19th day of April

Winter, I was born in the midst of winter storm.

I was once told that I am like snow white, my parents had waited eagerly for my arrival and they were so glad when I'm finally born. They were so happy but those were just temporary, because just after few months from my birth, they died on a car accident. Luckily I survived the crash and that's what brought me to the orphanage where I spent the rest of my chidhood. 

The story about my parents and their accident was just told to me by someone really close to them. He's also the one who guided me to be a good and responsible person. He's like my second parent. But when he died due to old age, I decide to leave the orphanage at a tender age of sixteen.

So I went to the city. A young naive boy like me is like a sheep on lions den. Every way I go, I always end up with trouble, though it  is also the way that I met my best friend who truly cares and help me without expecting any return.  I love him dearly, he's the brother I never had. With that sudden change in my life, my spring slowly crept. Bringing joyous moments for me to treasure with my new found family in the coffee shop where we worked. 

Spring. My life started to blossom since my bestfriend stumble on me in an abandoned dark alley. When he help me that night, he offeref and willingly shared the little comfort he have, like the  basic necessities, food, shelter and most specially,  family which I craved for long. He also introduced me to his work place, which is the coffee shop where I currently work. I'm so glad that all the workers there welcomed me warmly and that's how I gained my big extended family. 

The peek of my spring suddenly came one day when he entered my life,

at first, I'm just stealing glances to that gorgeous man I've ever seen. I don't keep my hopes up because I'm just a mere waiter and he is a wealthy businessman. 

As time goes by, my feeling for him grows like a weed unknowingly. When the time I realized it, its too late because its rooted so deep in my heart.

Then, I've started to love and care for him from a far. This goes on not only for days, nor months but years. I have loved him for years.

I secretly yearned for him in years. 

everything seems to be ordinary when one day,

he noticed me and started wooing me then asked me to be his.

everything falls in the right place. 

everything seems to be perfect.

Summer. we enjoyed our relationship  just like summer.

Its hot, wild yet lovely and beautiful. 

I will treasure it for therest of my life..

We are free

We are happy  simply because

I loved him , he loved me,

or so I thought.

As seasons change, the relationship we had also changed,

But I didn't mind the signs because I thought it will just pass by like the weather.,

We reconciled when we fought

We made up when we broke up.

But all those misunderstanding and fights leave a crack in our relationship.

I don't know that we were slowly breaking apart..

As they say, its is calm before the storm. 

And I never thought that those days were my fall. My autumn.

I hope I did realize before accepting his proposal and suddenly,

or more on accidentally seeing him with his first love.

When he looks at her full of love ,handling her with so much love and care. like a fragile glass, 

of course she's in her fragile pregnant state. 

what an irony this life could be.

seeing the man of your dreams, seeing the man you love

with his beautiful pregnant wife.

WIFE.

Wife yes, because I noticed their elegant wedding ring.

Winter. winter.

My life is an endless winter.

Like a endless night with an endless nightmare who hunt me down and replaced all the beautiful dream I have.

 I'm trapped.

I'm helpless.

I'm hopeless.

But seasons do really change rapidly if you ignore it.

Especially when you hope for it to be like that forever.

My spring suddenly come unnoticed.

My spring come uninvitingly.

I am forced to face my spring when YOU came to my life,

 You brought back the season that I longed for so long

You bring meaning to my life again

You slowly heal me.

You slowly made me smile.

Especially when i see your most precious and beautiful smile.

Your smile is exactly like him

But it not too painful anymore because your here.

Because when you smile at me, it feel like he's smiling at me too.

Because when you look at me lovingly and adorably, it feels like he does it too.

It must be painful but surprisingly I'm more grateful that your here.

I'm sad that he's gone

But i'm happier when you are here with me, even when he's not here.

You made me smile again.

You made me love again,

You made me happy.

You are my spring.

Because you're his and mine.

Because I love you and him equally.

I love you my son and I also love your father dearly.

I just hope someday you will meet him.

I just hope when your fifth birthday come, you will meet him and you will celebrate your birthdays together because fortunately you and him have same birthday.

I just hope that really one day he will know about your existence.

Lastly I wanna tell you how it hurts to see their beautiful family featured in the news. They will be celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary soon with their beautiful daughters,

it is supposed to be us not them.

ours, not theirs

but what I can do, I don't want to ruin his happiness and hurt him 

simply because i still love him

and I love you too my son.

you and him, I love you both equally.

lovingly yours,

mama

P.S.

someday, i know you will read this, please always remember i love him and that's the reason why your here for me to be loved.

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journal entry no.1

finished: 21st day of April

~kjj

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AN: hope you like it and i don't thinks this fits as a good sequel. but please bear with me coz i still have lots and lots and lots of plans for this story on how this goes and end,

and this one is jj's journal 1st entry, so you can look forward to the next entry,,XD

but not that soon..hahhahahe..ok??

hope you like it...enjoy..

and 

please do comment and point out my errors or any improvements to be made.. ^_^

thank you *bows*

...sorry this is not a new chapter, I just recently visited this site again, and  reread and profread the stories. :)

I deeply apologize for the false hope I had given in continuing/providing another entry for this story. -_-