Jackson.
Words: 1,680

I hastily re-apply my lipbalm and keep my hair tidy before I rush out of the toilet. I am supposed to attend a group discussion after class today, but decided to skip it. I told them to go on without me and just e-mail me my part for the assignment. I can always burn the night oil and get it finished before next morning and have it discussed for another group discussion tomorrow.

I once again glance at my phone screen.

Green Bean Café a couple of blocks down Faculty of Law. See you there!

A simple text and yet I’m grinning like an idiot. Jackson texted me a new café he has wanted to try about half an hour ago. Whenever he says he want to meet me, I can never say no.

By the time I got there, I feel a little let down. Jackson is sitting with his buddies, Mark, Youngjae, Jinyoung, and my housemate, Nayeon, sitting across Jackson.

I thought it was only the two of us.

I quickly burn the wishful thinking and put up a bright smile.

“Hey, guys!” I wave to all of them and then walk to their table. Mark scoots further to make space for me but Jackson quickly interrupts.

“No, Jein! Sit here!” Jackson pats an empty spot next to him.

“Why do you always have to tell her what to do?” Jinyoung complains playfully.

“She’s my bestfriend! Of course she has to sit next to me!” Jackson insists.

I giggle stupidly as response, because I really don’t have anything to say to that.

Honestly, I really don’t like it when he calls me his bestfriend.

I feel like a wreck today. I am down with a bad flu, and my prescriptions are making me feel like the world is spinning. But still, when Jackson’s text reached me, I force myself up. He said he is having a hard time doing his assignments, and thinks it would be much easier if we can do it together. And so, I put on layers of warm clothes and drag myself to the library.

I got a little out of breath that I had to take a rest in the middle of the way. I really would like to see him and I don’t want him to know that I’m sick. I hate making him worry. After about five minutes sitting on a bench, I feel a little stronger and get up again to continue walking to the library.

When I arrive, Jackson is hanging out with Nayeon, his books splayed open on the table. I feel a little jealous at the sight; him laughing with her.

“Hey, Jein! I met Nayeon by accident and she is helping me with my research! Come and join us!”

Maybe it is just me and being really sick, but I feel a little angry. I don’t want to stay here, or Jackson might see me turn ugly.

“Um, Jackson. Sorry, something comes up. I have to leave now…” I mutter.

Jackson looks disappointed. “Really? But you just arrived!”

I just want to go home and lay down. “Yeah, sorry.” I just turn around, not giving chance for him to say anything else. But then, my head starts to spin and I fall into darkness.

“Jein!”

When I wake up, it is already dark. I still feel weak, but at least I feel a little better.

“You’re up?”

I slowly look to the side, and there is Jackson, sitting by my bed. He has a very gentle expression on his face.

“Jackson!”

“You stone head.” He playfully flicks my forehead.  “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re sick? I wouldn’t have asked you to come.”

I pout. “I was fine in the morning… Oh! How was your assignment?”

“I only have a little more to go. But as I went through my research, I found some points that might be helpful for your topic.” Jackson reaches for one of the stacked books on my desk. They weren’t there before, it’s probably books he borrowed from the library.

He opens the book and shows me a few highlighted lines. “There, I highlighted these important points for you. I’m such a good friend, huh?” He grins, which makes me smile along.

“Thanks, Jackson. You’re the best.”

“I know.” Jackson picks up the towel on my head and wet it again in the basin on my nightstand. “Have some rest. Nayeon is making us dinner, I think it’ll be ready soon. Rest well, best friend.” Jackson softly pats my head.

I love how it feels, even when being called ‘best friend’ still hurts.

Jackson’s birthday is just around the corner. I’ve been cutting off my expenses by lots and kept my part time wage as much as I can. I even starve on alternate days so I could buy him a nice present. It’s been a while since Jackson oogles this snapback that was released early in this year. He said he’s been saving his money for it, I bet he would be ecstatic that I got it for his birthday.

We’re celebrating for his birthday today, so I’m taking along a rather large tote with me so I can hide his gift. I want it to be a surprise! His buddies will be there, Nayeon will too. But we’re going separately since I have class until late evening.

“Hey, Jein!” Mark, Youngjae, Jinyoung, Jackson and Nayeon are all there already. I grin from ear-to-ear, glad that my presence is so welcomed.

We all proceed with eating first, and of course, we have birthday cake too. It’s probably me just being jealous, but I keep noticing how Jackson has been paying extra attention to Nayeon. He would turn to her often and asks if the food is great. He also takes care of the little things for her, like handing her the spoon or the tissue.

“I have a special gift for you,” Nayeon says, and then puts out a paper bag on the table. Jackson’s eyes widens in excitement. He pulls out the gift inside, and it turns out to be the exact snapback that I have gotten for him.

My heart sinks.

I know it’s just a coincidence, but it hurts me so much to see how happy Jackson is receiving that gift.

“Nayeon, thank you so much! I’ve been wanting this of so long!” and then Jackson turns to me. “Jein! My gift!” Jackson stretches his hand at me, demanding his gift. I have never forgotten his birthday, and I always have something for him.

I push my tote behind me and then clasped both hands in front of my face, eyes shut tight.

“Jackson! I’m really sorry. I totally forgot about getting one!”

Everyone is laughing at me. They said it’s weird because I never forget Jackson’s. Well, I don’t.

Jackson mocks a hurt look and clutches the cloth on his chest. “How could you! And you call yourself my best friend?”

Listening to that, I almost cry. But I quickly laugh instead. “Oh, come on. I’ll make up to it later, okay?”

Jackson pouts. “Fine. But I have a surprise for everyone!” Jackson grins again. He looks at Nayeon, they both exchange smiles before Jackson grabs her hand and intertwine their fingers. My chest feels heavy all of a sudden. I think I can tell what he is about to say.

He looks at me again with a big smile, “we’re dating now.”

The guys are ecstatic, wolf whistling at them and cheering loudly. Nayeon looks down, smiling shyly but Jackson proudly puts his hand around her shoulders.

I smile and clap my hand, celebrating the good news just like the rest are. But then, I don’t know how long do I have before I lose myself. I think I’m nearing my edge. Before I make a fool of myself and ruin this happy moment, I stand up abruptly.

“Guys, s-something comes up. I-I’m sorry, I have to go.”

My voice was trembling, which is embarrassing already, but I already turn around and leave before the guys could stop me. God, I feel like such a loser.

“Jein! Where are you going?!”

I can hear Jackson shouting. He’s been following me. He keeps calling my name, and his voice just gets louder everytime.

“Jackson, go back. I’m fine!” I lower my gaze and quicken my steps as I said it.

“Jein, stop!” His voice sounds clear now, I know that he’s right behind me. I pick up my pace even more but gets halted when my upper arm is grabbed from behind. I almost stumble to the ground but someone is quick to pull me to him and steady me from falling.

I know it’s him. I don’t want to look up, because I must look ridiculous.

“Jein, are you… Why are you crying?” Jackson asks softly. He must be so worried. I really just want to kick myself right now.

“I’m just fine. Please go back inside. The guys will be worried.”

“But,” Jackson searches in his pockets, but in the end, he just pulls on his sleeve to wipe my tears. “Tell me, is something wrong? Can I do anything to make it better?”

I push his hands away. “Just leave me alone,” I beg.

“Why? What did I do to you?”

“I like you, okay?! More than a best friend should! So stop being so kind to me!” I yelled at him. He looks shocked and hurt, it pains me to see him like that.

“J-Jein… I didn’t know… I…”

“Even if you know, what can you do anyway? You don’t feel the same way towards me.”

“Jein, I’m really sorry. I…” He grabs his head, thinking hard. “I don’t feel that way about you, but you’re really precious to me.”

My tears can’t stop falling. I wipe them away with my fingers, but they keep falling. “Just leave me alone… For now at least.”

When I turn around and walk away, he no longer calls my name or chase after me.

I'm not really good at angst, but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless. Sorry that it took so long, JeaneTheresia11! Thank you for requesting!