Hyukjae's awareness ruptures with a pain jolting to a side of his body that collided on the cold concrete.

The aches don't last long. He has already experienced more in a heavier scale far greater than this but he still chokes in blood, pain. He hits his chest in haste, thinking that with every thump, the throbbing will lessen. His shirt sticks on his back and every patch of his skin is damp with sweat. He hauls himself back on his bed, breathing still ragged and mind perplexed.

He wanders on the vast darkness of the ceilings then shifts on the windows; the moon radiates a bright yellow shadow behind the clouds. Hyukjae's chest tightens as the dream registers clearly in his memory—a titan far taller than the walls has captured him. The tight grip felt real on his body. He has squirmed and struggled but no matter what he did, he could not move. The last thing he remembered was being dropped in the titan's mouth and his bones being crushed between the titan's teeth.

Through several experimentations, Heechul has made a theory that Titans makes no move once the dusk breaks. Even with such studies, reposing grapples and nightmares are buried in his aberrant mind. The attacks of the titans, the compromised walls and the state of humanity within the wall of Sina—the lone wall that protects them after the infiltration of wall Rose and Maria; up to when shall humanity could cope up and face this? Up to when could they withstand the titans' game? The whole odds are against them but as long as there's still a human breathing, humanity has not lost yet.

Hyukjae gives up on sleeping and traipses off on Sina's dimly illuminated streets.
 

It isn’t cold nor is it scorching hot in Donghae’s bunk that he and Sungmin share. The faint wave of the summer breeze clasps fittingly on the leaves and swirls his mind altogether to be set in an illusory peace that’ll never be in their grasp. As long as a single titan still grazes on the land that their right of existence has been overthrown, humanity won’t get the peace they thirst for.

He heavily exhales and shifts so his back faces the window. Donghae’s eyes marvel on the pale yellow gleams of the moon on his bed sheets. He wonders if tomorrow he would still breathe, if he would still be with the friends that he loves dearly, if he would shamble chances with death or if he would still say good morning to a ruthless corporal whom he owes more than three quarters of his life. Donghae palms his face to somehow relinquish these thoughts of worries that he still plague his mind. If he is to brazen out for humanity in one of these days, he will not fight in vain nor does his comrades. They’ll fight in dignity—for humanity’s tomorrows.

The sallow stripes of yellow have been swarmed by a figure of darkness by the window. Donghae trembles on his bed and he struggles to wrench a hiss at his sleeping colleague. A thief? He has nothing to be afraid of but what’s impossible to go unnoticed even at this time of the evening. A titan? Impossible. Donghae breathing hitches as he hears the frame of the window creak and his teeth irrepressibly clatters on one another.

“Yah, let’s go out for a drink,” he hears from behind. He subtly turns and he finds his corporal firmly sited on the window, one leg dangling outside of the premises of Donghae’s apartment.

“C-Corporal Hyukjae,” Donghae hastily stands on his bed and firmly fixates his right fist on his chest and the other one behind him while he mentally chides himself from his sudden anxiety outburst beforehand. “W-What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t you just hear what I just said?” Hyukjae shifts and crouches so that his feet are on Donghae’s mattress. He stares at the distressed Donghae, pale and sweating, also not making eye contact with his corporal. A grin slyly splits on his lips and he says once again, “Let’s go out and drink."

“I’m still a minor, Corporal. I believe I could not handle my alcohol well.” Donghae speaks moderately, in a tone that doesn’t disturb his colleague on his own sleep. He avoids looking at his corporal. Standing on his own bed is degrading in front of his corporal already, what more if his corporal is to drill him more into humiliation—even though there’s only the two of them—well, with the exception of the one still sleeping in the lower bunk.

“How would you know,” Donghae yelps with the sudden pull on his left arm and he’s now standing on his knees,” If you won’t try?” Hyukjae grits and progresses forward; deranges Donghae with a knotted stare made by those eyes who’ve had lain on more titans to their death than Donghae has...but those eyes resemble the same spirit as Donghae keenly holds.

“Okay, Corporal.” Donghae mutters under his breath and Hyukjae lets go of his hand.

 

Hyukjae is already halfway finished on his bottle while Donghae has barely touched his. He fidgets as his corporal pours more of the alcohol in his already overflowing cup. “C-Corporal,” Hyukjae raises his attention to him but nonetheless doesn’t stop tilting the bottle to Donghae’s cup. “It’s already full, Corporal Hyukjae,” Donghae shakily ends off his sentence and shuns his corporal’s perforating stares.

Hyukjae brows furrow as the alcohol streams down on his pants and spats inaudible curses under his breath. Donghae offers a towel to his corporal but what he gets in return is a sneer. Donghae slightly feels bad about it though he has known the corporal to have this sort of attitude and he should’ve been used to it already.

“Yah, why don’t you drink? Look at the wasted alcohol!” Hyukjae hits the table with his palm and Donghae flinches. “It’s not often that I invite people to drink with me,” Hyukjae dejectedly tucks a hand under his chin and lightly whirls the cup.

“I-I’ve already told you Corporal Hyukjae,” Donghae clicks his tongue for a bit. “That I don’t drink.” Donghae thought that the corporal would yell at him for such an answer or maybe force him into drinking but what he gets is a nod and Hyukjae continues drinking.

“If you won’t drink with me, at least talk to me,” Hyukjae says and Donghae fidgets on his seat as his corporal gazes at him. “That’s why I invited you here.”

“S-So why didn’t you take out Captain Jungsoo here instead of me,” Donghae bites his lip and trembles when his reflection on the liquid ripples.

“Ah,” Hyukjae puts down his cup. “Jungsoo takes the titan topic even when the daylights are out. I just want to clear my head about the titans sometimes,” Hyukjae squeezes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“So why me?”

“I don’t know either,” Hyukjae empties his cup. “Maybe it’s because I’m comfortable talking to a person who entrusted three quarters of his life to me,” Hyukjae smiles.

It is indeed a small smile but Donghae’s heart flutters in his chest. It is rare for the corporal to show such emotions; it just tingle the curiosity in him. Something at the back of his mind says that his heart surely has a clear idea but cannot be disclosed in words. They change different comments within the span of the night but Hyukjae does more of the talking and Donghae nods in enthusiasm. Donghae feels light as his corporal looks back at him, with a bright patch of cherry on his cheeks and ears tinge in pale pink.

It’s good to be blithe from the thoughts of the titan rule for once in a while.

“Ah, Corporal Hyukjae, you drank too much!” Donghae exasperates as he lays down his corporal on the bed. It is known to their squad that their corporal is stubborn but he has not expected that Hyukjae would be stubborn to this extent of finishing even Donghae’s unscathed bottle. “You’re the one who doesn’t know how to handle his own alcohol,” he mutters and hovers the blanket on his corporal.

“What are you talking about, brat,” Hyukjae hisses relentlessly trying to stand up but Donghae frantically pushes him down on the bed. “I hardly touched my limit,” he grunts and collapses back on the mattress.

“C-Corporal, I know you’re more superior to me in terms of position, physical strength, strength in alcohol intake and battle experience but please listen to me just this time,” Donghae grips too tightly on the blanket and throws Hyukjae to confusion. “P-Please rest… sleep.”

“Tch. Fine,” Hyukjae rolls his eyes but in the end he ends up smiling and complying with Donghae’s command. “Why are you being so tense?” He chuckles and Donghae feels his cheeks burning up.

Donghae subtly grins back. As he was to turn away, Hyukjae clutches a hand around Donghae’s wrist startling Donghae from where he stands. Donghae could feel himself melting from his corporal’s touch as the grip grows tighter as seconds pass by. The air around him becomes constricted and he finds it harder to breathe with the thought of Hyukjae filling his head and the long talks they had earlier flooding him.

“Stay with me,” Hyukjae says.

Donghae’s heart pounds loudly on his chest with those words from his corporal, his thoughts spinning. “W-What are you talking about Corporal?” He dips his head and looks on his shuddering knees.

“Stay with me, Lee Donghae,” Hyukjae repeats and sneaks his fingers between the narrow gaps of Donghae’s hand. “It’s an order.”

“I understand,” he firmly replies.

 

“I’ve been having weird dreams lately,” Hyukjae confesses and Donghae’s half conscious senses suddenly perk up. “I-I can’t sleep.”

“Hmm… humanity’s strongest soldier can’t sleep? Well that’s bad news indeed,” Donghae light-heartedly says but Hyukjae nudges him at the back. “Sorry for the bad joke, Corporal.”

“No no no. I actually don’t mind it,” he assures then leans more so his back will be touching Donghae’s and for the nth time, Donghae flinches. “I’m sick of everyone entitling me with that for in fact I’m still inferior with those…things,” Hyukjae spats the last word in revulsion and Donghae understands for he shares the same thinking.

Hyukjae presses his palms on his eyes and drags his hands down his cheeks. “I am a monster,” he suddenly says and Donghae moves so he would be facing his corporal’s back. He’s worried with what words coming out from Hyukjae. “I’ve leaded so many of our comrades to their death and I…I trust my decision to them…and make sure that their deaths aren’t loses and they wouldn’t die in vain but-“

Donghae isn’t sure what he’s doing but he’s just acting out of instinct. He isn’t sure if he’d be kicked out by his corporal for such a stunt he just made but all he intents right now is not to lead his corporal to an ill thinking—though he’s not certain if the words he’ll say would still be remembered when the dawn breaks. For once in his life, he’d like to make Hyukjae feel safe, though it’s a makeshift tranquillity spoiled in falsehood.

“Don’t speak like that, Corporal,” Donghae nuzzles his head at the nape of his corporal. “If there’s a monster,” his chest tautens in the heavy atmosphere between them. “It’s me, isn’t it?” Donghae’s sham chuckles bother the person lying in front of him. “I am a part titan myself and when I lost control…I almost killed my friend whom I considered my sibling.”

Hyukjae grabs Donghae’s hand and places them on his waist to somehow ease Donghae’s worries that has been triggered by him. “Do you remember before the trial that you used to visit me in the cell?” Donghae bites his lower lip to fight back the sobs that are supposed to come out from his mouth. “They shackled me and the guards t-they… looked at me with the eyes of fear and disgust.” Donghae grips on Hyukjae’s shirt. “They called me a-“

“Monster,” Hyukjae faces him and Donghae can feel his whole body perforated by Hyukjae’s intoxicated stares. He feels weak and inferior to his corporal. For a moment, it feels okay to be somehow relying on someone’s shoulders and Hyukjae understands because he’s tired of throwing his life in every titan encounter and seeing someone dying before his eyes.

“I understand because we humans are monsters ourselves,” He breathes out and prods a finger on Donghae’s forehead. “Don’t look so uptight, brat. It makes me feel uneasy.”

“I am sorry, Corporal.”

“Well, don’t be,” Hyukjae scoots forward and presses his lips on Donghae’s forehead then embraces Donghae, who feels embarrassed and hot from his corporal inebriated motions. He isn’t sure if the corporal is sane but it doesn’t matter anymore for he feels safe around Hyukjae’s arms. As for Hyukjae, he earns the best sleep in his existence. Finally.

beta-ed by rellahee
dedicated to abbie
crossposted on lj