When love dies,
It’s like everything slows down to a stop
The tears that came rolling down your cheeks
Are taking ages to drop.

To the cold tiled floor
I fell onto my knees,
It felt as if the light followed his shadow,
As he slammed closed the door…

Love died,
I know this because my soul died too.
And it was hurting as much
As all the pain I put him through.

When love died
I ceased to exist
The only thing that kept us together...
Ceased to persist.

-Billy Arends "When Love Dies"
 

Yongguk sat down on a bench in the park as he took a long swig from the bottle in his hands.
The liquid burned in his throat and he let out a deep sigh as the cold air nipped at his skin.
Except for a few passer bys he was alone and he looked up wishing that the darkness of the night sky would wrap him and swallow him whole.
A man sat down beside him and he scoffed bitterly as he stared at his hands, something seemed disgustingly wrong with them.

"You shouldn't be here..." He said as he took another sip from the alcohol bottle.
"So are you" the other answered and buried his hands between his legs.
"Don't patronise me Dae...I'm not in the mood for one of you're lectures!" He snapped angrily.
"You're never in the mood" he answered dejectedly and leaned back on the bench.

They were both silent, they weren't awkward at all- Daehyun knew Yongguk needed time to think, that he was a man who liked to think quietly, and Yongguk knew how much Daehyun's head could be a mess, as if a hurricane just passed and thrashed it.

"Do you remember..." He finally started, "the rafting trip we took?" A soft smile played on his lips as he kept his head down.

Everything started with that trip.

"Yeah...we only thought in black and white and spots when we fought, wasn't it our first fight though?" Yongguk nodded with a deep chuckle.
"You wouldn't stop complaining!" Daehyun frowned at him, "of course I wouldn't! I didn't know how to swim and I hated water yet you took me to a rafting trip?!" He started complaining again.

"What about that time when I returned late home saying it was work and you went all berserk on me and started to throw everything made of glass around you?"
"You were cheating on me" Yongguk slumped back and took another sip from the bottle.
He loved the burning feeling it gave him.
"I know."

It was a dysfunctional relationship but they loved each other to no end, no matter what happened.
Yongguk looked at the other and frowned as he saw the bandage on his cheek.
He brushed his fingers against it and the other flinched, seeing the older's hand coming his way from the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry" he retreated his hand back, "I couldn't control myself..."
"You already said that over and over."
But that wasn't enough for him.
"Still, I shouldn't have thrown the bottle on you, whether I was drunk or not." He frowned, he caused it.

Daehyun took off the bandage, he used it as an excuse to avoid questions- it was easier to reply that he cut himself then to explain how he got such a deep cut.
Underneath the bandage was revealed a deep scar that would probably never fade away.

"There was also that time when I said something that didn't suit your taste so as punishment you locked me up in the spare room and deprived me of food and water for two days" the memories slowly shifted from a relatively small fight to out of hand acts.
"I thought I would die there" Daehyun admitted and Yongguk pursed his lips.
"I'm sorry..." He quietly mumbled, "I was losing control and was taking it out on you...if they hadn't said those things and fired me...I would've never hurt you" he was positive that it was the producers fault- they were the ones who said he didn't have talent.

"You would've, even if you weren't fired, because they never said you didn't have talent, just that you can't come to work drunk all the time and they can't afford to hire you anymore...you would've still hurt me because it wasn't about the job, you were suffocated, our relationship strangled you and you took it out on me" Yongguk ran his hand through his hair, feeling somewhat ashamed.
He didn't admit it but he knew Daehyun was right.
They were silent again as Yongguk silently cursed himself.

"There was that time when you were so drunk you me then fainted, I was so scared of you at that time that I ran away."
"It wasn't ."
"You woke up and started searching for me and when you understood I was gone you went to Youngjae's house, the only place I'd go if I had a crisis."
"You shouldn't have ran away."
"You found us hugging as I sobbed in his arms, searching for the warmth that was lacking whenever you held me."
"You loved him."
"You went so crazy you beat Youngjae up, until he passed out, then beat me up."
"He shouldn't have touched you!"
"That was the hardest you ever beat me up...it was the first time I bled so much."
"I was angry..."

Daehyun sighed, "since you started drinking you're always angry...didn't you promise me once that you'd love me as if I was a porcelain doll? That you'll cherish me?"
"Promises are hard to keep."

He was making excuses for himself and it was driving Daehyun over the edge, he just wanted to show him that drinking never did good to anyone.

"Yes...especially when you have this in your system" he snatched the bottle from his hands and shoved it into his face.
"But it never changed...I loved you" Yongguk justified his actions, "I cared for you..." He never meant to hurt him in anyway and he showed him how remorseful he felt after he'd sober up.

But did remorse mean anything when he hurt him again? No.
Daehyun was sill getting hurt and remorse never fixed or made it better.

"You cared about your next fix, when you'll finally feel the burning sensation and the liberating feeling that came with it, you didn't care enough about me and that's why you lost me..."
Yongguk scoffed bitterly as he shook his head, "that's why you're here? To show me what I lost? To add salt to my wounds? I cared...just not when I was hammered..." He admitted and got up from the bench, he walked down the path as Daehyun followed behind.

"That was the problem! I miss those first few years when everything was perfect!" He stopped in his tracks, "it was us against the world and no one could tell us otherwise!" As he raised his voice Yongguk stopped as well, "it was me and you against our family, our friends! We told them all that they'd see! That we'd make it big while they'll be stuck with their judgemental opinions!" He approached him and turned him around by force, "it was us against the world then the drinking came into the picture, and it wasn't even me against the world it was just me...struggling to survive, and you- trying to relive your pain of rejection!"

Yongguk didn't meet his gaze, he couldn't, there was too much pain.
"Look at your hands" he did as told and noticed they were covered with red, it wasn't there before, "they're covered in blood...my blood!" Yongguk broke into a sob as he fell to his knees.
Daehyun bent down to his eye level, "no matter what you do you can't wash it away, it's there and it's inked into your skin and you'll have to live with it because that's my blood on your hands!" Daehyun took in a shaky breath As he looked away and choked his tears.

"Things just won't go my way Dae..." He cried and Daehyun pulled him into a warm hug.
"How could you tolerate me?! How could you stay?!" He said as Daehyun tried to calm him down.
"I never lost hope that maybe you would understand, that you'd love me like you used to again..."
"But look at you now! Look what I did! I ruined everything!"
Yongguk said as he broke out of the hug and cupped the younger's face, smearing the blood that dripped from the deep gash on his forehead.
"Why didn't you stop me when you could?"

Daehyun frowned, he tried.
"I tried, you never listened to me..." Yongguk looked at him dazed then stood up and started walking away.
"Go away..." He said as he choked back the tears that threatened to shed.

"You need to go to the police..." Daehyun ignored him, "confess!"
"I'm not going anywhere!"
"Sooner or later they will find out and they will arrest you." Daehyun threatened and Yongguk shook his head.
"I'll run away."
"And do what? Drink yourself to death?" It made no sense.
"It's better then jail!"
"Can't you see?! You've gone so bad that you're having hallucinations! That's how much you drink!" Yongguk just won't listen.
"I'm not going to the police!"
"They will find my body eventually and you would be arrested so at least show remorse! Don't fall too far down the rabbit hole! It's for the best!" He tried to convince him.

"I can't! Because then I'll admit it! I'll admit the fact that I was the one who caused you pain! The one to eventually end it all! The one who took your life away! I just can't deal with that yet!" Yongguk threw the bottle on the ground causing it to break.
He took one piece of sharp glass and pointed it at his wrists.
"If I die as well I won't have to admit anything!" He yelled and Daehyun sighed as he turned to walk away.
Yongguk just continued to sob on his own, even when the hallucination of Daehyun was gone.
"Just please stop the pain..."