I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor, scanning the shop for him. He was late. Again. Biting my lip, I checked my phone for the hundredth time to see if he had sent me a message. Disappointed I set my phone on the table (it might have been a little too hard, but whatever) and returned to watching the door. Finally, it opened and I felt my heart loosen in my chest.

He was finally here.

"Mai." Hearing my name on his lips always sent a chill down my spine. I forced myself to frown at him even though I just wanted to jump up and hug him.

"You're late," I told him, trying to keep my voice firm, but in the end I only sounded like I was whining. He didn't say anything as he sat down, he didn't even look at me. I felt my heart sinking into the depths of my stomach. Was this it? Was he really going to break up with me?

For the last month now Gongchan had been acting strange. Before, he had been very attentive and sweet. Some of the dearest memories in my heart were of times he had smiled at me and leaned in really close to plant a soft kiss on the tip of my nose or my forehead. He used to take me out on dates to parks and to the beach. Sometimes the other members would come with us and we would all play games together, but even then Gongchan would get me alone and we would share secret moments out of the view of the others.

Now everything was different.

It almost felt like he was avoiding me. I almost never saw him and when I did it was like he wasn't really there. I was starting to fear that he was going to break up with me. Just the very thought made my chest tighten and I struggled for breathe. I had tried talking to my friends about it, but none of them really knew what I should do about it. I just felt like I was balancing on the head of a pin. It was like any second I was going to fall and either he was going to be there to catch me, or he wasn't.

"Are you ok?" I asked him, reaching for his hand. Pretending he didn't notice, he pulled it onto his lap and away from mine. I felt like crying.

"I'm fine. Our practice just ran really late, that's all," he told me, smiling nervously. I pouted.

"Again?" Now I knew I was being whiney, but at that point I didn't really care.

"I'm sorry," he said, throwing me a half-hearted apology. I opened my mouth to say something else, but at that moment his phone rang. Moving at the speed of light, he answered it. I closed my mouth and sighed. He used to ignore all of his calls when he was with me. Once he had even told me that when we were together he wanted to feel like we were the only two people in the world.

Now he was acting like I wasn't even there.

Hanging up his phone, he sighed and looked at me, his eyes apologetic. I could already tell from the look on his face what he was going to say.

"It's ok, you can go," I told him, giving up. Smiling he leaned across the table and pressed a quick kiss to my cheek. I almost wanted to flinch away from him, but I forced myself to be still.

I watched him stand up and leave me sitting by myself in the cafe. Letting out my best sad puppy noise, I let my head fall onto the table. I felt like everything was falling apart. Was there something wrong with me? I knew there was nothing wrong with him so it had to be something with me. I must have done something wrong or something.

Standing up suddenly I walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me, making the other patrons in the cafe jump and stare. Grasping the sink I stared at my reflection. My eyes were a vibrant shade of light blue and probably my prettiest feature. The rest of me was plain. My hair was about shoulder length was a dark red with blond highlights throughout it. I was a little chubby, something I thought would bother Gongchan, but he actually told me that he liked my curves.

Maybe he had changed his mind. Was he embarrassed by me? I went through all of my memories of times we had spent together, trying to remember if I had done something that he would be ashamed of. I could name three things right off the top of my head. I watched my eyes fill with tears in the mirror and I turned away from my reflection.

Walking out of the bathroom, I dialed a number on my phone. I needed to know what was going on and there was only one way I could think of to do it.

"Jinyoung, can I come over?" I asked once he had picked up the phone.

"Uh, sure?" he said, sounding shocked.

"Good," I said, hanging up the phone. Walking so fast I was almost running, I headed in the direction of their dorm. I knew Gongchan wouldn't be there, but I knew the other members would be and I needed to know what I did wrong so that I could apologize or something. Gongchan was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I didn't want to lose him.

***

"I just, I need to know what's going on," I said, finishing explaining my issue to the other members. They all were silent, avoiding looking at me, it only made me feel even more nervous.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about," Cnu said first. I could tell he was trying to comfort me, but it sounded half-hearted. Like he was trying not to lie to me. I resisted the urge to burst into tears in front of all of them.

"Mai, he really cares for you," Sandeul said, following suit. I frowned.

"You guys don't have to try and make me feel better, just tell me the truth. I know I'm not very pretty and that I'm a little awkward so I understand if he doesn't want to be with me."

"No that's not-" Jinyoung start, but he was abruptly stopped by a look from the other three members. Confused, I looked between the four of them. So they were hiding things from me too.

"You know, I think I'm going to just go," I said, trying best to hold back my hurt feelings. I thought that they were my friends. I thought that even if Gongchan and I weren't together, God forbid, they would still want to be my friend, but now they were keeping things from me and excluding me. It hurt. Was I so dispensable?

Before the other members could stop me, I got up and made my way out of the dorm. Moving quickly, I left the building and went to the nearest park. It was the park I had met Gongchan at. I still remembered every detail of that day....

(Flashback)

I was crying. Living in a foreign country was getting to me. I was frustrated at my lack of knowledge of the language and I had just gotten into another fight with my roommate. I know I had always wanted to go to Korea, but now all that I wanted was to go home and be back in an area I was familiar with. All the stress was just getting to me.

"Are you ok?" a voice asked. I looked up and found myself face to face with a pair of beautiful dark eyes. He was kneeling in front of me and was smiling at me, a smile that lit up my heart. It was like the smile of a small child and it made me want to ask him to hold me even though I had never met him before.

"Do I look ok?" I asked, unable to control my snark. His head cocked to the side in one of the cutest gestures I had ever seen. Slowly he reached out a hand and used his thumb to brush the tears from my face.

"You're too pretty to be crying," he said, still smiling at me. My heart was thumping in my chest. His hand was so warm. For a moment I wondered what it would feel to hold that hand in mine.

"I'm not pretty," I grumbled, but my tears had stopped falling. He looked confused.

"Then you don't see what I see. Your eyes are so pretty, they are like the same color as the sky," he told me, moving to sit next to me on the bench.

"So tell me, why is such a pretty girl crying?" And I told him. I told him everything that was bothering me even though I didn't know his name. I explained how much I missed home and the fight that I had with my roommate and how hard the culture was for me and the whole time he just listened silently, letting me empty my entire heart to him.

"Why don't I help you?" he said once I had finished. I looked at him surprised. I probably sounded like such a baby, whining about how hard my life was and yet he still wanted to help me.

"Why would you?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I like you," he said, brushing a stray strand of hair from my face. I felt myself shiver under his touch. How could someone I had just met be affecting me so much?

"What's your name?" I asked him suddenly. After everything we had talked about I felt like not knowing his name was weird.

"Gongchan," he told me smiling sweetly. I smiled back.

"I'm Mai."

(End Flashback)

Now here I was, sitting on the exact same bench. I placed the hand on the empty seat next to me. Gongchan had kept his word and helped me after that and soon we had started dating. It had been four months now. He had to be growing tired of me. It wasn't like I was that exciting. To be honest, I wasn't sure what had made him speak to me in the first place. I was just a girl crying on a bench and he was....he was perfect.

The sound of my phone ringing startled me out of my thoughts. I looked at the caller ID. Gongchan. Steeling myself, I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Mai? I need to talk to you. Can you meet me at your apartment?" he asked. I felt my blood run cold. This was it. He was going to leave me. I swallowed, trying to regain my voice.

"Sure, I'll be there in a few," I said, my voice cracking on the last word. Gongchan was silent.

"See you then," was his response and then the line went dead. I let my arm fall to the bench. this was really it. He was going to leave me. I felt my heart shattering. It was in that moment that I knew that I loved him. I really and sincerely loved him. I wondered if he ever loved me? He never told me. The air left my lungs as I realized that I might never hear it from him.

Standing on shaky legs I started walking towards my apartment.

***

I wasn't sure how I made it, but I was finally in front of the apartment I shared with my friends. Both of them were out of town so it was just me and I was hoping that I would be able to spend some time with Channie, but now I was going to be alone. Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself and opened the door.

What I saw made my eyes well with tears. The room was dark, the only light was some strategically placed candles around the room. There were rose petals scattered across the floor, filling the room with the sweet scent and standing in the middle of it all was Gongchan. The shadows highlighted his face perfectly and he was smiling at me, a single red rose in his hand.

In that moment, I fell to my knees and began to sob. All the fear I had been filling dissolved upon seeing him standing there waiting for me. My breath was coming out in gasps and I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't realize how afraid I was that I was going to lose him until that moment. I felt Gongchan's arms come around me and he pulled me to his chest, where I continued to sob like a baby.

"Mai, what's wrong?" he asked me, sounding slightly panicked.

"I-I thought you were going to leave me," I said between hiccups. Gongchan's arms around me tightened. In that moment he wasn't just my little puppy, he was my protector.

"Why would you think that?" he asked.

"Because, you've been so distant recently and I know that I'm not remotely pretty or interesting or anything like the kind of girl you deserve-" in that moment I was silenced by Gongchan pressing his lips to mine. It was the first time he had ever kissed me on the lips and I knew for a fact that it was both of our first kiss. The feeling of his mouth on mine....it felt like more than just our lips touching, it made me feel that much closer to him. It was like we were sharing something deep and intimate and when he pulled away I couldn't look away from his eyes.

"I've been so distant because I've been preparing this. I asked your friends to leave and then the others helped me decorate everything. I wanted to surprise you," he said, wiping my tears away. I let out a strangled laugh.

"I can't believe we had our first kiss while I was crying like a baby," I said through my laughter. Gongchan smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

"I love you, Mai," he said, his voice soft. I looked at him, surprised. I felt like crying again, but this time because I was so happy.