walking on the bridge of the Canopy Walkway." Turning your head to look at him, you saw that he was impressed.
"Wow... That must have been an amazing experience." He nodded his head.
"Yeah." You let out a dry laugh. "That's also the reason why I got here."
Then Jongin's mouth took the shape of an 'o' before he shut his mouth to let you continue.
"I was actually in Peru because we always had fights and I wanted to get away for a while." You thought back of that horrible day.
"There was a day... where one of our fights got serious, and I really mean serious, that Jongin was threatening to divorce me. My heart broke into pieces. No matter how many times we'd get into conflicts, I still loved him like it was the first day. So hearing Jongin, who always promised to love me until death do us part, say that he wanted a divorce... I couldn't take it. My heart can only handle so much." You fiddled with your fingers.
"So the next morning, since he had gone to sleep at Sehun's, I booked the first flight to Peru, grabbed my things and left."
Jongin got up, still processing what you had just told him. "What did we fight about."
"I..." you hesitated. Thinking back, it was mostly your fault. "I thought he was cheating on me." Your jaw tightened.
Now, Jongin understood. "That's why you were so hormonal when you thought I was cheating on you." You nodded a bit, ashamed of it.
"Now it makes sense... But Jongin didn't, didn't he?" He looked at you with a smirk and you wished he didn't.
He wasn't yours. He wasn't your Jongin, you reminded yourself.
"No. He didn't. He'd never." It came out quiet.
Silence.
It wasn't an awkward silence, it was soothing more than anything else.
"So." You exclaimed. "Why did you come find me? And how did you find me?" That was a mystery to you.
Jongin shrugged, "Just a feeling."
"Wow." You laughed. "Okay, Jongin."
It was true though. He just felt that you would be here. He couldn't exactly explain it, it was like some kind of telepathic calling. But he wouldn't tell you that or else you were going to think that he was crazy.
"I don't understand. Why... Am I married to Ji Hyun if I'm supposedly your husband?" He slowly said, taking a few steps closer to you.
"Maybe you're not." You added.
Making another step towards you, he lifted his hand and lightly touched the bottom of your lip.
"Then why does it feel so damn right when I'm with you?" His voice sounded husky, which made a shiver run down your spine.
Feeling like it was the right time to do it, you leaned in and saw how his eyes fluttered closed. He pulled you by the waist and tilted his head to fit his lips with yours.
Jongin nibbled your lower lip, begging for entrance, and you let him, feeling sorry for what you were about to do next.
Shutting your eyes to force down the tears, you opened them again and quickly attached his arm to the tree next to him.
His eyes fluttered open before he pulled back, looking alarmed. "W-what? What are you doing?"
Being in Peru, they showed you how to tightly knot a rope while you were doing the zip-lines. You never thought it could come handy one day.
Chewing the inside of your lip, you looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. But this isn't real." You shook your head to make him understand.
"Wait... Mi Hyun! Wait!" He yelled your name for the first time and you almost stopped to let yourself melt into his arms for he rest of your life, but you couldn't do that to him.
It wasn't fair.
"This isn't our life. We're not supposed to be together, and you know that." Softly, you let go of the knot and run your fingers through his hair when you saw how glassy his eyes had gotten.
Jongin looked down and shut his eyes in anger. He shook his head, "No. You can't do this. You know how right we are for each other." He begged. "You were the one telling me how you never stopped loving me!"
A tear fell from his beautiful eyes and your heart tightened at the sight. The only time you ever saw him cry was at your wedding and he had come up with a lame excuse, saying that it was allergy season.
"I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was the best option for both of us."
Then you pulled him down to give him a light farewell kiss on the forehead.
"Now go back to Ji Hyun, huh? Take care of my sister."
The air was taken out of his lungs as he heard your request.
Ji Hyun was your sister?
Out of all the people in the world...
His eyes had never reflected so much pain in all the years you've known him. He wasn't one to show his weaknesses. Jongin always tried to stay strong for the both of you.
You took out your ring from your pant pocket and opened his free hand. Letting the ring in the middle of his palm, Jongin closed his fingers around it, not wanting it to somehow vanish.
"We'll meet in another life. Soon." You reassured him with a smile.
Tears were still making their way down his face, but he tried to smile, for you. With a nod, he watched you as you walked away, closer to the emptiness of the cliff.
Jongin tried his best to untie the knot as you prepared to jump.
Shutting your eyes and taking in deep breaths, you slowly took small steps and waited until you'd fall into the deep void that is death.
Jongin successfully untied the knot and started running when he saw you were one step away from falling.
He increased his speed and the second he was to grab you, you fell from his reach and his eyes widened in shock.
Quickly slowing down to keep himself from dying, he looked down but didn't see any waves inside the water.
Jongin laughed humorlessly with a melancolic smile, "I told you the world would catch you if you'd fall."
Where exactly did you fall?
With a long hard gasp, your eyes opened wide as you swallowed your surroundings with a tear-streamed face.
Trees. Cloudy sky. Vast emptiness.
"Can you move it woman?" A foreign person asked you in what you made out as an American accent.
You bowed as an apology and looked in front of you while wiping your tears.
Canopy Walkway.
You were still in Peru.
Trying your best to say in English, you turned to the man and asked, "How long... How long was I standing there?"
He rolled his eyes, "2 minutes. You looked down the bridge and shut your eyes as tight as locks."
You were out for 2 minutes? But it felt like hours over there...
"O-oh. Okay. Thank you." You bowed again and started walking to reach the end of the bridge.
Did you just imagine it all?
When you had gone back to the hotel, you started packing your things, eager to see your Jongin.
Jongin.
Your Jongin.
How excited you were to see him. Even if you guys had been on bad terms when you left, maybe he'd still be as understanding as he had always been.
You really hoped so.
The next day, you bought an express ticket, which cost a fortune since you were supposed to stay for 2 weeks more.
But it was worth it.
If it meant seeing Jongin sooner, you couldn't wait any longer.
Taking your designated seat, you put your belongings in the cabinet on top and shut it when you were done. Then you sat down and sighed.
Everything was going to be good.
Opening your phone, you saw it light up with a picture of you and Jongin, smiling happily. You with one eye shut and Jongin smiling with his eyes shaped as crescent moons. His smile had always been adorable.
"Is that your boyfriend?" The old woman next to you asked with a small smile.
Shaking your head, the old woman's smile faltered.
But then you smiled back and said with pride, "He's my husband."
The woman laughed giddily, "How sweet you are!" And she laughed some more, which caused you to laugh too.
"Well. The airplane should leave soon! Don't want to keep that cutie waiting, huh?" She eye-smiled and looked away.
Smiling shyly to yourself, you put a thumb over the screen, just like Jongin would do with your cheek. Then you shut it off and closed your eyes to wait for the plane ride to end.
"Honey! We're here." Someone woke you up.
Opening one eye, you saw the old woman gesture you to get up and you did, carefully not to bump your head.
"Thank you." You thanked her.
"No problem, sweetie. Now go home to your husband, oh?" She patted your back and slowly made her way out of the airplane.
With a happy sigh, you grabbed your bags and left with a smile on your lips.
Putting the key inside the lock, you turned the knob and opened the door with your foot.
It was early when you left from Peru. 6AM, precisely. So when you arrived here, it was around 4AM, counting the waiting time for the luggage and the time it took for the cab to bring you home.
Carefully shutting the door, you left your suitcase at the front, not to make too much noise and wake up Jongin.
Locking the door, you walked to your room and saw his body carefully tucked under the comforters.
With a small sigh, you walked over quietly and left a small kiss on his temple.
"I love you Jongin." You whispered as you pushed away the strands of hair that were hiding his pretty face. You could have spent your whole night like this, just watching him sleep peacefully. But then what would that make you?
Getting up and tip toeing to the closet, you grabbed some of your night clothing and went to the bathroom to change. After cleaning up and feeling refreshen, you walked to your side of the bed and tucked yourself in next to Jongin.
You felt him stir, but he didn't wake up, so you relaxed and moved closer to him, lightly hugging his back with your small arms. You finally felt at ease.
You couldn't ask for more right now, so you closed your eyes and snuggled against his back.
Your Jongin.
Feeling the sunlight hit your face, you grimaced and let out a groan. Your body felt sore from all the climbing, but you were mentally exhausted from the experience you had with the other life.
Maybe it wasn't real, but it felt real.
The door to the bedroom was shut close and you wondered if Jongin had gone somewhere. Then you saw your suitcases all well aligned near the door and you smiled.
How nice of him, you thought.
You walked over to your bags and took out all of your components. Putting the dirty clothing in the basket, you went through which were clean and which were dirty.
Pulling out the remaining clothing, you tried to look for a shirt you borrowed from someone. WIth a groan, you dumped all of your belongings on the floor but the shirt was nowhere to be seen.
Was it real?
Your eyes widened and you started looking for the pants you were wearing in the bundle of clothes laying on the floor
"Where are they..." You muttered as you went through all of your things.
"Oh my god!" You exclaimed when you finally found it.
Taking a deep breath, not knowing what to expect, you dive your hand in the front pocket and bite your lip in anticipation.
Cold.
Your ring.
You took it out and stared at the golden disk between your fingers. You were sure you were still wearing it in Peru. But you had also given it to the other Jongin...
So it stayed with you all along.
Then you put it on your left ring finger and smiled at it. So simple, yet pretty. Just how you liked it.
You got up and felt your stomach grumble. That's when you smelled the fresh brewed coffee, and you quickly made your way to the door, missing the taste of Jongin's famous coffee.
In a hurry, you pulled the door opened and saw Jongin standing with his hands in his pocket.
"Jongin?" Your smile widened but disappeared when you noticed his troubled expression.
He raised his head and you looked into his clear brown eyes. Those brown pools that brought you so much comfort throughout the years.
Gulping, you asked him, "What's wrong?" You forced yourself to smile again.
"Mi Hyun-ah..."
You waited, but didn't want him to continue his sentence.
No Jongin, you thought. We just went through hell together.
And the words, you'd never thought you'd hear again, come out of his mouth.
"I want a divorce."
Fin
word count: 8732
A/N: I'm thinking about doing a sequel for this story in the near future? I'll see if you guys want one ;-; and .... I really felt angsty today. Don't ask why haha. But I am definitely thinking of doing a continuation for this one-shot. It can't end so awfully after all they went through! But yeah. I actually like bad endings. Sometimes. We need them because it shows that life isn't all just a perfect fairytale. No? Okay. Well, 'till next time ^^.
I'm still proof-reading this one-shot so it's possible that it gets some small changes with time. Thank you for reading!
P.S: this story is supposed to be confusing. If that makes any sense (you're probably thinking im some wako writer lol) but really, she only imagined it all. It was almost a dream for her, if you will. Dreams, for us, seem to last forever or even hours, but dreams are actually just a few minutes or seconds even. So, yeah. I hope this helped a bit?
Stay anchored,
dyodoreu
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