“NO. NO. What do you mean no more? He’s still out there. He needs you to find him. He’s..No…NO..YOU HAVE TO GET BACK OUT THERE. YOU HAVE TO…GET OFF ME! ” Minho held on to Jongin with every bit of strength he could muster but honestly, they were all spent. Hours of sitting at the edge of the sea watching ship after ship carrying shell shocked teens and their chaperones to shore had left them all exhausted. But they remained hopeful because hope was all they had as they searched every face looking for Taemin.  Now, with darkness on the horizon and no more boats setting off for the wreckage, the atmosphere of the group was turning from scared to angry. All the more so when the police captain made the announcement.

“There will be no more searches for survivors tonight. We will concentrate our efforts on righting the ship.”

The reaction was immediate. First, disbelief. Then, outrage. How could they stop looking? Didn’t they understand?  In the dim of night, mothers screamed the names of their children, their babies, hoping they could hear them and answer the call. Fathers balled their fist to suppress their rage and corral the uselessness they felt standing on the beach watching the place where their children were stuck in the current, hoping to be the hero once more and save them from every parent’s worst nightmare.

Then there were classmates, people that others might believe had no entitlement to the grief throbbing in their eyes at they wept, thinking it could have been them, should have been them. Jongin knows he felt it, officials with their dismissive responses as he begged for information on Taemin. They didn’t know that Jongin was supposed to be there with his hyung on that ferry, but Jongin had an audition…

“This is stupid. You know I’ll never get in. It’s like a what, one in a billion shot that they choose me?” Jongin let out and exasperated huff. They had been at it for hours, arguing about the SM tryouts. Taemin was in favor of Jongin ditching the class trip to give his dream a shot, while Jongin was in favor of hanging out in Jejudo with his ‘best’ friend (since that was the polite thing to call it).

“Sure, you’re not as good as me, but you’re by far the second best dancer I’ve ever seen. Jeju will be there waiting for you when you get famous, but this shot may never come again. Please, do this one favor for me. Please? I’ve already arranged a ride for you with Minho so don’t make me look like a jerk. You know he cancelled a shopping trip with Key to go with you?” Both boys laughed. They knew what a sacrifice it was for their classmate to cancel a date with HIS ‘best’ friend. Realizing he wouldn’t win, Jongin rolled his eyes.

“Fine, I’ll go. But you better not have any fun without me.”

“Jongin, you know I won’t. I’ll spend the entire time thinking about your audition. Promise you’ll call when it’s over?” Taemin held out a pinkie to his dongsaeng, eyes searching for confirmation.

“Promise.” Hooking his own pinkie with Taemin’s, both kissed their thumbs before unlatching.

Jongin hadn’t had a chance to tell Taemin the good news before the television interrupted his silent celebration.

Minho had driven them directly to the beach and immediately they began to search. Onew and Baekhyun arrived a little after they did and spent the rest of the day trying to find out anything they could about Taemin and their other friends aboard the ship. Now, with night falling, it looked like the authorities had given up and Jongin was livid. The fury in his heart burned through his cheeks and skin giving him an angry blush. Still, he seethed until Onew mentioned overhearing some of the fathers talking about renting a private ship. The buy-in was 60,000 won a piece but at this point, Jongin would have done anything to find Taemin.

Setting off from the shore, the water was thick and silent, lapping the sides of their sailboat. Holding torches and life vests, everyone kept alert for any sign of life. The closer they got to the ship, the louder the sea’s silence became. No screams, noises or cries for help broke up the quiet of the calm waters. Suddenly it was clear why they police stopped searching. In those sobering moments, a new fear set in: that they weren’t floating around a watery trap but were circling a grave. Every person in the vessel prayed that they were wrong.

April 16, 2024

Jongin ran backstage and quickly collapsed in exhaustion. The concert had been grueling with two hours of non-stop dancing and singing. His legs burned, his throat was parched and he was sticky with sweat. But it was worth it. They had raised over one billion won in funds for the Sewol Ferry Scholarship Fund and the press was going to have a field day with the debut of Jongin’s newest song, a full week before the scheduled teaser MV was to be released. It was an unannounced change in the line-up, but tonight’s concert meant more than free publicity.

“Get up. You need to dry off before you get sick.” Jongin was passed a towel and a bottle of water before he felt hands undressing him so he would get into dry garments.

“Dry off. Drink this. Take your vitamins. All you do is nag. Can you please just congratulate me on a great show?” Jongin whined, but was instead met with a stern frown.

“Congrats on a fabulous show and an illustrious career. Shall I now peel you a bowl of grapes and sing a song of your victories, your highness?”

“Nope. Just you being here is enough.” Jongin strangled Taemin in the tightest hug he could as memories of that day flooded his mind. The day he almost lost the love of his life. Pulling back from the hug, Jongin Taemin’s right shoulder, dragging his hand down to where the limb abruptly ended. It had taken a long time for Taemin to get comfortable with Jongin touching him there, but now it was okay. That part of Taemin was gone but unlike others that died that day, the boy was still here. Jongin’s prayers had been answered. Taemin was still here.