Dear Sehun,

Okay, I know letters are seriously cliché and just downright embarrassing but you know how I am; I at expressing emotions in real life. So yeah, here I am, it's 11am in Seoul, on your birthday and I'm racking my brain, wondering what the hell to say. Late I know but in my defence, I actually spent your entire birthday thinking what I should have done for you.

Sulli and Amber told me to call you at 12am but I know how you hate me wasting money and I know how expensive overseas calls are so here I am, scribbling on a piece of paper. (I'm sure you're having fun in Japan with all your hyungs while I'm in Seoul, slumped over my table).

Gah, I don't even know what to say anymore. Well first of all, Happy Birthday Sehun! You're finally 21! I know how all your fans and even your fellow EXO members enjoy calling you immature and childish, but deep down, I know you're a lot older than 21. I'm so glad that out of the both us, you're the mature and responsible one. I don't know what I'd do without you. You always take care of me, joke with me, comfort me when I'm feeling down but most of all, you're always there for me.

Remember when you were still a trainee? And f(x) was about to debut and we were so hungry that we begged you to buy kimbap? You ordered 5 dinner sets of it and got caught because you lied to our manager that it was all for you. At that time, I kept thinking how stupid you were but also how cool you were because you tried to take the fall for us. And even when our manager was yelling at you and threatened to beat you, you still refused to turn us in. Even if the manager still scolded us because you were a terrible liar, I'm still grateful .And even when you were a lame kid back then, that was probably your coolest moment. Heh.

Remember when you were at the stages of debuting? And we had that W live photo-shoot? We were chatting and you were telling me how nervous and scared you were of debuting. But I really didn't pay attention because back then that was when I suddenly realised you had grown manlier and matured a lot. Then the photographer wanted us to take a few photos together and weirdly enough, I was actually blushing! I was so relieved that my makeup covered it up though. Hopefully you didn't notice back then.

Oh god, all these memories are flowing back. I feel so nostalgic now.

Okay to be honest there's an actual reason why I couldn't say this to you face to face or even in a phone call. Even in this letter, I'm struggling to write it down and I feel like beating myself in the head with the pen in my hand.

You know how you're always trying to set me up with Jongin? Even the company seems to push Jongin and my relationship because apparently a lot of fans like us together. But I would always refuse actually going out with him because honestly, Jongin and I are just friends. I don't see him further than that and beside there's someone else.

It’s almost 12 now and your birthday is going to end soon, so I’m going to try and hurry up and finish your letter.

 I like you. Wow, that was abrupt wasn’t it?

I’m sure you would have noticed it by now. The past few months, even years we’ve been friends, it’s suddenly gone awkward. I act really flustered around you and I’ve been avoiding interaction or talking to you in public. It’s better in private where you and I can talk peacefully but I still find it so difficult to act calm around you.

When it started, you’re probably thinking. I’m thinking that as well and I’m not quite sure. It might have been when we had that W-Live Photo-shoot together and I noticed how you matured (even if you were still a dorky teenager). My heart was fluttering and my cheeks were so red. It might have been when you debuted with MAMA and you were dancing so well. Jongin might have been a better dancer than you but throughout the entire performance, my eyes were always on you.

I sound borderline creepy and weird but I hope you understand my feelings for you. I hope you understand how I like, even love you. But we’re both young and while we’re adults, I’m not sure I know what love is. All I know is that when I see you, I feel butterflies in my stomach and I feel drawn towards you and I hope with all my heart that one day we can be together. I’m such a hopeless romantic.

I’m not going to immediately send you this letter (even if it won’t arrive to you til a few days) because I don’t want to ruin your birthday with a lame- love confession.

Well, I don’t know what to say any more so, Happy Birthday again! I hope you had a great birthday and enjoyed yourself immensely. I wish you were in Seoul so I could give you your birthday present. Your present is meant to be a surprise by the way.

PS: when you come back from Japan, we have to watch the new Captain America movie together!

-Jung Soojung