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Anavrin
I told myself, back when I was in high school that I’d be the friend that would bake late at night and then call all my friends over at 1am. If they needed to talk we could talk. If they needed a little repairing, I’d do the patching up. And if they just wanted to crash, I’d be their airbag. It was my job. Never thought you’d be the one to make me retire. __________________________________________________________________________________ “Junho. It’s 2am. So I know you aren’t calling for a booty call.” According to Khun, the proper time to call for spur of the moment was before 1am. “Yea… No. I’m in a happy relationship thank you very much.” “Yea. Right.” “Red velvet cupcakes?” “I’ll be over in 10… I heard a soft sound in the background. “30. No. Make it 40.” I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” He had been the last person I called. Now I just had to wait. I sighed and unwrapped one of the two dozen cupcakes, filling up my counter space, letting my tongue peek out to taste the icing, automatically pulling my lower lip into my mouth and . “Taec…” He was staying at the office late, possibly overnight and if so, I was to bring him a clean suit in the morning. I was planning on surprising him with coffee and cupcakes as well. I’m sure he’d love it. Maybe we could mess around on the couch in his office until he had to get ready for his meeting. That’s all I wanted, really. I mean… We’d had . Yea. But he always seemed so far away, the stress from work getting to his head. There was no time for him to take his time. I think he only did it to keep me sated. That was something we needed to talk about but maybe on his next day off… The doorbell kept me from going any further with my thoughts and I jumped up to answer it. “Hey Channie.” “First one here?” “Yup.” He dropped his bag at the door and looked at me with tired eyes. “Taec…” “Still at the office. I know. How did you know? Did he text you?” “No. Junho…” I was already gone, back into the kitchen to set up a plate for Chansung. “Junho.” I stood on the tips of my toes and reached up for a glass. “It must be a really serious case. He’s been staying late a lot recently. It’s almost like he’s never home.” “Junho.” I set my jaw tight. “Do you know what it is he’s working on?” “Junho.” “Chansung.” “Sit.” I didn’t. “I know.” “I think you should move out. Find your own place from now before this all comes and runs you over like a steam train.” “He loves me.” “Maybe a little part of him does but Nuneo…” “He loves me!” “I don’t know anymore. Honestly.” “He wants me to stay. He needs me.” “Junho.” “I love him.” “He’s with someone else tonight Nuneo. Not you. You’ve been stress-baking all week. You’re cracking. Not even Khun has the balls to tell you.” “Taecyeon loves me because… because I love him.” “When was the last time he spent the night at home?” “Doesn’t matter.” “The last time he made love to you?” “Doesn’t matter.” “A year?” “And nine months. 23 days.” I glanced up at the clock. “”Six hours. 32 minutes.” There was a long pause because well, yes, that sounds horrible but it wasn’t exactly like we hadn’t had . Because we had. It just wasn’t… making love. It was more like an obligation. I felt myself sliding to the floor and reached out to grab the closest thing, Chansung’s thermal, or so I thought, instead grabbing the cloth that freshly washed drinking glasses rested on. They crashed onto the floor and a shard grazed my shoulder, so I did the most sensible thing. I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed, blocking out the sound of Chansung’s voice and breaking glass. Just breathe. If you breathe you can forget this all happened and still drop off Taec’s suit in the morning. I felt myself being picked up off of the floor and carried into the bathroom. He sat me on the toilet seat. It was Wooyoung’s face that I saw first and he was lightly slapping my cheeks, his overly concerned eyes trying to look into my unfocused ones.”-ou. Get your together.” He looked out the door to our right. “The red dresser is his… Well Minjun. What do you think is his? Taec is over 6 ft tall and Junho is 5 ft 10. Don’t act stupid.” I stared at his ear the whole time, feeling as if something was slipping from my grasp. The sound of the drawers in the bedroom slamming shut sent me into a state of panic, Taec hated when the house was a mess. I shoved Wooyoung and scrambled up and out of the bathroom, grabbing clothes from Minjun’s hands and showing them back into the drawers, he made the mistake of coming after me when I went to replace my clothes that Chansung had taken out of the closet and I swung around to hit him, a due to a miscalculation on my part I flew forward and hit my head on the corner of the bedside table. Black. Cool, calm black and then… color. There was a woman, looking down at me from what could only be described as a rock pillar, a frown on her face. The wind was blowing the fabric of… whatever she was wearing behind her… It looked kind of cool, I guess. “Junho-ah.” I can’t even explain the face I made but this was weird. “Junho-ah~ Welcome.” “Where am I?” “Where do you think you are Junho-ah?” “No idea.” She sighed as she jumped down from her pedestal and then proceeded to it me twice with some kind of stick, one blow hit the side of my head and the other landed on my shoulder, leaving both areas with a dull pain. “Stand up.” “Ow.” I complained as I did. “Whiny brat. Welcome to Anavrin.” “What does that even mean?” “Nothing really. It’s just Nirvana backwards. A nice way of saying you don’t know what the you’re doing.” “Oh.” “Yea. Oh.” “So?” “So. I’m here to help you.” “You?” “Yes. Me.” “But I don’t know you.” “Yes you do. But that doesn’t matter. So, this um… Ok Taecyeon. Take a seat.” Suddenly she was sitting at a desk and pushing a pair of glasses up her nose bridge, hands clasped and looking up at me. I sat down in a chair across from her. “What about him?” “When did you first meet him?” “Beginning of my sophomore year in high school.” “I know that you . I mean, when did you meet him? As in his true self.” “Oh. Well. The first time we slept together.” “You remember it?” “No.” “Huh. Now… What has he said about your future?” “He hates talking about it. He has this romantic notion that we should just live in the now. That… Now is the time to live and love.” “Uh huh. And how’s that working out for you?” “Well. I’m not sure where I am and I’m not even sure who you ar-“ “And you haven’t had a good in two years.” “I didn’t say that.” “But you’re thinking it.” “And?” “Just letting you know.” I hummed but stayed silent other wise. “Junho-ah… What do you want?” “Taecyeon.” “Nope.” “You can’t tell me what I want and what I don’t want.” “Uh… Yes I can.” “How?” “Think about it. Actually. Don’t. That’s my job. So. What do you want Junho?” “I don’t know. Love?” “That’s it? ” she mumbled under her breath and looked off to the side. “Kinda lame.” “And a bakery.” “And?” “There’s something else?” “Yea.” “I don’t-“ “Ah, ah, ah. I don’t do denial.” She was beyond annoying. “And a good .” “It’s great for burning calories and preventing bad cholesterol.” “I know. I read that somewhere.” And with that the black was back but this time it was stifling. “Junho! Minjun I swear if he’s dead, I’ll murder you.” “He’s bleeding a lot from that gash in his forehead.” “That’s just because it’s a head wound.” “Whatever Chansung. Go drop your knowledge elsewhere.” Someone was straddling my waist and poking and prodding my face. “You guys. I know he’s semi conscious and all but can we check if he really did get that piercing and tattoo?” “Minjun. Really?” “You know it’s a running bet.” “Fine. Fine. We can check.” Where did he say it was?” Nickhun. “Who had said it was a guiche?” “Definitely Nickhun. Because Taec nearly slit his throat for asking about it.” “It’s Junho we’re talking about anyway. Not you.” “I know where.” “I won’t ask any questions.” “Here. Feel here.” The fingers that had been previously attacking the area around my eye sockets poked and prodded around my junk instead, the poking becoming furious close to my pelvic bone. “I found them! Oh my god.” My sweats were dragged down to reveal the piercings that I’d ended up with during one very long night after classes. “Damn, Nuneo.” “Khun. You owe me $488 dollars.” “What about the tattoo?” “There’s no tattoo.” “Tram stamp maybe?” Minjun. Definitely. His conscience was like fishing net. “Okay. So then, where?” “Check his fingers?” “Again. Not asking questions.” Woo. He was such a liar. “What’s it say?” “Ah-nav-reen… Leave it to Junho to get Nirvana tattooed backwards on his body. Idiot.” “Get off me.” I mumbled. “What? What did he say?’ “Get off. He said get off.” The weight was lifted off my calves and I sat up, tucking my legs beneath me.” “Come on Junho. It’s time to go.” “Yea. Yea. Okay. Let me get something.” “Let’s just go instead.” “Bu-“ Junho-ah~ What do you want? “Fine. Let’s go.” Driving with a concerned Chansung is scary. I learned that. He’s silent and intense. I could literally hear his teeth grinding. I shut my eyes and tried to think about what exactly it was that I wanted. I drifted off to sleep after a while, running from the pain drilling into my temples. “Junho-ah~ Up. Wake up.” I opened my eyes and there she was again. “Why are you back?” “What? You don’t like me?” “It’s not totally that.” “Huh. Either way, I don’t care. I’m helping you. Now. What’re you going to do now?” “What do you mean?” “I meant what I said. Are you sure you graduated from college?” I shrugged in response. “So. Your plans? What’re you going to do about…”, she lifted her arms into to air and motioned to everything around her.“This.” “I don’t know. Break up with him?” “I won’t question why that’s a question. But you don’t want to do that do you?” “No. I don’t.”“Dump his .” “Why?” “Again with the stupid questions. So that he knows what he’s missing without you. And let’s be honest with ourselves. How good of a can he get from his secretary when her nails are longer than a homeless man’s pubic hair.” “That image is… disgusting.” “Eh.” She simply shrugged and continued talking. “You are literally the best he’ll ever have. You are. You have the money. Get your own place. Furnish it all nice-like. And hey, you can even put that huge photograph of that guy grabbing his family’s sapphires up on the wall. And since only you and Chansung like it you guys can admire it together. Then you know. You can open that goddamn bakery you keep thinking about and interrupting my quiet time with. I mean… Yea. That.” I mulled it over, chewing my lip in the process. “In a phrase… Be happy. You deserve it and hell, it’s what you want.” “Junho. Up. Wake up.” “Wha-? Who?” “It’s me. Just me. Did you know you chewed your lip like that when you sleep? It’s unhealthy. You should stop.” “Yes, mom. Where are we?” “My place. You can walk right?” “Yea. Of course I can.” I slid out of the car and this time I literally reached for Chansung’s thermal to hold me upright as a sharp pain shot straight up my leg. “Of course I can’t.” He lifted me up and carried me to the front door of the townhouse he lived in, there was a partnered effort to open the door and then even when we got the door open there were still a million pair of shoes that blocked our path. I was lifted up yet again and dropped onto the coffee stained couch in the living room. “Nice place. It’s… cute.” “Thanks.” He was leaning down close to my feet, looking at the heels closely. “Found it.” He disappeared around the corner and came back with a first-aid kit. “You’re always playing doctor Channie.” “Well. I’m not really playing anymore.” “Hm?” “I’m in school.” “What? Since when?” “I told Taec.” “He never mentioned it.” “Oh.” We should celebrate. We need to celebrate.” “Mm. Stay still?” “Wh- . . .” “It’s out. Stop whining. If anyone should be complaining it’s me. You had us over your house everyday this week. Only this time… You nearly killed yourself.” “Shut up.” He looked up at me and simply stuck his tongue out. I didn’t have to guts to find my own place even a few months later. I just lived with Chansung, babying him and cleaning his rat’s nest of a house. I still needed someone there on the bad days especially since I was still obsessively checking my cell phone. Maybe he would call? Ha. Maybe he would text? Think of where his fingers would be. Maybe he would come over? Ha. So that you can tear out his trachea and make him watch as you eat it? I’m not into cannibalism. “Boss. You realize this is all bull you’re spewing.” “Don’t you have tables to clean?” “No… But I can give your really cute friend another cup of coffee since he’s been ever so kindly staring at my .” “Hey. Ana.” “Yea?” “Chansung asked me out to dinner this morning.” “Well. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” |
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