WHAT IF

* It seems as though

   the accumulated time is being greedy

   Seeing as it hurts more today than yesterday*

I miss you. I miss those full, cherry lips, for their texture and taste, i miss your deep, foxy eyes full of love for me. I miss your presence, gaze. Desire to be with you hurts so much, that sometimes i can't catch my breath, stop my tears from falling at night. Please come back to me, be mine again.

* It was after i realized that i couldn’t be totally happy

   With that smile towards me, that there was nothing special, baby*

But how can I crave someone who doesn't belong to me. Afer all these lips belongs to someone else. Sweet nothings that you whispered  are for her.  Those eyes, where I always wanted to see myself, they see only her.You sacrificed your whole existence to make her happy, to make her feel like she's the only one in the world. Can't you see that without you I can't live, that I can do anything to be with you even if that's means just few second of happiness. I'm miserable loving someone for whom I'm only like a brother, but still I hope that someday you'll love me back.

* What if.. it seems like you’re going to love me

   Because it seems like you’re going to come to me if I wait just a little..*

I remember the time when I first met you. That day was very stressful for me. I became a new member of an existing team. I had to enter the circle of people who knew each other for years, together rehearsed, went through success and failure . And here I am, younger than you all, after a two-month preparation I become one of you, a member of Super Junior. When the manager took me to a meeting with a group I was terrified, no one smiled, didn't greet me, didn't speak a kind word. After he left, I was paralyzed, I didn't know what to do, to whom I can speak, none of the faces looked friendly. While standing helplessly in the middle of the room I felt someone touching my shoulder. I turned around and in front of me stood shorter boy, close to my age, with very delicate face, almost feminine features.Despite this gentle appearance I still felt scared, I thought that now the hell will starts, they will try to ruin my life with malicious comments, behavior, and boy standing in front of me will be first.

He said:

-Hey, I'm Sungmin. I know that this isn't what you expected but you have to understand that for us, this situation is also difficult. Be patient, slowly everything will work out, other guys in no time will like you too. -he had a voice like an angel, and despite earlier concerns he turned out to be a warm man.

-Thank you for your kind words. I'm Kyuhyun, nice to meet you.

-I'm not sure if you know, but as yet you don't have your own room or bed, so if you don't mind sleeping with me and Donghae in one room you're invited.Of course you can always choose the couch, but I do not recommend, is terribly uncomfortable

Since then you looked after me like I was your close family.  Thanks to you and your efforts rest of the band became fond of me. You were there for me  in the most difficult moments of my life. I started to admire you for your persistence, fortitude. For the fact that you wouldn't hurt others aiming your goal , because how is it possible that in the cruel world of show-business  there is so warm and helpful person like you. Gradually my admiration for you turned into adoration and love.

* With these anticipations, I can’t leave you

   Even though i know that as time accumulates, it becomes pain..*

This one gesture, warm word at the beginning of our friendship caused situation where I can't turn back. I in love with man,I in love with my team mate, I love guy who is in a heteroual relationship, but despite this I still hope that one day you will return my feelings. You gonna tell me how much you love me, apologize for the time when we were apart and I had to wait for you.I live in this dream.

* Even though I wanted to believe that that smile was just for me

   It probably isn't, right? but still just maybe...*

Confession from you will never happen, right? Love that I see in  your eyes is brotherly love, you care about me as a younger brother. Your touch is the touch of a friend, nothing more than "Good job man, I'm proud of you".

* What if... I met you first...

   No, if I didn't know you

   These thoughts are useless...

   for I'm already living in deeply set times of you*

Often at night I think about my life, what would happen if instead of SM Entertainment I went  to audition for other companions and debuted in  anothera band. If I wasn’t a singer, if I was a doctor or a lawyer, like my father always wanted. Will these cases passed me pain associated with unrequited love?What would happen if I told you about my feelings upon realization that I love you.Would you take into consideration being with me? These thoughts always come to me after I see you together with her, happy, smiling, in love.

* Even though love increase as much as time weight

   Even though pain is heavy

   Still I feel like you'll love me

   Because it seems like you're going to come to me if I wait just a little...

   With this anticipations I can't leave you

   Even though I know that the accumulated time has made today...*

When I'm thinking of life without you, without pain, without longing, life without constantly being careful of what I'm doing, making sure to not stare at you for too long,in fear that something could expose me.For a brief moment, a split second, I wish to have such a life, but only for a moment, because  I wouldn't give up these moments with you for anything, your shy smile when I tease you by saying that you're cute. Time spent at night, drinking wine and discovering the effects of it during the morning schedule. Despite the fact that my life is full of pain and longing, I do not want another one. I'm hopelessly in love with you Lee Sungmin, and I hope that one day you will see it.