60 Seconds

Eunji's POV

It has been about 2 years since Naeun got married. I recently finished my 1st world tour so Chorong Unnie decided to get all of us together to celebrate with me. The party sounded great at first, but now I feel like that one lonely and single girl surrounded by taken people. Chorong Unnie should have told me that they would be bringing their partners with them, I could've called up a last minute date. Hayoung had brought along the guy she had been dating. Namjoo was with our ex-label mate, Yook Sungjae. Let's be honest, we all knew something was going on between Namjoo and Sungjae. Bomi was on the 'let's try things out' phase with some actor, hey at least she's not single. Chorong was with ex-EXO leader, Suho. I can handle all of them, but it still pains me to see the Taeun couple. Naeun and Taemin were sitting next to each other and happily feeding each other. I sat right in the front and watched everyone be lovey dovey. Worst of all was seeing the Taeun Couple's PDA.

I'm so pathetic.

I had told myself to get over her. And I sincerely tried my best to forget her. I even tried to go out with ex-Girl's Day member, Minah, but things just weren't working out for me. We broke up on good terms so we're still friends, but I haven't been in a relationship since.

So not only am I the only single one here, I also happen to be the only homoual here. Great... I want to go home.

"Congratulations on your first world tour unnie." Hayoung said to me.

"I wish I could've gone" Chorong added.

"It's okay. Thank you" I replied and faked a smile, they all seemed to buy it. Chorong and Bomi both knew I dated Minah, the three of us kept in contact a lot, but they weren't aware of us breaking up. They think I have gotten over Naeun, and if it makes them less worried about me, I'll let them continue believing that.

"Eunji, you've barely touched your food" my same-aged friend told me.

"I'm not that hungry"

We all chat for a while and it was okay, I tried my best to avoid Naeun though. Let me rephrase that, it was okay until Sungjae recommended we played some stupid couple games. I sat out for obvious reasons and just watched everyone have fun. I didn't mind for a while, but I tried to look away when Naeun and Taemin started kissing because they won.

After about 2 hours, I had enough.

"I'll leave early because I have an event tomorrow. Thank you for the party. It was great seeing you all again." I told them and hugged them all before leaving. Once I drove to my condo, I went straight to my room and locked my door before finally breaking down.

Why am I like this? Why couldn't have been born normal like the rest of them?

I asked myself, sincerely wishing that I could get answers.

I am such a freak.

Why was I even born?

*
[Rumor] Jung Eunji and Lee Hoya dating? Are the former stars of 2012's hit drama, Reply 1997, together?

I read the news for today's entertainment headline and simply sighed. Wow, I can't even meet a friend without rumors starting. My phone began to buzz like crazy and I knew it meant that Bomi was texting me.

From: Bomi

- You and Hoya?!! Why didn't you tell us?!

From: Bomi

- Congrats if this is true!!

From: Bomi

- Goddamn it pick up your damn phone!

To: Bomi

- They're just rumors. I thought I made it clear that I am a lesbian.

From: Chorong Unnie

- I know Bomi is probably spamming you right now, ignore that idiot. But don't you think it's about time for you to date? P.S- why did you never tell us that you broke up with Minah?

To: Chorong Unnie

- It wasn't necessary in my opinion.

From: Chorong Unnie

- Why did you two break up?

To: Chorong Unnie

- Reasons. 

From: Chorong Unnie

- Meet me at XX cafe, we need to talk now.

To: Chorong Unnie

- Fine.

I got ready to go meet Chorong and by the time I arrived at the cafe, she was already there with a cup of Iced Americano.

I sat down and placed an order. The waitress wrote down my order and left the two of us alone.

"So... Hoya?" Chorong giggled, I knew she was teasing me so I simply chuckled.

"I guess I don't seem gay enough to be caught in a gay or bi rumor" I laughed.

"Well you do a great job at hiding it." Unnie told me.

"Thanks. I try."

The two of us sighed and became quiet.

"So... care to tell me about what happened between you and Minah?"

I took a sip of my coffee and then shrugged my shoulders.

"We realized we weren't a good match. She confessed to me that she is actually a biual and that she preferred guys. I wasn't mad because I was no better, while dating her I was still thinking of someone else. We knew that we had to break up, but we're still great friends. She's like the only other not-straight girl I know." 

Chorong Unnie looked surprised but she nodded.

"I know it must still be kind of hard for you to accept that I'm a lesbian. It's fine."

"It's not that. And don't worry, I'm sure at one point we all questioned what we liked."

"Thanks Unnie. But feel free to ask me anything. I know I never really expressed how being gay feels."

"Let's do it in a more private place."

I agreed and we decided to go to a park. There were some kids, but not like they were old enough to understand this conversation anyway.

"Eunji-ah."

"Hm?"

"Was it hard?"

"Was what hard?"

"You know... accepting that you weren't-"

"Normal?" I sadly finished her sentence.

"I was going to just say straight. Being heteroual isn't 'normal', it's just common okay. Don't you dare think lowly of yourself. You are the same as anyone else, you breathe, sleep, eat... fall in love. You are not the only one like this in the world too, remember that" She smiled and put her arm around my shoulder to comfort me.

"Thank you Unnie"

Chorong Unnie always knew how to make me feel better.

"Alright, so to answer your question, at first I did what anyone else would've done, I denied it. I was not even an adult and I already realized that I was not like most other girls. I hated myself. I hated the world. I hated everything. I questioned why I had to be like this. I wondered how my family and friends would react. I tried so hard to convince myself that it was just a phase for me and that I will become normal once I get older. I tried to force myself to like guys, I really did. Although my kissing scenes in Reply 1997, That Winter the Wind Blows and Trot Lovers were pretty convincing, I felt disgusted with myself. I just couldn't feel the spark. One of the worst things was probably remaining in the closet because of A-Pink. I lived every day in fear that you girls would find out and hate me. But the absolute worst was just the fact that I had to control myself around Naeun. Every time I saw her, my heart would beat like crazy and I had to suppress all my urges. I'll be completely honest, I loved her emotionally, physically and ually. So many times I would picture myself doing indecent things to her. And once those thoughts pass, I find myself hating myself more because I was thinking of Naeun in such a way. It felt like I was doing something wrong, it was just shameful of me to be like that..."

I paused to wipe away some of my tears while Chorong Unnie held my hand.

"...I think the final thing that made all this even worse was the fact that I had to hold it all in. I had to smile to the camera whenever I felt like crying. I had to congratulate Naeun when I wanted to have her for myself. I had to pretend to be enjoying everything when the truth was I wanted to die. And yes, I did consider suicide... many times to be exact. Deep down, there was always a feeling that things would be better if I was gone."

I laughed as I recalled what a stupid kid I was. Death is never the solution. Chorong Unnie remained silent but she held my hand even tighter to assure me that she was here for me.

"...What kept me going, ironically, was also Naeun. She was the light of my life. She brought me as much hope as she brought me pain. Isn't it funny? What hurt me the most brought me the greatest joy."

I finally admitted everything to Chorong Unnie. For the first time in my life, I felt the burden I was holding onto get released.

My head was staring down at the ground and I was breathing heavily, I didn't want to face Chorong Unnie.

"I-I.. I had no idea you felt like that." Chorong mumbled and I looked up only to see tears in her eyes. I pulled her close and she tightened her hug on me.

"I'm sorry Eunji. I'm so sorry. I failed as a leader. You were hurting like this but I didn't even notice."

I gently pushed her away and shook my head as I wiped away the tears on her face.

"You were a great leader. Besides, it's not like I could've just gone 'Unnie, I'm a ing homoual and I realized it because of someone in the group. Oh and I want to kill myself.' That was not going to happen..."

"Eunji..."

"And don't worry, I never peeped when you guys changed, but I'm sure you had a great body. It was so hard suppressing my gay with so many beautiful girls around me" I joked.

"Yah! This is not a joking manner."

"It's all behind me now."

"Aish... I have one last question."

"Sure. Shoot."

"Did you ever feel this with another girl?"

I smiled as I shook my head.

"Of course I felt physically attracted to some other girls, Minah being one of them. After all, I am gay so it's not really a big shocker that I would find other girls' bodies really beautiful. But I realized Naeun was the only one I had an emotional attachment to."

"I see... so how do you feel about that Son Naeun?"

".... w-wha-"

Before I could finish, I saw Naeun come up to us from behind. I looked at Chorong Unnie, clearly shocked and kind of upset.

"You told her?! Why Unnie?! You promised!"

I trusted Unnie and she betrayed me. I was about to explode again but Naeun cut me off.

"I forced her. You were acting strange that night and I had to know why"

"I'll let you two talk" Chorong excused herself and left while I sat on the cool grass and tried to look anywhere but at Naeun.

"Why didn't you tell me Unnie?"

"How could you force yourself to suffer like that?"

"Do you think it makes me happy to know that you endured all that because of me Jung Eunji?" she asked.

"Why do you think I didn't want you to know?" I sadly chuckled.

She sat next to me and rested her head on my shoulders.

"So how much of my confession did you hear?"

"All of it. I had set this up with Chorong Unnie. Don't get mad at her, I forced it out of her."

"It's fine. I don't have the energy to care anymore." I sighed as I laid down on the grass. Naeun joined me and hugged me tightly.

"You should've told me" She muttered and clenched onto my sleeve tightly. I turned to look at her.

"And tell you what? That I had dirty thoughts about you? That I want you to leave your boyfriend for another girl? Son Naeun, it's easier said than done. Admitting that you like a guy is not the same as admitting that you like someone of the same gender. No matter what Chorong Unnie said about normality, homouality still isn't considered normal in our society. Would you have told me if the situation was switched? Would you have had the guts to openly admit that you're a lesbian?"

She kept mum because she knew I was right. As much as I wish I wasn't, I know I will never be considered normal.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"It's fine. It's not like you made me fall for you. The only person to blame is myself. This is the price to pay for falling for someone I never had a chance with I guess."

"Unnie..."

"Hm?"

"I'm actually a biual" she told me.

I looked at her, clearly surprised. My eyes were probably really wide right now and I got off the grass.

"You're... bi?"

She nodded and smiled at me.

"W-When did you realize that?"

I didn't want this to be cliche. I didn't want her to tell me 'right now' because I know that it's not true love.

"Before I met Taemin."

"... w-wha-"

"I realized it when I was about 17." she explained. I simply kept quiet for her to continue.

"Like you, I thought it was simply just a phase, but these feelings never left. Even to this day, I know I'm not straight. Even though I'm married to a man, that doesn't change who I am. One of the people who made me realize this was you, Jung Eunji" she confessed. 

"Me?"

"I always felt very emotionally attached to you and I never knew why. As I got older, I started to accept that I was ually attracted to men, but emotionally attracted to women. It means I'd prefer to have with men, but when it comes to feelings, I feel much more love around girls."

"...you're serious?"

"Yes."

I looked up and laughed.

"All this time I had a chance huh? I'm so dumb."

"You still do."

"Wh-"

"I'm getting a divorce with Taemin. Like I said, I can't feel too emotionally attracted to guys. Both of us agreed to the divorce, he knows about my biuality. I did love him, but it was nowhere near as much as he loved me."

I really didn't know what to say so I simply hugged her.

"I'm sorry" I apologized. I felt like I had ruined their relationship.

"Don't be."

"How did it feel to be, y'know, not straight?"

Funny that I was asking this because I'm as straight as a circle.

"It was weird. I felt like I was straight but at the same time I didn't. Whenever I caught myself staring at guys, I felt guilty inside because I knew I only loved their physical appearance. I felt I wasn't straight enough for guys, but at the same time I was nowhere near gay enough for girls. It felt like I had no one, but you always gave me affection. And I'm almost certain that I fell for you because of that."

"... Naeun, I'm not sure about this"

"Unnie, I want you to know, I will never cheat on you. I know a lot of people view biuals as greedy people, but I am not. I would never leave you for a guy, girl or anyone in general." she told me and I could hear no hesitation from her, so she was serious

"So what do you say?" she asked.

"I... I'm willing to try this out if you are."

She grinned and nodded.

"I want to try this out too."

Now it was my turn to smile. I gave her an eye-smile and kissed her forehead.

"I love you Son Naeun."

"I love you too Jung Eunji"

I've waited so many years to hear her say that but in the context I wanted. It was too surreal and I caught myself crying.

"I truly love you Eunji Unnie. I'm sorry for hurting you all this time. I want to make things right."

"Just knowing that you love me is enough" I smiled.

She moved closer until our lips connected. It was only for a quick second, but it was the kiss I've always dreamed of.

"We've both waited a long time for that haven't we?" Naeun asked.

I nodded and leaned forward to kiss her again and she happily kissed me back.

"60 seconds is enough for this story. You have entered my heart. I don’t doubt that you have taken me in this not-so-short time. That’s the kind of person you are, a story that’s enough for me"

You never know what love has in store for you. Although at times it might be scary and you will definitely feel hopeless or lost, don't ever hate yourself. Everything happens for a reason, so don't be ashamed of who you are. You are not alone. Just keep moving forward and things will fall into place on its own.

The End

My extremely long overdue sequel. I was going to make this an angsty ending, but I decided that I had tortured you guys enough. I touched on some rather personal topics. I hope it wasn't uncomfortable to read. Thank you for reading. I hope you are all happy with who you are.